Shut Up And Kiss Me

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In the final chapter of BABY HEISTER, teenage heister Kelsey Hazard and the gang have a final showdown with the cops ... and then she makes a stunning, surprise announcement ...


EXT. MARINA PIER - DAY
A row of boats
gently bob in the water.

A SHERIFF’S BOAT slowly cruises by
at the end of the pier.

Across the way,
we see a PATROL CAR
slowly cruising the waterfront.

EXT. HOUSEBOAT - DAY
A pair of COPS
walk up the gangplank.

One of them KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCKS
on the front door. Sighs.

TIRED COP
I can’t believe we gotta check
EVERY single fucking boat.

BLASE COP
I say they’re long gone.

Tired Cop KNOCK-KNOCKS again.

TIRED COP
Anyone home? It’s the police.

The door FLIES OPEN.

Jo appears, wearing a sexy bathrobe,
holding a tray of freshly-baked cookies.
The cops stare.

JO
Hello, officer.
Sorry it took me a moment.
I was just taking these
cookies out of the oven.
Would you like one?
They’re chocolate chip --
(big smile)
And still warm.

TIRED COP
(takes a couple)
Yeah, sure. Thanks.

BLASE COP
(takes one, bites into it)
You seen anybody suspicious-looking
hangin’ around?

JO
You mean like those bank robbers?

BLASE COP
Yeah.

JO
No, I’m sorry.
I was sure hoping to, though.
(winks)
Gets kinda lonely
all alone here on the boat.
(nudges him)
If you know what I mean.

The cops exchange looks.

BLASE COP
Would you mind if we
came in and took a look around?

Jo reaches down.
Unties her robe.
It falls open.

JO
C’mon in, the water’s wet.

TIRED COP
(to Blase)
On second thought --

BLASE COP
(looks away)
Sorry we bothered you, Ma’am.
Have a good day.

They turn.
Start walking away.

JO
Hey, wait a minute.
I’ve got a full liquor cabinet --
(watches them go)
Don’tcha wanna PARTY?

INT. HOUSEBOAT - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Jo puts the plate of cookies
on the coffee table
in front of the couch.

Walks over to a fake Persian rug
on the floor.

Pulls it aside. Reaches down.
Opens a trap door. Looks down.

JO
They’re gone.

Doc climbs up.
Then Kelsey. Then Simon.

DOC
Thank god.
Kinda cramped down there.

KELSEY
You baked cookies --

SIMON
(takes one)
Smells great.

Kelsey takes one.
Bites into it. Looks at them.

DOC
So are you -- okay?
I understand if you’re -- upset.

JO
You probably --
have a lot of questions.
Want to -- talk about it.

She takes another bite. Thinking.

KELSEY
Can we talk later?
Right now I just
wanna sleep for a year.
(takes another cookie)
After I have a bunch of these.

DOC
We thought we were
doing the right thing, Kelsey.

JO
We’re really sorry.

KELSEY
(softly)
I know.

DOC
We were hoping maybe
we could start over again.

KELSEY
I’d like that.

She chews some more.
Then, the barest hint of a smile.

KELSEY
So what do think about
me and Simon getting married?
(beat)
Mom? Dad?

Doc and Jo exchange glances.
Then look at her.

SIMON
Kelsey?

KELSEY
C’mon. We’d make a great team.
And we’d all be a family.

He looks at Doc. Speechless.

DOC
You’re on your own, kid.

She finishes her cookie.
Rubs her hands on her hips.

Goes to him.
Puts them on his.

KELSEY
You need to THINK about it?

SIMON
No, no -- I, I -- uh --

KELSEY
Then shut up
and kiss me, wheelman.


She leans into him.
He drops his cookie.

They kiss. Softly. Tenderly.
Then more passionately.

Start to go at it, hot and heavy.
No one else in the world.

Doc and Jo watch. Big smiles.
She taps him on the shoulder.
He nods. They start to leave, as we --

FADE TO BLACK

There's No Place Like Home

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In the next-to-last chapter of BABY HEISTER, our dysfunctional family of criminals make their desperate escape from the cops ... and make it to their hideout on a houseboat, where a shocking family secret is revealed ...


INT. VW BUS - DAY
Simon sits behind the wheel.
Jo sits next to him.

Doc and Kelsey sit in the back with the money,
which is now a massive amount.
Doc closes the curtains on the back windows.

DOC
Okay, let’s go.

Simon starts the engine.
Drives out of the parking lot --
just as a trio of SQUAD CARS, lights FLASHING,
sirens BLARING pass by them,
ROAR over to the truck and SCREECH to a halt.

EXT. MARINA PARKING LOT - DAY
A BEEFY COP opens the back door to the semi,
revealing the Dumpster.

Darryl Rooker looks out his window.
Sees it. Nods.

DARRYL
(to Costello)
Call the Marina Sheriffs.
Have them seal off the channel.

COSTELLO
Yes, sir.
(beat)
But what if they’re already at sea?

DARRYL
Then call the Coast Guard.
Have them stop EVERY BOAT.
I’ll call the FBI.
Have them send some choppers.

EXT. HOUSEBOAT - DAY
An old, wooden, two-story joint
from an era gone by.

It would be kinda quaint if it didn’t
look like it was falling apart.
But it’s still oddly homey-looking.

INT. HOUSEBOAT - LIVING ROOM - DAY
‘That Seventies Boat.’ All knotty pine.
Curtains drawn. Stuffed with old furniture.
Hanging plants. Nautical shit.

Doc, Jo, Kelsey and Simon walk around,
inspecting the joint.

KELSEY
This is so COOL.

DOC
We can hole up here for good long while.
Zulf stocked the fridge and the pantry.
We got satellite TV, a full bar.

JO
I’ll do some cleaning and spruce the place up.
It’ll feel like home.
(smiles at Kelsey)
Kelsey will help me. Won’t you, hun?

KELSEY
Sure. Of course.

JO
C’mon, let me show you the galley.

KELSEY
Okay. Let me close the door.
(walks toward the door)
It’s starting to get a bit --

FLINT
Appears in the doorway.
A bloody mess. He GRABS Kelsey.

KELSEY
HEY.

JAMS his gun against her head.

JO
Ducks down behind the couch.
Scampers away.

FLINT
Smiles at Kelsey.

FLINT
Getting a bit nippy out.
Bet your nippies are nice and hard.

DOC
Put the gun down, Flint.
Let’s talk about this.

FLINT
There’s nothing to talk about, old man.
NOBODY crosses me, GOT it?

DOC
You can have the money.
Just let go of her.
Take me instead.

A GUN WITH A SILENCER
appears next to Flint’s head.

JO
Get your hands off my fucking DAUGHTER.

Reveal JO. Gripping the weapon.
Quivering with rage.

KELSEY
'Daughter?'

THWIP. THWIP. THWIP.
Flint’s head EXPLODES.
Kelsey SCREAMS.

His body hits the floor, THWUNK.
She looks at the body.
Shudders. Looks up, eyes bright with tears.

KELSEY
Doc?

DOC
It’s a long story.

KELSEY
Jo?

JO
I was forty.
Still the con artist about town.
Didn’t want to be -- tied down.

DOC
Chelle couldn’t have kids.

JO
We thought it would -- calm them down.

DOC
Didn’t work.
(mumbles to himself)
They were so reckless.

JO
We were going to tell you.
We were just waiting for the right --

DOC
After the funeral -- seemed too soon.
Then we both kept --

JO
Putting it off --

DOC
And here we are.

Kelsey stares at them.
Speechless. In shock.

SIMON
Oh, shit.

DOC
What’s wrong?

SIMON
Asshole must have left a
trail of blood leading right to us.
(off their looks)
I’ll go outside and clean it up.

Darryl Rooker appears in the doorway.
Aiming his gun.

DARRYL
Like following a trail of bread crumbs.
What was that old fairy tail?
(sickly smile)
Doc Hazard. We meet at last.

DOC
I’m tingly all over.

Darryl reaches into his jacket
for his cell phone.

DARRYL
Nobody move a muscle.
I’m gonna call for back up.

Everybody stares while he dials.
Listens. Makes a face.

DARRYL
Godammit. No reception --

KELSEY
(pulls hers out)
Wanna use mine?

He looks at her. Then the phone.

DARRYL
Yeah. Just don’t try any --

FAST AS LIGHTNING
she SMASHES IT in his face, CRACK.

GRABS his head.
BANGS it against the wall.

And again. And again. SCREAMS.
Lets go. His body hits the floor, THUMP.
Lights out.

She stares at Doc and Jo.
A tear slides down her cheek --

TO BE CONTINUED

Like Taking Candy From A Retard

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Wednesday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 43 of BABY HEISTER, as we start to hurl toward the exciting conclusion of of our story, teenage heister Kelsey Hazard, Jo, Simon and Doc revolt and get into a fight to the death with their captors. Meanwhile, Robbery Homicide chief Darryl Rooker is just moments away, and is about to close in on them ...


EXT. MARINA PARKING LOT - DAY
Flint’s Crown Vic
pulls up alongside the semi.

He and Doc get out.
Eb climbs down out of the cabin.
Walks over.

EB
How’d it go at the cop shop?

FLINT
Like taking candy from a retard.
Let’s open up the tin can.

They walk over to the truck.
He climbs up the back.

Unlocks the door.
Opens them, revealing --

The Dumpster truck.
Trash on the right.

Money bags on the left.
But no Kelsey, Simon or Jo.

EB
Hey. Where’d they go?

FLINT
Stupid redneck.
They’re hiding in the Dumpster.

KELSEY (O.C.)
We’re not hiding.
We’re resting.

FLINT
(pulls out his gun)
Just as well.
Makes it easier.

DOC
Makes WHAT easier?

FLINT
Did you REALLY think
I was gonna SHARE
the money with YOU?
A career CRIMINAL?


DOC
You’re a fucking piece of shit,
you know that?

FLINT
That may be,
but I’m a fucking
RICH piece of shit.
(to Eb)
Start unloading the bags into my car.
I’ll take care of the Dumpster-divers.

Eb nods. Climbs in.
Grabs a couple of bags.

Kelsey LEAPS up.
JABS her spear into his eye. CRUNCH.

EB
GAAA --

FLINT
FUCK.

Flint SHOOTS at her.
She DIVES back down.

Bullets PING, PING, PING
off the Dumpster.

Doc WHIPS OUT his gun.
SHOOTS Flint in the head. BANG.
He falls over, dead. THUMP.

DOC
Asshole.

Kelsey, Simon and Jo appear.
Climb down out of the truck.

KELSEY
I saw you empty the clip.

DOC
I did.
(beat)
But I still had one in the chamber.
(beat)
Throw ‘em in the Dumpster, quick.
Somebody might’ve heard the gunshots.

Kelsey and Simon pick up Flint.
Carry him up into the truck.

JO
We gotta problem, Doc.
His car ain’t big enough
to carry all the money
and the four of us.

DOC
I know, we gotta find a new ride.

An OLD, YELLOW VW HIPPIE BUS
comes into frame.

Covered in bumper stickers.
Pictures of dolphins.

Driven by the requisite
GREASY STONER DUDE (30’s).
He leans out the window.

GREASY STONER DUDE
You guys hear a gunshot?
I coulda sworn I heard a gunshot.

DOC
Car backfired.
Sorry if we scared you.

GREASY STONER DUDE
Right on.

Jo nudges Doc.
Nods at the bus. Doc nods.
Walks over to Stoner’s car window.

DOC
I know this is gonna sound strange,
but I was wondering if
we could swap vehicles.

GREASY STONER DUDE
Huh?

DOC
We wanna go on a camping trip,
and our car just ain’t big enough.

GREASY STONER DUDE
What the fuck are YOU smoking --
and do you got any more?
This is my RIDE, bro. My baby.
She’s taken me to Woodstock,
Bonarroo, Coachella, squints --

Kelsey appears.
Holds up a big wads of banded bills.

KELSEY
Will this take care of it?

GREASY STONER DUDE
(GRABS it)
DUDE, you gotta DEAL.

INT. POLICE CRUISER - MOVING - DAY
Costello drives. Darryl Rooker rides shotgun.

Talks on his cell phone.
Looks REALLY pissed off.

DARRYL
I KNOW he’s not
answering his fucking phone.
Where the fuck IS he?
(listens)
Marina Del Rey?
(listens)
Send as many units as you’ve got.
Then call the Sheriff’s.
(listens)
Copy THAT.

He CLICKS his phone shut.
Looks at Costello.

DARRYL
To the marina, and step on it.

COSTELLO
Think they’re gonna
try and get away in a boat?

DARRYL
Gee, ya think so?

A Cold Day In Wasilla

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chaper 42 of BABY HEISTER, psycho cop Flint Cole and master heister Doc Hazard make their getaway with the stolen money from the police precinct, and then get stuck in traffic. Meanwhile, teenage heister Kelsey Hazard, her flame Simon Leeds and Doc's wife Jo lay in wait in the semi trailer with home-made weapons, ready to surprise their captors ...


INT. TASK FORCE HEADQUARTERS - AT THAT MOMENT
Darryl Rooker sits at his desk
talking on the phone.

He SPITS OUT his coffee.
Face turns beet-red.

DARRYL
They WHAT?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. POLICE PRECINCT - OFFICE - DAY
A small, cramped space filled with police shit.
Piles of file folders.

Plaques and framed
commendations on the walls.

Bald, Black Cop sits behind his desk.
Glares at Rooker.

BALD, BLACK COP
You heard me.
They fucking SHOT Rodriguez
AND another officer.

DARRYL
And they just -- got away?

BALD, BLACK COP
Yeah. But one of the officers ID’d them.

DARRYL
Who the fuck WAS it?

BALD, BLACK COP
You’re never gonna believe it --

DARRYL
Fucking TRY me.

BALD, BLACK COP
Flint Cole -- and Doc Hazard.

INT. FLINT’S CROWN VIC - MOVING - DAY
Flint Drives. Cigarette dangling on his lip.

Doc stares out the passenger-side window.
Sullen.

FLINT
After all this time,
we’re finally partners.
Life sure is strange, huh?

DOC
It’ll be a cold day in Wasilla
when we become partners, Cole.

Flint sees his exit.
Hits the turn signal.

Starts making the turn
onto the off-ramp.

DOC
Don’t take Lincoln.
You’ll get stuck in traffic.
Ocean Avenue’s better.

FLINT
This is more direct.
Just sit back and
leave the driving to us.

EXT. FREEWAY OFF RAMP - LINCOLN AVENUE - DAY
Flint’s Crown Vic turns off the ramp,
heads south on Lincoln.

Gets immediately caught in traffic.


IN THE CAR
Doc smiles. Shakes his head.

DOC
Good one, partner.

FLINT
Shut the fuck up.

DOC
What’s the hurry?
It’s not like we have
twenty million in the back seat.

Flint glares at him.
His phone RINGS. He picks up.

FLINT
This is Cole --

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. TASK FORCE HEADQUARTERS - CONTINUOUS
Darryl Rooker sits at his desk on the phone.

Costello stands next to him.
Fists clenched.

DARRYL
Any news? You see them yet?

FLINT
I’m right behind ‘em,
but there’s too much traffic.
Gonna stay in pursuit
until they get off the freeway.

Darryl turns, looks at --

ANOTHER COP SITTING AT A NEARBY DESK
Wearing headphones, listening on
electronic tracking equipment.
He nods. Gives a thumbs-up.

DARRYL
Grimaces in the phone.

DARRYL
Okay, just don’t lose sight of them.

FLINT
You got it.
I’ll call you back
when I get the fuckers.

They both CLICK their phones shut.

A STERN-LOOKING FBI AGENT
In a sharp suit appears
next to Headphone Cop.

STERN-LOOKING FBI AGENT
We cool?

HEADPHONE COP
Ice-cold.

Darryl comes into frame. Anxious.

DARRYL
But that wasn’t long enough to --

STERN-LOOKING FBI AGENT
Not with your antiquated
piece-of-shit call-tracing.
But with OUR state-of-the-art
satellite def-jam,
we can triangulate his
exact location through his cell phone.
(to Headphones)
And the winner IS?

HEADPHONE COP
(reading the screen)
They’re on Lincoln Avenue
in Santa Monica, heading south --
(smiles)
And it looks like
they’re stuck in traffic.

DARRYL
(to Costello)
Send as many units as we’ve got.
We’re finally gonna GET this fucker.

INT. FLINT’S CROWN VIC - MOVING - DAY
The car sits in traffic
waiting for a red light.

DOC
Cut through that gas station.
Then take a right on Ocean Park.

FLINT
Alright, alright --

EXT. LINCOLN AVENUE - CONTINUOUS
The Crown Vic cuts diagonally
through a gas station,
starts heading west.

INT. SEMI TRAILER - DAY
A pile of garbage sits
on one side of the Dumpster truck.
The bags of money on the other.

Simon stands in the front
with a long two-by-four.
Jo, with a length of steel pipe.

And Kelsey, with a piece of glass
tied to a broom handle.

KELSEY
Okay. This is how we’re gonna do it --

Submissive Bitches

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 41 of BABY HEISTER, master heister Doc Hazard and psycho cop Flint Cole invade the police precinct where Doc's life savings are being held under lock and key, with explosive results. Meanwhile, teenage heister Kelsey Hazard, Jo and Simon hole up in the semi where they're being held hostage and plot their attack against their captors ...


INT. POLICE PRECINCT - CORRIDOR - DAY
Linoleum floor. Pale puke cinder block walls.

Flint leads Doc down the hallway.
Deserted. No one around.

They reach the door to a stairwell.
Flint grabs the knob. Opens it. Bows.

FLINT
Heisters first.

Doc shakes his head.
Heads on down. Flint follows.

IN THE STAIRWELL
Doc goes down the steps,
Flint right behind him.

FLINT
Think I’m gonna like
being on your side of the law.

DOC
Were you ever on the right side?

FLINT
You had a good run, old timer --
but you finally met your match.

They get to the bottom.

DOC
Let me go first.

He opens the door. They walk into --

INT. POLICE PRECINCT - BASEMENT CORRIDOR - DAY
They walk down the hallway silently.
Make a turn. Arrive at a caged area
with a FAT LATINO COP (50’s) sitting behind a desk.

Flint walks over to the doorway.
Raps on the cage.

FLINT
Rodriguez, you fat fuck.
You STILL down here?
I thought they retired your refried ass.

Rodriguez gets up. Smiles. Walks over.

RODRIGUEZ
Well, if it ain’t detective Serpico,
outta the gutter and back on the take.
(looks at Doc)
Who ya got with you?
Too old to be your new partner.

FLINT
This here’s Gus.
He’s a screenwriter,
doing research for a TV show.

RODRIGUEZ
Really? What’s it called?

DOC
'The Heisters.'

FLINT
It’s pretty cool.
About a family of bank robbers.

RODRIGUEZ
Oh, wow. That does sound cool.
(brightens)
Like Doc Hazard and his gang.

FLINT
As a matter of fact,
that’s why we’re here.

RODRIGUEZ
Right. I heard you were on that case.
(unlocks the door, opens it)
C’mon in.

INT. POLICE PRECINCT - EVIDENCE ROOM - DAY
A large room filled with rows
of metal shelves stacked with boxes.
Rodriguez leads them down a narrow aisle.

RODRIGUEZ
Let’s see -- Harrold, Hatfield, Hazard.
(points at a box, smiles)
Knock yourself out.

FLINT
What about the cash?

RODRIGUEZ
That’s in a separate cage in the back.

Flint pulls out a gun with a silencer.
Pokes him with it.

FLINT
Then let’s go open it.

RODRIGUEZ
Cole. Stop fucking around.

FLINT
I’m not fucking around, Hector.

RODRIGUEZ
You’ll lose your badge for sure this time.

FLINT
Gee, ya think?

RODRIGUEZ
(looks at Doc)
He’s not a screenwriter, is he?

FLINT
Can’t get anything past you, huh.
(POKES him in the stomach)
C’mon, MOVE it. I don’t got all day.

Rodriguez sighs. Starts walking.
They follow him to a separate
caged room with boxes and bags in it.

He opens the door with a key.
Shakes his head.

RODRIGUEZ
You realize I’ll have to
call this in after you leave.

Flint raises the gun to Rodriguez’ head.
FIRES. BANG.

His skull EXPLODES
like a watermelon. SPLAT.

FLINT
Whoops.

DOC
Jesus fucking Christ, Cole.
Did you have to do THAT?

FLINT
Shut the fuck up and find the bags.

Doc shakes his head with disgust.
Goes into the room.

Looks around. Sees the
two giant black duffles. Points.

DOC
Those two.

FLINT
Bring ‘em out.
We’ll each carry one.

INT. POLICE PRECINCT - BASEMENT CORRIDOR - DAY
Flint and Doc hustle toward
the stairwell exit with the bags.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Holy SHIT. Rodriguez’s been SHOT.

Flint opens the door.
They start RUNNING up the stairs.

INT. POLICE PRECINCT - EVIDENCE ROOM - DAY
A BALD, BLACK COP (40’s)
stands next to Rodriguez’ body.
In shock. SHOUTS into his cell.

BALD, BLACK COP
Seal the building --

IN THE STAIRWELL
A siren starts WHOOP-WHOOP-WHOOPING
on the PA.

Flint and Doc RACE up the stairs,
reach the top, huffing and puffing.

Flint GRABS the door,
FLINGS it open, to reveal --

AN ANGRY COP
Running right toward them.

FLINT
SHOOTS him in the chest.
THWIP. THWIP. THWIP.

His midsection EXPLODES in a sea of red.
Body HITS the tiles, THWUMP.

INT. POLICE PRECINCT - CORRIDOR - EXIT - CONTINUOUS
Flint and Doc RUN to the exit.
SMASH through the door, into --

EXT. POLICE PRECINCT - PARKING LOT - DAY
They TEAR ASS toward Flint’s car,
bags BANGING against their legs.

Bald, Black Cop RUNS out the door.
Draws his gun.

BALD, BLACK COP
Stop or I’ll SHOOT.

Flint WHIRLS AROUND. SHOOTS him.
THWIP. His head EXPLODES.

They JUMP in the car,
just as COPS start
pouring out of the building.

Flint JAMS the car into gear
and ROARS away.

EXT. MARINA - PARKING LOT - DAY
The semi is parked at the far end
of a parking lot near a commercial slip
where large vessels are berthed.

Boats for parties. Fishing trips.
Whale watching.

Eb gets out of the cab.
Walks over to the rear doors.

Opens them. Climbs up.
Pulls out his piece.

INT. SEMI TRAILER - CONTINUOUS
Simon climbs out of the Dumpster truck cab.
Looks at Eb.

SIMON
Hey. No need to point that at me.
We’re your submissive bitches, remember?

EB
Jus’ making sure you ain’t
gonna pull no monkey-shines.
Now start takin’ the money bags
outta the dumpster.
They gonna be here soon.

Eb SLAMS the door shut.
The padlock CLICKS.

Kelsey and Jo climb out of the truck.

KELSEY
Okay. Let’s get started.

JO
Look for stuff
we can use as weapons.

KELSEY
But Flint said if we tried anything --

JO
Honey, you don’t know Doc.
Not only IS he gonna try something,
he’s gonna expect US to.
No way in HELL is he gonna
let them get away with
ONE DOLLAR of our nest egg.
(off their looks)
Now go on. Get busy.

SIMON
Aren’t you gonna help?

JO
Honey, I’m sixty years old.
(beat)
I’m gonna sit back and watch --

Leave The Driving To Us

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 40 of BABY HEISTER, having been double-crossed by psycho cop Flint Cole, teenage heister Kelsey Hazard, Jo and Simon are held hostage in their escape vehicle with the stolen money from the bank. Meanwhile, Flint and Doc get ready to steal back Doc's life savings ... at the police precinct where it's locked up in the evidence room ...


EXT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE - DAY
A ramshackle joint from the turn of the century.
The Dumpster truck pulls up to the entrance.
HONKS once. Then twice again.

The doors slowly open inward.
The truck drives in.

INT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS
A giant space. Almost big enough
to be an airplane hanger.

Parked off to the side is a
giant semi tractor-trailer, back doors open,
with a ramp leading up inside it.

Flint stands near it,
along with EB PICKER (40’s),
a giant redneck trucker
right out of central casting.

Holding a shotgun. Chewing tobacco.
Confederate flag hat. The works.

IN THE DUMPSTER TRUCK
Kelsey looks at Doc.
Shakes her head.

KELSEY
I don’t like it.

DOC
Don’t have any choice.

SIMON
Who’s the scary-looking dude
next to him?

DOC
Must be the driver.

KELSEY
How do we know we can trust them?

DOC
Fifteen million bucks says so.
And besides, we now have protection.
He’ll keep the law away from us.
(opens his door)
C’mon. Let’s get it over with.

They get out of the truck.
Flint and Eb walk over.

FLINT
Well, if it isn’t the
Cooch In The Wall Gang.

DOC
Cole.

FLINT
Okay. Here’s how it’s gonna work.
Eb here gave the cops an anonymous tip
that you’re heading east
on the ten freeway in a U-Haul,
so the cops are looking for you there.
Meanwhile, he’s gonna take you
to the Marina where your boat is.

EB
(CRACKS the shotgun)
Leave the drivin’ to us.

FLINT
You’ll wait there while
Doc and I go get his dough.
(to Doc)
If I don’t return safely, they die.
And if they get cute, you’re toast.
(cackles)
Sometimes I’m so brilliant
I can’t fucking take it.
(off their stares)
Okay. Toss your guns on the floor
and let’s get this show
on the fuckin’ ROAD.

Kelsey, Simon and Jo toss them.
Look pissed.

Eb starts picking them up.

DOC
If we’re going to rob a police precinct,
I’d like to keep mine.

FLINT
Sorry, pop. No can do.
(off his stare)
You’ll get it back. Promise.

DOC
What if I take out the bullets?

He carefully pulls out his Magnum.
Racks out the clip. KA-CHINK.

Opens it.
Dumps the bullets on the floor.
Holds it up.

Shows it’s empty.
SHOVES it back in, CLICK.
Flint smiles.

FLINT
That’ll work.

INT. SEMI TRAILER - REAR COMPARTMENT - MOVING - DAY
Simon, Kelsey and Jo sit on the floor in the rear.

SIMON
This fucking sucks.

KELSEY
Don’t worry.
We’ll figure something out.
(looks at Jo)
Right?

JO
Motherfucker made a BIG mistake.
No one messes with DOC --

EXT. POLICE PRECINCT - PARKING LOT - DAY
Flint’s Crown Vic pulls into the lot. Parks.

INT. FLINT’S CROWN VIC - DAY
Flint shuts off the engine.
Looks at Doc.

FLINT
Now don’t shit your pants.
This is gonna go real smooth.
Everyone I work with
is at the command center.
And the shift doesn’t change until two,
so there’s almost no one around.

DOC
So how we gonna do this?

FLINT
Evidence room is downstairs.
Stairwell isn’t far from the rear exit.
We go in quick, grab the duffles
and slide back out. Easy as pie.

DOC
What if someone recognizes me?

Flint hands him
a baseball cap and shades.

FLINT
Put these on and
you’ll look like a dick.

DOC
No shit --

Paradise City

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 39 of BABY HEISTER, teenage heister Kelsey Hazard and the gang finish the bank job without a hitch, but then get a horrific surprise ...


INT. BANK - MANAGER’S OFFICE - DAY
A small space with the usual functional furniture.

Doc and Jo look at Big Bank Guard and Beige Manager,
now handcuffed, sitting on the floor,
facing away from each other.

DOC
What time do the other employees get here?

BEIGE BANK MANAGER
Any minute now.

DOC
Then we’ll make this fast.

Jo puts a piece of duct tape
on Big Guard’s mouth.
RIPS off another piece for Beige.

BEIGE BANK MANAGER
Do you really have to --

JO
(SLAPS it on)
Yeah. We really do.

EXT. BANK - BACK ALLEY - DAY
Simon and Kelsey throw in the
last bag of money into the Dumpster.
We see Kelsey’s back in her coveralls.

Doc and Jo come out.
They help them throw in lumber
to cover the money.

Kelsey and Simon close
the rear door to the armored car.
Lock it with the guards’ keys.

Get in the truck.
Simon behind the wheel, Kelsey beside him,
Doc and Jo in the rear compartment behind the cab.

Simon GUNS the engine,
and they start off down the alley.

INT. DUMPSTER TRUCK - MOVING - DAY
Simon POUNDS the steering wheel.

SIMON
We fucking DID it.

KELSEY
(sings)
Take me down to Paradise City,
where the cash is green a
nd the girls are gritty --

Doc leans into the cab. Looks serious.

DOC
We need to talk.
Something went down last night.

EXT. BANK - FRONT ENTRANCE - DAY
A pair of BANK EMPLOYEES (20’s)
stand at the front door.

A HOT TELLER presses a buzzer.
Looks at the other,
a CHUBBY HISPANIC ASSISTANT MANAGER.

HOT TELLER
Still no answer.

CHUBBY HISPANIC ASSISTANT MANAGER
(peers in the window)
That’s strange. Maybe they’re
around back because of the delivery. C’mon.

INT. DUMPSTER TRUCK - MOVING - DAY
Doc looks at Kelsey. Then Simon. White-faced.

DOC
When the two of you went off
to take care of the Yakuza, we got busted.
Undercover dick by the name of Flint Cole.
Found us in the hotel,
but didn’t let on to the other cops.
Saw an opportunity.

KELSEY
Why didn’t you TELL us?

DOC
Didn’t want you to be distracted.
If we fucked up the job,
we’d be really fucked.

KELSEY
So what happens now?

DOC
In exchange for helping us
escape with the dough --
which he gets a cut of, by the way --
he wants half the stash.

SIMON
The bloody BASTARD.

KELSEY
But the cops have it.

DOC
Yeah. But he knows where it is,
and how to get it back --
if we help him.

INT. ABANDONED GROCERY STORE - DAY
Costello SLAMS down the phone.
RACES over to Darryl’s desk,
where he sits and chats with Flint
over cups of coffee.

COSTELLO
Chief, the First National Bank
of California’s been hit.
Main branch, downtown.

FLINT
The bank where the Hazards were killed?
I thought it was closed for repairs.

COSTELLO
It was, but now it’s done.

DARRYL
And they were delivering
all the money they’d need today --

Another COP (40’s) African-American,
built like a linebacker, salt and pepper,
approaches them, excited.

LINEBACKER COP
Chief. We just a call
from a guy at a gas station.
Recognized Doc and his crew
when they stopped to refuel.

DARRYL
WHERE?

LINEBACKER COP
Near a freeway entrance.
Said they’re heading east on the ten.
Big U-Haul.

DARRYL
Call the Highway Patrol.
Have them set up a roadblock.

LINEBACKER COP
One step ahead of you.

Flint gets up.
Starts heading toward the door.

FLINT
I’m gonna catch those fuckers.

DARRYL
They gotta BIG lead on you.
You’ll never catch them.

He GRABS the knob.
Turns. Looks. Sneers.

FLINT
You haven’t seen ME drive --