Now That's What I Call Dwarf Tossing

Happy Hump Day, crime fucks. Ready to get yer ya-yas out? Then put your feet up, pop open a cold one, and get ready for the hardboiled/noir/pulp ride of your life ... or death ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's rip-roaring episode from A DISH BEST KILLED. It's a big shock reveal when D-movie starlet Haven Crayce's adulterous lesbian lover Jett Targo finds out that her old friend from Kansas Rush Madder knows all about their murderous scheme ... and now wants in.

A little blackmail, anyone?

INT. JETT’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Jett quietly closes the door. Tip-toes into her apartment.

The TV is on. Loud. Machine guns. EXPLOSIONS.

JETT

Rush.

Rush sits on the couch. Turns, looks.

RUSH

Hey, what’s up.

Jett goes to the table.

Grabs the remote.

PUNCHES mute.

JETT

I thought you’d sleep -- longer.

RUSH

I can’t crash more than a couple hours.

He leans over, HONKS up a big, fat line.

RUSH (CONT’D)

(offers straw, evil grin)

Wanna bump?

JETT

No, I told you I --

RUSH

That’s an awesome houseboat.

It’s so fucking BIG.

JETT

Houseboat?

RUSH

Yeah, the one your -- friend lives in.

(beat)

Or should I say girlfriend?

JETT

How did you, what did you --

RUSH

I saw her address on the fridge.

Got curious when I saw it was a boat.

Walked over.

(another line)

Man, that was some fight, huh?

Who knew a fucking MIDGET could be so strong?

JETT

Rush --

RUSH

Now THAT’S what I call dwarf tossing.

He grabs his beer off the table.

Takes a slug. Big grin.

JETT

Now wait a minute --

RUSH

No, YOU wait a minute.

(enjoying his power)

What did you do with the body?

Pause.

JETT

What do you want?

You wanna -- stay here awhile?

RUSH

Hell, no. I figure with my cut I can get my own pad.

JETT

Your CUT?

RUSH

You killed her husband for the insurance money, right?

Old fuck’s gotta be loaded.

I saw on the news he was some

famous old-time director or some shit.

JETT

And if I give you a -- cut,

you’ll go away, leave me alone.

RUSH

Yeah.

(stands)

Can I have my keys?

JETT

Where are you going?

RUSH

I gotta go home, sort out some business,

get some supplies, some clothes.

Don’t worry, I’ll be back right away.

Wanna be here for the big payoff.

Jett TOSSES Rush’s keys.

He CATCHES them.

JETT

How much -- do you want?

RUSH

I’m thinking -- half.

JETT

HALF?

RUSH

You really scared me.

I haven’t see you go off like that

since the thing in Kansas.

(beat)

This time you can bury it yourself.

Rush starts for the door.

JETT

The body’s in the trunk of your car.

So I suggest you drive carefully.

RUSH

(stops, spins around)

What the fuck?

JETT

Hey -- if you’re in this,

you gotta earn your share.