Friday, May 18, 2018

In The Mood


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 29 of A DISH BEST KILLED, Haven has a 'me, too' moment when she fends off Trimmer's unwanted advances ... until Jett arrives on the scene ... and eliminates the problem.


EXT. MARINA DOCK - NIGHT
Jett and Rush appear, both rakish in black.
They approach the Safe Haven.

Look at Trimmer’s Sheriff’s patrol boat
anchored next to it.
Jett is amped. Eyes flashing.

JETT
That’s his boat.
(beat)
You go stay in the car, keep a lookout.

RUSH
What do I do if someone comes?

JETT
Call me. And stop them.

RUSH
Cool.
(pulls out a vial)
Wanna bump?

She nods. Takes it. Unscrews the cap.
Under it, a tiny spoon.

She shovels out a hit,
SNORTS it. Then, another.

PUSH IN ON Jett. Ready to go.

JETT
Places, please.

INT. THE SAFE HAVEN - MASTER BEDROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Our star-crossed lovers are in bed.
Trimmer lies next to Haven.

Stroking her hair.
Haven pulls away. Pouts.

HAVEN
I’m not in the mood.

TRIMMER
Not in the MOOD?

HAVEN
I -- have a headache.

TRIMMER
Bullshit.

HAVEN
From all the stress. The cops,
the insurance people, my lawyer --

Like a cat, Trimmer moves on top of her.

TRIMMER
But its a great stress-reliever --

HAVEN
Trimmer, no -- I don’t want to --

TRIMMER
(pins her wrists down)
Who the fuck asked YOU?

HAVEN
Trimmer, don’t! Stop it!
You’re hurting me!

JETT (O.C.)
Get the fuck off of her, asshole --
and put your dick back in your pants.

JETT
walks into the room.
Pointing her REVOLVER at Trimmer.

JETT (CONT’D)
(wild-eyed)
DO IT. NOW.

TRIMMER
(whirls around, sees her)
YOU?

JETT
Deputy. Funny seeing you here.
Come here often?

Trimmer jumps out of bed.
Stands. Puffs out his chest.

TRIMMER
You can’t shoot me. I’m a cop.

JETT
You’re confusing me with
someone who gives a shit.

TRIMMER
(walks toward Jett)
Give me the gun.

Jett fires. BANG. BANG. BANG.
A trio of rose petals bloom
on Trimmer’s wife beater.
He looks down, in shock.

TRIMMER (CONT’D)
You fucking SHOT me.

He staggers. GRABS onto the side table.

JETT
Well, whaddaya know.

Haven LEAPS out of bed.
Goes to Jett. Gets behind her.

HAVEN
DIE, you fucking creep! DIE.

Trimmer slumps to the floor.
Pulls out his cell phone.

TRIMMER
Gotta -- call -- this in --

Jett FIRES again. BANG. BANG. BANG.
Trimmer’s head hits the wall with a THUD.
Lights out. Blood pools in the carpet.

JETT
You’ve been suspended from duty, officer.

She looks at Haven.
Bursts into WILD LAUGHTER.

HAVEN
You did it!

JETT
And it felt so GOOD.

Rush comes in. Out of breath.

RUSH
(to Jett)
I heard the shots. Is he -- you know.

HAVEN
Who are the fuck are YOU?
(to Jett)
Do you know this guy?

JETT
(to Rush)
I told you to stay in the car.
(to Haven)
It’s okay, he’s cool.
An old friend of mine from back home.

RUSH
Hey.
(holds his crotch)
Can I use the head?
I gotta take a wicked piss.

HAVEN
Down the hall, second door on your left.

Rush ambles away.

HAVEN (CONT’D)
Jett?

JETT
It’s a long story.
Rush and I go way back.
He came to visit, and
I can’t get rid of him.
He followed me the night we --
you know, so now he wants in.
Wants a cut for keeping quiet.
I didn’t tell you because
I didn’t want you to --

HAVEN
You offered him a
CUT OF THE FUCKING MONEY?

JETT
No, of course not.
I just need his help with --
(points at Trimmer’s body)
This thing, and --
(whispers)
Then I’ll -- take care of him.

HAVEN
Goddammit, Jett.
(beat)
What can I do?

JETT
(looks at Trimmer)
Give me his uniform.

HAVEN
His uniform? Why do you want to --

PUSH IN ON Jett.
Unbuckling her belt.

JETT
Burial at sea.


Friday, May 11, 2018

Something Smells Fishy


Hey there, crime kids. TGIF. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 28 of A DISH BEST KILLED, homicide detective Cal Seely starts closing in on Haven and Jett. Meanwhile, Haven secretly calls Jett to tell her their murderous plan is 'on' ...


INT. VENICE BOARDWALK - SMALL WORLD BOOKS - DAY
A bookworm’s delight. A cozy,
cluttered joint filled to the rafters.
Young, HIPSTER LOCALS wander the aisles.

And Cal Seely’s there, too.
He looks up at a section placard.

CRIME FICTION
he squints. Nods.
Starts going down the aisle.

Runs his fingers across the spines,
reading the authors.

He stops on one. Pulls it out.
Examines the back cover.

His cell phone RINGS.
Cal fishes it out. Flips it open.

CAL
Seely here.
(listens)
Chief. What’s up?
(listens)
With all due respect sir,
I think he’s full of shit.
(listens)
Of course I think he’s involved.
I think they both are.
Classic love triangle.
You ever see that movie --
(listens)
Yeah. That’s where I’m going next.
Fishing for DNA.
(beat)
Then I’m gonna check out
the personal trainer.
Something smells fishy.
(listens)
You’re a goddamn laugh-riot.
(listens)
Much.

He CLICKS the phone shut.
Looks at the book, turns it around,
revealing the title --

THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE.

INT. THE SAFE HAVEN - MASTER BEDROOM - LATER THAT EVENING
We hear a shower running
in the next room.

Haven sits on the bed,
casual in Juicy Couture.
Sipping a cocktail.

She grabs her cell phone.
PUNCHES a number. Listens.

HAVEN
(a whisper)
It’s me.
(listens)
It’s time.
(listens)
Okay.

A toilet FLUSHES.

TRIMMER
walks in the room.
Buckling his belt. Scowling.
She CLICKS the phone shut. Smiles.

TRIMMER
Who was that?

HAVEN
My mother.

TRIMMER
I thought you didn’t
get along with your mother.

HAVEN
I don’t. She hit me up for money.

TRIMMER
Then why are you smiling?

HAVEN
Cause I said NO --

Friday, May 4, 2018

A Hole In My Heart


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Fridaze. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 27 of A DISH BEST KILLED, Haven convinces Jett to kill sheriff's deputy Trimmer Waltz, revealing that he was blackmailing her ...


INT. FOOD TOWN - DAY
Rows of fresh fruit.
The joint’s all but deserted.

A SHOPPING CART appears.
It’s being pushed by Haven,
wearing huge sunglasses.

Another CART pulls up next to it,
pushed by Jett, also in shades,
and a baseball cap pulled down low.

HAVEN
Thanks for coming.

They start rolling
the carts down the aisle.

JETT
You wanted to talk. So talk.

HAVEN
I’ve missed you, Jett.
I’ve missed you so much.

JETT
You sure have a funny way of showing it.

HAVEN
What that’s supposed to mean?

Jett stops her cart.

JETT
(hisses)
Trimmer Waltz.
I saw you with him.
I know what’s going on.
What do you think I am,
a fucking patsy?
(to herself)
I don’t even know why I’m here.

HAVEN
Trimmer and I, we --
(beat)
It started off as innocent fun,
but it didn’t mean anything --
and then I lost interest,
and tried to call it off.

JETT
Yeah, right.

HAVEN
It’s true, listen to me.
He said if I stopped seeing him,
he was going to tell Dart about us.
(beat)
And then he came up with his -- plan.
And then I saw you on
the beach training people.
I was drawn to you.
(beat)
But what I didn’t expect --
was to -- fall for you.
And by then, it was -- too late.
(beat)
I fucked it all up, Jett. I’m sorry.
(beat)
So sorry.

Pause.

JETT
You expect me to believe that bullshit?

HAVEN
It’s the truth, Jett. I --

Haven lowers her shades.
Eyes full of tears.

HAVEN (CONT’D)
I need you, Jett.
I gotta hole in my heart
where you used to be.
If I can’t be with you,
I’d rather die.

JETT
But Trimmer, I saw you --

HAVEN
I told you, it’s OVER.
Trimmer’s an ASSHOLE.
He’s a PIG, he’s so full of himself --

JETT
And you just figured that out?

HAVEN
I’ve been dying without you, Jett.
I want things to be the way they were --
you and me against the world.
Forever and ever.
Willing to do whatever it takes.

Jett’s nose starts running.
She wipes it on the back
of her sleeve. Stares at Haven.

JETT
I don’t know, I --

Haven looks around anxiously.
She takes Jett’s hand.
Slowly guide it up her skirt. Shivers.

HAVEN
(whispers)
See how wet you make me?

JETT
I, I --

HAVEN
(pulls her close)
Remember those three days
we had all to ourselves?
It was so good.
The happiest I’ve ever been.
Can’t you see I’m in love with you?
(beat)
Don’t you -- want me anymore?

JETT
(a whisper)
I, I do.
(embraces her)
Of course I do.

They hug for a long moment.
A FEMALE SHOPPER (50’s)
wheels her cart past them.
Stares disapprovingly.

Haven pulls away.

HAVEN
So you know what we have to do.

JETT
What?

HAVEN
We have to make him -- go away.

A strange smile
flickers on Jett’s face.
She looks around.

Reaches in her jacket pocket.
Pulls out the REVOLVER.

JETT
You must be a mind-reader.

HAVEN
(sharp whisper)
Holy shit, put that away.

JETT
(pockets it)
So what’s the plan?

HAVEN
We need to act fast.
I’m going to the reading
of Dart’s will tomorrow,
and then I’m gonna take
all the money out of the bank.
So we gotta do it tonight.

JETT
Tonight?

HAVEN
Yeah. I’m meeting him
on the boat later for dinner.
You know, consoling the grieving widow.
I’ll call you after he gets
there, and then --

JETT
(points finger like a gun)
Hasta la vista, Deputy Waltz.

HAVEN
Yeah. And then we can be together.
We can go anywhere, do anything -- together.

JETT
Do whatever it takes.

PUSH IN ON Haven.
Lowering her shades.
Eyes full of fire.

HAVEN
Straight down the line --

Friday, April 27, 2018

Show Me Yours, And I'll Show You Mine


Hey there, crime kids. TGIF. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 26 of A DISH BEST KILLED, Jett and Rush go to a seedy pawn shop on the wrong side of the tracks and buy an illegal firearm ...


EXT. PAWN SHOP - DAY
A shitty cinder block bunker
with bars on the windows
on the wrong end of
Lincoln Boulevard.
Se Hablo Espanole.

Jett and Rush
stand at the door.

Press the intercom button.
BUZZZZZZZZZ. They go in.

INT. PAWN SHOP - AT THAT MOMENT
Jett and Rush squint
in the darkness.

A HEAVYSET LATIN GUY
sits behind the counter.

He puts a wad of cash
in a strong box.
CLICKS it shut.

BEHIND THE COUNTER
we see he’s holding
a 9MM automatic.

HEAVYSET LATIN GUY
Hola, amigo.
What can I do for you today?

RUSH
You Luna?

LUNA
I’m Luna.

RUSH
You sell -- guns?

LUNA
(smiles)
Who told you that?

RUSH
Uh, guy named Ramirez,
down in Long Beach.
Big guy, like you,
rides with the
Los Muertos cycle club.
Customer of mine.

LUNA
What do you sell?

RUSH
(pulls out a vial)
Show me yours, and
I’ll show you mine.

Luna smiles broadly,
displaying rows of gold teeth.

LUNA
Ramirez, that fat fuck.
Why didn’t you say so?

INT. JETT’S CAR - MOMENTS LATER
Jett holds a 38 special
down low below the dashboard.
Stares at it, wide-eyed.

JETT
I like -- how it feels.

Rush points his
SERVICE REVOLVER
out the window.
Takes aim.

RUSH
Just like back home
shooting pigeons in the barn --

He squeezes the trigger. CLICK.



Friday, April 20, 2018

Like An Animal


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 25 of A DISH BEST KILLED, homicide dick Cal Seely grills sheriff's deputy Trimmer Waltz about the murder of retired film director Dart Crayce ...


EXT. MARINA - SHERIFF’S SUBSTATION - DAY
An old, wooden shack
at the edge of the pier.

The Sheriff’s skiff floats
and bobs in the water nearby.

INT. SHERIFF’S SUBSTATION - DAY
Trimmer sits at his desk.
Filling out a report.

Shitty 70’s ‘soft rock’ plays
softly on a cheap boombox.
Afternoon Delight, indeed.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Anybody home?

TRIMMER
Entree, si vous plait.

Cal Seely ambles in.
Perspiring in his overcoat.

CAL
Deputy Waltz?

TRIMMER
You’re lookin’ at him.

CAL
(flashes badge)
Detective Sergeant Cal Seely, Homicide.

TRIMMER
Please to meet you.
Pull up a log.

CAL
(pulls out a cigar)
I like to stand.
Mind if I smoke?

TRIMMER
I’m allergic. Sorry.
(looks)
That’s quite a stogie.
Freud would have a
field day with THAT.

CAL
(not amused)
I’m investigating the
death of Dart Crayce.

TRIMMER
The film director, on the houseboat.
Yes. Tragic.
(shakes his head)
His poor wife.

CAL
Yes. His poor, young wife --

TRIMMER
Oh. Now listen,
I’ve met her,
she’s a nice lady.
No way she could have --

CAL
It’s a good motive.
What was he -- 80 years old?

TRIMMER
85, I think.

CAL
And I’m sure he was
worth a lot of money.
All those classic, old movies --

They look at each other. Thinking.

TRIMMER
If you ask me, I think you should
check out her personal trainer.
I’ve seen them working out --
and I sensed there was
more going on than just --
weight lifting, if
you know what I mean.

CAL
(pulls out notebook)
The trainer. What’s his name?

TRIMMER
HER name.
Jett something.
Jett -- Targo, that’s it.
She’s a, you know --
(mimes flexing arm muscle)
Real strong.

CAL
Lesbo? They having an affair?

TRIMMER
God, no. It’s just that --
I’m out on my boat every morning,
and I’d see them. And, I dunno --
it’s a gut feeling. You know --
(beat)
The way she’d look at Mrs. Crayce.
All hungry-like.

CAL
(narrows his eyes)
A gut feeling.
(off his nod)
Hungry-like.

PUSH IN ON Trimmer.
A rude leer.

TRIMMER
Yeah, you know --
like an animal. Hungry.

Friday, April 13, 2018

Seems Like Old Times


Happy Friday the 13th, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 24 of A DISH BEST KILLED, after discovering that Haven is two-timing her with sheriff's deputy Trimmer Waltz, Jett persuades Rush to get her a gun ...


INT. JETT’S APARTMENT - A LITTLE LATER
Jett STORMS into the room.
SLAMS the door.

Rush lolls on the couch
watching TV drinking a beer.

She walks over. Sees the mirror
with the lines of speed he’s been
chopping up on the coffee table.

JETT
Okay, here’s the deal.
If you want your cut, you’re
gonna have to work for it.
(beat)
I need your help.

RUSH
Sure, sure. What can I do?

Jett sits down next to him.
Looks at the drugs.

JETT
You know my -- friend?

RUSH
Haven?

JETT
Yeah. She’s --
(shudders)
She’s fucking the Sheriff’s deputy.
And they’re setting me up.

RUSH
Holy SHIT.

JETT
Mind if do one of those?

RUSH
Fuck, no. Now we’re talking.
(hands her a straw)
Madam, your carriage awaits.

JETT
(takes it)
Giddyap.
She leans down. SNORTS a
line in her left nostril.

Then another in her right.
She shakes her head. WHOOSH.

RUSH
You’re gonna be fucking flying,
after being clean so long.

JETT
(SNORTS another)
Goddamn right.

RUSH
So what’s the plan?
What can I help with?

JETT
I need you to help me -- get a gun.

Jett reaches over.
Wets a finger in Rush’s water glass.
Touches it to her nose. SNORTS it.

RUSH
A gun? What for?

JETT
I’m gonna kill the motherfucker.

RUSH
But he’s a cop.

PUSH IN ON Jett.
Eyes blazing with chemical fire.

JETT
Kinda like old times, huh?

Friday, April 6, 2018

Forgive and Forget is For Suckers


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 23 of A DISH BEST KILLED, Jett discovers to her horror that Haven is two-timing her with sheriff's deputy Trimmer Waltz, and that they're planning on running off with the insurance money from her dead husband ...


INT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - GALLEY - MORNING
Haven’s at the bar. Mixing champagne
and OJ in a pitcher.

HAVEN
Silly. It’s never too early for a MIMOSA.
(turns, to someone off-camera)
We have to celebrate.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
The king is dead. Long live the queen.

Haven picks up the drinks, walks over to --

TRIMMER WALTZ
seated on the couch.
Splayed out like he owns the joint.

TRIMMER
(takes a drink, smiles)
Thank you, my love.
(pats the couch)
Come sit next to me, my little firecracker.

Haven sits next to him. Sips her drink.

HAVEN
Who you calling a firecracker?

TRIMMER
I can’t believe it. We’re almost done.
(beat)
When’s the reading of the will?

HAVEN
Tomorrow.

TRIMMER
Eight-hundred thousand smackeroos.
(toasts)
Here’s to that cabin up in Big Bear.

They CLINK. Sip.

HAVEN
I know we talked about Big Bear,
but I was thinking --

TRIMMER
Whoah. That could be dangerous.

HAVEN
Shut up. Listen to me.
(sips)
I think it might be better
if we went to Mexico. You know,
one of those little fishing towns
on the coast, like in
That Killing Feeling.

TRIMMER
But I don’t speak Spanish --

OUTSIDE ON THE DECK
Jett stands near the open window,
shade down, listening.

IN THE GALLEY
Haven gets up. Goes to the bar,
fixes another drink.

HAVEN
I just think it would be -- safer.
The cops couldn’t touch us.

TRIMMER
That’s true.
(finishes his drink)
Tell you what. We’ll think about it.
(beat)
And what about Ms. Targo?
(nasty laugh)
Or should I say MR. Targo --

HAVEN
Nola’s body. I find out where she’s stashed it --
and then you tip off Detective Seely.

TRIMMER
You’re an evil genius, baby.
(beat)
But you know that.

HAVEN
(evil grin)
Takes one to know one.

TRIMMER
I gotta ask you something.
(beat)
Didn’t you like it --
at least a little bit -- when that buff,
young specimen went down on you?

HAVEN
What the fuck?

TRIMMER
Well, they say only a woman
knows what another woman wants --

OUTSIDE ON THE DECK
Jett blinks back tears. Turns.
Quietly walks away. Head down.

IN THE GALLEY
Haven DOWNS her cocktail.
Starts fixing another.

HAVEN
Don’t be ridiculous.

TRIMMER
It’s okay, baby. I find it --
kind of a turn-on.
(eyes narrow)
If things were different,
I might just wanna -- join in.

HAVEN
(snorts)
As if.

TRIMMER
Excuse me?

She takes a sip. Lights a smoke.
Crosses over to him.

HAVEN
You think she was my first?
(laughs)
That’s what all you guys want.
To 'join in.'
(beat)
Fucking creepy.

Trimmer stares. Be careful here.

TRIMMER
Hey, now -- I was just kidding, baby doll.
Just tryin’ to get a rise out of you.
Let’s not fight.

HAVEN
You started it.

He gets up. Puts his arms around her.

TRIMMER
I’m sorry.
(touches her chin)
You forgive me, baby?

PUSH IN ON Haven. Faint smile.
Eyes off somewhere else.

HAVEN
Forgive and forget is for suckers --