Friday, June 23, 2017

Police Issue


Hey there, crime kids. TGIF. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 9 of DAZED, BEAUTIFUL & BRUISED, under-aged beauty pageant queen Sparkle Plenty shops for sex toys and gets propositioned by adult film director Bruce Ball. Meanwhile, undercover cop Carrie Love gets busted on a porn film set ...


INT. THE PLEASURE CHEST - EARLIER THAT DAY
Sparkle looks at a boxed
strap-on harness. Makes a face.

Continues down the aisle,
until she sees --

CHROME HANDCUFFS. 'Police issue.'

She smiles, reaches for them.
A MALE VOICE behind her --

MALE VOICE (O.S.)
Are those for work -- or play?

Sparkle turns, faces the intruder.
It’s BRUCE BALL. Smiling.

SPARKLE
They’re for a movie.

BRUCE
A movie, huh?
Isn’t that funny.
I’m in the movie business myself.
Commercials, mostly -- for now.

SPARKLE
(deadly serious)
It’s an industry town.

Pause.

BRUCE
Yeah.
So, listen -- here’s my card.
I’m always casting something.
You’ve got a nice look.
She stares. Ignores the card.

SPARKLE
What do I look like? Talent?

INT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - KITCHEN - AT THE SAME TIME
Carrie and Zette get coffee,
scope out the craft services.

CARRIE
-- And I said, 'what do
I look like? Talent?'

ZETTE
Vat do you expect when you
come to the porno
dressed like Daisy Dykes?

CARRIE
I’m dressed like this cause
it’s a fucking hundred degrees
out here in this cultural wasteland.

Pause.

ZETTE
(takes her hand)
I had fun the other night.
Glad you came.

CARRIE
Me, too.
Several times, actually.
(awkward)
Listen, there’s something
I gotta tell you.

A MALE VOICE is heard
in the doorway.

MALE VOICE (O.S.)
You mean she doesn’t know
you’re a cop?

Zette and Carrie look.
It’s Bruce.

BRUCE
A plainclothes homicide
detective, I believe?

ZETTE
You’re a cop?

CARRIE
I was going to tell you.
(to Bruce)
Bruce Ball?
What a surprise.
What are you doing here?

BRUCE
I’m the director of the film.

CARRIE
FILM?
I thought this was a porno.

BRUCE
We in the industry prefer
the term adult film.

CARRIE
Adult film?
Oxymoron much?

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Nightstick Games


Happy Hump Day, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 8 of DAZED, BEAUTIFUL & BRUISED, sparks fly when undercover cop Carrie Love penetrates the scene at an adult film shoot, where she runs into the impossibly gorgeous porn star Laura Lang ...


EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - DAY
Carrie stands at the front door.
Regards the opulence.

She looks smokin’ in a halter,
cutoffs and platform sandals.

CARRIE (V.O.)
My contact’s name was Zette Duquesne.
She was a nice girl, came
from a rich French family,
descended from royalty.
Until she was busted with a
shitload of coke driving naked
on Mulholland Drive at five AM.
(beat)
Of course, I didn’t know that
the night I picked her up at Girl Bar.
Didn’t know she worked
in the porn industry, either.
No wonder she asked if I had handcuffs.
(beat)
Lucky for me I never told her I was a cop.
Wasn’t in the mood for nightstick games.
Just wanted plain, French vanilla, thank you.

INT. MANSION - FOYER - CONTINUOUS
Laura stands at her mark in a
cheap Chanel knock-off that
flies off her curves.
Studies her lines.

CARRIE (V.O.)
It was one of those moments
that only happen a couple
of times in your life.
If you’re lucky.
All of a sudden I was
face to face with the most
incredibly stunning creature
I’d ever seen.

LAURA
(off the script, without feeling)
'Oh my god. It’s so fucking huge.
I don’t think I can take it all.'
(closes her eyes, memorizing)
'Oh my god. It’s so fucking huge -- '

Carrie watches. Stopped in her tracks.

LAURA (CONT'D)
Fuck.

CARRIE
(stupid smile)
'I don’t think I can take it all.'

LAURA
(opens eyes)
What?

CARRIE
The rest of the line.

LAURA
Oh. Right.

They both stare.

CARRIE
Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.
I was just passing through --

Chemistry percolates.
A clock CHIMES somewhere.

LAURA
You’re -- visiting someone?

CARRIE
(trying to be casual, not successful)
Yeah, uh -- Zette, the make up girl?

LAURA
(intense smile)
So you’re 'Legs.'

CARRIE
(blushing)
Uh, yeah. Actually, it’s -- Carrie.

LAURA
I see why.

CARRIE
I’m sorry?

Klaus charges in.

KLAUS
Laura, there you are.
We’re ready to do the, uh --
strap-on thing.

LAURA
Oh, alright. If you insist.
(to Carrie)
And you, Miss Legs.
(a whisper)
I need to have a word with you -- later.

CARRIE
Uh, yeah --sure thing.
(beat)
A -- word.
(beat)
Later --

Monday, June 19, 2017

Good Night, Flat Foot


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 7 of DAZED BEAUTIFUL & BRUISED, after blowing up her parents' trailer and running away from home, underaged beauty pageant wannabe Sparkle Plenty checks into the The Farmer's Daughter motel in Hollywood. Meanwhile, homicide detective Carrie Love spars with her ex, fellow dick Bernie Keko as the prepares to undercover on a porn shoot ...


EXT. THE FARMER’S DAUGHTER MOTEL - NIGHT
Beyond crappy. Behind a plexiglass box,
the FAT ASIAN CLERK (30)
regards a filthy Sparkle warily.

SPARKLE
Hey there, hot stuff.
How much is it?

FAT ASIAN CLERK
For the night or for the hour?

SPARKLE
Don’t make me laugh, ton o’ wonton.
I bet the Chamber of Commerce
would love to hear how you greet
a tired visitor to this wondrous city.

Spooked, he slides over the registration.
She fills it out.

FAT ASIAN CLERK
It’s thirty-nine dollars
a night, in advance.
No cooking, no guests, no pets.
You can use the pool, but after
eight we’re not responsible.
Read the sign.

She hands him the card
and some cash.

FAT ASIAN CLERK (CONT’D)
Check out time is eleven.
No exceptions.

SPARKLE
All I need is soap and water
and fresh towels.
(takes key, turns to leave)
Thanks -- grasshopper.

FAT ASIAN CLERK
(reads the card)
Your name is -- Sparkle Plenty?

SPARKLE
You don’t want to know
what they named my brother.
(beat, weird smile)
G’night, flat-top.

EXT. POLICE PRECINCT - NIGHT
Carrie strides out the front door,
Bernie right behind her.

CARRIE
Good night, flat-foot.

KEKO
I’m coming with you.

CARRIE
No you’re not.
(reaches her car, opens the door)
If I’m gonna get in there,
I gotta be alone.
(jumps in, slams it shut)
And I certainly don’t wanna be
seen on the set with my ex.
Hampers the getting laid quotient.

She GUNS the engine.
Bernie races around
to the passenger side,
tries the door. Locked.

KEKO
Open the door, you --

Carrie cracks the window.

CARRIE
You had your shot, Bernie,
and it fucking kills you that
I defected to the other side.
And now it’s interfering with
your judgement at work.
Go do something --
check the crime scene,
get a burger, jerk off, I don’t care.
Now, if you’ll excuse me,
I’ve got to pick up my HIV test --
(beat)
Can’t get on set without it.

Friday, June 16, 2017

Learning The Ropes


Hey there, crime kids. TGIF. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 6 of DAZED, BEAUTIFUL & BRUISED, homicide dick Carrie Love tangles with fellow cop Bernie Keko, her ex-husband when they're both assigned to the same case and have to question a suspect ... on the set of a porn shoot.


INT. POLICE PRECINCT - SQUAD ROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Carrie’s being grilled by
homicide detective BERNIE KEKO (40s),
Armenian, good-looking on a budget,
an angry Russell Crowe-type.
With a sense of humor.

CARRIE (V.O.)
That’s my soon-to-be ex-husband Bernie.
A decent guy -- when he’s not being a
stubborn, jealous mass
of insecure testosterone.

CLOSE ON --
Bernie’s face.

CARRIE (V.O.)
Can’t really blame him, though.
Imagine how you would feel
if you found out your woman
was leaving you -- for another woman.
(beat)
Bad example. Half of you
probably just got aroused.

KEKO
You’re drinking on duty again, Legs.
You smell like you went down on Jim Beam.
And that’s the third vehicle
you’ve trashed this month.
You’ve used up all
your second chances, babe.
Lipshitz is gonna can that
tight little ass of yours.

CARRIE
Hey, it’s not gonna be believable if
my breath smells like fucking Aquafresh.
It’s called undercover, hello?
I can’t sit there sucking on
a wheat grass smoothie, for chrissakes. And as for the car, I was chasing a perp. Can I help it if Venice Beach is so treacherous? In case you didn’t notice -- I got the collar!

Police chief LARRY LIPSHITZ (50s) strolls in.
Weary. Seen it all. Small and round.
In a perfect universe -- Danny DeVito.

LIPSHITZ
You two. I could hear you all
the way down the hall in the can.
(beat)
Only place I can get
any peace around here.

KEKO
She started it.

CARRIE
Don’t look at me, chief -- I’m just
kneeling at the altar of Sipowitz here.

LIPSHITZ
Bernie, you gotta grieving widow
waiting for you upstairs.
(to Carrie)
And you, Miss Legs --
you’re off the homeless thing.

CARRIE
What? You can’t --

KEKO
(grins, starts toward the door)
I told you --

CARRIE
But I almost have that fucker.

LIPSHITZ
I’m putting you on the
copycat movie killer thing.

KEKO
(stops, whirls around)
Hey, that’s my case.

CARRIE
Yeah, that’s his case.

LIPSHITZ
Correction, it’s both your case’s now.
We’ve got three more bodies
sprayed like chunks in sauce
on a porn soundstage in the valley.
The press is having a fucking field day --
and the commissioner is so far up my ass,
my prostrate is deciding on a bridal registry.
We need someone on the inside.
(off Carrie’s look)
Pun intended.

CARRIE
On the inside where? A porn shoot?

LIPSHITZ
Yeah. Ilona found a guy on the ‘net
that shoots amateur videos --
and what look like fake snuff films.
Remember Bruce Ball? The guy you were
after last year on that S&M reality show thing?
We think he might be the perp.
(beat)
And Duquesne says he just
started principal photography.

CARRIE
And, what -- you want me to spread my legs
for truth, justice and the eight-o’clock news?

KEKO
Why do you think they call you a peace officer?

CARRIE
You expecting the lame ‘undercover’ joke?
(to Larry)
I’ll go get waxed right away.

KEKO
Larry, we went over this.
I’m going undercover.
Do my Dirk Diggler thing.

LIPSHITZ
I don’t think you can -- pull it off.

KEKO
Pull it off? Pull it off?
Are you casting aspersions on
my -- swordsmanship?

LIPSHITZ
It’s an all-girl flick, Bernie.
(beat)
Light bondage.

CARRIE
Cool.

KEKO
(eyes light up)
All girls?

CARRIE
What’s the title?

LIPSHITZ
'Learning the Ropes.' Catchy, huh.

PUSH IN ON Carrie’s face. Raring to go.

CARRIE
I certainly hope so --

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Indigo Eyes


Happy Hump Day, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 5 of DAZED, BEAUTIFUL & BRUISED, wannabe filmmaker Bruce Ball shows up for his first day on set ... for an 'adult film,' where we meet porn star Laura Lang. Meanwhile, patrol officer Carrie Love squeezes off a few rounds at the shooting range ...


EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS HOME - AT THE SAME TIME
A glossy monstrosity flying
out over a cliff on stilts.

INT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS HOME - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Bizarrely chipper German
synth-pop percolates over --

A porn shoot in full swing.
GRIPS, CREW, ‘TALENT.’

A pair of pneumatic BLONDES
do hot things with an ice sculpture.

The director is KLAUS SPEER (50s),
an Icabod Crane of a decayed
Jeremy Irons on Prozac.

He stares at Bruce Ball,
working as the DP quizzically.
Lights up a red Sherman’s.

BRUCE
(offers his camcorder)
I said, wanna take a peek?

KLAUS
Like I wanna see ze close up
of Cherry’s butt-hole.

CHERRY
(stops the action, turns)
I heard that.

INT. UPSTAIRS - MASTER BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS
LAURA LANG (25), blonde,
impossibly Brit-beautiful.

Indigo eyes burn with mischief.
Cruel lips sneer with promises.

Right now she’s reading SKIN TWO,
a glossy fetish magazine
while her face is painted.

LAURA
Cherry Sunday is a filthy cunt.
(sees a picture)
C’or, look at that.
That’d be so fuckin’ hot on me.

Makeup artist ZETTE DUQUESNE (28),
a French, raven-haired martini
poured into a leather goblet,
looks, smiles grimly.

ZETTE
How in ze hell you
suppose to go pee-pee?

LAURA
Darling.
That’s the whole point.

INT. FIRING RANGE - DAY
Carrie assumes the stance.
Untouchable in leather and denim.

CARRIE (V.O.)
Some women own a vibrator.

She SQUEEZES off a flurry of SHOTS --
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

CARRIE (V.O.)
And others prefer something stronger.

A silky SWAT TEAM BABE
takes position in the next stall.

Turns her head.
WINKS at Carrie.
Starts SHOOTING.

CARRIE (V.O.)
Me. I prefer Classic Coke.

She aims. Breathes. And --

CARRIE (V.O.)
With a lot of rum.
On the beach.
In a tall glass
of something brunette.

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Monday, June 12, 2017

Trouble Is My Business


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 4 of DAZED, BEAUTIFUL & BRUISED, the shit hits the fan when undercover cop Carrie Love tries to help an old Chinese woman who's purse got snatched ...


INT. UNDERCOVER VEHICLE - MORNING
Carrie sits behind the wheel
of an idling late-model sedan.

Holds a container of coffee.
Breathes in the steam. Shivers.

CARRIE (V.O.)
Can’t wait to get home
and take a long, hot shower.
Wash off that ‘eau de gutter.’

She pulls out a flask.
Pours in something brown. Toasts.

CARRIE (V.O.)
But then, if I keep this up --
what’s the difference?

EXT. VENICE BEACH ALLEY - CONTINUOUS
An OLD CHINESE WOMAN trundles by
carrying a bag of laundry.

Suddenly a young STREET KID runs up.
GRABS her handbag --
And dashes off down the street.

OLD CHINESE WOMAN
Hey! Muthafucka, yoo come back here!

And, big surprise --
she takes off after him.

CARRIE
sees the commotion --

CARRIE
Goddammit!

JAMS the car into gear --
and TAKES OFF.

The coffee FLIES in the air,
drenching her shirt, her lap.

CARRIE (CONT'D)
Fuck!
(out the window)
Hey, you! Stop! Police!

EXT. VENICE BEACH ALLEY - CONTINUOUS
The kid TEARS ASS down
the alley at lightning speed.

Carrie’s car SCREECHES up
right behind him, and --
just as it looks like
she’s going to run him over --
He feints left, then
DASHES to the right --
into a narrow alley between buildings.

CARRIE
flies by. SCREECHES to a halt.
JAMS into reverse. Fishtails.

CRUNCHES the gravel.
She HITS the gas,
ROARS into the alley.

CARRIE
They’re gonna kill me
at the auto pool --

IN THE ALLEY
The thief gets to the other end.
Trips. OOF.

CARRIE’S CAR
BARRELS down the alley,
the sides of the frame SHRIEKING,
SCRAPING against the buildings,
sparks FLYING --

THE KID
gets up. Sees Carrie’s vehicle
coming toward him. Takes off.

CARRIE’S CAR
reaches a door stoop
at the end of the alley.

Her right front fender CRUNCHES
into it. Headlight POPS.

The sedan’s wheels SPIN
madly in the soft earth.

She shuts off the engine.
It SPUTTERS, CLANK.

CARRIE
This day is not getting off
to a very good start.

Just then, BANGING on
passenger-side window.

IRATE BUILDING OWNER
Hey! What the FUCK
do you think you’re doing?

CARRIE
(flashes her badge)
Police business, you fat fuck.
Get the fuck out of my face.

And, to add insult in injury --
the CHINESE WOMAN appears
in front of the car.

With the kid in a choke-hold.
She SHOVES him onto the ground.
GRABS her purse. Yells --

OLD CHINESE WOMAN
If you be doing yoo job,
I no have to ruin ten-dolla shoes!

She stomps off.

IRATE BUILDING OWNER
(leans in the window)
Jesus. You really a cop?
You reek of booze.

CARRIE
At least I don’t reek of BO, asshole.
Now get the fuck outta here
before I cite you for
smelling like shit.

IRATE BUILDING OWNER
Jeez. No need to be nasty.

CARRIE
Listen, doll.
Nasty’s my middle name. And
trouble is my business.
(beat)
You really wanna be a customer?


Friday, June 9, 2017

A Cold One


Hey there, crime kids. TGIF. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 3 of DAZED, BEAUTIFUL & BRUISED, we meet undercover officer Carrie Love, on the job in Venice Beach. Meanwhile, wannabe film director Bruce Ball tries to wrangle a uncooperative bimbo ...


EXT. VENICE BEACH ALLEY - DAWN
An acid-jazzy crime theme bubbles under --

The barest light of dawn.
A streetlight SNAPS off.

In a filthy alley behind
'Hollywood Pizza,' a Boardwalk dive.

A WOMAN sleeps --
a living pile of rags.

FEMALE VOICE (V.O.)
The worst part about sleeping outside
is that you never feel rested
when you wake up.
You just lie there
because there’s nowhere to go.
And besides, it’s fucking cold out.

CAMERA PUSHES IN on her.
Underneath, despite the filth,
we see she’s young. Pretty.

FEMALE VOICE (V.O.)
So you just lie there and remember
what it was like before this happened.
You think about things
like a hot shower. A hot breakfast.
Reading the paper with a
cup of coffee and a pack of smokes.

A HOMELESS MAN approaches on
tip-toes, touches her blanket --

And she LEAPS UP, FLASHES her badge,
POINTS her gun at him.

WOMAN
Hold it right there, motherfucker!
You just messed with the wrong chick.
Assume the position!

HOMELESS MAN
Shit, lady -- I mean, officer,
I wasn’t doing nothing, I was just --

He looks down at the big wet stain
spreading on his crotch.

WOMAN
Jesus fucking Christ,
look at yourself.
Get outta here.
Don’t let me see you
around here again.

The man hobbles away in a panic.
The chick sits back down.

WOMAN (CONT'D)
(into the camera)
You didn’t think I was homeless, did you?
(pulls out a bottle)
The name’s Carrie, Carrie Love.
I carry a badge.
(toasts, takes a sip)
Just getting into character.

INT. PRODUCTION OFFICE - NIGHT
Dean Martin’s YOU’RE NOBODY UNTIL
SOMEBODY LOVES YOU over --

A small tri-level house converted
into a groovy work space.

BRUCE BALL, six-feet of attitude
in a tiny, squishy body, is testing talent.
The auteur squints into the camera lens.

BRUCE
It’s called getting into character.
(beat)
Okay. You are so fucking excited
about drinking the delicious
Genuine Cold Ice Draft Lager
that you’re about to come.
This is the best fucking beer
you’ve had in your short, meaningless life.

A pretty young MODEL (18) holds
a can of beer, vaguely insulted.

Topless, covers her nipples
with her other arm.

BRUCE (CONT’D)
Action.

MODEL
(sexy)
When I get really thirsty,
I gotta have a cold one.

CAMERA POV
The bim drops her arm,
rubs the can on her breasts.

MODEL
But when I get really hot,
I reach for a--

ON BRUCE

BRUCE
No, stop! This isn’t a porno.
Why are you rubbing it on your boobs?
Have you ever seen that
in a beer commercial?

MODEL
But you said you wanted me to come.

BRUCE
I said LIKE you were gonna come,
it was a metaphor, a --

SULTRY FEMALE VOICE(O.S.)
Bruce, I hate to interrupt,
but that weird German guy just called.

BRUCE
(excited)
The shoot? Was it about the shoot?

In walks DINA DAERR, production VP.
The kind of woman who spends more
on her haircut than
most people’s car payment.

Flashes a 100-watt smile.
Arches a perfect, razor-thin brow.

DINA
Yeah, he said the call time
has been moved up,
you’re supposed to be there --
(looks at watch)
Now.

BRUCE
Hot stuff, my first feature.

MODEL
You’re going to go work on a movie?

BRUCE
Yeah. I’ll see if there’s a part for you.
Let you know.

DINA
(to the model)
You might not want to be
in this kinda flick.

MODEL
Why not? What’s it called?

Burt glares at Dina.
Eyes yell at her to shut up.

DINA
Harry Bottom and the Sorcerer’s Pole --

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Soft Soap


Happy Hump Day, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 2 of DAZED, BEAUTIFUL & BRUISED, we meet Sparkle Plenty, under-aged beauty pageant queen, who escapes from her white trash incestual mother, and blows up her trailer ...


INT. WHITE TRASH TRAILER - NIGHT
ROSCOE PLENTY, (40)
a strange-looking nerd,
watches a shitty little
black and white TV,
swills a bottle of cheap beer.

ROSCOE
(to someone off-screen)
C’mon honey, you’re
missing the big number.

ON TV
in glorious Technicolor,
SEVEN BRIDES FOR SEVEN BROTHERS.

A chorus line of grinning,
super-masculine Hollywood cowboys.

SEVEN BROTHERS (ON TV)
Bless your beoootiful hide --

INT. FILTHY KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
DOT PLENTY (33), Roscoe’s repulsive wife
eats dog food out of the can.

Sips her jelly-jar zinfandel.
Belly-T reveals folds
of pale cottage-cheese.
‘Fat’ would be a compliment.

DOT
(sucking her fingers)
Fucking musicals.
Fucking faggot -- shit.
(to him, loud)
I’m gonna go check on Sparkle,
make sure she’s all clean.

IN THE LIVING ROOM
the drunk is riveted to
the movie, drinks his longneck.

INT. TRAILER BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS
A steaming shower runs.

A FEMALE FORM behind the glass --
sings off-key some weird disco hit.

IN THE HALLWAY
the happy molester squeezes by,
reaches the door. Smiles.

IN THE BATHROOM
the door opens.
In creeps lover-mom.

DOT
(throaty)
Does little Sparkle-ette
need help cleaning those --
hard-to-reach places?

EXT. TRAILER - CONTINUOUS
Steam drifts out the bathroom window.
A knapsack FLIES OUT.

Out pops SPARKLE PLENTY (16),
teased-hair K-Mart adorable.

Picture-pretty face.
What you call a ‘spinner.’

She JUMPS, lands on the ground.
Then runs, giggling.

IN THE BATHROOM
Coquettish, Dot opens the shower door --

DOT
Mmmmmm -- do I smell Soft Soap?

To reveal it’s empty.

A TAPE RECORDER
sits on the toilet.
The source of the singing.

A WINDOW SHADE
flaps against the open window.

IN THE LIVING ROOM
Roscoe sings along, having
the time of his life. BURP.

IN THE BATHROOM

DOT
Roscoe, Sparkle escaped! Again!

EXT. HILLSIDE - CONTINUOUS
Sparkle looks down
on her nest from hell.

Holds a remote trigger box
in dainty hands.

SPARKLE
(punches a button)
Hasta la vista, incestual units --

THE TRAILER
EXPLODES in a massive fireball.

SPARKLE (O.S.)
Cause this chick’s
going to Hollywood.

Monday, June 5, 2017

Town Without Pity


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 1 of DAZED, BEAUTIFUL & BRUISED, we meet private eye Carrie Love, who lets us know in no uncertain terms what she thinks of her home town, Los Angeles ...


EXT. MULHOLLAND DRIVE - SCENIC VIEW - NIGHT
A swanky, deliriously kinky go-go groove --
My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult’s
THE INTERNATIONAL SIN SET.

The glittering panorama of
the San Fernando Valley twinkles below.

A big, silvery moon
shines o’er the tackiness.

CARRIE LOVE (V.O.)
New York, New York --
the city so nice,
they named it twice.
The city that never sleeps.
But in Los Angeles,
people are in bed by nine.
And they only named it once.
Enough said?

A beat-up old PICKUP TRUCK
filled with MEXICAN GARDENERS comes
TEARING BY in a crunch of gravel.

CARRIE LOVE (V.O.)
Actually, the full name is
'El Pueblo de La Neustra Senora,
Reina de Los Angeles.
'The City of our Lady,
Queen of the Angels.'
No wonder they shortened it.
Ever take a close look at this
never-bustling metropolis?
Not exactly pure and chaste, huh.

A HUMVEE
comes into view.
The absurd vehicle slows, parks.

IN THE CAR
an ARROGANT HIPSTER (25)
and his MILLENNIAL GIRLFRIEND (21),
a whisper-thin young hottie
start making out.

CARRIE LOVE (V.O.)
Like the song says,
it’s a town without pity.
But that doesn’t stop the
millions of boys and girls
that come here with
stars in their eyes.
Almost none of them make it, of course --
but that doesn’t stop them; those eager,
fresh-scrubbed teeming masses
from the hinterlands with
visions of celebrity
dancing in their empty heads.

The couple starts getting hot and heavy.
Hands go to private places.

HOTTIE GIRLFRIEND
No, I told you -- NO!

ARROGANT HIPSTER
C’mon, Tifney -- I promise
I’ll respect you and shit.

HOTTIE GIRLFRIEND
You expect me to jerk your stick
like some kinda sleazy cooz?

ARROGANT HIPSTER
Hey. I don’t get a happy ending --
you don’t get a happy ending.

Pause.

CARRIE LOVE (V.O.)
But our story starts far away
from this airbrushed mecca
of cigar-smoking goateed posers
and collagen-impaired faux-fatales --
in a tiny little berg
on the wrong side of the tracks.
(beat)
Except there’s no tracks, and the
one-mile stretch of trailer homes
makes a good case for selective breeding.

A pistol CLICK-CLICKS.
The girl SCREAMS --
and gunshots POP-POP-POP.

CARRIE LOVE (V.O.)
Or maybe just a little ethnic cleansing.

Friday, June 2, 2017

Love Will Tear Us Apart


Hey there, crime kids. TGIF. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In the final chapter of ZOMBIE & JULIET, Rommy and Jool have their last stand against the zombie invasion, and make their escape thanks to the help of a news crew helicopter ...


EXT. ROOFTOP - DAY
Jool RACES out of the way.
The board FLIES off the doorway --

And a pack of zombies CHARGES at Rommy.
He SWINGS the chainsaw back and forth,
RIPPING THEM TO SHREDS --

DRENCHING him in blood,
brains, skull, guts and goo.

ROMMY (CONT’D)
Got you NOW, mother-FUCKERS.

JOOL
Watches. Horrified. Amazed.

Suddenly the ROAR of a
helicopter up above.
They both look.

Jool starts jumping up and down.
Waving her arms. YELLS.

JOOL
Over HERE, over HERE.

Rommy smiles. Starts to
put the chainsaw down,
just as ANOTHER WAVE of zombies
comes PILING THROUGH THE DOOR.

He RIPS the cord.
Brandishes it over his head.

ROMMY
Oh, YEAH?
You want some more of THIS?

And he RIPS INTO THEM, SPRAYING
a FOUNTAIN OF BLOOD AND GUTS.

IN THE AIR ABOVE
Is a News Four chopper.
It starts slowly descending.

A rope ladder comes down.
Jool races over to it. GRABS it.

Starts to climb up, but it SNAPS --
and she HITS the roof. THWUNK.

ROMMY
Finishes ripping them apart.
Races over to Jool, chainsaw in hand,
nail gun tucked in his belt.

THE CHOPPER
Hovers above them.
The PILOT comes over the loudspeaker.

PILOT (V.O.)
(electronic)
Grab onto the undercarriage.
I’m afraid if I land,
more will come and get on.

Rommy nods. Drops the chainsaw.
Puts his hands together
in front of his knees.
Jool looks at him. Scared.

ROMMY
Climb up. HURRY --
(off her look)
C’mon, GO --

She nods. Puts one foot onto his hands,
reaches up, and he BOOSTS
her up to the undercarriage.
She starts climbing up to the cockpit, just as --

ANOTHER LATE-STAGE INFECTED PROFESSOR
Comes out onto the roof.
Starts coming toward Rommy.
He GRABS the chainsaw. Snarls --

ROMMY (CONT’D)
I’m getting REALLY
fucking sick of you guys.

He YANKS the cord. Nothing.
YANKS it again. Nothing.
Yanks it AGAIN. It ROARS to life.
Then SPUTTERS OUT. He DROPS it.

Infected Professor starts getting closer.
Rommy pulls out the nail gun.

CHARGES at him.
JAMS it against his forehead.
Tries to NAIL him.
CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. Nothing.

ROMMY (CONT’D)
God-DAMMIT.

He GRABS Professor’s head.
TWISTS his neck. CRACK.

Professor weaves a little,
then falls over. THWUMP.

Rommy JAMS the gun in his belt.
RACES over to the chopper.

Tries to JUMP UP and
GRAB the undercarriage --
but it’s too high.

He JUMPS again. GRABS IT.
His hand SLIPS, and he FALLS.

THWUMP. He gets back up.
JUMPS again. Misses --

JOOL
Comes out the door of the cockpit.
Starts climbing back down.

THE PILOT
Watches her.
Shakes his head in amazement.

PILOT
Now THAT’S true love.

ON THE CHOPPER
Jool hugs the bars of the landing gear.
Reaches down. Rommy JUMPS UP. GRABS her hand.
Starts climbing up, just as --

ANOTHER WAVE OF ZOMBIES
Flies out onto the roof.
CHATTERING. SCREAMING.

They RACE over toward Rommy just as
he works his legs up over the bar.

Rommy YANKS out the nail gun and starts
SMASHING them on the head with it --
as the helicopter starts slowly rising.

IN THE HELICOPTER
The pilot, a grizzled, old news pro
looks at Rommy and Jool climbing in.
Tips his baseball cap.

GRIZZLED PILOT
Bet you kids were shore glad to see ME.

They nod, staring down below
at the zombies filling the roof.
Relieved. Hugging each other tightly.

ROMMY
You could say that.

JOOL
Thanks, mister.

GRIZZLED PILOT
Funny thing. First I was
trying to cover the story,
then I had to start saving
people like you trapped
on top of the buildings.
Life sure is funny sometimes, huh?

Rommy gazes at Jool.
A glimmer of a smile.

She wipes his face with her sleeve.
Nuzzles him with her nose.

ROMMY
(softly)
Hilarious.

Jool sighs. Runs her
fingers through Rommy’s hair.

GRIZZLED PILOT
So where do you want me to
drop you two lovebirds off?

ROMMY
(looks at Jool)
Where do you want to go?

She smiles faintly.
Shakes her head. Exhausted.

JOOL
You decide.

He thinks a moment.
Then brightens.

ROMMY
I hear Staten Island is
really nice this time of year --

She nods. Leans in. And they kiss.

FADE TO BLACK

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Until The End Of Time


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 36 of ZOMBIE & JULIET, Rommy and Jool flee the pack of rabid zombies and escape to the roof of the building, where Rommy has his last stand with the infected mutants ...


INT. CHEMISTRY LAB - NIGHT
Rommy injects Jool’s arm
with the vaccine. Watches her.

Waits for some sign of life.
Takes her pulse.

ROMMY
Better, better --

He gives himself an injection.
Holds his arm up. Rubs it.

Looks at Jool. Still nothing.
Walks over to the window.
Looks out. Goes white.

ROMMY (CONT’D)
Holy shit.

JOOL (O.C.)
Where are we?

Rommy SPINS AROUND. Sees Jool.
Sitting on the counter top.
Sleepy-eyed. Scared to death.

JOOL (CONT’D)
That was some gnarly-ass nightmare.
(beat)
Could you hold me?

He RACES over to her.
Hugs her for dear life.

ROMMY
You’re okay. You’re OKAY.

JOOL
Can we -- get some ice cream?

ROMMY
There’s no time for that right now.
Zombies are coming into the building.
We gotta go.

JOOL
(hugs him tight)
Will you protect me?

ROMMY
Until the end of the time.

He helps her down.
Grabs her hand.

ROMMY (CONT’D)
C’mon, follow me.

INT. HUNTER COLLEGE BUILDING - FIRST FLOOR FOYER - NIGHT
A pack of screaming, chattering ZOMBIES
run into the building, now
smelling uninfected human flesh.

IN THE STAIRWELL
Rommy leads Jool by the hand
as they stumble up the stairs.

He looks over the railing,
sees them coming from below.

ON THE SECOND FLOOR STAIRS
The wave of creatures
FLIES UP the steps.

AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS
Rommy and Jool get to
a door to the roof.

He tries to open it,
but it’s LOCKED.

ROMMY
SHIT.

Jool looks at her hand.
It’s normal. She looks at him.

JOOL
The vaccine?

ROMMY
Yeah. We’re both good.

He KICKS it open, BANG.
They RACE OUT onto --

EXT. HUNTER COLLEGE SCHOOL OF MEDICINE - ROOF - NIGHT
Rommy SLAMS the door shut.
Sees a bunch of construction
equipment and lumber.

Abandoned during the apocalypse.
He walks over. Picks up a nail gun.
Looks at Jool.

ROMMY
Go find the fire escape.
I’ll nail the door shut.
They’ll be up here any SECOND.

She nods. Races off across the roof.
He grabs a board.

Starts NAILING it across
the door with the gun.
BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

Grabs another board.
Starts nailing it.

Suddenly there’s BANGING
and SCREAMING on the other side.

ROMMY (CONT'D)
SHIT.

A mutant head CRASHES through
the door above the board.

He SHOOTS it between the eyes
with the nail gun.

It SCREAMS and POPS,
drenching him with goo.

ROMMY (CONT’D)
FUCK.

He grabs another board.
Starts nailing it over where
the head crashed through.
BANG, BANG, BANG.

A pair of mutant arms
BURSTS through above that.
Then ANOTHER. And ANOTHER.

ROMMY (CONT’D)
NO, NO, NO --

He WHIRLS around. Sees a CHAINSAW.
GRABS it. YANKS the cord. The motor ROARS.

He SAWS through the arms --
CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH.
Gets SPRAYED with blood.

JOOL
Walks around the perimeter, searching.

JOOL
They don’t have a fire escape?

She makes it all the way around.
No dice. Then realizes.

JOOL (CONT’D)
That’s what they were BUILDING.

ROMMY
Stands in a bloody mess
of zombie arms and limbs.

NAILING a giant piece
of plywood over the door.
BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

He finishes.
Takes off his sweater.
Wipes his face.

Jool RACES over.
Puts her arms around him.

JOOL (CONT’D)
Rommy.

ROMMY
God, you feel so GOOD.

JOOL
So do you.

ROMMY
I missed you so much.

JOOL
I missed you MORE.

They hold each other.
Suddenly more BANGING on the door.

ROMMY
That’s not going to hold very long.
You find the fire escape?

JOOL
There ISN’T ONE. We’re TRAPPED.

ROMMY
Then we’re fucked.

JOOL
I don’t mind dying,
now that I’ve got you back.
(beat)
At least we had these --
last few moments together.
(eyes fill with tears)
My whole life I’ve forced
myself to be strong -- and -- and --
(GASPS)
I can’t do it anymore.

She starts CRYING.
Rommy strokes her hair.
Comforts her.

ROMMY
Shhh. It’s gonna be okay.
You’re with me now.
We’re not gonna die.
You hear me?
We’re NOT gonna die.

The plywood starts to BUCKLE.
A hand PUNCHES through.

Jool SCREAMS. Another hand
PUNCHES through. And ANOTHER.

ROMMY (CONT’D)
Oh, NO you don’t --

He GRABS the chainsaw.
RIPS the cord.
It ROARS to life.

ROMMY (CONT'D)
Stand BACK.

Jool RACES out of the way.
The board FLIES off the doorway --

And a pack of zombies CHARGES at Rommy.
He SWINGS the chainsaw back and forth,
RIPPING THEM TO SHREDS --

DRENCHING him in blood,
brains, skull, guts and goo.

ROMMY (CONT’D)
Got you NOW, mother-FUCKERS.



Friday, May 26, 2017

Chemistry Class


Hey there, crime kids. TGIF. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 35 of ZOMBIE & JULIET, Rommy hurriedly makes a new batch of the vaccine to give to Jool before she succumbs to the zombie virus. Meanwhile, Gaga and Nin have their last stand against the invasion ...


EXT. HUNTER COLLEGE BUILDING - NIGHT
Old. Stately. Carved in stone
above the door: SCHOOL OF MEDICINE.
The SWAT truck pulls up in front. Stops.

Gaga sits the behind the wheel.
Nin rides shotgun. Rommy hops out.

Puts Jool over his shoulder.
SLAMS the door.

ROMMY
We won’t be long.
Just stay in the truck.
You’ll be safe.

Gaga and Nin nod.
Rommy races inside.

INT. HUNTER COLLEGE - CHEMISTRY LAB - NIGHT
A maze of beakers, test-tubes
and bubbling liquids have been set up
on a work table like
something out of Frankenstein.

Jool lies on top of
another table, fast asleep.

Rommy watches the chemicals working.
He’s exhausted. Spent. Eyes are slits.

Every muscle in his body is aching.
He looks at a tube that’s
dripping liquid into a beaker.

ROMMY
(reads the sheet of paper
with the formula)
Then add five cc’s
of contaminated blood.
(grabs a syringe, unwraps it)
We’re almost there --

He JABS the needle in her arm.
Fills the syringe with blood.

SQUIRTS it into the beaker.
Stirs it with a glass rod.

A door BANGS OPEN behind him.
He turns and looks.

It’s a late-stage INFECTED PROFESSOR.
Just about to turn.

He starts walking toward them.
Points at Jool. Licks his lips.

LATE-STAGE INFECTED PROFESSOR
Hungry --

Rommy GRABS a length of steel
tubing off the table --

ROMMY
Stay away from my GIRLFRIEND.

And SHOVES it in his eye with a CRUNCH.
He COLLAPSES to the floor, THWUNK.

Rommy DASHES over to the work table.
Starts filling a pair of
syringes with the vaccine.

INT. SWAT TRUCK - AT THAT MOMENT
Gaga and Nin sit in the truck,
watching for zombies.

NIN
I wonder what’s taking them so long?

GAGA
Dunno.

NIN
Are you okay?

GAGA
I miss my brother.

NIN
I’m sorry. What was he like?

GAGA
God, he was AMAZING.
He developed the vaccine, you know.

NIN
No, I didn’t.
(sees something)
OhmiGOD.

GAGA
(turns, looks)
What.
(sees)
Oh, NO.

EXT. SWAT TRUCK - NIGHT
A WILD, RABID PACK OF ZOMBIES
ATTACKS the truck.

Swarms all over it
like bees on a hive.
POUNDING on it, SCREAMING.

IN THE TRUCK
Gaga and Nin hug each other
for dear life.

GAGA
I can’t TAKE THIS ANYMORE.

NIN
Our father, who art in heaven --

The zombies BURST THROUGH the windows
and start RIPPING THEM TO SHREDS
and FEASTING ON THEM.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Women And Children First


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 34 of ZOMBIE & JULIET, Rommy, Jool and Ginger fight their way through the zombie attack and escape off the roof onto the building next door ...


ON THE ROOF
Ginger closes the hatch. Examines it.

GINGER
It bolts from the inside.
It’s not gonna buy us much time.

ROMMY
We gotta figure out a way
to get over to the next building.

Ginger pulls a coiled length
of black rope off her belt --

GINGER
Check it out.

Holds up a black metal
rod attached to it.

She presses a button on the handle
and a GRAPPLING HOOK flies out.

She deftly TOSSES IT across to
the building on the other side.
It HITS the ledge with a CLANG.

Ginger pulls out a handle
with a snapped-hook.
Attaches it to the rope, CLICK.

ROMMY
So we grab onto that and
slide down to the other side.

Ginger nods. Ties the other end
of the rope to a chimney. Pulls it TIGHT.

GINGER
We’ll have to go one at a time.

ROMMY
Gaga, you go first.

GAGA
Okay.

She grabs the handle.
Pulls it along the cord
to the side of the building.

Looks at the other side.
Then at them.

GAGA (CONT'D)
Wish me luck.

And then TAKES OFF. She FLIES
down the cord with ease and LANDS
on the roof with a SLAP of her feet.

IN THE PANIC ROOM
The door starts to BUCKLE as
the screaming zombies BATTER it.

ON THE ROOF
Rommy looks at Nin.

ROMMY
Now you go.

Nin nods. GRABS the handle.
Look across to the other side.

NIN
Here goes nothing --

And FLIES down the cord.

IN THE PANIC ROOM
The steel door BURSTS off its hinges,
and the room quickly fills
with SCREAMING ZOMBIES.

ON THE ROOF
Ginger nods at Rommy.

GINGER
You go next.

ROMMY
You go. Women and children first.

The trap door FLIES OFF.
A pair of RABID ZOMBIES FLY OUT
onto the roof and start RUNNING at them.

Ginger pulls out her semiautomatic weapon
and starts SHREDDING THEM TO RIBBONS.

GINGER
GO, GO, GO -- I don’t know how
much longer I can hold ‘em off.

ROMMY
(nods, freaked out)
Fuck this hero shit --

He takes Jool in his arms.
GRABS the handle and goes
SAILING down to the other side --

Just as a dozen zombies EXPLODE
through the door and start EATING GINGER.
She SCREAMS as her body is TORN APART.

ON THE OTHER SIDE
They all watch in horror.
Jool wakes up again.

JOOL
What’s -- going on?

ROMMY
(turns her head)
Don’t look.

NIN
That poor woman.

GAGA
She saved us.

ROMMY
And now it’s time to save ourselves.
(to Nin)
Where can find a chemistry lab?
I need to whip up a batch of the vaccine.

NIN
Hunter college. It’s just a few blocks away.

ROMMY
Okay, great.
(to Jool)
Just hold on. Okay?
You think you can make it?

JOOL
Yeah.
(feels something)
Uh-oh --

And she VOMITS a GREEN-BROWN SPEW.
Closes her eyes.

Rommy wipes her mouth
with his sleeve.
Picks her up.

ROMMY
Stay with me, Jool.
(beat)
Stay with me --

Monday, May 22, 2017

The Great Escape


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 33 of ZOMBIE & JULIET, Brick, Gaga and the surviving revolutionaries try to escape the zombie invasion by racing up to the roof of the building. Meanwhile, up on the roof, Rommy tends to an increasingly infected Jool, and turns to Ginger to try figure out a way to escape ...


EXT. CARLING’S MANSION - NIGHT
Gaga and Brick RUN into the building.

INT. CARLING’S MANSION - FOYER - NIGHT
They SLAM the door shut.

BRICK
That’s not gonna hold ‘em long.

GAGA
(nods)
C’mon -- UPSTAIRS.

Gaga and Brick start RUNNING
up the grand staircase.

ON THE ROOF
Nin turns to Ginger.

NIN
We better go warn them.

GINGER
Uh, YEAH.

They RACE toward the trap door,
then BOLT down the ladder.

IN THE HALLWAY
Rommy holds Jool in his arms.
He sees the lesions.

There’s now more of them.
He kisses the top of her head.

ROMMY
You’re NOT gonna die on me.

JOOL
(opens her eyes)
Rommy -- ?

ROMMY
Hold on.
You’re gonna be okay.
You’re gonna be okay.

JOOL
Okay --
(eyes go glassy)
Need to -- sleep.

And she PASSES OUT again.

IN THE FOYER
The front door FLIES OPEN
and the pack of zombies RACES INSIDE.
Start FLYING UP THE STAIRS.

AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS
Gaga reaches the top.
But Brick, still really high,
TRIPS and FALLS. He groans.
Grabs the railing.

BRICK
My ankle --

The zombies RUN UP THE STAIRS
and ATTACK him. Start FEASTING.
Gaga SCREAMS. RUNS down --

THE HALLWAY
Where she sees Rommy
holding a lifeless Jool.

GAGA
They’re COMING THIS WAY --
(off his stare)
Is she okay?

ROMMY
(hoists Jool over his shoulder)
I don’t KNOW.

SCREAMING behind them.

GAGA
C’mon, LET’S GO --

They turn and RUN toward
the steel door, which FLIES OPEN,
revealing Nin and Ginger.

GINGER
Get IN HERE.

Rommy and Gaga FLY into the room.
Ginger and Nin SLAM the door.

Everyone looks at each other.
Breathing heavily.

ROMMY
Thanks. Holy shit was that close.

He carefully lays Jool
down on the bed.
Strokes her hair.

Looks up at them.
Sighs. Then realizes.

ROMMY
Hey. Where’s Brick?

GAGA
Didn’t make it.

NIN
(to Rommy)
Is she okay?

ROMMY
I think so -- for now.
But we gotta hurry.

GINGER
You’re the boyfriend.

NIN
(half-smile)
His name is Rommy.

ROMMY
Nice to meet you. Nin, right?
(off her nod)
Okay, listen to me.
I’ve got a vaccine.
We need to get out of here
so I can go make some.

She keeps going in
and out of consciousness --

GINGER
You’ve got a VACCINE?

ROMMY
Yeah, but it’s not going to
do us any good if we’re DEAD.

The zombies start BANGING
on the door. Everyone looks.
Horrified. Rommy turns to Nin.

ROMMY (CONT'D)
How strong is that door?

NIN
It’s -- pretty strong, but --
(gestures helplessly)
I dunno.

ROMMY
(sees the ladder)
That goes up to the roof?
(off her nod)
Then LET’S GO.

One by one, they start
going up the ladder --
first Gaga, then Nin, then Ginger,
then Rommy, carrying Jool.

Friday, May 19, 2017

Love Me Do


Hey there, crime kids. TGIF. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 32 of ZOMBIE & JULIET, after desperately searching the republic for her after they tragically got separated, Rommy finally finds Jool ...


EXT. CARLING’S MANSION - FRONT ENTRANCE - NIGHT
The SWAT truck is parked
in front by the curb.

Rommy, Brick and Gaga
stand on the sidewalk.
Look at the building.

BRICK
Nice digs.

GAGA
So this is how the other half --
(beat)
Uh -- lived.

ROMMY
I’ll go inside first.
You guys stay outside
and keep a lookout.

ON THE ROOF
Jool waves frantically.
Beaming. SO fucking excited.

JOOL
ROMMY. Up HERE.

ROMMY
Looks up. Sees her.

ROMMY
Ohmigod, JOOL. THERE you are.
I’m COMING UP.

JOOL (O.C.)
I’m coming DOWN --

IN FRONT OF THE BUILDING
Rommy RACES inside.

ON THE ROOF
Jool RUNS to the trap door.
FLIES down the ladder.

ON THE MAIN STAIRWAY
Rommy RACES up the stairs.

IN THE PANIC ROOM
Jool WHIPS the door open.
RUNS into --

THE CORRIDOR
Where Rommy RUNS toward her.
They FLY into each other’s arms.

ROMMY
I thought I’d lost you FOREVER --

JOOL
I KNEW you’d come find me.

They gaze into each other’s eyes.
Jool strokes his face.

JOOL (CONT'D)
You DID get infected.

ROMMY
It’s okay. We have a vaccine.

JOOL
You DO?

ROMMY
Yeah. It’s gonna be okay --
(studies her face)
You’re infected, too.

JOOL
I’m okay. Just feel a little --

She COLLAPSES in his arms.

JOOL (CONT’D)
Tired.

And goes out like a light.

ROMMY
JOOL.

ON THE ROOF
Nin and Ginger scan the horizon.
See something.

GINGER
Oh, no. The zombies in the park --

NIN
Are coming THIS WAY.

ON THE STREET
Brick and Gaga stand
in front the building.

GAGA
Do you hear that?

The sound of SCREAMING
gets nearer and nearer.

BRICK
(looks)
Oh, SHIT.

DOWN THE STREET
A pack of RABID SCREAMING ZOMBIES
is coming right at them.

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Signs Of Life


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 31 of ZOMBIE & JULIET, Rommy, Brick, Gaga and the rest of the revolutionaries recover from surviving the zombie attack. Meanwhile, Jool searches the skyline for any sign of Rommy ...


INT. SWAT TRUCK - NIGHT
Rommy’s behind the wheel.
Grim. Determined.

Brick rides shotgun,
eyes bleary from too much weed.
Wasted.

BRICK
(sings)
'With their tanks and their bombs,
and their bombs and their guns --
zombie, zombie, zombie -- '

GAGA
So where to next?

ROMMY
First we go get Jool,
then find somewhere
to make the vaccine,
and THEN go to the media.
(turns, looks at them)
So no more Doobie Brothers, okay?

GAGA
I’m fine. Just have a mellow buzz.
Still fully functioning --
(looks at Brick)
Not like Zombie Garcia here.

BRICK
Chill OUT. Relax.
I’m just blowing off
some steam, okay?
Surviving a zombie
apocalypse is STRESSFUL.

ROMMY
Yeah, and so is having
your romantic rendezvous
FUCKED UP by ARMED GUARDS.

GAGA
That must of been rough.

ROMMY
Yeah, well the story’s
gonna have a happy ending.
(looks out the window)
We’re almost there --

Rommy pulls the picture
out of his pocket.
Sneaks a look.

It BLOWS out the window.
He tries to grab it --

ROMMY
Shit.

EXT. CARLING’S MANSION - ROOF - NIGHT
Jool, Nin and Ginger sit
on the ledge of the roof.

Look down below at the devastation.
Searching for signs of life.

JOOL
Look. Over there in the park.
There’s another pack of them.

GINGER
Zombies in the park.
That’s a LONG way
from the Globe Theater.

JOOL
(sees something)
Ohmigod. ROMMY. He’s HERE.
I KNEW he was coming.

Monday, May 15, 2017

Blood Sucking Freaks


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 30 of ZOMBIE & JULIET, Jool discovers that her uncle Carling has been infected with the zombie virus during the invasion, then rescues her nanny in the nick of time, and then barely escapes into their panic room ...


INT. CARLING’S MANSION - FOYER - NIGHT
Ginger and Jool tip-toe
across the marble floor.

Point their weapons.
Eyes scanning the room.

GINGER
This room is bigger
than my whole apartment.

Jool leads the way toward the study.

JOOL
This way --

Suddenly Carling appears down the hall.
He’s been INFECTED. Badly. Late-stage.
Skin mottled. Bloody. Eyes BLAZING.

JOOL (CONT’D)
(horrified)
NO --

He RACES toward Jool and Ginger.
They FIRE at him.
BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

His head EXPLODES
in a RED-BROWN MIST.

They lower their guns.
Jool looks at him sadly.

GINGER
I’m so -- sorry.

JOOL
(eyes tear up)
That -- wasn’t my uncle anymore --

GINGER
What about your parents?

JOOL
They were killed by infecteds
when I was seven --
(realizes)
NIN.

GINGER
Who’s that?

JOOL
My nanny.
(thinks)
Maybe she’s in the panic room.
C’mon, follow me.

She trots over to
the grand staircase.

Ginger follows her.
They RACE up the steps.

INT. UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR - CONTINUOUS
Jool BANG, BANG, BANGS on the
steel door to the panic room.

Ginger stands guard,
weapon pointed down the hallway.

JOOL
NIN, it’s ME, JOOL.
Are you in there?

GINGER
Maybe we should check
the rest of the --

The door OPENS.
Nin looks at Jool, then Ginger.

NIN
Thank god you’re okay.

JOOL
Thank god YOU’RE okay.

NIN
Your uncle --

JOOL
I know.

NIN
(sighs)
C’mon in.

INT. PANIC ROOM - CONTINUOUS
A very large room outfitted
like a studio apartment.

The best of everything.
Very comfortable.
Ginger looks around.

GINGER
Fanciest panic room
I’VE ever seen.
(looks at them)
Well, now that you’re both safe,
I should get going.

JOOL
Wait, could you stay a
little while and protect us?
I have to wait for Rommy.

GINGER
How is he going to find you
if you’re holed up in here?

JOOL
Oh, that’s no problem.
We can access the roof over there.
(points at a ladder up to a ceiling hatch)
Please? Just for a little while?

PUSH IN ON Ginger’s face.
Her face softens. She sighs.

GINGER
Okay. Let’s go up --

Friday, May 12, 2017

Flaming Creatures


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 29 of ZOMBIE & JULIET, it's a fight to the death when Rommy, Brick, Monster, Gaga and Reno go head-to-head with a horde of screaming, mutant zombies ...


EXT. TIMES SQUARE - SUBWAY ENTRANCE - NIGHT
A disaster area.
Vehicles lie in ruins in flames.

A movie theater is on fire.
Zombies CHASE people in the street, SCREAMING.
Explosions BOOM. Scattered GUNFIRE.

Brick, Jag and Rommy carefully come up
the stairs to the mouth of the subway entrance.

Press themselves against the wall.
Carefully look around the corner.

BRICK
It’s like Resident Evil.

JAG
But without the hot chick.

ROMMY
(sees something)
Check out the SWAT truck across the street.

BRICK
That would work --

JAG
Think the keys are in it?

BRICK
Don’t need no stinkin’ keys.
I’ll run across the street, get the truck,
and come pick you guys up.

JAG
Better you than me --

BRICK
(sees something)
I’m gonna cover myself with that trash can --

ROMMY
Okay. I’ll go tell the others.

He turns, walks down the steps to --

THE SUBWAY EXIT STAIRS
Where Gaga, Reno, Hammer and Monster are waiting.

ROMMY (CONT'D)
There’s a SWAT truck across the street.
Brick’s gonna go get it and then pick us up.

MONSTER
Thank god. My leg hurts like a motherfucker.

RENO
(points at the spear)
Poor baby. At least YOU’RE not
skewered like a shish-ka-bob.

ROMMY
Put a sock in it.
We’ve gotta keep a cool head
if we’re gonna get outta this alive.
C’mon, let’s go --

RENO
Well, look who’s all mature
and shit all of a sudden.

OUT ON THE STREET
Brick turns over a trash can.
Gets under it.

Starts moving across the street.
Zombies FLY BY, but don’t smell him.

IN THE TUNNEL
The gang starts walking up
the steps to the street.

Suddenly, SCREAMING from down below.
They all turn and look.

ZOMBIES. Running up the stairs.
Rommy GRABS Gaga’s hand.

ROMMY
Let’s GO.

Rommy, Gaga and Hammer RACE up the stairs,
Monster and Reno right behind.

A rabid zombie GRABS Reno by the spear,
YANKS her down and starts EATING HER.
She SCREAMS.

Monster pulls out his squirt gun to shoot,
but gets GRABBED by zombies who
BITE INTO HIM and start EATING.
He SCREAMS.

UP ON THE SURFACE
Brick makes it to the truck.
He THROWS off the trash can and JUMPS IN.
Starts working on the wires on the steering column.

AT THE SUBWAY ENTRANCE
Rommy, Gaga and Hammer RUN out of
the subway and onto the street.

Zombies from all directions smell,
then see them, start RUNNING toward them.
SCREAMING.

Hammer adjusts his flamethrower. Turns it ON.
A GIANT SPRAY OF FIRE SHOOTS OUT.

HAMMER
Flame ON --

He slowly spins in a circle,
SPRAYING the zombies with FLAMES.

As he HITS each one, they EXPLODE
into SCREAMING FIREBALLS OF BLACK SMOKE.

IN THE SWAT TRUCK
Brick watches them destruct. Gets back to work.
The wires SPARK. The engine ROARS.
He starts driving toward them.

OUT ON THE STREET
Hammer keeps ROASTING the zombies as they
SNAP, CRACKLE POP. They all cover their mouths.

THE TRUCK
Roars up alongside them. Brick leans out the window.

BRICK
Get in, GET IN --

Everyone JUMPS IN. SLAMS the doors shut.

ROMMY
Holy fucking SHIT was that close.

GAGA
I think just peed my Hello Kitties.

BRICK
(realizes)
What about --
Rommy shakes his head sadly.

BRICK
God-DAMMIT.

Zombies start SLAPPING against
the sides of the vehicle,
the windows. SCREAMING to get in.

ROMMY
What are you WAITING FOR? GO, GO, GO --

Brick HITS the gas, and the truck ROARS AWAY.

EXT. TIMES SQUARE - FORTY SECOND STREET - NIGHT
The truck FLIES through the pack of infected.
CRUSHING them. Zombies SPRAY into the air.

But a few still hang onto the sides,
climb onto the roof.

INT. SWAT TRUCK - CONTINUOUS
Brick sees an intersection up ahead.
Gets ready to turn --
and SPINS the steering wheel, HARD.

EXT. SWAT TRUCK - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
The truck CAREENS around the corner,
SHAKING OFF the zombies clinging to the sides.

But there’s still one on top.
He starts SCREAMING and POUNDING on the roof.

IN THE TRUCK
They all look up. Freaked.
Gaga pulls out a book of matches. Lights one.
Touches it to the pack. It EXPLODES in flames.
She leans out the window. TOSSES it up.

ON THE TRUCK
The matches hit the zombie. It EXPLODES IN FLAMES.

IN THE TRUCK
Gaga smiles. Pulls a joint out from behind her ear.

GAGA
Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.

Lights up. Takes a big hit.
Holds it in. EXHALES.

ROMMY
Where the fuck did you get THAT?

GAGA
Times Square? Hello?

ROMMY
Gimme some of that.

GAGA
(hands it to him)
No woman, no cry.

BRICK
You think you should be smoking that NOW?

ROMMY
Excuse ME. After that shit back there,
I need to take the edge off.
(beat)
And besides, in my condition it’s medicinal.

Brick stares at him, taking a big toke.

BRICK
Fuck it. Gimme a hit of that --


Monday, May 8, 2017

End Of Days


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 28 of ZOMBIE & JULIET, Rommy, Brick, Gaga and the rest of the revolutionaries make their way uptown through the subway tunnel ... until they come across a wall of bricks. Meanwhile, newscasters Brock Landers and Nobu Stevens have a complete meltdown on the air while reporting on the zombie invasion ...


INT. SUBWAY TUNNEL - NIGHT
The hand cart continues going north.
Everyone stares ahead silently.

Gaga turns, looks at Rommy.
He stares at the picture.

Sighs. Puts it away.
Sees Gaga looking at him.

GAGA
How you feeling?

ROMMY
Like I’m swimming in a
big vat of fuck you.

GAGA
(feels his forehead)
You’re burning up --

ROMMY
I’ll be okay.
I just need to see Jool.

GAGA
We’ll find her. I promise.
Then we’ll make some more
of the vaccine --

JAG
SHIT.

MONSTER
FUCK ME.

Rommy and Gaga turn and look.
The tunnel ahead has been
WALLED UP WITH BRICKS.

BRICK
End of the line.
Guess we’re gonna have
to go above-ground.

ROMMY
Where are we?

BRICK
Forty-second street.

JAG
Fucking GREAT.

GAGA
Why did they wall it up?

BRICK
Fucking KAPPS like to keep out
illegal immigrants.

ROMMY
Oh, YEAH?
(raises his fist in the air)
Gimme your tired, poor, huddled
masses yearning to KICK ASS.
(off their looks)
What. What you looking at?

INT. NEWS STUDIO - NIGHT
Brock and Nobu sit at their news desk.
Look scared. Brock absently shuffles papers.
Nobu sips from her coffee mug.

BROCK
This just in, the republic is now
in a state of complete chaos.
We urge everyone to STAY INSIDE --

NOBU
Fuck it, Brock. What’s the use?
It’s Armageddon. Judgment day.
The end of days.
(hiccups)
You know? Fuck it.
We might as well jump off the roof --

Brock GRABS her mug. Smells it.

BROCK
(sharp whisper)
What were you told about

DRINKING on the job?
Nobu GRABS the mug back.

NOBU
It’s the END OF THE FUCKING WORLD, Brock.
And I’m gonna have a FUCKING COCKTAIL,
so DEAL with it.

She drains it.
Reaches under the desk.

Brings up a bottle.
Pours some more.

rock stares in the camera.
Blinks.

BROCK
We now go to Paul David Brazill,
our man on the street, who --
(listens to his ear piece)
He’s dead -- ?
(looks into the camera)
We’ll be right back after
this word from our sponsor.

He exhales.
Assumes the camera is off.
But it isn’t.

BROCK
You fucking LUSH --

NOBU
Can it, pretty boy.
Don’t think I don’t know about
your Columbian BOOGER SUGAR.
(beat)
Hey. Gimme a bump of that --

Brock turns red.
Looks to his right, then his left.

Pulls a snifter out of his pocket.
Hands it to her.

BROCK
Here.
Maybe this will help even you out.

Nobu grins maniacally.
GRABS it. HONKS a hit. Then another.

NOBU
WHOO, that’s good shit.
I feel like DANCING --

Friday, May 5, 2017

Panic Room


Hey there, crime kids. TGIF. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 28 of ZOMBIE & JULIET, after Jool's father gets eaten by zombies during the invasion, she escapes to the roof of her building, where she gets help from a surprise ally ...


INT. CARLING’S STUDY - DAY
Carling picks up the phone on his desk.
Tries to dial a number.
SLAMS it down. Looks at Nin.

CARLING
Phones are down.

NIN
What are we going to do?

CARLING
The panic room --

They look at each other. Realize.
They RACE out of the room.

INT. JOOL’S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
Carling and Nin RUN into her room.
Stop. Look around.

NIN
Where IS she?

CARLING
I don’t know. She’s GONE.

Loud SCREAMING downstairs.

CARLING (CONT’D)
We gotta GO --

NIN
But JOOL --

CARLING
We don’t have TIME.
(looks up)
Please god, forgive me --

He DASHES out of the room,
Nin trailing behind him.

INT. CORRIDOR - CONTINUOUS
They RUN toward a steel door
at the end of the hallway,
just as A PACK OF ZOMBIES
reaches the top of the stairs.

They see them.
Carling TRIPS and falls.
Nin makes it to the door.

NIN
(turns, sees)
CARLING --

But it’s too late.
The zombies LEAP on top
of him and start FEASTING.

Nin FLIES into the room.
SLAMS the door shut.

EXT. CARLING’S MANSION - ROOF - NIGHT
Jool makes it to the top.
Climbs onto the roof.

Looks over the edge.
Sees dozens of zombies
storming into the building.

JOOL
Can’t stay here.

She goes to the other side.
Looks at the chasm between
her building and the one next door.

JOOL
I can’t jump across THAT.

Jool finds a long, wooden plank.
Picks it up. GROANS.

Her head starts spinning.
She takes a deep breath.

JOOL
C’mon. You can DO this.

Brings the plank over to the ledge.
Carefully pushes it out until
it reaches the other side.

But it just barely makes it.
She’s gonna have to be very careful.

Suddenly a SCREAMING ZOMBIE
appears on the roof.

Jool pulls out her gun.
SHOOTS it in the head.
BANG. BANG. BANG.
It EXPLODES with a POP.

She turns around, gets down,
then starts crawling out across
the board toward the other side.

JOOL
Don’t look down, don’t look down --

But she does.
Almost passes out.

She takes a deep breath.
Keeps on going.

Just then, SCREAMING behind her.
MORE rabid infecteds
are on the roof.
She’s gotta HURRY --

She SCRAMBLES across
the board on all fours.

The zombies RACE over to
the side of the building,
get to the board,
just as Jool makes it
to the other side.

She KICKS the plank --
And it FALLS over the side.

But Jool SLIPS. GRABS the edge
of the roof with her hands,
legs KICKING WILDLY.

JOOL
Omigod -- HELP.

FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
It’s OKAY. Let go.
I’ll CATCH you.

She turns, looks down, sees --

ON THE GROUND
Stands a FEMALE COMMANDO IN BLACK.

Meet Ginger Jones (27).
Elite black ops. Feral.
Menacing. And totally hot.

GINGER
Just let go.
I’ll catch you, I promise.

ON THE ROOF
Jool looks down. Freaked OUT.

JOOL
But it’s three stories --

Her hands SLIP, and she
PLUMMETS DOWN to the ground --

where Ginger deftly
CATCHES her in her arms.

JOOL
Holy shit.
(beat)
Thanks.

Ginger puts her down. Smiles.

GINGER
No problem, Miss.

JOOL
(stares at her uniform)
Who ARE you?

GINGER
If I told you,
I’d have to kill you.
(stares at her)
You’re infected.

JOOL
Please don’t shoot me.

GINGER
Relax. I’m part of a Mont
secret black ops cell.
We find and hide the infected
until we can find a cure.

JOOL
Wow. That’s -- great.
(closes her eyes)
I feel like I’m
going to pass out --

GINGER
C’mon. Let’s find a place
where you can rest.

JOOL
(eyes FLY OPEN)
NO. I can’t leave.
Rommy’s going to be here
any minute.

GINGER
Who’s Rommy?

She pulls out the picture.
Shows it to Ginger.

JOOL
My boyfriend.
(points at her building)
I want to see if my family is okay.
Would you come with me?

GINGER
Sure. Lead the way --

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Night Of The Living Dread


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 27 of ZOMBIE & JULIET, out on her balcony, Jool sees the zombie invasion closing in on her building, so she escapes out the window and starts climbing up to the roof ...


EXT. GREENWICH VILLAGE - STREET FAIR - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
Rommy and Jool stand on the corner.
Now holding each other.

JOOL
Okay. Now I’ve GOT to go.

ROMMY
Yeah. I should go, too.

They stare into each other’s eyes.
Vibrating with unrequited lust.
He tucks her hair behind her ear.

JOOL
Then why aren’t we moving?

ROMMY
I dunno.
(beat)
Did the earth not move for you, too?

She smiles. They pull apart.

JOOL
Until we meet again.

ROMMY
Parting is such sweet sorrow.

JOOL
Oooh. Look who’s the poet.

ROMMY
It’s not -- original.

JOOL
It’s the thought that counts.
(blows him a kiss)
Bye.

She turns around. Hustles off.

PUSH IN ON Rommy. Watching her go.
Aching with longing.

ROMMY
(softly)
Bye.

INT. CARLING’S MANSION - JOOL’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Jool stands at the balcony railing.
Looks at the drainpipe leading up
to the roof that Rommy climbed up.

JOOL
Okay. Deep breath. You can do it.

She GRABS it.
Then hears MACHINE GUN FIRE down below.

Turns, looks down, and sees,
much to her horror --

EXT. FIFTH AVENUE - CARLING’S MANSION - NIGHT
A HORDE OF RABID ZOMBIES surrounding
the barricades around the mansion.

Carling’s PRIVATE SECURITY GUARDS
stand behind shields and FIRE at them.
But they’re WAY outnumbered.

JOOL
Watches. Freaks out.

JOOL
Ohmigod.

THE ZOMBIES
SMASH through one of the barricades
and STAMPEDE toward the guards,
SCREAMING AND CHATTERING.
The guards keep SHOOTING.

A few get HIT, their heads EXPLODING.
But they’re too many of them,
and they reach the guards
and start EATING them.

A ZOMBIE
CHOMPS on a guard’s neck.
Red goo goes FLYING.

ANOTHER ZOMBIE
LUNGES at another guard.
Buries his face in his stomach.

RIPS INTO his flesh.
YANKS out his guts with his teeth,
just as his head gets HIT and EXPLODES.

They keep advancing.
Start POURING into the house.

JOOL
Sees this. Her eyes BUG OUT.

JOOL
Holy fucking SHIT.

She RACES back into her room.
Goes to the door. Realizes.

JOOL
Panic room’s up two flights.
Too risky. SHIT. FUCK.
Races back outside to --

THE BALCONY
She goes back to the railing.

JOOL
If it held him, it’ll hold me --

Stops a moment. Feels dizzy.
Gathers her strength.

Climbs up on the railing.
GRABS onto the pipe.

And starts CLIMBING UP.
She turns. Looks down. Gulps.

JOOL
Don’t look down, don’t look down --

And starts making her way
up the side of the building --

Monday, May 1, 2017

A Mission From God


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 27 of ZOMBIE & JULIET, Rommy, Brick, Cosmo and the rest of the revolutionaries make their way through a subway tunnel under the Republic of Manhattan, but get accosted by a horde of homeless zombies ...


INT. SUBWAY TUNNEL - NIGHT
Most of the lights are out.
It’s eerie. Rats scurry about.
The hand truck rolls down
the tracks in the dim light.

ROMMY
(reads the number on the wall)
Thirty-fourth street.

BRICK
What street is she on?

Rommy closes his eyes.
Rubs them with his fists. Thinks.

ROMMY
Uh, seventy-fifth and fifth.
Right on the park.

BRICK
You feeling okay?

ROMMY
(looks at him)
Well, let’s see.
My eyes are watering,
I’m burning up with a fever,
and it hurts when I breathe.
(beat)
Just peachy.

JAG
(sees something)
We got a problem, chief.

BRICK
(turns, looks)
Shit.

UP AHEAD
Is a crude ROADBLOCK made of wooden crates,
trash cans and big piles of garbage.
A fire burns dimly behind it.

THE HAND TRUCK
Slows to a stop in front of it.

ROMMY
What the fuck do we do NOW?

ANGRY MALE VOICE (O.C.)
HALT. Who goes there?

BRICK
We need to get through.
We’re on a mission from God.

ANGRY MALE VOICE (O.C.)
There IS no GOD.

A FILTHY, BEARDED HOMELESS SKELL emerges
from the edge of the barrier carrying a spear.
Infected. Badly. About to turn.

FILTHY, BEARDED HOMELESS SKELL
If there was, we wouldn’t have been
cast out of society to die a living DEATH.

ROMMY
Okay, so you’re infected.
We get it. I’M infected.
But we’ve got a vaccine for the virus.

BRICK
That’s right. And we need to get through
so we can get the word out to the people.
Like you --

FILTHY, BEARDED HOMELESS SKELL
You have a VACCINE? GIVE IT TO ME.

ROMMY
My friends, uh -- used it all up.
But we’re gonna make a new batch. Promise.

FILTHY, BEARDED HOMELESS SKELL
I don’t BELIEVE YOU.

And right before their eyes, he TURNS
into a RABID, CHATTERING ZOMBIE.

He THROWS his spear -- which
WHIZZES THROUGH THE AIR and
HITS Monster in the leg.

MONSTER
OWWW --

BRICK
GET ‘EM.

Jag WHIPS OUT his Uzi.
SPRAYS him with bullets.

His skeletal body JERKS like
a puppet in a dance of death.

FALLS to the ground in a
gooey puddle of flesh and bones.

MONSTER
(YANKS the spear out)
Fucking homeless zombie piece of SHIT.

Brick hops off the truck.
Pulls a grenade out of his pocket.

BRICK
Stand back. I’m gonna blow
a hole in that rat-trap.

Just then, a GROUP OF INFECTED HOMELESS SKELLS
charges at them from around the barricade.

Spears go WHIZZING through the air.
One of them HITS Reno in the chest, THWUNK.

RENO
UH --

Jag OPENS FIRE on them in
a hail of MACHINE GUN FIRE --
SHREDDING them to ribbons.
He sighs. Checks the gun magazine.

JAG
That’s it for the ammo.

BRICK
Great. Just great --
(to Reno)
Are you okay?

Reno looks down at the spear
that’s gone right through her.

Feels around behind her
where it sticks out in the back.

RENO
I’m -- okay.
(looks down)
Just a little -- heartburn.

BRICK
Let me pull it out.

ROMMY
No, DON’T. Pulling it out might KILL her.

RENO
Well, that’s just great.
So I’m supposed to walk around
like a human pin-cushion?

BRICK
Zip it. You’re alive. Be grateful.
(beat)
Everybody take cover.

Everybody gets behind the hand truck, ducks down.
Brick HURLS the grenade at the barricade.

It EXPLODES, BANG. Debris goes
FLYING IN THE AIR, pelting the tunnel.

They get back up on the truck.
Hammer takes Monster’s place.

Monster wraps a rag around his leg.
Pulls it TIGHT. Grimaces.

BRICK (CONT’D)
Alright, let’s MOVE IT.

They start pumping the handles.
The cart starts moving.

ROMMY
(to Gaga)
How you holding up?

GAGA
Well, considering my family is dead,
we’re trapped in a subway tunnel,
and I just saw someone mow down
a pack of rabid zombies
with a semi-automatic weapon --
(beat)
Can I get back to you on that?