Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Night Of The Living Heist


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 18 of BABY HEISTER, after checking out the location of the armored car heist, Kelsey, Doc and the rest of the gang meet again with Freddie Fingers and his diner waitress squeeze Tilly Sackler about their roles in the job ...


INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - MORNING
Doc and Kelsey sit on the couch
facing the fireplace.

Reno, Dusty and Simon sit in easy chairs.
Everyone looks tired. Sipping coffee.
Jo walks in with a fresh pot.

JO
It’s like Night Of The Living Heist in here.
Anybody want a refill?

DOC
Thanks, Jo.
The doorbell RINGS.

DOC
That’ll be The Bitch and the Pauper.

JO
I’ll get it.

She goes to the door. Opens it.
In walks Freddie and Tilly.

Looks pleased with himself.
Tilly looks angry. But tamed.

DOC
Freddie. Tilly.

JO
Y’all want some java?

They both nod.
Jo goes off to get them mugs.

DOC
So we checked out the diner --

FREDDIE
Already?

DOC
Yeah. Last night.
After we met with you.
(looks at Tilly)
Wanted to see if there
were any other problems.

Tilly narrows her eyes. Bristles. Jo appears.
Brings them mugs of coffee.
They take them.

Sit. Exchange glances.

FREDDIE
And -- what do you think?

DOC
We can do it.

FREDDIE
So what’s your plan?

DOC
Hold on.
First there’s the matter of the split.

FREDDIE
Wh-what do you mean?

DOC
We’re doing all the heavy lifting.
It’s now five shares instead of four.
(points at the gang)
They each get one. Kelsey and I split one,
and you two split one. Five shares.

TILLY
Now wait a MINUTE. This is MY JOB --

FREDDIE
I told you to SHUT THE FUCK UP.

TILLY
No, YOU shut the fuck up.

FREDDIE
THEY’RE doing all the goddamn WORK.
Yes, you came up with the job,
but you’re not a HEISTER.
You’re a fucking WAITRESS.

TILLY
(LEAPS up)
That’s it. I’m outta here.

FREDDIE
GODDAMMIT. LISTEN to me.

KELSEY
Excuse me. Tilly?
actually DO need your help.

TILLY
Y-you need my help?

DOC
Yeah. Sit down.
We'll tell you all about it.

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

A Chip Off The Old Crook


Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 17 of BABY HEISTER, Kelsey, Doc, Simon, Dusty and Reno scope out the diner where the armored car parks en route to the drop off to see if the robbery will work ...


EXT. RUBY’S DINER - NIGHT
Your standard desert roadside diner
on the outskirts of town.

All but deserted at this hour.
A couple of cars and trucks are parked.

Only a few customers are
visible in the windows.

The SUV pulls into the parking area.
Slides into a space off to the side
facing the windows. Stops.

INT. SUV - NIGHT
Simon shuts off the engine.
Everyone looks at the diner.

DOC
I dunno.
All those windows.

RENO
Everybody on this side would see us.

DUSTY
Yeah.
There’s no way.

KELSEY
What if we parked a couple of
big trucks on each side of it?

DOC
The can?

KELSEY
Yeah.

DOC
Might work --
(beat)
What about the people inside?
How could we divert them
from seeing what was
happening out here?

Kelsey looks at the window.
Thinking.

IN THE WINDOW
A WAITRESS blocks off a section with
an AREA CLOSED FOR CLEANING floor sign.
Then starts mopping.

KELSEY’S
Eyes light up.
She points at the waitress.

KELSEY
Look. See what she’s doing?

Everyone turns and looks.

SIMON
That’s fucking brilliant.

KELSEY
We have Tilly mop the area
in front of the window.
Make sure there’s plenty
of ammonia in the water.
Everyone will sit FAR away.

DOC
You’re a chip off the old crook.

KELSEY
Takes on to know one.
(beat)
How about we get a piece of pie?

DOC
No can do.
Can’t be seen in there.
(to Simon)
C’mon. Let’s head back.

Simon starts up the engine.
Backs up the car.

DUSTY
What about an escape route?
t’s just a stretch of highway.
And I didn’t see any place
on the way we could hole up.

DOC
We need a vehicle no cop
would think of searching.

The SUV pulls out.
Heads back out onto the freeway.

SIMON
How about a school bus?

DOC
You’d have to have students in it.
Too complicated.

DUSTY
What about a roach coach?

DOC
Also too complicated.
All that food.

RENO
How about a manure truck?
NO cop would wanna get NEAR that.

DOC
And you would?

KELSEY
I got it.
A crime scene cleaning crew.
They’ve got those biohazard
stickers on ‘em.
NO ONE wants to see
what’s inside of THAT.

DOC
That’s fucking brilliant.

KELSEY
We have some other signage
for the first part of the job --
then after we jack the can
it comes off and becomes
the cleaning crew.

Dusty and Reno turn.
Look at Doc. Nod slowly.

Simon looks at her in
the rear view mirror. Grins.

SIMON
Looks like the apple didn’t fall
far from the scene of the crime --

Monday, May 25, 2015

Take The Money And Run


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Memorial Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 16 of BABY HEISTER, Kelsey, Doc, Reno and Dusty drive back from their meeting with Freddie Fingers and discuss the merits of his proposed armored car job. Meanwhile, undercover cop Ray Stark tails them from a distance ...


INT. SIMON’S SUV - NIGHT
Simon sits behind the wheel.
Doc rides shotgun.

The rest sit in the back.
Simon starts the car.

DUSTY
So what do you think?

DOC
I don’t like it.
The dame’s a wild card.
Just the type that might just
try to pull a cross.

RENO
I was thinking the same thing.
But if we’re one step ahead of her --

DOC
I’ve got half a mind to drive over there
right now and check it out.
Get it over with.

SIMON
Well, it IS cooler in the desert at night.

DOC
(turns around)
All in favor?

Everyone SHOOTS their hands up.
Kelsey’s eyes light up.

KELSEY
Road trip.

EXT. DESERT FREEWAY - NIGHT
The SUV drives into the night
among sparse traffic.

BEHIND THEM
We see that RAY’S CAR is tailing them.

INT. RAY’S CAR - NIGHT
The classic rock of The Steve Miller Band’s
TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN plays on the radio.
Ray takes a sip from a flask.

RAY
(sings along)
Billy Joe shot a man
while robbing his castle,
Bobbie Sue took the money and run --

INT. SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
Simon drives. Everyone looks pensive.
And a bit tired.

SIMON
We need gas.

RENO
I could go for some coffee.

KELSEY
I gotta pee.

DOC
There’s a gas station
coming up in a little bit.

DUSTY
(looks at Kelsey)
So you gotta boyfriend?

Kelsey’s head JERKS. She turns.
out the window.

DOC
Leave her personal life out of it.
She’s just another heister.

DUSTY
Sorry. Just makin’ conversation.

DOC
An eighteen-year-old woman’s love life
is NOT an appropriate topic of conversation
on a job. Got it?

DUSTY
Okay, okay --

EXT. GAS STATION / CONVENIENCE STORE - NIGHT
Simon fills the tank.
Kelsey comes out of the ladies’ room.

Doc walks up to her
with a pair of coffees.
Hands her one.

KELSEY
Thanks.

DOC
So how you holdin’ up?

KELSEY
(sips her coffee, shrugs)
Okay.

DOC
This part’s not so exciting, I know.

Kelsey opens her mouth to speak.
Then stops. Then --

KELSEY
This is gonna sound lame --

DOC
What?

KELSEY
(big smile)
This is like the family vacation
I never had.

Friday, May 22, 2015

Truck Stop Sally


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 15 of BABY HEISTER, Doc, Kelsey and the other heisters meet with Freddie Fingers about the armored car job, but Freddie's squeeze, diner waitress Tillie Sackler's bitchy attitude throws a monkey wrench in the works ...


EXT. DAIRY SHACK - NIGHT
Crickets CHIRP off
somewhere in the night air.
It’s still hot out.

The gang sits around a big picnic table
off to the side of the restaurant
eating ice cream.

NERVOUS GUY
It’s a piece a cake, I tell ya.

Meet FREDDIE FINGERS (50’s),
small, squirrelly.
Pockmarked face. Jug-like ears.

Wearing a suit that was
cool in the 70’s.
Blinking rapidly.
Rocking back and forth in his seat.

BITCHY WOMAN
Who are all the extra people?
You said it was a four-man job.

Meet TILLY SACKLER (40’s).
Once a near-beauty,
now a human cosmetics counter.

Dressed like a teenager in leggings
and a top a bit too small.
Newport dangling on frosted pink lips.

DOC
The name’s Doc.
I’m organizing the job.
(nods at Kelsey)
This here’s Kelsey.
My granddaughter.
She’s learning the ropes.
You don’t need to worry about her.

TILLY
(to Freddie)
What the fuck?
It’s OUR job --

FREDDIE
Calm down, Tilly.
Doc’s the best in the business.
He’s helping us out.
(nods at the others)
The other guys won’t do it
unless he gives the okay.
Got it?

TILLY
But what about the fucking GIRL?

DOC
(stands up)
See ya later, Freddie.

FREDDIE
No, wait, wait.
(to Tilly)
Tilly, you’re gonna fuck this up.
The girl is with him.
Chill out, okay?

TILLY
I don’t like it.
This ain’t kindergarten.

DOC
(to the rest)
Told you it was no good.
C’mon, let’s go.

The others start to get up.

FREDDIE
WAIT. WAIT.
(to Tilly)
Tilly, GODDAMMIT.
they go, there’s NO JOB. Got it?
There’s NO FUCKING JOB.
(off her stare)
You wanna work at a joint
called EAT the rest of your life?
(off her silence)
Well, DO you?

Pause.

TILLY
Sit down.

Doc looks at the others.
shrug. Nod. Sit back down.

FREDDIE
Okay, okay.
(to Doc)
So what’s the first step?

DOC
I need to scope out the joint.
Figure out what we need.

FREDDIE
Do you have any idea yet
how you’re gonna do it?

DOC
I didn’t say we were gonna do it yet.
Like I said, I gotta check it out.
If it looks bad, we walk.
No promises.

FREDDIE
But it’s a good one, Doc.
A real good one.

DOC
We’re professionals, Freddie.
That might not be a concept
you’re familiar with,
but professionals don’t
go off half-cocked.
They plan a job down to
the most minor detail.
That’s the reason I’ve
never been busted. Capiche?

FREDDIE
Yeah, sure, Doc. Sure.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

DOC
Good. We’ll swing by
the diner tomorrow.

He pulls a notepad out of his pocket.
Slides it over.

DOC
I’ll need directions.

FREDDIE
(nods, starts writing)
What time?

DOC
It’s best if you don’t know.
I’ll call you afterwards.
If it looks good,
we schedule another meeting.

TILLY
What do you mean IF it looks good?
It’s a piece of cake.

DOC
Knocking over an armored car is
NEVER a piece of cake.
If it WAS, you wouldn’t need US.

TILLY
I don’t think I like your tone.

DOC
Freddie, if you don’t
shut this skank up, I WILL.

TILLY
HEY --

FREDDIE
Tilly. Please.
You’re gonna fuck up the job,
and then we ain’t got nothin.’

TILLY
Alright, alright.
Keep your shirt on.
(to Doc)
Have to respect your elders.

DOC
You wouldn’t know respect if it
bit you on the cellulite.

Thursday, May 21, 2015

Home Is Where The Heist Is


Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 14 of BABY HEISTER, we discover that detective Ray Stark is evesdropping on Doc and Kesley's conversation in the kitchen about her learning how to be a heister. Then, later that night, wheelman Simon Leeds tries his luck at hitting on Kelsey ...


INT. DESERT PALMS MOTEL - RAY’S ROOM - NIGHT
Ray sits at the desk, which now has a
rack of electronic equipment set up.

Listening on headphones.
Smiles. Lights a cigarette.
Pours himself a tumbler full of scotch.

RAY
Thank you, Jesus.
(raises it in a toast)
Here’s eavesdropping at you, kid.

INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT
Kelsey and Doc lean against
the counter with fresh beers.

DOC
So what do you think?

KELSEY
Are you kidding?
It’s fucking cool.

DOC
I could tell by the
look on your face.
Soaking it all in.
(off her smile)
What part do you
see yourself in the game?
Muscle? Jugger? Driver?

KELSEY
I wanna do what you do.
Plan jobs. Be the boss.

DOC
You take after Chelle.

KELSEY
I thought Griff planned the jobs.

DOC
Oh, he thought he did.
(beat)
Cause Chelle let him.

Kelsey nods thoughtfully.
Sips her beer.

DOC
You sure you still wanna do this?
Once you’re in, there’s no going back.

KELSEY
I’ve never been more sure
of anything in my life.

Doc raises his bottle in a toast.
Kelsey raises hers --

DOC
Home is where the heist is.

And they CLINK.

EXT. DOC’S FARMHOUSE - FRONT PORCH - NIGHT
Kelsey sits out on the porch swing.
Smoking. Slowly rocking back and forth.

Looking at the night sky. Thinking.
Simon comes out.

Lights one up.
Looks at her.

SIMON
Hey.

KELSEY
Hey.

SIMON
Mind if I join you?

KELSEY
It’s a free country.

He walks over.
Sits next to her.

SIMON
So why do you wanna be a heister?
Good-looking bird like you?
You could have anything you wanted.

KELSEY
You’re a smart guy.
See if you can figure it out.

SIMON
Your parents?

KELSEY
He shoots, he scores.

SIMON
My father drove a lorry.

KELSEY
What’s a lorry?

SIMON
A truck.
Didn’t fancy doing that.

KELSEY
What made you come here?

SIMON
I heard the streets were
paved with beautiful girls.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

The Job


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 13 of BABY HEISTER, it's a criminal master class when Kelsey gets to hang out with a group of heisters and learns all the details involved in planning an armored truck robbery.


INT. DOC’S FARMHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
The gang sits around the living room
on couches and chairs drinking bottles of beer.

Except for Jo, having coffee.
Kelsey looks around the room.
Trying to hide her excitement.

DOC
So tell me about the job.

DUSTY
Armored car heist. Palm Springs.

RENO
Real sweet.

SIMON
Fat and juicy.

DOC
Who’s the point person?

DUSTY
You remember Freddie Fingers?

DOC
Unfortunately. But I thought he
retired after that dust-up in Reno.

DUSTY
So did he. But he recently
shacked up with this waitress --

DOC
Don’t tell me. Some roadside diner?

DUSTY
Yeah. The job is her idea.
But it’s a good one. It can work.

DOC
I don’t like it.
(looks at Kelsey)
Freddie’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
And fucking the inside man
tends to cloud your judgment.
(looks at Dusty)
Tell me about the hash-slinger.

DUSTY
What’s there to tell? She’s a waitress.
Tired of serving tuna melts to
truckers for chump change.

DOC
Tell me about the can. What’s the gag?

DUSTY
It comes by once a week, same time exactly.
Always parks in the same place.
Three guards take turns going to the head.
Last one grabs coffees to go.
Then they split.

DOC
How long are they there?

DUSTY
Fifteen minutes, give or take.
And they always park in the same spot.
Always. Like fucking clockwork.

DOC
How much dough?

DUSTY
This is the beauty part.
Every Friday, they transfer cash to all
the local branches from the main bank --

RENO
You know, payday.

DOC
So it’s alot of cabbage.

RENO
Waitress says it’s gotta be at least a million.

DOC
What time?

DUSTY
Seven-AM.

DOC
Still not sure I like it.
I wanna meet the soup jockey.

DUSTY
We’re one step ahead of you.
Already set it up.

DOC
Okay.
(looks at Kelsey)
You never meet the people setting up
a job WHERE the job is.
You don’t want the locals
to remember seeing you.

KELSEY
Got it.

DOC
(to Dusty)
Escape route or hole up?

DUSTY
Not sure.
We’ll defer to your expertise.
Outlying area is kinda open.
The desert interstate kinda
narrows your options.

DOC
Gotcha.
(to Kelsey)
There are three ways to finish a job.
First is you grab the loot and take
a pre-arranged escape route that’s cool.
(beat)
Second is you hole up somewhere
until the heat dies down,
then split up the loot
and go your separate ways.

KELSEY
What’s the third?

DOC
Hide the loot, split,
then come back for it later.
Kinda tricky, but it’s good when
there’s not a good escape route
and no place to hole up.

Doc sips his beer. Eyes the men.

DOC
Who’s financing?

DUSTY
I am.

DOC
YOU are.

DUSTY
I need the job, Doc.
Had a bad run in Atlantic City.

DOC
(to Kelsey)
Every job has expenses. Transportation.
Weapons. Food and lodging.
And sometimes you need tech stuff,
explosives, whatnot.
(beat)
Usually you get an outside
financier to put up the dough.
They either get double it back,
or a percentage.
That’s the way I like to do it.
That way, nobody has
more at stake than the others.
(looks at Dusty)
But some people aren’t good at
managing their money between jobs.
(to Dusty)
You asking ace shares?

DUSTY
Nah. Even split all around. Four shares.

DOC
You ARE desperate.

KELSEY
Ace shares means more money --

DOC
Yeah.
(to Reno)
What’s your situation?

RENO
I’m cool. Gone through about
half the scratch from my last job.
Don’t like my reserves to get below that --
(shrugs)
It’s a good job, Doc. You’ll see.

DOC
(nods at Simon)
And you two vouch for Jason Statham here?

DUSTY
Yeah. We’ve both worked with him.
Best wheelman I’ve ever seen.

RENO
Precision driver.

DOC
(to Simon)
Where’d you learn to drive so well?

DUSTY
Don’t you follow NASCAR?
Kid’s been in the country six months.
Already won five races.

SIMON
You make me blush.

Doc nods slowly. Sips his beer. Eyes them.

DOC
When do we meet Freddie Fingers
and Truck Stop Sally?

DUSTY
In a couple hours.
Told ‘em to meet us at the Dairy Shack.
We can sit outside. Have some privacy.

PUSH IN ON Kelsey’s face. Excited.

KELSEY
And ice cream --

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

One Lucky Frill


Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 12 of BABY HEISTER, after Doc puts Kelsey through a grueling physical regimen as part of her 'bank robber training,' he has a big surprise for her: dinner with a group of professional heisters.


INT. BARN - DAY - IN MONTAGE
Kelsey does a series of exercises.
Jumping rope. Push ups. Pull ups.
Jumping Jacks. Climbing a rope. Boxing.

Doc holds the punching bag as Kelsey
SLAMS IT with boxing gloves.
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.

She’s drenched in sweat.
Looks fierce. Like a warrior.
Doc BLOWS a whistle.

DOC
That’s enough for now.
Don’t wanna kill you.
(beat)
Yet.

Kelsey nods. Out of breath.
Doc checks his watch.

DOC
Let’s go get some supper.
Get somethin’ in yer belly.

INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
A big spread has been laid out on table.
Burgers. Fried chicken. Pasta salad.
Mashed potatoes. The works.

Eves have been added to the table
so that more people can sit.

Jo is finishing setting
place settings for six people.

Doc and Kelsey walk in,
see the culinary explosion.

DOC
A meal fit for a king.

KELSEY
Why the extra chairs?

DOC
We’re expecting company. Sit. Dig in.

Kelsey sits. Grabs a chicken leg.
Starts chewing. Starving.

KELSEY
What kind of company?

DOC
Surprise.

The doorbell RINGS.
Jo starts for the door.

JO
I’ll get it. Sit.

Doc nods. Takes a chair.
Starts filling his plate.

INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - FRONT DOOR - DAY
Jo opens the front door.
Revealing three HEISTERS, grinning.

RENO BLACK (30’s)
a stocky fireplug of gruffness nods.

RENO
We’re here for the free meal.

DUSTY VEGA (40’s), dark and slick,
a poor man’s Al Pacino nudges him.
Chewing on a toothpick.

DUSTY
You know Reno.
If food were the food of love,
he’d eat on.

SIMON LEEDS (20’s), tall and thin,
the rockabilly version
of Jonathan Rhys-Meyers
shakes his head with
mock-embarrassment.

SIMON
Please pardon the
lowlife criminal element.
I’m embarrassed to be
seen in their company,
I’m afraid I have bills to pay.

JO
(charmed)
I don’t think we’ve met --

Simon takes her hand. Kisses it.

SIMON
Simon Leeds, at your service.

INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER
Everyone sits around the table chowing down.
Kelsey keeps sneaking glances at Simon.
Smitten, but hiding it. Sort of.

DOC
Kelsey here is learning
how to be a heister.

RENO
And YOU’RE teaching her?
(to Kelsey)
He’s the master.
You’re one lucky frill.

KELSEY
What’s a frill?

JO
Dame. Doll.

DOC
Broad. Bim.

RENO
Chippy. Chick.

DUSTY
Frail. Floozy.

SIMON
Twist. Tomato.

Kelsey BURSTS into laughter.

KELSEY
'Tomato?'

SIMON
We have our own patois,
like any other subculture.

DUSTY
(to Doc)
So -- is it okay to talk about the job --
with her at the table?

DOC
Yep. In fact, I’d like her
to be in on the job.

DUSTY
I’m not sure that’s such a --

DOC
I know what you’re thinking,
but hear me out.
She’s my kin.
We can trust her.

RENO
That’s true, but --

DOC
Think of it as on-the-job training.
I’d like her to observe every aspect
of planning the heist --
she just won’t DO the heist.

DUSTY
Highly unusual.

RENO
Well, if she’s not doing the job,
what could it hurt?

SIMON
He’s got a point.
(winks at Kelsey)
Be kinda fun to teach
a baby heister.

PUSH IN ON Kelsey’s face.
Blushing a deep red.

KELSEY
'Baby heister?'