Thursday, January 19, 2017

Motel Hell


Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 34 of THE HEISTERS, robbery/homicide detectives scope out the sleazy beachside motel where Kelsey shot and killed Kaspar ...


INT. VENICE MOTOR COURT HOTEL - FRONT DESK - NIGHT
Ren Rosen and Elwin Marr
speak to the NIGHT CLERK,
a small, thin slip of guy.
Typical fussy queen.

Meg Stark and Mart Volok
hang back and look around.

GAY NIGHT CLERK
Of course, detective.
I’ll help in any way I can --

ELWIN
We’re looking for a Hispanic guy.
He would have arrived here
in the last hour or so.

REN
He was probably very agitated.
Upset. Ring any bells?

GAY NIGHT CLERK
Oh, yes. There was this
horrible-looking Mexican guy.
But he didn’t come to the desk.

ELWIN
You don’t know which room
he went to, do you?

GAY NIGHT CLERK
No. But he took the elevator
up to the second floor.

REN
How many rooms on the floor?

GAY NIGHT CLERK
Ten, five on each side.

ELWIN
(to Ren)
Our luck it’s a small place.

REN
(nods, to the clerk)
Can we see the register,
see who’s in each room?

GAY NIGHT CLERK
Sure thing.

He gets the register.
Opens it. Looks up. Realizes.

GAY NIGHT CLERK
Is this person -- dangerous?

ELWIN
Very --

REN
And the people he’s visiting
are even more dangerous.

GAY NIGHT CLERK
There won’t be a --
shoot-out or anything, will there?

ELWIN
(smiles)
We usually try to avoid that.

GAY NIGHT CLERK
(sighs)
Thank god for THAT --

He looks in the book.
Scans the room numbers
with his finger.
Looks up. Smiles.

GAY NIGHT CLERK
You’re in luck, gentlemen.
It’s off-season.
Only two rooms are occupied
on the second floor.

REN
Who’s in the first room?

GAY NIGHT CLERK
(looks, reads)
Yuri and Olga Chechnikov.
Russian tourists, I guess.

ELWIN
And in the second room?

GAY NIGHT CLERK
(reads)
Uh -- John Smith.

REN
Bingo.

ELWIN
Room number?

GAY NIGHT CLERK
Twenty-three. At the end
of the hall on the left.
It’s a suite.
Has two entrances.

Elwin looks at Ren.
Narrows his eyes.

ELWIN
Great. Two escape routes, no waiting --

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

The Big Bounce


Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 33 of THE HEISTERS, wheelman Jefty prepares the escape vehicle for after the robbery, but things get tricky ... when he gets a flat tire ...


INT. STADIUM FINANCE OFFICE - DUSK - FLASHBACK
The office gal sits at the table
counting the last of the money
and putting it in the duffle bags.
Kelsey and Ronan stand nearby
in their guard uniforms, watching.

KELSEY (V.O.)
We were almost done.
We had all the money from the gate,
the sun was setting and the concert
was kicking into high gear.
(beat)
I’d normally be interested
in checking out the bands,
but since I was robbing the joint,
that wasn’t an option.

EXT. NEARBY STREET - DUSK - FLASHBACK
A side street near the stadium,
which we can see in the background.

The truck drives up to the curb.
Parks. Jefty gets out.

Walks around to the rear
and opens the back doors.

He climbs inside. Pulls out the
ramp-boards and puts them in place.
Then gets back in.

Moments later the Mercedes
backs out and down the ramp.

THUMP-THUMP-THUMPING on a flat tire.
Jefty gets out. Looks at the flat.

JEFTY
SHIT.

He opens the trunk. Searches it.
But there’s no spare tire.

JEFTY
Fuck --

Jefty looks around. Street’s deserted.
He walks down the sidewalk,
looking at the cars.

Comes across an old, beat-up VW van.
With a spare tire mounted on the back.

JEFTY
Thank you, JESUS.

He pulls a wrench out of his pocket.
Starts taking it off.

DEEP MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Want me to change the tire for ya?

Jefty WHIRLS AROUND.
Sees a FILTHY HOMELESS MAN (30’S)
pushing a shopping cart.
Giving his best toothless smile.

FILTHY HOMELESS MAN
(nods)
I just needs two dollars --

Jefty stares at him.
Freaking out. Pulls out his wallet.

CLOSE ON -
The wallet. In it,
a lonely twenty-dollar bill.

JEFTY
Grimaces. Yanks it out.
Shoves it in Homeless’ face.

JEFTY
Here’s twenty.
You never saw me. Got it?

FILTHY HOMELESS MAN
(SNATCHES it)
Thank you, JESUS.

He scuttles away.
Big, goofy grin.

Jefty watches him.
Shakes his head.
Gets back to work on the tire.

Monday, January 16, 2017

An Ace Up My Sleeve


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 32 of THE HEISTERS, Kelsey and Ronan decide on what to do with Kaspar's dead body ... and their next move.


INT. SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Kelsey and Ronan stand over
Kasper’s dead body.

She lights up a smoke.
Shakes her head.

KELSEY
This job just went from
bad to worse to FUCKED.

RONAN
So what do we do with the body?

KELSEY
I’m thinking --

She exhales a cloud of smoke.
Starts pacing around the room.

KELSEY
Little fucker. I have an ace
up my sleeve that I was gonna play,
and that refried beaner
had to gum up the works --

RONAN
What’s the ace?

KELSEY
There was one name that the police
had that wasn’t on the cell phone.

RONAN
Really?

KELSEY
Yeah. Figured Jackie deleted it
because of a bad breakup,
and that maybe she was
some kind of unstable bitch.
(smiles)
Just the kinda broad that would
pull this kinda stunt.
Know what I mean?

RONAN
Uh -- yeah.
(beat)
What’s her name?

KELSEY
Doll Montana.
Right out of Raymond Chandler, huh?

RONAN
No shit.

KELSEY
Figured I’d wait until late
at night and surprise her.
(gestures at the body)
But now, this --

RONAN
Tell you what.
Why don’t I stick him
under the bed for now,
you go talk to this Doll broad,
and then when you get back
we’ll dispose of Dirty Sanchez.

KELSEY
Good idea.
You should be here
when the others come back.

RONAN
Yeah.

KELSEY
Okay. I’ve got my cell
in case of an emergency.

She goes to the door.
Puts her hand on the knob.

KELSEY
Hang tight. I’ve got a
gut feeling about this.

RONAN
You know what they say.
Always trust your gut.

Kelsey nods. Opens the door.
Leaves. Ronan waits a beat.

Goes to the door. Takes off
the ‘do not disturb’ sign.

Opens it.
Peers down the hallway.
Puts it on the outside.

Goes out into the hallway.
Quietly shuts the door.
Then starts following her.

Friday, January 13, 2017

Leave The Driving To Us


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 31 of THE HEISTERS, wheelmen Kaspar and Jefty prepare the tricked-out vehicles for the robbery, but get accosted by a suspicious cop who wants to know what they're for ...


INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY - FLASHBACK
An ambulance is parked near the entrance
with the back doors open.

Two boards rest against the back,
serving as a ramp.

Kasper walks over to a tiny vintage
Triumph Spyder right behind it.
Gets in. Starts it up.

Then slowly drives it into the ambulance.
He crawls out of the car, then sits up front.

ON THE OTHER END OF THE WAREHOUSE
A big panel truck sits.
It also has its back doors open.

And also has boards set up
like a ramp at the end.

Jefty sits in a late-model
Mercedes sedan parked behind it.

REVS the engine. Then slowly
drives the car inside the truck.

A PAIR OF UNIFORMED COPS
Appear in the entrance.
Walk over to the ambulance.

BEEFY COP
What’s goin’ on here?

ROOKIE COP
Look. He’s got the little car
inside the ambulance --

BEEFY
I see.
(to Garza)
Would you please step out
of the vehicle?

Garza sees them. Gets out.
Does a great job
of hiding how freaked out he is.
Flashes a big smile.

KASPER
Hello, officers.
(nods at the ambulance)
Pretty cool, huh?

BEEFY COP
Neat trick. What’s it for?

KASPER
A movie.

ROOKIE COP
Really? Cool --

BEEFY COP
What kind of movie?

KASPER
It’s an independent film.
About a bank heist --

BEEFY COP
You don’t say --

ROOKIE COP
Who’s in it? Anybody famous?

KASPER
Luis Guzman --

ROOKIE COP
Who?

BEEFY COP
You’d recognize him. Great actor.
Been in lots of films. Boogie Nights,
The Limey, Carlito’s Way --
(smiles)
I’m a bit of a film buff myself.

KASPER
Cool.

ROOKIE COP
What’s the name of the film?

KASPER
The Heisters.

BEEFY COP
Great title.
(smiles)
Well, we better get going.
Good luck with it.
Look forward to seeing it.

KASPER
Thanks, officer --

ROOKIE COP
Have a good day.

They walk away. Kasper watches them.
Heaves a HUGE sigh of relief.

Jefty comes up to him.
Eyes bugged out.

JEFTY
Holy fucking SHIT.
I would have pissed my fucking PANTS.

KASPER
I did.
(looks down)
Lucky for me they’re black --

Thursday, January 12, 2017

Another Live One


Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 30 of THE HEISTERS, the cops put the squeeze on safecracker Chick Aber, with embarrassing results ...


EXT. SANTA MONICA - BAY STREET - BUNGALOW - NIGHT
An old Craftsman bungalow divided
into three tiny apartments.

Right down the street from where
Jackie Tempel got skewered.

Chick comes walking down the sidewalk
holding his clipboard.

Reads the numbers on the houses.
Stops at the Craftsman.

CHICK
I love these old homes.
So much character.

He opens the gate.
Walks up the path to the front door.

ACROSS THE STREET
Sitting in an unmarked car are
Homicide Detective Isaacs and his
partner Nunn staking out the joint.

They both sip designer coffees.
Isaacs sees Chick across the street.

ISAACS
Looks like we got ourselves
another live one.

NUNN
Guy looks kinda old --

ISAACS
Keep in mind these are heisters.
Some of the pros keep working.
There’s no retirement age.

NUNN
Should we pop ‘em now,
or wait till he comes out?

ISAACS
It’s fucking late.
Let’s go reel ‘em in.

NUNN
Book ‘em, Danno.

They start to get out of the car.

AT THE DOOR
A young HOT BLONDE (20)
stands in the doorway.

Looks at Chick intently.
She’s in her bathrobe, wearing glasses.

HOT BLONDE
Can I help you?

CHICK
I’m sorry to bother you so late.
I’m with the Global Media Group,
taking a survey.
It’ll only take a couple of minutes.

HOT BLONDE
A survey? What about?

CHICK
(smiles)
Your entertainment viewing habits.
TV, the internet, video games --

HOT BLONDE
(looks over his shoulder)
Well, I’m kinda busy --
studying for finals.
You said it will only
take a couple minutes?

ISAACS (O.C.)
Thanks, Miss. We’ll take it from here.

Chick turns around, sees --

ISAACS AND NUNN
Standing behind them.
Holding up their badges.

ISAACS
Detective Don Isaacs, homicide.

NUNN
Would you please come with us?
We’d like to ask you some questions.

Chick looks at them, startled.
Like anyone would.

ISAACS
Strictly routine, of course.

CHICK
Why certainly, officers.
Would you mind telling me
what this is all about?

The door CLICKS closed behind him.

ISAACS
We’ll talk about it at the station
if you don’t mind.

CHICK
No, of course not.
I support law enforcement.

NUNN
(to Isaacs)
Hey. Check it out. The old-timer
just pissed his pants.

Chick looks down.
Sees the wet stain on his crotch.

ISAACS
Think he’s got something to hide?

NUNN
Nah.
Probably just forgot to wear his Depends.

They both BURST into nasty LAUGHTER.

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Bless The Beasts And Children


Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 29 of THE HEISTERS, Kelsey goes to visit her severely mentally handicapped son Burke at the assisted living facility where he lives, which ends in disaster ... and we realize this is the reason she turned to a life crime, as the joint is VERY expensive ...


INT. ASSISTED CARE FACILITY - DAY ROOM - DAY - FLASHBACK
A large, airy room. Very fancy.
Lush carpeting. Plush furniture.
The best that money can buy.

Several SEVERELY RETARDED CHILDREN
sit on the floor and listen to a
PLEASANT-FACED NURSE read them a story.

But it’s hard to tell if
any of them are really listening.

Each locked away in
their own private world.

In a faraway corner,
in front of a big picture window,
Kelsey (30) sits with BURKE (10), her son.

He’s also severely retarded,
with that faraway look
in his eyes. Restless.

Together they’re assembling Legos.
Making a big building of some sort.
Kelsey’s doing most of the work, however.

KELSEY
Good job, Burke.
Now why don’t you show me
where that piece would fit.

Burke stares off into space.
Sticks the Lego brick he’s
holding into his mouth.
Starts sucking on it.

KELSEY
Take the Lego
out of your mouth, Burke.
That’s dangerous.
You might swallow it.

He looks at her blankly.
Pops it in his mouth.

KELSEY
BURKE, NO.

Burke starts CHOKING.
Face starts turning RED.

KELSEY
(looks around)
Somebody HELP, he’s CHOKING --

Out of nowhere, a pair of
BURLY ORDERLIES appear.
GRAB Burke.

Try to get the piece out of his throat.
He starts going into CONVULSIONS.
Writhing and rolling around on the floor.

KELSEY
HELP HIM, HELP HIM!

Big Orderly gives him The Heimlich,
CRACKS his chest from behind.

The Lego goes FLYING out of his mouth.
But he’s still WRITHING and SCREAMING.
They pick him up and take him away.

Kelsey watches them go.
In complete shock. Numb.

A KINDLY DOCTOR (60’s)
comes up to her.
Touches her shoulder.

KINDLY DOCTOR
Not to worry, Ms. Hazard.
He’ll be just fine.

KELSEY
Wh-where are they taking him?

KINDLY DOCTOR
To his room.
They’ll give him a sedative.
Not to worry.

KELSEY
Can I go see him?

KINDLY DOCTOR
It’s best if we leave
him alone so he can rest.
Why don’t you come back tomorrow?

PUSH IN ON Kelsey’s face.
Horrified. Heartbroken.

KELSEY
I have to go -- out of town --

Monday, January 9, 2017

The Other White Meat


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 28 of THE HEISTERS, Kelsey and the gang start taking the cash from the stadium box office, but the shit hits the fan when one of the employees goes into an epileptic fit ...


INT. STADIUM FINANCE OFFICE - DAY - FLASHBACK
We hear ROCK MUSIC playing outside.
But muffled inside.

Two FEMALE EMPLOYEES (20’s)
sit at the money counting table
in the middle of the room.

Kelsey and Ronan are now dressed as guards
and stand by the front door with guns.

IN THE STORAGE ROOM
Chick sits just inside the doorway
with a machine gun trained on the guards
and other employees, now bound and gagged.

IN THE FINANCE OFFICE
Ludo sits under the front counter with
a machine gun aimed at the female employees
at the money counting table.

A buzzer RINGS. Kelsey goes to the door.
Opens it. A uniformed GUARD (20’s)
stands there, carrying a big bag of money.
He eyes Kelsey appreciatively.

Another GUARD is behind him,
his piece at the ready.

FLIRTING GUARD
(hands her the bag)
Well, hello there.
Haven’t seen you here before.

KELSEY
(takes it)
Let’s keep it that way, huh?

FLIRTING GUARD
Ouch.

GUARD WITH GUN
She got you good.

RONAN
Barking up the wrong tree, fellas.
She prefers ‘the other white meat’

FLIRTING GUARD
So that’s the way it is, huh?
Your loss, honey --

KELSEY
And my gain. See ya later, fellas.

They smile and walk away.

KELSEY
(to Ronan)
What’s with the dyke stuff?

RONAN
Blue collar male bonding.
It would have looked funny
if I didn’t crack a stupid joke.
(beat)
You know guys --

KELSEY
Too well.

Ronan brings the cash box over
to the girls at the counting table.

One girl starts stacking up the cash.
Under the table are the duffle bags,
which the other girl start filling.

The girl stacking up the cash starts
HAVING A SEIZURE. FALLS off her chair.

Starts THRASHING and JERKING
on the floor, having SPASMS.
Her eyes roll back into her head.

EPILEPTIC GIRL
GAAA --

RONAN
What the FUCK?

KELSEY
She’s having a SEIZURE.

RONAN
Is she gonna DIE?

KELSEY
I DON’T KNOW.

The other girl JUMPS UP,
looks at Epileptic in horror.

CASH ROOM GIRL
She’s epileptic. You need to put something
under her tongue, or she’ll SWALLOW IT.

KELSEY
Like what?

CASH ROOM GIRL
A pen, a spoon, something like that.
You want me to do it?

KELSEY
Yeah, DO IT.

Cash Room RACES over to the Mr. Coffee machine.
Grabs a plastic spoon off the counter. RACES back.

JAMS it in Epileptic’s mouth.
She CLAMPS her teeth on it. WRITHING.

Cash Room holds her tight.
Comforts her. Looks up at Kelsey.

CASH ROOM GIRL
It’s happened before --

Gradually, Epileptic starts calming down.

KELSEY
What started it?

CASH ROOM GIRL
(carefully)
Uh, stress --

KELSEY
But she’s okay?

CASH ROOM GIRL
Yeah. But she needs to lie down
for a while. Can I --

KELSEY
Yeah. Take her back with the others.
(to Ronan)
Would you help her?

RONAN
Okay.
(walks over to her, turns his head)
Close call, huh?

PUSH IN ON Kelsey’s face.
Relieved. Heart still pounding.

KELSEY
No fucking shit --