Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Wanton Acts of Illicit Desire


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 12 of A DISH BEST KILLED, after her elderly husband Dart goes to the hospital to get some tests, B-movie starlet Haven Crayce and her illicit lesbian lover Jett Targo celebrate on her housboat ... and then plan Dart's demise ...


INT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - MASTER BEDOOM - MOMENTS LATER
Dart lies in bed, scowling.
Dr. Bing holds a stethoscope on Dart’s chest.
Haven and Jett stand nearby, watching.

BING
Heart rate is a bit high --
(to Dart)
I’d like you to come to St. Luke’s for a
couple of days so I can run some tests.

DART
No hospitals. I hate hospitals.

HAVEN
Can’t you run tests -- here?

BING
I’m sorry, but I want to run a cat scan,
do an MRI, some blood work --

DART
No hospitals, godammit.

BING
Still feisty. That’s good.
You’re a fighter. But I’m sorry, Dart,
I’m going to have to insist.

He pulls out his cell phone.
Punches a number. Listens.

BING (CONT’D)
Yes. This is Dr. Bing Birmingham.
I have a patient I’d like to admit --

PUSH IN ON Haven and Jett.
Exchanging nervous glances.

A CHAMPAGNE BOTTLE
is gripped by red-nailed hands.
The cork POPS.

INT. MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT
Shades are drawn.
Candles are flickering.
Soft music bubbles.

In bed are Haven, saucy
in red panties and bra.

And Jett, suave in a black tank top.
Cut arm muscles glistening.

A champagne bottle erupts
in a geyser of FOAM.

Haven and Jett try to catch it
with their flutes. LAUGHING.

HAVEN
Shit! It’s getting all over the bed!

JETT
So we’ll wash the sheets.
Who’s gonna complain?

HAVEN
NOBODY!

Jett takes a sip. Haven GUZZLES hers.

HAVEN (CONT’D)
More, more!
(pours another, raises glass)
A toast --

JETT
(raises hers)
A toast --

HAVEN
To three days all by ourselves.

JETT
To wanton acts of illicit desire.

They CLINK. Drink.

HAVEN
That sounds like a line from a movie.

JETT
That Killing Feeling.

HAVEN
The one where two guys rob a bank --

JETT
Farley Granger and Sal Mineo.
With a homoerotic subtext that
gives a new meaning to the phrase
'riding off into the sunset.'
Haven puts her hand on Jett’s thigh.

HAVEN
Speaking of illicit desire --

Jett leans over. Kisses Haven softly.
Touches her face.

JETT
You are -- so beautiful.

Haven smiles. Thinking.
A storm cloud passes. Bites her lip.

JETT (CONT’D)
What’s wrong?

HAVEN
We have to come up with our plan.
Right away. We don’t have much time.
(beat)
We’re being watched.

JETT
You’re right.
(grabs her glass, takes a sip)
I’ve been thinking.
I think I have an idea.
(beat)
What if the battery died
in his insulin pump?

HAVEN
But I change the battery once a week.

JETT
But what if you put
in a defective battery?
By mistake. On purpose.
There would be no suspicion.
If you didn’t change the batteries,
then it would be suspicious.
But if you put in a
defective battery, by mistake --

HAVEN
That’s fucking brilliant.
(beat)
But where do we get a defective battery?

JETT
We drain a new one.
Put one in a flashlight or something.
Leave it on until it’s almost dead.
(beat)
So how long -- would it take?

HAVEN
How long would what take?

JETT
For him to -- you know.

HAVEN
I dunno. A couple hours?
Maybe a little longer.
He’ll go into insulin shock,
which at his age would be fatal.
(beat)
But what am I supposed to do while he’s --

JETT
You screen a movie every night, right?

HAVEN
YES. But, wait -- most of
those movies are short.
A little over an hour.

JETT
So you pick a long one.
I just saw A Place In The Sun,
and it’s over two hours.

HAVEN
Perfect. I’ve never seen it,
and he’ll be impressed I want to.
(thinks)
And if we have little wine,
he’ll fall asleep --

JETT
Then it’s a plan.

They raise their glasses. Toast.

JETT (CONT’D)
To -- doing this.

HAVEN
To -- gether.
(beat)
Straight down the line.

They drink. Drain their glasses.
Jett takes the bottle.
Slowly pours champagne on Haven’s thigh.

HAVEN (CONT’D)
Hey! What are you doing? That’s COLD.

Jett smiles, leans down.
Starts licking it off.

Haven writhes in ecstasy.
Little kitty moans.

Jett GRABS the comforter --
And PULLS IT over them.

JETT (O.C.)
Heh-heh-heh --

HAVEN (O.C.)
Wait, that’s --
(beat)
Yeah, RIGHT THERE.
(beat)
Oh MY GOD.




Wednesday, January 10, 2018

Baptism By Water


Happy Hump Day, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 11 of A DISH BEST KILLED, the plot thickens when B-movie starlet Haven Crayce discovers that sheriff's deputy Trimmer Waltz and little person neighbor Nola Bliss are spying on her and her illicit lover, lesbian personal trainer Jett Targo.


EXT. HOUSEBOAT - THE NEXT MORNING
A gorgeous, perfect, sunshiny morning.
Jett trains Haven outside on the deck.

HAVEN
What was I supposed to say?
You can’t come and examine him b
ecause he might have to go
to the hospital and then
we can’t KILL him?

JETT
What time is he supposed to be here?

HAVEN
Any minute now.

JETT
Shit.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Mornin’, ladies.

Jett and Haven look, see --

TRIMMER WALTZ
on his Sheriff’s boat.
Big ol’ grin on his face.

JETT
(nods)
Deputy.

HAVEN
Trimmer.

TRIMMER
Sure is a gorgeous day.

JETT
Yes, sir.

TRIMMER
(to Haven)
How is your husband doing?
Has he recovered from that nasty fall?

HAVEN
(surprised)
Uh -- he’s fine.

TRIMMER
Lucky for him you were around.
Hate to see anything happen to him.

The radio SQUAWKS.
Trimmer picks up the receiver. Listens.

TRIMMER (CONT'D)
Holy COW. I’ll be right there, chief.
(clicks it off, looks at them)
Pregnant lady fell in the drink
at the Fisherman’s Wharf.
Baptism by water. Heh-heh-heh.
(salutes)
See ya later.

And he ZOOMS away.

HAVEN
What the fuck?

JETT
How did he find out?
You think he’s --

HAVEN
Watching us?

JETT
I dunno, I --

FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
Ahoy, mateys!

HAVEN
(turns, looks)
Nola.

JETT
Who is THAT?

HAVEN
Neighbor from hell.

NOLA BLISS
stands on the dock in a tiny running suit.
Bottle of imported beer in one hand,
the rest of the six pack in the other.
She pads up the gangplank on little feet.
Big smile and a wave.

HAVEN (CONT’D)
Nola. This is a nice surprise.
What’s going on?

NOLA
I’m celebrating.
Just got a role in the
new Jason Statham flick,
The Inter-rogator.
Joe Carnahan HAD to have me.

HAVEN
That’s great. So you’re,
what -- the love interest?

NOLA
I wish. I’m an assassin.

They look at each other. Fake smiles.

NOLA (CONT’D)
Beer?

HAVEN
Sorry, I’m -- working out.

NOLA
You certainly are.

JETT
(offers her hand)
Hi, I’m Jett. Her trainer.

NOLA
Nice to meet you.
(gives her the once-over)
Do you have any openings?
I might have to get in
shape for this role.

JETT
My schedule’s pretty full.
But let me check, and
I’ll get back to you.

NOLA
Super.
(to Haven)
So how is your husband?
Is he okay?
That was a pretty nasty fall.

HAVEN
He’s -- fine, thanks.

NOLA
That’s good. Whew.
(brightly)
Well, I gotta toodle-oo.
Gotta wardrobe fitting.
Ciao, darlings.

She smiles, turns, and
skittles down the gangplank.

JETT
What’s going on here?

HAVEN
Fucking nosy midget.
Spying on me.
(thinks)
We’re going to have to do it soon.
Have you thought of anything yet?

JETT
Yeah. His insulin pump?

HAVEN
What about it?

JETT
I’ve been researching what
happens if it fails --

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Top o’ the mornin,’ Mrs. Crayce!

Haven turns, sees --

‘BING’ BIRMINGHAM, MD (70’S).
Tall, hulking with a big gut,
shock of white hair.

Gap-toothed smile
in a soft, doughy face.

Waddling up the gangplank
with his doctor’s bag.

HAVEN
Dr. Birmingham. Nice to see you.

BING
Gorgeous day for a workout.
I see you’ve hired a trainer.
(offers his hand to Jett)
Bing Birmingham, MD.
But you can call me Dr. Bing.
Everyone does.

JETT
(takes hand, shakes)
Dr. -- Bing. Jett Targo, hi.

PUSH IN ON Bing. Suddenly serious.

BING
Let’s go see the patient.

Friday, December 8, 2017

Blood Gets In Your Eyes


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 10 of A DISH BEST KILLED, B-movie starlet Haven Crayce and her secret lesbian lover, personal trainer Jett Targo, check on Haven's retired film director husband Dart's health after he suffers a nasty fall ...


INT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - GALLEY ENTRANCE - NIGHT
Jett follows Haven onto the boat.

JETT
You can’t tell anyone else about us.
If we’re going to -- do this,
nobody can know we’re --
(a whisper)
In a relationship.

HAVEN
You’re right.
I’m sorry, I wasn’t --
(realizes)
Did you say we’re -- in a relationship?

Jett takes Haven’s hand.
Holds it to her heart.

JETT
You make me feel something
I’ve never felt before, Haven.
For the first time in my life,
I feel ALIVE. Like I can do anything.
Be anyone. Go anywhere.

HAVEN
I’m with you, baby.
(beat)
Straight down the line.

INT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - DART’S BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Jett and Haven kneel
at the side of the bed.

Watch Dart.
Sleeping peacefully.

JETT
We should wake him.

HAVEN
What should I tell him about you?

JETT
That I’m your personal trainer,
and I know alot about --

Dart’s eyes OPEN. Groggy.

DART
(to Jett)
Who the fuck are you?

HAVEN
This is my trainer, Dart.
She heard what happened, and
wanted to take a look at you,
see if you’re okay --

JETT
Hello, Mr. Crayce.
I’m a big fan.

DART
Trainer? You hired a trainer?
I’m not going to pay for --

JETT
I’m not charging her, Mr. Crayce.
We met walking our dogs.
Haven told me about
having chronic back pain,
and I offered to show her an
exercise routine that would help.

DART
Out of the goodness of your heart.

JETT
Well, sir -- it’s what I do.
I was raised in a good, Christian family,
and I was taught to do unto others --

DART
You said you’re a fan of mine?

JETT
Oh, yeah -- I’m a big movie buff.

DART
What’s your favorite film of mine?

JETT
Blood Gets In Your Eyes.
Bogart and Stanwyck, together for
the first time. Perfect film.
(beat)
Is it true that the original leads
were Ronald Reagan and Jane Wyatt?

DART
Why, yes -- but, how did you -- ?

JETT
Robert Osbourne.
Turner Movie Classics.
Never miss it.

DART
That Bobby Osbourne.
What a little rascal.
I owe him a lunch.

HAVEN
How are you feeling?
How’s your head?

DART
My head is fine.
It’s my ass that’s killing me.

JETT
No blurry vision?
Heart palpitations?

DART
I’m just fine, young lady.
Now, if you’ll excuse us, it’s
almost time for my dialysis, and my --

Dart looks at Haven. A lewd grin.

HAVEN
Physical therapy.

PUSH IN ON Jett. Horrified.

Friday, December 1, 2017

Bound For Pleasure


Happy Friday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 9 of A DISH BEST KILLED, B-movie starlet Haven Crayce's retired film director husband Dart has a nasty fall when he slips and falls in the bath tub ...


INT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - MASTER BATHROOM - MORNING
Dart Crayce is in the bathtub.
Bony ass toward us.

He pulls himself up, hanging onto
a chrome handle bolted into the tiles --
which COMES LOOSE with a CRUNCH --

DART
What the -- ?

And he SLIPS!
BANG, he goes down.
CRACKS his head.

BANGS his ass on the
cold, hard porcelain.

HAVEN (O.C.)
Dart, honey?
You okay in there?
We don’t want you to --

She walks in.

HAVEN
Shrivel into a prune --

Sees him. SCREAMS.

HAVEN
Dart!

Races over.
Puts her arms around him.

HAVEN
Honey, are you okay? Dart?
Can you hear me? Honey?

EXT. MARINA PENINSULA - OCEAN BOARDWALK - DAY
Jett trains a FAT, SWEATING
VENTURE CAPITALIST (30’s),
a pair of ten-pound
free-weights in his hands.

He raises the right,
then the left.

Rearranging the deck chairs
on the Titanic.

FAT, SWEATING VENTURE CAPITALIST
-- and I closed at
five-point-four million.
He didn’t know what the fuck hit him.
Got the cocksucker right where it hurts.
Bang, zoom -- right to the moon, Alice.

JETT
Okay. Let’s do some squats.

Haven appears, with Buster.
Amazing in a bikini top.

Denim Mini. Six-inch wedgies.
Freaked behind heart-shaped shades.

HAVEN
Jett, I need to talk to you.

JETT
What’s wrong?

Fat’s cell phone RINGS.

FAT, SWEATING VENTURE CAPITALIST
(to Jett)
Hold on a sec, I gotta take this --
(into the phone)
It went down HOW MUCH?

He waddles away,
out of ear shot.
Waving his arms madly.

HAVEN
Dart fell in the bathtub.
Banged his head.

JETT
Why didn’t you call me?

HAVEN
I don’t have your number.

JETT
Did you call 911?

HAVEN
He wouldn’t let me.
He doesn’t like doctors.

JETT
But -- is he okay?

HAVEN
Oh, sure. Three Advils,
couple a hits off one of
his Bobby Mitchum joints,
and he’s sleeping like a baby.

JETT
But he might have a concussion.
Maybe we should call his doctor.

HAVEN
Are you kidding?
He might have to go to the hospital,
and then we’re FUCKED.
He might not ever come back!

JETT
But if he has a concussion,
and he’s sleeping --

HAVEN
Oh, shit.

JETT
Oh, shit is right.
C’mon, let’s go --

They start walking away.
Fat ambles over.

FAT, SWEATING VENTURE CAPITALIST
Hey, where are you going?
What about the rest of my workout?

JETT
Sorry, uh -- family emergency.
We gotta end early today.
Go home and do thirty minutes
on the Stairmaster.
I’ll see you on Wednesday.

FAT, SWEATING VENTURE CAPITALIST
Okay, sure.
(looks at Haven)
Hey. Haven’t I seen
you somewhere before?
Are you an actress?

HAVEN
Why, yes I am.
What did you see me in?
Wishcraft IV? Spring Break Babylon?

FAT, SWEATING VENTURE CAPITALIST
No --
(SNAPS his fingers)
That’s it. Bound for Pleasure.
Bondage flick.

HAVEN
As if. Pervert.
(to Jett)
Come on, honey.
Let’s go back to my place --
and do naughty things.

JETT
(whispers)
Haven.

FAT, SWEATING VENTURE CAPITALIST
You two are -- ?

HAVEN
(laughs, evil)
That’s right.
And no, you can’t watch.
So why don’t you go home,
jerk off and think about what
I’m going to do to your TRAINER.

PUSH IN ON Fat, Sweating.
Beady eyes flickering.

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Filthy, Stinking Rich


Happy Holidaze, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 8 of A DISH BEST KILLED, B-movie starlet Haven Crayce and her lesbian lover Jett Targo make a plan to kill Haven's elderly husband for his money ...


INT. HAVEN'S HOUSE BOAT - NIGHT

Jett goes to the bar.
Looks at the framed pictures of Dart
with various Hollywood stars of old.

DART AND CARY GRANT
playing golf.
Cary and GRACE KELLY watch him put.

WITH JANE GREER
directing her and Robert Mitchum.
She’s behind the wheel of a big Cadillac.
He’s got a gun. They’re all laughing.

DART AND FRANK SINATRA
at a swanky nightclub in Vegas
with Dean, Sammy, Joey and Peter.

Watching him blow out birthday
candles on a big cake.

IN DART’S BEDROOM
he lies in bed, eyes closed.
Haven’s arm is under the covers,
slowly going up and down.
Her face a dark storm cloud.

IN THE MAIN CABIN
Jett goes to a cabinet.
Opens a door, revealing --

An OSCAR. Best Director.
Coated with a thin layer of dust.

She gingerly picks it up. Blows on it.
Raises it up. Does an arm curl. Stops.
Looks at her reflection in the glass.

JETT (CONT’D)
(softly)
I’d like to thank the Academy --

HAVEN (O.C.)
Thank god you’re still here.

Jett quickly puts the Oscar back, embarrassed.

JETT
Sorry, I --

HAVEN
You know how many times I’ve wanted
to smash him over the head
with that goddamn Oscar?

JETT
(scared)
You shouldn’t -- say things like that.

HAVEN
You shouldn’t do a lot of things, Jett.
But it’s all I can think about.
I have to get out of here.
I’m going insane.
(goes to Jett, grabs her)
He’s rich, Jett. Filthy, stinking rich.
Think about what you and I
could do with all that money.
Go away somewhere.
Start a new life.
Be together. Be happy.
(tears in her eyes)
I haven’t been happy
in a long time, Jett.
And then I met you.
And then everything started
to fall into place.
I could see daylight
after so much darkness.
(a sob)
So much darkness --

Haven buries her face in Jett’s chest.
Softly sobs. Jett comforts her.
Looks around the room. Clearly confused.

JETT
So -- how much is he worth?

HAVEN
(pulls away, excited)
Then you’ll do it?

JETT
How much?

HAVEN
A few million. He’s got about --
eight hundred thousand in the bank.

JETT
Eight hundred thousand?

HAVEN
So you’ll do it?

JETT
I need to -- think about it.

But Haven won’t take no for an answer.
She slides off her top.

Presses her chest against
Jett’s. Sucks on her ear.

HAVEN
Please, Jett. I need you.
Don’t you want to be with me?

JETT
(swimming)
Y-yes -- I do --

HAVEN
(kisses her neck)
Aren’t you tired of training
fat, rich, yuppie assholes?

JETT
God, yes.

Haven’s hand slides down
to Jett’s zipper. Slowly rubs it.

HAVEN
And do you want me to keep
JERKING OFF the sonofabitch? EVERY DAY?

JETT
(delirious)
Of course not!

HAVEN
Then will you do it? For me?
(beat)
For us?

JETT
(closes her yes)
I’ll do it.
(beat)
I’ll do it.

Haven SQUEEZES Jett, embraces her.

HAVEN
Ohmigod, YES. Thank you, baby. Thank you.

JETT
But it has to be perfect.
We have to plan this carefully.
Everything is at stake.
One little mistake --

HAVEN
We’ll be careful.

JETT
(realizes, looks at watch)
Oh, shit -- I’ve got another client.
I’m going to be LATE.

HAVEN
(kisses Jett)
Then go, baby. I’ll see you -- tomorrow?

JETT
(smiles)
Tomorrow.
(goes to the door)
We’re -- really doing this.

HAVEN
(eyes flashing)
Together.

Jett smiles. Turns.

JETT
Together.

And she’s gone --


Friday, November 17, 2017

Whatever It Takes


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 7 of A DISH BEST KILLED, B-movie starlet Haven Crayce confesses to lesbian personal trainer Jett Targo the hell that is her life, trapped on a houseboat with her diabetic retired film director husband ...


INT. DART’S HOUSEBOAT - BEDROOM - NIGHT
He lies in bed. Breakfast tray
on his lap. Watching TV.

ON THE SCREEN
we see a biography of Humphrey Bogart.

ROBERT OSBOURNE (O.C.)
Bogart got his big break on
High Sierra, co-starring Ida Lupino.
It was in this picture that Bogart,
playing an escaped convict,
was able to show his soft side,
when he takes a shine to a crippled girl,
and pays for an operation that will --

IN THE MAIN CABIN
Jett and Haven lie on the couch.
In each other’s arms.

HAVEN
I’m sorry that was so fast.
I haven’t --
(beat)
Made love in a while.

JETT
How -- long?

Haven BURSTS into tears.
Hangs onto Jett for dear life.

JETT (CONT’D)
(puts arms around her)
Hey, now -- it’s okay.
I’m sorry I asked.
It’s none of my business.

Haven JERKS away.
Eyes full of fury.

HAVEN
We haven’t had sex in FOUR YEARS,
since his diabetes got worse and
we moved onto this fucking BOAT.
I was his nurse, see --
and then he married me.
I thought it would help my acting career --
but then he got sick, and, and --
it got all FUCKED UP.

JETT
I know all about that.
Sometimes you have to do whatever
it takes to get what you want.
But sometimes it just --
doesn’t work out.
(beat)
And then you’re fucked.

Haven stares at her. Blinking.

HAVEN
EXACTLY.
And now he treats me like shit,
orders me around,
won’t let me have any friends,
won’t let me LEAVE.
Everything is delivered.
I can only go out to walk the dog.
I’m a fucking PRISONER.
I’m SUFFOCATING, and
I can’t TAKE IT anymore.
(low, urgent)
I wish he would DIE.

JETT
Shhh. You shouldn’t talk like that.

The bell RING-RING-RINGS.

HAVEN
(looks at her watch)
Shit, it’s time.

JETT
Go see what he wants.
I’ll wait here.

HAVEN
(slowly gets up, stands)
I know what he wants.
(beat)
It’s time for his -- hand job.

JETT
His what?

HAVEN
Right before we start the dialysis
machine, I have to jerk him off,
so he’ll fall asleep.
He says it relaxes him.
(beat)
Fucking Viagra.

JETT
Every day? How old IS he?

Haven goes to the door.

HAVEN
Too old to live.
(beat)
Don’t go?
(off Jett’s nod)
Think about what I said --
(scowling)
And think about what I
have to go do right now.

And she’s gone.

PUSH IN ON Jett’s face.
Scared to death.

JETT
What have I -- ?


Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Like A Virgin


Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 6 of A DISH BEST KILLED, on the houseboat next door, little person Nola Bliss watching B-movie starlet Haven Crayce get up close and personal with lesbian personal trainer Jett Targo ...


INT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - DART’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Dart is fast asleep.
Mouth open, like a child.

Haven watches the end credits go by.
Thunderstruck.

HAVEN
(quoting dialog)
'Straight down the line.'

PUSH IN ON Haven’s face. Thinking.

HAVEN
Ankle bracelet --

EXT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - ROOF DECK - MOMENTS LATER
A roof deck outside the bedroom doors.
With an old, oak hot tub.

Steam rises from the
bubbling black water.

Haven steps in. Her perfect, naked
body glistening in the moonlight.

HAVEN
(lowers herself in)
Ahhh --

She angles her waist
at one of the jets of water.

Lowers a bit. Finds the right spot.
Arches her back, a cat in heat.
Closes her eyes. Bites her lip. Shudders.

HAVEN (CONT’D)
Sweet mother of Jesus --

IN JETT’S BEDROOM
She climaxes quietly.
Earth-shattering spasms of pleasure.

IN THE HOT TUB
Haven reaches a shuddering crescendo.

EXT. NEARBY HOUSEBOAT - ROOF DECK
In the moonlight we can see
a female LITTLE PERSON looking
at the Crayce boat through binoculars.
Sipping a can of beer.

Meet NOLA BLISS (30),
four-foot-tall elfin
star of stage and screen.

A blue-eyed redhead.
And a nosy, foul-mouthed party girl.

She lowers the binoculars.
Lights a smoke.

NOLA
What a fucking waste.

EXT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - REAR DECK - DAY
A brilliant, blindingly gorgeous
morning on the marina.

A workout machine has been set up.
The kind that can be adjusted
so someone can pull weights
from different angles.

Right now Haven is
sitting on the seat,
pulling the handles out,
away from her chest.
The weights CLANK-CLANK.

HAVEN
This feels SO GOOD -- I LOVE IT.

The handles go back in.
Haven PULLS OUT on them again.

JETT
(touches Haven’s shoulder)
That’s because we’re opening
up your chest muscles.
After years of being
clenched tight, bent over --
that’s why it feels so good.
(showing off a bit)
We’re doing low weight, lots of reps.
We don’t want any bulk,
just a nice definition.

Haven stops. Looks at Jett’s hand.
Then down at her chest.

HAVEN
Do you think I have
a -- nice definition?

JETT
(pulls hand away)
Uh, yeah.
(looks at watch)
Let’s stretch you out.

HAVEN
I like the sound of that.

Jett lays down a towel.
Haven gets off the machine.

Lies down on the mat.
Looks up at Jett.

HAVEN (CONT’D)
Promise you’ll be gentle?

JETT
(trying to contain herself)
Of course.

Jett kneels.
Takes Haven’s foot,
places it on her shoulder.

A gold anklet glistens in the sunlight.
Jett stares it.

HAVEN
Like my anklet?

JETT
It’s -- nice.

HAVEN
Ever see Double Indemnity?

JETT
Sure.
(tries to compose herself)
Okay, just relax.
I’ll go slowly --

Jett carefully raises Haven’s
glorious, gleaming leg, until she
hears her give out a little moan.

JETT (CONT'D)
That’s good, that’s good.
Just breath into it --

A horn HONKS. Haven looks, sees --

TRIMMER WALTZ
in his Sheriff’s boat.
Right nearby. He waves.

HAVEN
Deputy Waltz.

TRIMMER
(big smile)
Please, I told you --
call me Trimmer,
all my friends do.
Who’s your chum?

HAVEN
This is Jett.
She’s my personal trainer.

JETT
Hello, officer.

TRIMMER
Hey, there.
Not TOO personal, I hope.
Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Haven stares. Eyes burning
with barely disguised contempt.

TRIMMER (CONT'D)
How’s your husband doing these days?
He feeling okay?

HAVEN
Just peachy.
Eight hours of dialysis,
and he’s fit as a fiddle.

TRIMMER
He’s awfully lucky to have
a gal like you look after him.

The radio SQUAWKS.
Trimmer gets it. Listens.

TRIMMER (CONT’D)
Copy that, I’m on my way --
Roger and out.
(shakes his head)
Got trouble on one
of the luxury yachts.
Yuppie bastard set
the galley on fire.
See you later, Haven.

And he cruises away
with a ROAR of his engine.

HAVEN
Goodbye, asshole.

JETT
He likes you.

HAVEN
Well, I don’t like him.
(a whisper)
I like -- you.

Jett blushes.
Haven gets closer.
Their bodies touch.

HAVEN (CONT’D)
Do you -- like me?

JETT
Like you -- how?

HAVEN
Like this --

Haven softly kisses her.
Pulls back. Surveys the damage.

JETT
(hoarse whisper)
Like that --

Jett kisses back.
They melt into each other.

Jett’s hands stroke Haven’s curves,
slowly, carefully. Like a virgin.

HAVEN
(quiet)
You make me -- shiver.

And their passion takes off
like a blowtorch to dry kindling.

Hands, arms, lips everywhere
in a tornado of sin.

Haven STOPS. Looks around.
Grabs Jett’s hand --

HAVEN (CONT’D)
Not out here.
Come with me.

And pulls her inside the boat.

ON THE BOAT NEXT DOOR
Nola watches with binoculars
through her main window.

She lowers them.
Shakes her head. Wow.

NOLA
The little minx.