You’re Confusing Me With Someone Who Gives A Shit

Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday. Will they ever shove a gun up your ass? Welcome back, my friends, to the the hardboiled crime that never ends. We're so happy you've arrived, come inside, come inside ... to That Killing Feeling ...

Onto today's joint from A DISH BEST KILLED, where things are really heating up. So to speak.

First up, homicide detective Cal Seely is doing a little research at the local book store, and is closing in on our killers ...

Meanwhile, D-movie starlet Haven Crayce and her adulteress lesbian lover/partner in crime Jett Targo have a showdown with Haven's double-crossing lover, sheriff's deputy Trimmer Waltz ... where things get ... a bit violent ...

INT. VENICE BOARDWALK - SMALL WORLD BOOKS - DAY

A bookworm’s delight. A cozy, cluttered joint filled to the rafters.

Young, HIPSTER LOCALS wander the aisles.

And Cal Seely’s there, too. He looks up at a section placard.

CRIME FICTION

he squints. Nods. Starts going down the aisle.

Runs his fingers across the spines, reading the authors.

He stops on one. Pulls it out. Examines the back cover.

His cell phone RINGS. Cal fishes it out. Flips it open.

CAL

Seely here.

(listens)

Chief. What’s up?

(listens)

With all due respect sir, I think he’s full of shit.

(listens)

Of course I think he’s involved. I think they both are.

Classic love triangle. You ever see that movie --

(listens)

Yeah. That’s where I’m going next. Fishing for DNA.

(beat)

Then I’m gonna check out the personal trainer.

Something smells fishy.

(listens)

You’re a goddamn laugh-riot.

(listens)

Much.

He CLICKS the phone shut. Looks at the book,

turns it around, revealing the title --

THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE.

INT. THE SAFE HAVEN - MASTER BEDROOM - LATER THAT EVENING

We hear a shower running in the next room.

Haven sits on the bed, casual in Juicy Couture.

Sipping a cocktail. She grabs her cell phone.

PUNCHES a number. Listens.

HAVEN

(a whisper)

It’s me.

(listens)

It’s time.

(listens)

Okay.

A toilet FLUSHES.

TRIMMER

walks in the room. Buckling his belt. Scowling.

She CLICKS the phone shut. Smiles.

TRIMMER

Who was that?

HAVEN

My mother.

TRIMMER

I thought you didn’t get along with your mother.

HAVEN

I don’t. She hit me up for money.

TRIMMER

Then why are you smiling?

HAVEN

Cause I said NO.

EXT. MARINA DOCK - NIGHT

Jett and Rush appear, both rakish in black.

They approach the Safe Haven.

Look at Trimmer’s Sheriff’s patrol boat anchored next to it.

Jett is amped. Eyes flashing.

JETT

That’s his boat.

(beat)

You go stay in the car, keep a lookout.

RUSH

What do I do if someone comes?

JETT

Call me. And stop them.

RUSH

Cool.

(pulls out a vial)

Wanna bump?

She nods. Takes it.

Unscrews the cap.

Under it, a tiny spoon.

She shovels out a hit, SNORTS it.

Then, another.

PUSH IN ON Jett. Ready to go.

JETT

Places, please.

INT. THE SAFE HAVEN - MASTER BEDROOM - AT THAT MOMENT

Our star-crossed lovers are in bed. Trimmer lies next to Haven.

Stroking her hair. Haven pulls away. Pouts.

HAVEN

I’m not in the mood.

TRIMMER

Not in the MOOD?

HAVEN

I -- have a headache.

TRIMMER

Bullshit.

HAVEN

From all the stress.

The cops, the insurance people, my lawyer --

Like a cat, Trimmer moves on top of her.

TRIMMER

But its a great stress-reliever --

HAVEN

Trimmer, no -- I don’t want to --

TRIMMER

(pins her wrists down)

Who the fuck asked YOU?

HAVEN

Trimmer, don’t! Stop it! You’re hurting me!

JETT (O.C.)

Get the fuck off of her, asshole --

and put your dick back in your pants.

JETT

walks into the room.

Pointing her REVOLVER at Trimmer.

JETT (CONT’D)

(wild-eyed)

DO IT. NOW.

TRIMMER

(whirls around, sees her)

YOU?

JETT

Deputy. Funny seeing you here. Come here often?

Trimmer jumps out of bed. Stands. Puffs out his chest.

TRIMMER

You can’t shoot me. I’m a cop.

JETT

You’re confusing me with someone who gives a shit.

TRIMMER

(walks toward Jett)

Give me the gun.

Jett fires. BANG. BANG. BANG.

A trio of rose petals bloom on Trimmer’s wife beater.

He looks down, in shock.

TRIMMER (CONT’D)

You fucking SHOT me.

He staggers. GRABS onto the side table.

JETT

Well, whaddaya know.

Haven LEAPS out of bed.

Goes to Jett. Gets behind her.

HAVEN

DIE, you fucking creep! DIE.

Trimmer slumps to the floor.

Pulls out his cell phone.

TRIMMER

Gotta -- call -- this in --

Jett FIRES again. BANG. BANG. BANG.

Trimmer’s head hits the wall with a THUD.

Lights out. Blood pools in the carpet.

JETT

You’ve been suspended from duty, officer.

She looks at Haven. Bursts into WILD LAUGHTER.