All In A Day's Skirt

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 11 of LEGS, Episode 3, Carrie suggests that Basil contact the lottery office to get some of his winnings early so he can pay the ransom to get Kitty back safely. Meanwhile, Darryl leaves to go the drug store to get steal some insulin for Kitty, but discovers her car's been stolen ...


INT. MEG’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Basil SLAMS down the phone.

BASIL
God-DAMMIT.

BERNIE
Shit.
What do we do now?

Carrie gets up.
Lights a smoke.
Starts pacing the room.

CARRIE
Guy’s got serious issues.
Obviously a borderline personality.
(thinks)
Bernie and I found out
they took Kitty in HER car,
which means they
don’t have their own --

BERNIE
(to Basil)
I put out an APB.
A sixty-five Cadillac
should be pretty easy to spot.

CARRIE
Wait a minute.
(to Basil)
Do you have a contact
at the lottery office?

BASIL
Sure.
The guy you saw on TV
who gave me the
giant fake check.
Nice guy, but his
breath smelled like shit.

CARRIE
Call him and tell him
Kitty’s been kidnapped
and you need at least
part of the money today.
(looks at her watch)
They might be able to wire it
to your bank right now.
It would take a couple of hours,
we’ve got time.

BERNIE
Why the fuck
would they do THAT?

CARRIE
Can you imagine the publicity?
Lottery saves kidnap victim.
The press’ll jump on it
faster than you can say
‘Kim Kardashian bleaches her sphincter.’

BASIL
That’s fucking BRILLIANT.
(looks at Bernie)
And you let this get one away.
Shame on you.
(to Carrie)
You really are something,
you know that?

CARRIE
All in a day’s skirt.

EXT. TRAILER PARK - DAY
Behind Darryl’s double-wide
we see Kitty’s red vintage Caddy,
parked so it’s not seen from the road.

A SEEDY-LOOKING GUY (40s),
with a belly, going bald,
with long dark hair around the sides
like a heavy metal Friar Tuck
walks up to the car.

Looks around to make sure
the coast is clear.

Pulls a metal strip
from his pocket.

Slips it through the
top of the window.

Pops the lock.
Gets in.

Fiddles with the steering column,
and TAKES OFF.

INT. DARYLL’S TRAILER HOME - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Darryl sticks a cheap-looking gun
in the waistband of his jeans.
Adjusts his shirt to hide the bulge.

WENDY
You’re gonna rob the drugstore?

DARRYL
We gotta give the old bag
some insulin, stupid.

WENDY
Fuck you.
I’m not stupid.

DARRYL
I’m sorry, June bug.
I’m all on edge.
This isn’t going
like I planned.

DENNY
Maybe that’s because
you didn’t have a PLAN.

DARRYL
Shut up, you fucking retard.

DENNY
Stop saying I’m RETARDED.
I’m SLOW.

DARRYL
It’s the same thing, Denny.
It's just a word.
Like how they changed
fag to gay and
negro to black.
It’s not meant as an insult.
You’re my little brother.
You know I love you.

DENNY
(big smile)
And I love YOU.

DARRYL
(goes to the door, opens it)
You got it, retard.
See ya.

He leaves.
The door BANGS shut.

DENNY
Hey, WAIT a minute.

EXT. DARYLL’S TRAILER HOME - FRONT YARD - DAY
Darryl comes outside,
walks around to the
back of the trailer.
Discovers the car’s gone.

DARRYL
Who stole the fucking CAR?

He KICKS a rock
on the gravel driveway.

Walks over to his bike,
pissed off.

Unlocks it.
Pedals away.