Trailer For Sale Or Rent

Happy Friday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 4 of RIDGEWAY, Kayla returns to her Ozark mountain home after a hard day of work, then chats with Cate online, who tells her when she has to evacuate her LA apartment ... and that she's going to check out a mobile home to live in.


EXT. VICTORIAN HOUSE - NIGHT
A faded Victorian home
on a cracked mountain top road.

Cheerfully painted orange
with red and yellow trim.

A BLACK CAT stares
ominously out the window.
Watches a FOX trot by.
Then a faux vintage TROLLEY on wheels.

A BLUE BIRD lands in the bird bath.
This is your brain on rustic.

A CHUBBY RETARDED GIRL (20)
wearing thick glasses and a tiara
stands in the gravel driveway.

Slowly spins in a circle, arms outstretched,
smiling like some demented Eraserhead outtake.

Kayla trudges up the front walk.
Goes to the door.

Looks at Chubby Retarded.
Winces. Goes inside.

INT. CATE’S APARTMENT - DAY
Cate sits at an old workstation
working her laptop.

BOBBY, a black spaniel-retriever
mix sleeps at her feet.

ON THE SCREEN
We see a social media website.
A conversation scrolls down:

Kayla:
How was court?
Did you get the time you want?

Cate:
Yeah. Landlord gave me a month. Whoo-HOO.
(Found out they usually only give you a week.)
*Does crazy dance*

Kayla:
That’s great! How’s the trailer hunt going?

Cate:
Looking at one in Malibu at three. Wish me luck.
*sings* ‘Trailer for sale or rent -- ‘

Kayla:
You better get going.
‘Your date with destiny ... ‘

Cate:
Yeah. Just wanted to give you the good news.
Will report back later, skipper.

Kayla:
I’ll be here. Waiting for YOU.

CATE
Smiles. Starts typing.
The lights flicker, then GO OUT.

CATE
Aw, c’mon. Not again --

EXT. MALIBU BLUFF - DAY
A small TRAILER parked at the
top of a bluff in the dirt.

The view of the ocean is breathtaking.
The trailer, not.

A mobile home would be a mansion
in comparison. Whee-doggie.

A FOUR-WHEEL DRIVE PICKUP TRUCK
climbs up the hill and parks.

Cate and a SCARY, ACNE-SCARRED GUY
get out. Walk over to it.

CATE
This is -- really high up.

SCARY, ACNE-SCARRED GUY
Hauled it up from the other side.
No problem getting it down.
Acne-Scarred opens the door. They go in.

INT. SHITTY TRAILER - DAY
Beyond sad. A tiny, threadbare couch
in the ‘living room’ area with a
chipped table and a tiny, ancient TV.

The stained, ripped rug
completes the picture of domestic shame.

SCARY, ACNE-SCARRED GUY
TV goes with me.

Cate nods. Goes to the ‘kitchenette.’
Grimy would be a compliment.

Looks at the hose coming in
through the window.

SCARY, ACNE-SCARRED GUY (CONT’D)
Water’s not hooked up.
Run that from the house down the way.

CATE
Parking it in a friend’s driveway.
Guess I could do that.

INT. SHITTY TRAILER - BEDROOM - DAY
Just big enough for a small bed and night table.
Cate squats down below the low ceiling.
Examines the filthy carpet.

SCARY, ACNE-SCARRED GUY
You can have the table.

Cate nods. Goes back down to the kitchenette.
Opens a door on the other side, looks into --

INT. SHITTY TRAILER - BATHROOM - DAY
Beyond crappy. Pun intended.
A stack of junk is piled up
in the shower and on the tiny toilet.

A fly BUZZES around the
brackish water in the clogged sink.

SCARY, ACNE-SCARRED GUY
Gotta commode outside.
(off her look)
Don’t worry.
I’ll clean all that stuff out.

PUSH IN ON Cate’s face. In shock.

Make Art, Not War

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Black Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 3 of RIDGEWAY, Echo Springs, Arkansas hipster jewelry artist Kayla Cross gets in the cross-hairs of her bossy coworker from hell. Meanwhile, back in Los Angeles, unemployed screenwriter Kate Salinger is packing up all her earthly possessions after being evicted from her apartment at the beach ...


EXT. BOUTIQUE-GALLERY - DAY
A quaint shop on a steep, narrow,
winding main artery filled
with tiny tourist traps.
A handcrafted sign reads DREAMLAND.

A horse-drawn carriage CLIP-CLOPS
by carrying a FAT TOURIST COUPLE,
who marvel at the sights.

Welcome to Echo Springs, Arkansas,
AKA Little Switzerland.
Population two thousand.

Twenty percent gay,
forty percent artists.
A liberal oasis in a sea of red.

INT. DREAMLAND - CONTINUOUS
A cozy, airy joint stuffed with paintings,
furs, jewelry and high-priced art pieces.

Quiet, ethereal music
plays on hidden speakers.
Crunchy granola ambiance, ahoy.

A WOMAN (40’s) stands at the counter.
Pretty, with short, curly dark hair.

One long, lone tendril spins
down the side of her cheek
as if daring you to comment.
Make art, not war.

Meet KAYLA CROSS, self-proclaimed
punk mountain dyke.

Right now she’s making a necklace.
It’s exacting work, handling the tiny
jewelry pieces taking
all of her concentration.

The music stops. Insanely cheerful
REDNECK COUNTRY starts playing,
like some kinda Charlie Daniels from hell.

An extremely unattractive HEAVYSET WOMAN (50’s)
appears, big fake smile a counterpoint
to eyes full of scared shitless.

Meet VIVI TIDWELL.
Quite the vision in mom jeans,
gaudy cowboy boots and a
baby doll dress stretched over
a stained leotard that looks like
it’s gonna burst any minute.

VIVI
Not done yet?

KAYLA
(softly)
It’s a -- tricky piece.

VIVI
But you made the fifteen dollar
stuff so fast.

KAYLA
That’s because they
cost fifteen dollars.
(holds it up)
This sells for ninety-five.
See all the detail?
Takes a little longer.

VIVI
Well, hurry it up.
I need you to dust all
the glass before you leave.

KAYLA
But Sula asked me
to make a few of these.

VIVI
I could give a rat’s ass
what Sula wants.

KAYLA
But she owns the store.
Don’t you think I should --

VIVI
NO. I’M running the store --
and when I say I want you to clean,
you’re gonna clean, UNDERSTAND?

PUSH IN ON Kayla’s face. Terrified.

EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY
An old, run-down,
baby vomit-colored shithole.

A wide, beautiful canal
runs by it on the left.

To the right, across the street,
is the beach.

Straight ahead in the distance
a sailboat glides by.
Water on three sides.

Welcome to the Marina Del Rey peninsula,
an oasis on the outskirts
of the city of devils.

Paradise found.
Then lost.

INT. CATE’S APARTMENT - DAY
It’s borderline hoarder time
in what once was a light,
airy room with a wall of windows,
now stuffed with crap.

Boxes filled with movies, books,
CD’s and clothes dot the joint.

Portrait of the writer
as being evicted.

Cate picks up a giant garbage bag.
Takes it outside.

IN THE DRIVEWAY
She carries it to the trash.

It suddenly BREAKS OPEN,
spilling several dozen shoes
onto the pavement.

CATE
Goddamn cheap fucking
Dollar Store bags.

Gets down on her knees.
Starts stuffing them
into the ripped bag.

Then slowly, carefully
carries it to the dumpster.

A platform shoe falls out.
Hits the pavement with a CLUNK.

Paradise City

Happy Friday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 2 of RIDGEWAY, Ozark Mountains newcomer Cate Salinger escapes from the cops by escaping down into a steep a ravine, but then gets chased by a vicious bear. We then flash back to her former life in Los Angeles, where we see her appear in court getting evicted from her apartment ...


EXT. MOUNTAIN ROAD - NIGHT
Tall stand at the intersection of
the mountain ridge and the uphill roads.

Hears the siren getting closer.
Then sees the cherry top FLASHING,
coming toward her.

She turns, RUNS into the woods --
just as a COP CAR comes
RACING up the steep incline.

EXT. MOUNTAIN SLOPE - NIGHT
Tall DASHES through the underbrush and trees.
Stops. Catches her breath. Looks around.
Listens to the crickets chirping.

Hears a twig SNAP. WHIRLS AROUND.
Sees a FAMILY OF DEER.

Momma, Poppa and two young ones.
Staring at her.

TALL WOMAN
(whispers)
Wow.

They DASH OFF into the darkness.

EXT. MOUNTAIN GORGE - NIGHT
Tall stands at the top of a gorge.
Looks down at the valley far below.

A woodpecker TAP-TAP-TAP-TAPS
like a machine gun.

TALL WOMAN (CONT’D)
SHIT.

She JUMPS, startled, then TUMBLES down the hill --
and CRACKS into a tree at the bottom.
Gets up. Brushes herself off.

Hears a low GROWL. A BLACK BEAR appears.
Flashes WHITE TEETH. Tall stiffens.
Shakes with fear. This ain’t Gentle Ben.

They stare at each other a long beat.
The beast suddenly REARS UP
on its hind legs, ROARS --

And starts CHASING her. She SCREAMS.
Starts climbing the tree like she’s on fire.

GRABS at a branch above her, but it SNAPS off.
The beast SWIPES at her with a meaty paw.

She tries to WHACK it with the branch,
but it GRABS it away from her. GROWLS.

GRABS another branch. Pulls herself up --
just as the bear SINKS IT TEETH
into her boot. Tall CRIES OUT.

Thunder BOOMS. Lightning CRACKS.
It starts POURING RAIN.

EXT. COASTLINE - DAY
TITLE CARD reads: ‘THREE MONTHS EARLIER.’

Deep blue ocean.
White sandy beach.
Palm trees galore.
Sunshine so bright it hurts.

Another gorgeous day in paradise city
where the grass is legal
and the girls are shitty.

EXT. COURTHOUSE - DAY
Your typical drab, seventies-era courthouse.
But this is Santa Monica, California,
so the HOMELESS PEOPLE lying on
the grass outside are well-fed
and sleeping peacefully.

LAWYERS, DEFENDANTS and PLAINTIFFS stream in.
Some smiling. Some frowning.
More than a few on the verge of tears.

INT. COURTROOM - DAY
Small. Plain. Filled with the dregs of society.
And that’s just the lawyers.

Welcome to Eviction Court, where all day,
every day, people find out
the date they lose their home.

Standing before the
STERN BUT CUTE FEMALE JUDGE (40’s)
is Tall Woman, who we recognize
from the opening scene.

Meet CATE SALINGER (50’s),
rakish in a black suit and hipster glasses.
Great-looking, but looks drained, stressed-out.

Standing next to her is her LANDLORD (80’s),
tall and skinny with a giant head like a lollipop --
and his LAWYER, a boisterous BIG GUY (50’s)
clutching a sheaf of papers.

STERN BUT CUTE FEMALE JUDGE
You’ve agreed to vacate
the premises August seventeenth.

CATE
Yes, your honor.

STERN BUT CUTE FEMALE JUDGE
Please get a conformed copy
of the judgement from the clerk.

Stern But Cute BANGS her gavel.
Landlord glares at Cate.

She fidgets. Looks down.
Not her finest hour.

Rocky Mountain Thigh

Hey there, crime kids. TGIF. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 1 of RIDGEWAY, deep in the heart of the Ozark Mountains, a scared young woman is coerced into doing a hit for the Dixie mob ... for a price.


EXT. OZARK MOUNTAINS - DUSK
Fat white clouds poke
the deep blue sky.

Rolling green hills stuffed
with pine trees out
of a John Denver song.

A giant white statue of Jesus
stands at attention
on the mountain peak,
arms outstretched like
he’s gonna take a dive.

A narrow gravel road meanders
up the mountain to an old,
ramshackle cabin at the top.

Cue the banjo music.

A giant, brand-new red PICKUP TRUCK
comes BARRELING up the road
in a CRUNCH of gravel
like the rural archetype it is.

An ARMADILLO lazily
skitters across the rocks.

The truck ROARS by and SQUISHES it,
CRACKING its shell with a CRUNCH.

EXT. SHITTY MOUNTAIN CABIN - DUSK
At the top is a shack that looks
like it’d fall over if you sneezed.

The gravel road runs by it,
then disappears into a tunnel
of trees across the mountain ridge.

Dim light spills out
from behind dingy curtains.

The truck’s doors OPEN.
Out steps the DRIVER (60’s)
and a TALL WOMAN (50’s).

He’s got a big gut.
She’s quite the looker,
with a great rack.

INT. SHITTY MOUNTAIN CABIN - NIGHT
Dimly lit by a kerosene lantern.
Empty except for a KID (20’s)
tied to a chair. Badly beaten.

Covered in blood.
Mouth a ruined mess.
Teeth litter the floor.

Driver and Tall Woman walk in.
A BIG, BALD BRUTE in overalls
and a Ducky Dynasty beard
looks at Driver. Grins toothily.

BIG, BALD BRUTE
Finally told us.

Another MAN (30’S), intense-looking
with elaborate mutton chops
and gnarled eyebrows eyes Tall Woman.
Smacks his lips.

MUTTON CHOPS
Who’s the cunt.

DRIVER
New business associate.

Driver pulls a thick wad
of bills from his pocket.

DRIVER
Five grand. Like we agreed.

Her eyes light up.
She reaches for it --
but he snatches it away.

Pulls out a GUN.
Offers it to her.

DRIVER
First you gotta shoot this
piece of shit in the head.

TALL WOMAN
But what about --

DRIVER
This man stole from me.
Now he needs to pay the piper.
You want the fucking money or not?
(off her look)
You want to write my movie,
you gotta be IN my movie.
(holds up the cash)
Go a long way round here.

She looks at Bleeding Guy.
Then at Gnarled Eyebrows.

Then the money.
Takes the gun in trembling hands.

DRIVER
Atta girl.

Walks over to Bleeding.
Slowly raises it.
Looks at Driver.

He nods.
She takes a deep breath --

Takes aim -- and BANG,
SHOOTS him in the head.

Brains, skull and blood SPRAY the wall.
Driver tosses her the wad of bills.

DRIVER
She shoots, she scores.
(beat)
Londell sent you to get
the dirt on me.
Now you’re dirty.
(nasty grin)
You just did a hit for the Dixie mob.

A SIREN starts WAILING in the distance.

DRIVER
Whoops. Gotta go.
(winks)
Don’t spend it all
in once place now, ya hear?

***

Like Romeo And Juliet

Hey there, crime kids. TGIF. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In the final chapter of A DISH BEST KILLED, Jett returns to the dive motel from the convenience store and discovers to her horror that Haven is burning their cash in the fireplace after learning about her shady past ...


INT. CONVENIENCE STORE - NIGHT
The Wanted poster is up. But now Haven
has a mustache and a missing front tooth.
And Jett is in shades and a cowboy hat.

Like she is right now.
Walking in the door. The bell RINGS.

JETT
(tips her hat)
Evenin.’

She grabs a basket.
Starts going through the food aisles.

MILDLY RETARDED CLERK
(wide-eyed)
Evenin.’

Jett goes to the beverage cooler.
Takes out a six-pack.
Brings her items to the counter.

MILDLY RETARDED CLERK (CONT’D)
Looks like you’re fixing to
have yourself a late-night snack.

JETT
Yeah.

MILDLY RETARDED CLERK
You must be stayin’ at
the Buccaneer down the way.

Jet nods. Retarded rings up the items.
Open-mouthed. Concentrating.
Placing each in a paper bag.

MILDLY RETARDED CLERK (CONT'D)
That’ll be -- thirty-four dollars
and seventy-three cents, please.

Jett hands him some cash.

MILDLY RETARDED CLERK (CONT’D)
Out of forty --
(hands her bills and coins)
Five dollars and twenty-seven
cents is your change.

Jett tosses the coins in
a big plastic cup marked TIPS.

JETT
(picks up the bag)
Thanks. Have a good night.

She heads toward the door.

MILDLY RETARDED CLERK
You, too.
(after she’s out the door)
Give my best to your friend.

Retarded goes to the phone.
Dials. Listens.

MILDLY RETARDED CLERK (CONT’D)
I’d like to speak with the Sheriff, please.
This is Lonnie down at the Stop and Gulp?
(listens)
I wanna report that Bonnie and Bride
are holed up at the Buccaneer
Motor Court over here in Seal Beach.
(listens)
So when do I get that reward money?

PUSH IN ON Retarded.
Doing his duty. Excited.

INT. MOTOR COURT - BUNGALOW - MOMENTS LATER
Haven sits on the floor in front
of the fireplace in bra and panties.
Laughing. Crying. Makeup smeared. Hair a mess.

She’s THROWING fistfuls of money into the flames.
Jett walks in. Puts down the bag. Sees Haven.

JETT
What are you DOING?

Haven ignores her.
Tosses in another handful of bills.

JETT (CONT'D)
(races over)
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?

Jett tries to grab money
out of the flames, GETS BURNED.

JETT (CONT’D)
OW, FUCK!

HAVEN
Careful, it’s hot.

Jett SLAPS Haven. She looks at
Jett, wild-eyed. Grimacing.

HAVEN (CONT’D)
Your BOYFRIEND came to visit
while you were gone.

JETT
My boyfriend? What boyfriend?
I don’t have a fucking BOYFRIEND.
(small voice)
I’ve got -- you.

HAVEN
Rush? Rush Madder?
The one you said you took care of?

JETT
I did! I knocked him out
and threw him in the ocean!

HAVEN
Well, he must have swum to shore,
because he was just here.
(nasty)
And I gave him his cut.

JETT
HIS CUT?

HAVEN
He said a lot of interesting stuff.
Told me a lot of stories
about the two of you.
How you were dating back
home in Kansas, dealing drugs.
How he tried to rape a customer
while tweaked out on meth, a COP,
and how you killed the guy.
And then the pair of you
split for sunny California.

JETT
That was over a LONG time ago.

HAVEN
That’s not what RUSH said.

JETT
WHAT?

HAVEN
He said the two of you were gonna
bump me off and split with the money.

JETT
HE’S LYING. Haven, don’t you see --
he was making that up. I love YOU.

HAVEN
Then he saw the money, got greedy
and took half of it and split.
(slow, dreamy)
So I said fuck it.
There’s nothing left to live for.
So I started burning the rest of
the money, and now we BOTH have nothing.

She starts LAUGHING MANIACALLY.

JETT
Haven, he was LYING. He was --

Haven pulls out Jett’s REVOLVER.
Aims it at her.

HAVEN
Look what I found.

JETT
Haven. Put the gun down. Give it to me.

HAVEN
SHUT THE FUCK UP!

And she SHOOTS, wildly.
A bullet HITS Jett in the stomach.

JETT
HAVEN. You --

Jett looks down. A small red stain
appears on her white shirt.
Starts slowly growing.

JETT (CONT’D)
SHOT me.

HAVEN
I thought we could be
like Romeo and Juliet.
A tragic love story.

She pulls out Jett’s coke snifter.
Does a bump.

HAVEN (CONT’D)
Man, that’s good shit. My mind has been
RACING thinking about what we could do.
Thought maybe we could set fire
to the cabin and go out in flames.
That would be dramatic, huh?
Right out of a movie.

Jett sits down next to Haven on the floor.
But she’s off somewhere, looking into the fire.

JETT
I love you, Haven. Listen to me.
He was LYING, you gotta BELIEVE ME.

But Haven is in her own little world.
Jett reaches over and tries to GRAB
the gun out of her hand. She SCREAMS.

HAVEN
NO!

They wrestle for control, Jett now weaker,
Haven on fire, almost an equal match.

The gun GOES OFF, BANG. A window SHATTERS.
Another BLAST. The TV set EXPLODES. A third, BANG.

HAVEN (CONT’D)
Ow.

Haven SLUMPS over. Shot in the heart.

JETT
HAVEN! NO!

Jett freaks. GRABS Haven in her arms.
Holds on for dear life.

JETT (CONT’D)
Baby, it’s gonna be okay, it’s gonna be okay.

HAVEN
(a whisper)
You -- shot me.

JETT
I didn’t mean to. I was -- just --

A siren WHOOP-WHOOPS outside.

Haven looks. She’s starting to slip away. Eyelids heavy.

HAVEN
Looks like we have -- company.

Her flame flickers out. Gone.

JETT
Haven, NO -- baby -- NO, NO, NO, NO!

An ANGRY MALE VOICE comes over a bullhorn.

ANGRY MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Haven Crayce and Jett Targo,
this is the POLICE! We have you SURROUNDED!
Come out RIGHT NOW with your HANDS IN THE AIR!

Jett starts crying.
Puts the gun in her mouth.

Closes her eyes.
But she can’t do it.

ANGRY MALE VOICE (O.C.) (CONT'D)
This is your LAST CHANCE!
We have you SURROUNDED!
If you don’t come out right NOW,
we’re coming in AFTER you!

Jett goes to the window. Sees --

EXT. MOTOR COURT PARKING LOT - CONTINUOUS
A dozen SQUAD CARS. Lights blaring. Dozens of COPS,
SWAT, with hand guns, assault rifles, automatic weapons.
Half a dozen media trucks. REPORTERS. CREW. ONLOOKERS.

JETT
pulls away from the window. Holds her wound.
Looks around the room. Sees a GAS CAN.
Raises THE gun. Takes aim --

JETT
I’m so sorry, baby. It was gonna be so good.
We had it all.

And SHOOTS it. It EXPLODES in a massive fireball.
Burning money FLIES around in the air.

ANGRY MALE VOICE (O.C.)
COMMENCE FIRING!

The windows EXPLODE with bullets.
Shots BANG-BANG-BANG,
blasting HOLES in the walls.

Jett gets SHOT. She hits the floor, dying.
Looks at Haven. Flames licking at her body.
The peaceful look on her face.

JETT
But sometimes -- it just doesn’t work out.

EXT. MOTOR COURT BUNGALOW - CONTINUOUS
Everyone watches the house EXPLODE in a BALL OF FLAMES.
CAL SEELY stands next to his car. Shakes his head slowly.

DR. BING appears beside him. They nod at each other.
Look back at the fire.

DR. BING
I never did trust that dame.