Friday, December 8, 2017

Blood Gets In Your Eyes


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 10 of A DISH BEST KILLED, B-movie starlet Haven Crayce and her secret lesbian lover, personal trainer Jett Targo, check on Haven's retired film director husband Dart's health after he suffers a nasty fall ...


INT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - GALLEY ENTRANCE - NIGHT
Jett follows Haven onto the boat.

JETT
You can’t tell anyone else about us.
If we’re going to -- do this,
nobody can know we’re --
(a whisper)
In a relationship.

HAVEN
You’re right.
I’m sorry, I wasn’t --
(realizes)
Did you say we’re -- in a relationship?

Jett takes Haven’s hand.
Holds it to her heart.

JETT
You make me feel something
I’ve never felt before, Haven.
For the first time in my life,
I feel ALIVE. Like I can do anything.
Be anyone. Go anywhere.

HAVEN
I’m with you, baby.
(beat)
Straight down the line.

INT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - DART’S BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Jett and Haven kneel
at the side of the bed.

Watch Dart.
Sleeping peacefully.

JETT
We should wake him.

HAVEN
What should I tell him about you?

JETT
That I’m your personal trainer,
and I know alot about --

Dart’s eyes OPEN. Groggy.

DART
(to Jett)
Who the fuck are you?

HAVEN
This is my trainer, Dart.
She heard what happened, and
wanted to take a look at you,
see if you’re okay --

JETT
Hello, Mr. Crayce.
I’m a big fan.

DART
Trainer? You hired a trainer?
I’m not going to pay for --

JETT
I’m not charging her, Mr. Crayce.
We met walking our dogs.
Haven told me about
having chronic back pain,
and I offered to show her an
exercise routine that would help.

DART
Out of the goodness of your heart.

JETT
Well, sir -- it’s what I do.
I was raised in a good, Christian family,
and I was taught to do unto others --

DART
You said you’re a fan of mine?

JETT
Oh, yeah -- I’m a big movie buff.

DART
What’s your favorite film of mine?

JETT
Blood Gets In Your Eyes.
Bogart and Stanwyck, together for
the first time. Perfect film.
(beat)
Is it true that the original leads
were Ronald Reagan and Jane Wyatt?

DART
Why, yes -- but, how did you -- ?

JETT
Robert Osbourne.
Turner Movie Classics.
Never miss it.

DART
That Bobby Osbourne.
What a little rascal.
I owe him a lunch.

HAVEN
How are you feeling?
How’s your head?

DART
My head is fine.
It’s my ass that’s killing me.

JETT
No blurry vision?
Heart palpitations?

DART
I’m just fine, young lady.
Now, if you’ll excuse us, it’s
almost time for my dialysis, and my --

Dart looks at Haven. A lewd grin.

HAVEN
Physical therapy.

PUSH IN ON Jett. Horrified.

Friday, December 1, 2017

Bound For Pleasure


Happy Friday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 9 of A DISH BEST KILLED, B-movie starlet Haven Crayce's retired film director husband Dart has a nasty fall when he slips and falls in the bath tub ...


INT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - MASTER BATHROOM - MORNING
Dart Crayce is in the bathtub.
Bony ass toward us.

He pulls himself up, hanging onto
a chrome handle bolted into the tiles --
which COMES LOOSE with a CRUNCH --

DART
What the -- ?

And he SLIPS!
BANG, he goes down.
CRACKS his head.

BANGS his ass on the
cold, hard porcelain.

HAVEN (O.C.)
Dart, honey?
You okay in there?
We don’t want you to --

She walks in.

HAVEN
Shrivel into a prune --

Sees him. SCREAMS.

HAVEN
Dart!

Races over.
Puts her arms around him.

HAVEN
Honey, are you okay? Dart?
Can you hear me? Honey?

EXT. MARINA PENINSULA - OCEAN BOARDWALK - DAY
Jett trains a FAT, SWEATING
VENTURE CAPITALIST (30’s),
a pair of ten-pound
free-weights in his hands.

He raises the right,
then the left.

Rearranging the deck chairs
on the Titanic.

FAT, SWEATING VENTURE CAPITALIST
-- and I closed at
five-point-four million.
He didn’t know what the fuck hit him.
Got the cocksucker right where it hurts.
Bang, zoom -- right to the moon, Alice.

JETT
Okay. Let’s do some squats.

Haven appears, with Buster.
Amazing in a bikini top.

Denim Mini. Six-inch wedgies.
Freaked behind heart-shaped shades.

HAVEN
Jett, I need to talk to you.

JETT
What’s wrong?

Fat’s cell phone RINGS.

FAT, SWEATING VENTURE CAPITALIST
(to Jett)
Hold on a sec, I gotta take this --
(into the phone)
It went down HOW MUCH?

He waddles away,
out of ear shot.
Waving his arms madly.

HAVEN
Dart fell in the bathtub.
Banged his head.

JETT
Why didn’t you call me?

HAVEN
I don’t have your number.

JETT
Did you call 911?

HAVEN
He wouldn’t let me.
He doesn’t like doctors.

JETT
But -- is he okay?

HAVEN
Oh, sure. Three Advils,
couple a hits off one of
his Bobby Mitchum joints,
and he’s sleeping like a baby.

JETT
But he might have a concussion.
Maybe we should call his doctor.

HAVEN
Are you kidding?
He might have to go to the hospital,
and then we’re FUCKED.
He might not ever come back!

JETT
But if he has a concussion,
and he’s sleeping --

HAVEN
Oh, shit.

JETT
Oh, shit is right.
C’mon, let’s go --

They start walking away.
Fat ambles over.

FAT, SWEATING VENTURE CAPITALIST
Hey, where are you going?
What about the rest of my workout?

JETT
Sorry, uh -- family emergency.
We gotta end early today.
Go home and do thirty minutes
on the Stairmaster.
I’ll see you on Wednesday.

FAT, SWEATING VENTURE CAPITALIST
Okay, sure.
(looks at Haven)
Hey. Haven’t I seen
you somewhere before?
Are you an actress?

HAVEN
Why, yes I am.
What did you see me in?
Wishcraft IV? Spring Break Babylon?

FAT, SWEATING VENTURE CAPITALIST
No --
(SNAPS his fingers)
That’s it. Bound for Pleasure.
Bondage flick.

HAVEN
As if. Pervert.
(to Jett)
Come on, honey.
Let’s go back to my place --
and do naughty things.

JETT
(whispers)
Haven.

FAT, SWEATING VENTURE CAPITALIST
You two are -- ?

HAVEN
(laughs, evil)
That’s right.
And no, you can’t watch.
So why don’t you go home,
jerk off and think about what
I’m going to do to your TRAINER.

PUSH IN ON Fat, Sweating.
Beady eyes flickering.