Friday, April 18, 2014

A Little Pick-Me-Up


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Good Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 10 of FULL BODY, newbie masseuse Summer Donovan has a meltdown after playing S/M games with the former Vice President, so gal pal Lindsay Lette gives her a 'miracle cure' ... in a tiny glass vial. Meanwhile, Croatian mob boss wife Mavra Vlaovic arranges a meet with Serbian agent Silke Derevko, who's shocked to find out she's returned from the dead ...


INT. BLACK MASSAGE SUITE - AT THAT MOMENT
Summer massages Cammy. Slowly. Carefully.

He lies on his back.
Eyes closed. In heaven.

BISBY
Dominance and submission
is a lost art.
It’s about respect.
Power. Release. NOT pain.
S and M, whips and chains,
bondage and discipline
are for perverts.
This is about order.
A way for someone to have control
in a world that’s in disarray.
Or for someone who
has to follow rules, a protocol,
a way to let go of control --
and find peace.
(beat)
And the roles are fluid.
Where your desires
can flip mid-stream.
(beat)
Do you understand?

SUMMER
Yes, I do, it’s --
fascinating, sir.
Master --

BISBY
I’m glad you think so.

He leans up on his elbows.
Little boy look in his eyes.

BISBY (CONT’D)
(squeaky, high-pitched)
Please, Mommy, I know
I’ve been a bad boy --
but will you please
powder my pee-pee?

PUSH IN ON Summer.
Staring. Open-mouthed.

INT. RITZ CARLTON SUITE - AT THAT MOMENT
Mavra inspects her new digs. Lux deluxe.

She goes to the couch.
Opens a briefcase on the coffee table.

Pulls out a book.
Opens it, to reveal --

A CHROME HANDGUN. In pieces.
Assembly required. She smiles.

Fingers a number on her cell.
Walks out onto the terrace.

OUTSIDE
She squints in the bright sunshine.
Slides on her shades.

SPLIT SCREEN WITH:

EXT. SIDEWALK CAFE - DAY
SILKE DEREVKO (50) sits alone at a table.
A sleepy-eyed Serbian hipster
in stubble and leather.

Smokes a black cigarette.
His phone RINGS.
He SNATCHES it.

MAVRA
(into her cell)
Hello, Poppa Bear?

SILKE
RED?
Is that you?

MAVRA
Surprise, surprise.

SILKE
I thought you were -- gone.

MAVRA
The rumors of my demise were --
of my own doing.

SILKE
I see.
Business or pleasure?

MAVRA
Later for pleasure.
First, business.
I have job.

SILKE
Not on phone.
Where do we -- ?

MAVRA
Princess Stefanie von Taxi und Drang
is having costume ball
at Croatian embassy.

SILKE
That is social event of year.
You have invitation?

MAVRA
Dahling.
I never need invitation --

INT. EMPLOYEE’S LADIES ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Summer looks in the mirror.
Haunted. Shaking.

She turns on the faucet. Hard.
About to splash water on her face, when --

She sees a SEMEN STAIN on her top.
LOSES IT. Retching, heaving sobs.

Lindsey FLIES through the door.
Stops.

LINDSEY
Summer!

Lindsey grabs her.
Hugs tight.
Strokes her hair.

SUMMER
I don’t -- I can’t -- I --

LINDSEY
Shhhhhhh, it’s okay.
It’s okay -- let it out, let it out --

Summer does.
We hold on this.

She quiets down.
Pulls away.

SUMMER
Was it -- hard for you the first time?

LINDSEY
Does a bear think with his dick
in the woods?

SUMMER
(hint of a smile)
This place is -- freaky.

LINDSEY
What keeps me going is --
I tell myself this is -- temporary.

SUMMER
Temporary.

LINDSEY
(smiles, holds up a vial)
And then I have myself
a little pick-me-up.

SUMMER
Is that -- coke?

Lindsey nods.
Does a bump on the left nostril.

Then the right.
Offers it. Beaming.

LINDSEY
Try it, you’ll like it.

SUMMER
What about security?

LINDSEY
Are you kidding?
This place is more corrupt
than Capitol hill.
This is DC, baby --
the home of the high
and the land of the freeze.
(presses into Summer’s hand)
Come on, it’ll make you feel godlike.

Summer stares at the vial.

LINDSEY (CONT’D)
And it’ll make that
fucker’s face go away.

SUMMER
Promise?

She INHALES a bump.
And another.
Shakes her head.

SUMMER (CONT’D)
My throat, it --

LINDSEY
That’s the drip.
Swallow.

Summer’s eyes BURN with pleasure.
She smiles.

LINDSEY (CONT'D)
Welcome to the Pleasuredome.

SUMMER
Let’s party.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Let's Play Master & Servant


Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 9 of FULL BODY, in a stunning plot twist, we learn that receptionist Reynolds Tan is actually an undercover agent on a sting to take down The International spa. Meanwhile, Summer Donvan learns the ropes of bondage and discipline with her new client, former Vice President Cameron Bisby ... while, at that moment, manager Etya Vlaovic's mother Mavra arrives on a flight from Croatia, packing more than heat ...


INT. THE INTERNATIONAL - RECEPTION AREA - NIGHT
The room is empty.
Reynolds speaks in to her headset.

REYNOLDS
Boss?
I’m going to take five for a smoke.
(listens)
Great, thanks.
(hangs up)
Communist cunt.

EXT. THE INTERNATIONAL - BACK ALLEY - AT THAT MOMENT
Reynolds lights up a super-long Capri.
Fingers a number on her cell phone.
Listens.

REYNOLDS
Reynolds Tan for Detective Nassour.
(listens)
Ali? It’s me, Reynolds.
(listens)
Watching her like a hawk.
Are you ready with the sting?
(listens)
Well, if you’ll pardon the expression, sir,
could you please hurry it the fuck up?
It’s been over a year now,
and I’m losing a layer of skin
from scrubbing off the sleaze every night.
(listens)
Hold on tight?
Hold on TIGHT?
What the fuck do you think I --
(listens)
Hello? Ali -- ?
(listens)
Goddamn fucking Cingular wireless.
Roaming my ass.

INT. BLACK MASSAGE SUITE - AT THAT MOMENT
Nouvelle Vague’s sultry French-femme bossa nova
cover of Public Image’s THIS IS NOT A LOVE SONG over --

Cammy.

Decked out in a black mask,
studded harness and buckled bondage boots.

In power.
Or, ready for Halloween.

Summer trembles in a tiny
rubber French maid outfit.

Holds a feather duster like a wand.
Bites her lower lip.

BISBY
Breathtaking.
(meaningfully)
How do you feel?

SUMMER
Uh -- exposed?

BISBY
Master.
Exposed, master.

SUMMER
I’m sorry?

BISBY
You call me master.
When I ask you a question,
you answer ‘master.’
Understand?

SUMMER
(scared)
Yes -- master.

BISBY
Good.
Now get down on your knees.

SUMMER
But I thought I was going to --

BISBY
Do it! NOW.
On your KNEES.
Or you will be punished.

SUMMER
Y-yes, sir -- master.

She awkwardly gets down. Kneels.

BISBY
Now put the riding crop in your mouth.

Summer does.
Face turns red.

BISBY (CONT’D)
Good girl. Yes.
She’s humiliated. Lovely.
I believe I see a small tear.
(brightly)
Okay. Massage time.

EXT. DC INTERNATIONAL AIPORT - TARMAC - AT THAT MOMENT
The swirling, ominous Soviet-block new wave bleat of
Lene Lovich’s HOME roils a dark cloud over --

An airplane pulling up to the passenger chute.
AIR CROATIA.

LENE LOVICH (V.O.)
Home is where the heart is,
home is so remote,
home is just emotion,
sticking in my throat --

IN THE WAITING AREA
a line of Eastern-Europeans
silently file in. Exhausted.

ANGLE ON:
A WOMAN IN BLACK (late 40’s)
leads the pack.

Red lips curled with self-satisfaction.
Striking.

Despite the shades and hat,
we sense the Chanel-clad lioness
is a real stunner.

Meet MAVRA VLAOVIC.
Striding purposely.
On a mission.

Black vinyl thigh-high boots
stop short of her micro-mini.
CLACK-CLACKING in time --

And we realize the music
is on her Ipod.

ON THE MOVING SIDEWALK
she glides by. Imperious.

Men look. Double take.
There’s that smile again.
Damn. She knows it.

MAVRA
(sings along)
Let’s go to your place,
let’s go to your place --

A GREY SUIT
approaches her.
Offers his card.

She WHACKS it away, regal. Laughs.
He shrinks away.

Struck down.
Humiliated.

AT THE CUSTOMS WINDOW
A SURLY AGENT appraises her.

SURLY AGENT
You haff anything to declare?

MAVRA
I do not.
(lowers shades, eyes glinting)
Do you?

The agent’s eyes flicker. Wow.

SURLY AGENT
Welcome to America, Ms. Vlaovic.

MAVRA
Miss Vlaovic, dahling.

She pulls out a cigarette case.
Slides out a red Sherman.

SURLY AGENT
I’m sorry, but there’s no smoking.

Mavra lights up.
Eyes taunting.

MAVRA
Well, then yoo better point way
to my limousine before
I become enemy of state --

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Deal Or No Deal


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 8 of FULL BODY, newbie masseuse Summer Donovan is in for the ride of her life when she meets her next client, former US Vice President Cameron Bisby ...


INT. THE INTERNATIONAL - CORRIDOR - DAY
The big band cocktail-swing of Paul Anka’s cover
of Nirvana’s SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT over --

Summer walks down
the Persian-carpet
flanked by two grim-looking
SECRET SERVICE AGENTS.

TALL, OLDER AGENT
(touches his earpiece)
Mountaineer.
Approaching the lair.

PUDGY AGENT
Don’t use the word ‘lair.’
It sounds -- jokey.

They arrive at a black door.
Summer goes for the knob.

TALL, OLDER AGENT
Please, Miss.
Allow us.
You don’t know what
could be on the other side
of that door.

PUDGY AGENT
Deal or no deal.

TALL, OLDER AGENT
Now look who’s being jokey.

SUMMER
Are you guys
really Secret Service?

INT. BLACK MASSAGE SUITE - MOMENTS LATER
Summer sits on the massage table
while the men scan the room.

They hold I-pod looking
devices with earphones.

TALL, OLDER AGENT
The lair is clean.

PUDGY AGENT
You won’t let go
of the lair thing, huh?

He walks over the video monitor.
Takes out a small rubber cap.
Places it over the lens.

IN THE SECURITY ROOM
on the monitor,
The Presidential Seal.

With the word ‘Classified’
in block letters underneath.

ROD
Shit.

IN THE MASSAGE ROOM

TALL, OLDER AGENT
(into his lapel)
Mountaineer to Shadowboxer.
Okay to bring in Dirk Diggler.

PUDGY AGENT
Dirk Diggler?
Like from --

TALL, OLDER AGENT
Don’t look at me,
I didn’t pick it.

The door opens.
In walks --

CAMERON BISBY, (50’S)
former U.S. Vice President.

Small and squirly.
Almost too good-looking.

Frozen smile part
deer in the headlights,
part bland emptiness.

He raises his hands.

BISBY
At ease, gentlemen.
Thank you for the escort,
but you can leave now.
It’s starting to look like
a gang-bang in here.
(looks at Summer)
Got a top-secret meetin.’
Heh-heh.

TALL, OLDER AGENT
We can’t do that sir,
national security --

PUDGY AGENT
Yes sir, what if
someone tried to --

BISBY
Kill me?
Please, gimmee a break.
Who’d want to kill me?
I left the White House
fifteen years ago.
Took David Letterman
over a year
to stop crackin’
jokes about me.
Go on now.
Leave me be.
I need my R&R,
take a break from the --
uh -- stuff I gotta --

The Agents stifle a chuckle.
Bow. Leave.

BISBY (CONT’D)
(starts untying his tie)
So what’s your name,
little lady?

SUMMER
Summer -- sir.

BISBY
Summer breeze,
makes me feel fine.
Pretty name.
Parents were hippies?

SUMMER
No, sir.
Just -- imaginative.

BISBY
Enough of the
'sir' stuff, Summer.
Call me Cammy.
All my friends do.

SUMMER
'Cammy?'

BISBY
(touches her face)
Music to my ears --

A BULGE appears
in his pants.

He looks down.

BISBY
Well now, looks like
I’m running for re-erection --

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Dead Weight


Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 7 of FULL BODY, newbie masseuse Summer Donovan discovers that her next client will be escorted by the Secret Service, which can only mean one thing. Meanwhile, spa owner Yuri Vlaovic meets with dance instructor Yitzi, who is helping him blackmail a US senator ...


INT. THE INTERNATIONAL - BREAK ROOM - DAY
Summer and Lindsey huddle
around the coffee maker
in the kitchenette area.

Summer looks spooked.
Lindsey, in shock.

SUMMER
Nice to meet you, too -- I --

LINDSEY
Are you okay?

SUMMER
I should be asking you --

LINDSEY
Yeah.

SUMMER
Are you -- okay?

LINDSEY
The crusty old fuck
croaked on my watch.
I’m not okay.
(beat)
I’ll be okay.
(beat)
It was fucking scary.

SUMMER
Yeah.

LINDSEY
Welcome to the
house of hand release.
How you like it so far?

SUMMER
The jury’s still out.
I haven’t had a client yet.
I had the --
instructional massage from --

LINDSEY
Ayanna?
The queen of pain?
(off Summer’s nod)
Stay away from her.
She’s a mess.
Descended from royalty,
stripped of her trust fund,
she’s a party girl
going straight to hell.
I wouldn’t trust her
with a used tampon.

AYANNA (O.C.)
He was so fucking huge,
it took FOUR men
to carry the stretcher. T
hey shoulda had one of those
signs that said ‘double wide.’

REVEAL Ayanna. Laughing.
Catalina trailing behind her.

CATALINA
You’re terrible.
He might die.

AYANNA
That’s why they call it
‘dead weight.’

LINDSEY
Well, at least he went out
with a smile on his face.

CATALINA
(to Summer)
You must be Summer.
Hi. I’m Catalina.

SUMMER
Like the dressing. Hi.

CATALINA
The dressing?
What dressing?

SUMMER
When I was a kid,
my favorite salad
dressing was ‘Catalina,’
a sickenly sweet French dressing --
it was a bright red that
doesn’t exist in nature.
I eventually outgrew it.

AYANNA
Well, look who’s
all bubbly and shit
with the childhood reminiscences.

ETYA (O.S.)
Girls.
There you are.

ETYA
marches into the room.
Imperious.

ETYA (CONT’D)
That vas quite the commotion.
I’m glad you are taking
little break and recovering.
Female bonding and sharing
of life experiences.
Ah, the sisterhood.
Kind of like ‘The View,’ no?
And Summer is new co-host.
(looks at watch)
Okay, break time over.
Go see Reynolds for
next appointments.
(to Summer)
Ms. Donovan, I need
to speak to you alone.

The other girls leave.
Etya’s eyes glint with lust.

SUMMER
Did I do something wrong?

ETYA
(walks over to her)
Of course not,
my little tikva.
I just wanted to prep you
for your first client.

SUMMER
P-prep me?

Etya puts her hands
on Summer’s shoulders.

ETYA
He will have his
own security with him --

SUMMER
His own security?

Etya leans closer.
A wolf ready to pounce.

ETYA
Ja.
The Secret Service.

SUMMER
The Secret Service?
But that’s for --

PUSH IN ON Summer.
Pulling away.
Realizing the implications.

EXT. DANCE STUDIO - AT THAT MOMENT
A run-down looking studio
on the ground floor in the
cheap seats side of town.

A large hand-painted sign reads
‘Yitzi’s Dancing Academy.
Let me take you to the stars.’

INT. YITZI’S STUDIO - CONTINUOUS
Xavier Cugat’s bizarre cha-cha-cha
cover of GOLDFINGER over --

A large dance floor.
Mirrors everywhere.
Flashing lights.

The obligatory disco ball.
Joint deserted.
Except for --

YURI
doing a wicked tango
with YITZI (50’s).

Former knockout.
Now knocked around a bit.

But still Eastern Europe’s
answer to Ginger Rogers.

She STOMPS her
cha-cha heels. TWIRLS --

And her left cone-missile
JABS Yuri in the shoulder.

YURI
Vatch it, doll-face.
You have license for that?

YITZI
License to carry.

YURI
License to kill
is more like it.

They tango across
the dance floor.

YURI (CONT’D)
We on for payoff?

YITZI
Is ready.
He said to be at
reflecting pool near
Vashington Monument at midnight.

YURI
You’re giving me monument in pants.
Why the cloak-and-dagger-stuff?
Can’t we just meet in bar over wodka?

YITZI
You’re fucking blackmailing him.
Vat do you expect?

YURI
Fucking crooked government official.
Can’t have drink with comrade,
not sure I trust him.

YITZI
I can think of one hundred thousand
reasons why you should trust him.
(beat)
And I took the pictures --

YURI
Don’t worry.
You’ll get your ten percent.

She reaches down and
GRABS Yuri by the balls.

YURI (CONT’D)
Ow! Hey!

YITZI
I know that.
And is now TWENTY percent.
(lets go, CLAPS loudly)
Okay!
Is time for Mambo!

Monday, April 14, 2014

Pecking Orders


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 6 of FULL BODY, French/African 'head masseuse' Ayanna Prouxl shows newbie Summer Donovan the ropes of working at The International spa. Meanwhile, Australian spitfire services defense contractor 'Big Willie' Birmingham ... with deadly results.


INT. GOLD MASSAGE SUITE - DAY
Ayanna holds up a LARGE BANANA.
Summer sits, cross-legged.

AYANNA
I thought this would be subtler
than the rubber penis.
And I’m hungry.

SUMMER
You don’t have to --
show me how to give -

AYANNA
A hand job?
So you’ve had experience?

SUMMER
Well, I -- I was a cheerleader.

AYANNA
Well, well.
So you’re an archetype.
Then I’m sure you can show me
a thing or two.

SUMMER
Oh, no -- I’ve only had one boyfriend.

AYANNA
Let me guess.
The captain of the football team.

SUMMER
No.
He was in the band.
He played that big drum?

AYANNA
Do you mean to say
that you are a virgin?

SUMMER
No.
Of course not.

AYANNA
Good.
This is no place for virgins.

She peels the banana.
Slowly. Seductively.

Takes a large bite.
Swallows luxuriously.

AYANNA (CONT’D)
You need to know the
pecking order around here.
I’m the senior girl.
Next in line
to be receptionist --
I was supposed to be next,
but that bitch
stabbed me in the back.

She wolfs down the rest.
An animal.
Licks her lips.

AYANNA (CONT’D)
If you need advice, sex tips,
anything, come to me.
All the girls do.
I will help you, protect you,
keep you from evil.
And don’t trust that cunt
Reynolds up front.
She’s a cheating, lying,
conniving, slant-eyed WHORE.
(SLAPS the table with the peel)
Understand?

SUMMER
(nods slowly)
Uh-huh.

PUSH IN ON Summer’s face.
Heart pounding.

INT. RED MASSAGE SUITE - AT THAT MOMENT
From behind, we see Lindsey
put on the strap-on harness.

LINDSEY
I can’t use this on you,
it’s against the rules --
but I suppose it’s alright
if I just wear it.

She SNAPS on the ‘equipment.’

LINDSEY (CONT’D)
Ha.
Now I’M well-hung.
Kinda like it, kinda
makes me feel powerful.

Lindsey rotates her hips.
We hear rubber SLAP the table.

LINDSEY (CONT’D)
Whooo!
Ride ‘em cowboy!
Yippie kai-yay, motherfucker!

Willie lifts his torso
up by his elbows.
Then his hands.
Tries to sit upright.

WILLIE
Goddammit.
I gotta see this, I --

His face turns red.
Struggles to lift his massive girth --

WILLIE (CONT’D)
Hmmph, ug, uh --

And he makes it.

LINDSEY
Alright pardna, git ready
for some ropin’ and ridin’!

Willie clutches his chest.
CRIES OUT.

WILLIE
Oh! Ow! Help!
Goddamit! Ah! Ah! Ah!

His face turns BRIGHT RED.

LINDSEY
Shit! No!
You are NOT going to fucking DIE!

She RUNS to the phone at the bar.
PUNCHES numbers.

ON A VIDEO MONITOR

LINDSEY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
(on the phone, into the camera)
Security! Rod! Etya!
Client down!
Call the paramedics!

Rod leans over.
Talks into a microphone.

ROD
Roger.
I’m calling ‘em.
Don’t touch him.
Don’t do anything.

He giggles.
Starts dialing the phone.

ROD (CONT'D)
(to himself)
This count as a snuff film?

LINDSEY
starts POUNDING on Willie’s chest.

The door FLIES OPEN.
Etya runs in --

ETYA
Out of way!
Stop doing that!
You’ll fucking kill him!

LINDSEY
But he’s already dying!

Etya pushes her out of the way.
Climbs on top of Willie.

Starts giving him mouth-to-mouth.
Pulls back, disgusted.

ETYA
American pig tastes like PORK!

Willie’s body starts RATTLING.

LINDSEY
Do something!
He’s gonna die!

The big man FLOPS like a fish.
Gurgles. Stops. Lights out.

LINDSEY (CONT'D)
Ohmigod.
Why is this HAPPENING?

ETYA
What you expect happen when
fat fucks get fucked-up
fantasies fulfilled?

A siren WAILS in the distance.

Friday, April 11, 2014

Pole Position


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. TG fuckin' F. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 5 of FULL BODY, it' just another day at The International, DC's most exclusive spa, where right now Australian spitfire Lindsay Lett is servicing defense contractor William 'Big Willie' Birmingham. Meanwhile, French/African gazelle Ayanna Prouxl is teaching new girl Summer Donovan the fine art of erotic massage ...


INT. RED MASSAGE SUITE - DAY
Lindsey lays out red towels.
Resplendent in an outre
little black cocktail number.

In the spa is
WILLIAM ‘BIG WILLIE’ BIRMINGHAM (65),
defense contractor.

Big gutted. Red-nosed.
Perspiring. Strange rug.

Everything that weapons
for bucks can buy.

He puffs a Cuban.
Sips champagne from a flute.
Grins.

BIG WILLIE
Y’all better get
a move on, lil’ lady.
Times a-wastin.’
I’m as randy as a sailor
at a Tijuana pony show.

LINDSEY
What’s a -- ‘pony show?’

BIG WILLIE
Thas’ where ya watch a horse
fuck a Mexican whore.
Gets yer juices goin.’

LINDSEY
(smiles, starts to undress)
You’re feeling awfully naughty today --

BIG WILLIE
You bet yore beautiful hide.
Jus’ sold me a passel a’ heat-seeking
stealth ground-to-air missiles to Uncle Sam.
Made out like Jeb Bush at a bikini car wash
for cancer kids.

Lindsey neatly folds her dress
on a hanger. Sits.
Starts to take off her shoes --

BIG WILLIE (CONT'D)
(eyeing her, throaty)
Leave the shoes on.
Leave ‘em on.

LINDSEY
But these are Jimmy Choos --
they’re very expensive.

BIG WILLIE
Fuck that.
I’ll buy ya a new pair.
They’re fuckin’ HOT.
Keep ‘em on.

Lindsey eyes him.
Sips her champagne.

Raises a six-inch platform.
Starts to step down into the spa.

LINDSEY
Here’s to five-hundred dollar
toilet seats --

She settles into the water.
Takes a glass. They clink.

BIG WILLIE
Five-hundred dollar crapper lids.
Thas’ fucking FUNNY.
(thinks)
I’ve never charged more
than four-hundred myself --

PUSH IN ON Lindsey’s face.
Her fake, frozen smile.

Eyes glassy.
Anywhere else but here.

INT. GOLD MASSAGE SUITE - AT THAT MOMENT
Summer lies on her back.
A small, gold towel on her privates.
Ayanna works on her legs.

AYANNA
Slowly, not to rush,
you never want them
to think you are rushing --
(beat)
You have beautiful knees.
Sharp. Sleek.

SUMMER
It’s from rollerblading.
Gives you a nice cut.
Great range of motion cardio, too --

AYANNA
I see.
I must try this rollerblading.
I need -- range of motion.

She reaches the top of Summer’s thighs.

SUMMER
That -- tickles.

AYANNA
It is anticipation.
The man now thinks you are
going for the twig and berries.
(places hands on Summer’s abs)
But you surprise them,
and leapfrog over the tent.

SUMMER
'The tent?'

AYANNA
When the man’s cock is erect,
it pops up the towel,
makes a little tent.

She slowly massages Summer’s abdomen
in slow circles.

AYANNA (CONT’D)
This increases the anticipation,
as you start to circle the area --
before we get into pole position --

INT. RED MASSAGE SUITE - AT THAT MOMENT
Big Willie lies on the table on his stomach.
Big, fat white ass in the air.
A beached sea mammal.

Grabs the table with pudgy fingers.
Wriggles his toes.

Lindsey kneads Willie’s
doughy ass-flesh.

He FARTS.

LINDSEY
EWWW!

She pulls away.
Holds her breath.
Makes a face.

WILLIE
Sorry ‘bout that.
Musta been the barbe-cued
baby back ribs --

LINDSEY
For breakfast?

WILLIE
Sticks ta yer ribs -- ha.

Lindsey goes to the bar.
Pours champagne.
Breathes deeply.

Grabs an air freshener.
Sprays the area.

WILLIE (CONT’D)
Why don’tcha go
open up my briefcase.
I brought us a sur-prize.

LINDSEY
(sarcastic)
Ooh, I love surprises.

She opens it.
Pulls out a STRAP-ON DILDO
and harness.

LINDSEY (CONT’D)
You want me to -- bugger you?

WILLIE
Hey, you said you were a feminist --

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Getting Jizzy With It


Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 4 of FULL BODY, we meet Portuguese masseuse Catalina Gil, who discovers that one of the security guards at The International has been secretly videotaping her sessions. Meanwhile, manager Etya Vlaovic is pleasuring herself in her office while thinking of the new girl Summer Donovan ... while in the next room, Summer gets a tutorial from French/African goddess Ayanna Prouxl on the art of erotic massage ...


INT. GOLD MASSAGE SUITE - DAY
A silky, olive-skinned gazelle
straightens the room.

Meet CATALINA GIL, (27)
eighth Portuguese wonder of the world.

Charcoal curls frame
a sexy, crooked nose.
Eyes glinting.

Wide slash of a smile.
Humming some secret song.

She bends over.
Picks up a towel.
Cute bum.

ON A VIDEO SCREEN
We see Catalina’s splendor.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
What I wouldn’t give
to toss her fuckin’ salad.
How much for a Roman helmet?

INT. SECURITY WATCH SUITE - CONTINUOUS
Sitting in a swivel chair in front of
a bank of video monitors is ROD KATZ (30’s).

A pasty, sweaty slug of a security guard.
Too-small uniform about to pop buttons.

He shoves in a mouthful
of flamin’ red hot Cheetos. Crunches.

Sticky bright red fingers rub his crotch.
Beady eyes flicker.

ROD
How about a Dirty Sanchez?

ON THE SCREEN
Catalina senses something.
Turns. Looks INTO THE CAMERA.

Gives it the finger.
Then slashes her throat with it.

CATALINA
Pervert!

She storms out.
SLAMS the door.

Rod bursts into scary laughter.
He reaches over.

Picks up a videotape.
Slides it in.

ON THE SCREEN
we see Catalina, smiling.
A CLIENT massages her breasts.

ROD (O.C.)
I’m gonna make a fuckin’ fortune --

INT. STAIRWELL - AT THAT MOMENT
Catalina walks down the stairs
to the first floor.

Talks on her cell.
Exasperated.

CATALINA
I’m sorry -- but I have to work
a bit later than I thought tonight --
(listens)
I told you this would happen sometimes --
(listens)
There’s a whole chicken in the fridge,
all you have to do is --
(listens)
Stop shouting at me!
We’re separating, so go get
your own kitchen and hire a cook!

She angrily CLICKS the phone shut.

PUSH IN ON Catalina.
Crossing herself.
A whispered prayer.

INT. ETYA’S OFFICE - AERIAL POV - AT THAT MOMENT
We see Etya. Alone.

A giant ‘space needle’
vibrator up her skirt.

Working it in slow circles.
BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

CLOSE ON
Etya’s face.
Eyes closed.
In her fantasy --

SUMMER
stands across from her.
Takes off her top.

ETYA
writhes with pleasure.
The BUZZING increases. Louder.

SUMMER
wriggles out of her skirt.
Naughty in girlish lingerie.

SUMMER
Gee whiz.
I’d do just about anything
to get this job.

ETYA’S
head falls back.
Moves in slow circles.
Softly moans.

ETYA
(in Croatian, English subtitles)
Come for Etya,
my little whippoorwill --

INT. GOLD MASSAGE SUITE - AT THAT MOMENT
Summer sits on the edge of the table.
Listening to --

AYANNA PROUXL (25),
delicious French-African souffle.

An ebony figurine of impossible beauty.
Faye Dunaway cheekbones.

Swan-like neck.
Legs for days.

And nights.

AYANNA
You have five minutes to straighten
up the room for the next client.
Wipe down the table.
Make sure you get all the jizz.
Put the towels in the hamper,
the next girl brings the fresh ones.
Put out fresh toiletries --
and that’s it, you’re done.
Any questions?

SUMMER
I can’t believe you said -- jizz.

AYANNA
It is perfect American word
for what it is.
Rank. Vile. Disgusting.
(beat)
Okay, let’s get jizzy wit it.

I want you to lie down on the table,
because I am going to show you
how massage is done.

Summer does.
Lies on her stomach.

SUMMER
(scared)
Are you -- gonna give me a --

AYANNA
(SMACKS her butt)
You better not wish for
what you might not want.
My tongue have superpowers.

Summer’s eyes widen.

AYANNA (CONT’D)
I’m teasing. Not at work.
It causes -- conflicts.

SUMMER
You don’t shit where you eat?

AYANNA
Another American phrase
I do not understand.
Who defecates where they dine?
It is ridiculous.
Enough talking.
We are here to work.
I am to show you rope.

Ayanna walks behind Summer’s head.
Gentle fingertips rub her temples.
Little circular motions.

AYANNA (CONT’D)
First we clear the head
of all the thoughts of the day.
The gentlemen who come here
are rich, successful,
under a lot of stress.

PUSH IN ON Ayanna’s face.
Appraising the fresh meat.