Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Serious Shit


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 13 of NOWHERE GIRL, rogue CIA agent Shag Holliday races to help his ex, stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation. Meanwhile, Cherry and Silverlake hipster Peeler Mardo decide to steal a car so they can complete their mission ... but things really heat up when back ops spook Yuri Vlaovic, under cover as a Homeland Security agent, gives the cops Cherry's location so he can 'tag along' and apprehend her ...


EXT. PACIFIC COAST HIGHWAY - NIGHT
A Corvette convertible
RACES up the coastline.

INT. CORVETTE - MOVING - NIGHT
Shag’s behind the wheel.
Talking on his cell.

SHAG
Thanks again for
watching the kids, mom.
(beat)
No, I told you --
she’s not in trouble.
She just -- needs some help.
(beat)
Love you, too.

He ends the call.
PUNCHES another number. Listens.

SHAG
Hey there, Gossip Girl.
It’s your favorite rogue agent.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - CUBICLE - NIGHT
Lark sips a mug of coffee.
Smiles into her headset.

LARK
Hey, there.
Ready to rock and roll?

SHAG
Thanks for helping me.
You could lose your job.

LARK
I can always get another job.
(beat)
But I can’t get another you.

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry and Peeler run down
the alley behind Jumbo’s.

CHERRY
We gotta get wheels, fast.

PEELER
Maybe we should -- I dunno,
turn ourselves in.
I mean, she’s a FEDERAL AGENT.
We’re in serious shit.

CHERRY
We’re in this
too far to quit now.
(beat)
And besides, I thought
you wanted to fuck me.

Peeler’s face turns RED.
What the -- ?

Cherry pulls out a GUN.
Evil smile.

CHERRY
C’mon, let’s go get us a car.

INT. JUMBO’S CLOWN ROOM - NIGHT
The Intruder lies on the floor.
He raises his head.
OW, that HURTS.

He pushes himself up by his arms
into a sitting position.

Looks around.
April is gone.
This is NOT good.

Stripper Bartender STOMPS over to him.

STRIPPER BARTENDER
Get the FUCK outta my bar.
You scared away all the fucking CUSTOMERS.

A siren WHOOP-WHOOPS outside.
Intruder takes off the motorcycle helmet.
Pulls out his ID.

INTRUDER IN BLACK
I’m federal agent, Ma’am.
This is matter of national security.

STRIPPER BARTENDER
You mean --

INTRUDER IN BLACK
I’m one of good guys.

Meet YURI VLAOVIC (40),
Croatian ex-pat.

Another agent under Sledge’s employ.
Expert assassin.
Strictly old-school.

Two COPS come racing in.
Weapons drawn.

ANGRY COP
LAPD! Stay where YOU ARE!

UGLY COP
Don’t MOVE!

Yuri sighs.
Shows them his ID.

YURI
Homeland Security.

Angry looks at his credentials.
Holy cow.

ANGRY COP
He’s Homeland Security.

UGLY COP
With that accent?

Yuri’s cell phone RINGS.
He gets up slowly.
Answers it.

YURI
Gentlemen, if you’ll excuse me.
(into the phone)
Is Yuri --

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. INTELLIGENCE OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Sledge sits in an easy chair
by the window sipping a scotch.

SLEDGE
You get her yet?

YURI
She, uh -- got away, sir.

SLEDGE
You let her GET AWAY?

YURI
Don’t worry, I get her.
She is driving car of employee of Avi.
have license number.
Every cop in city will be
on her ass if I tell them
she is terrorist.

Pause.

SLEDGE
I knew there was a reason
we paid big bucks to get you on board.
Go get ‘em, and report to me
as soon as anything happens.
(beat)
This one’s personal.

YURI
Yes, sir. Over and under.

He clicks shut the phone.
Smiles strangely.
Looks pensive.

Angry Cop stares at Yuri.

ANGRY COP
You’re chasing a TERRORIST?

YURI
Yes. She is very dangerous.
We have to apprehend her immediately.

UGLY COP
And you have her license number?
Give it me.

Yuri pulls a notebook out of his pocket.
on it. Hands it to Ugly.

YURI
I believe term is APB?

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

I Love The Smell Of Napalm On A Stripper Pole


Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 12 of NOWHERE GIRL, stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation contacts the terrorists to get their location so she can deliver their 'package.' Meanwhile, Homeland Security agent April Street gets into an explosive firefight with black ops spook Token Ware at Jumbo's Clown Room ...


INT. SUV - MOVING - NIGH
April drives the car slowly
on the right-hand side,
checks the hand-held PDA.

APRIL
They’re right near here --

INT. JUMBO’S CLOWN ROOM - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry pays the BARTENDER (40), an ex-stripper.

CHERRY
Keep the change.

STRIPPER BARTENDER
Thanks, doll.
Stripper Bartender ambles away,
goes behind the bar.

PEELER
What now?

CHERRY
I’m gonna call the guy.
Then we’re gonna see the guy.
the money.
(looks down)
And then I can finally
get this thing off my wrist.
It’s fucking killing me.

She pulls out a piece of paper.
Her cell. PUNCHES a number.

CHERRY (CONT’D)
Wish me luck.

PEELER
Luck.

CHERRY
(into the phone)
Hello?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Hamad, Kamal and the rest sit and watch
DEAL OR NO DEAL on a huge plasma-screen.

KAMAL
It’s ridiculous.
Greedy Americans.
There is no GAME.

HAMAD
Look at number twenty-seven.
She looks Persian.

Kamal’s phone RINGS.
He gets it. Listens.

KAMAL
Hello, Avi?

CHERRY
No, this is Cherry Nation.
Who’s Avi?

KAMAL
What is Cherry -- Nation?

CHERRY
I’M Cherry Nation.
And I have your briefcase.

KAMAL
(to Hamad)
It’s the girl with the package.
(to Cherry)
Where are you?

CHERRY
I’m on my way to see you.
You have the money?

KAMAL
Of course.
(to Hamad)
She doesn’t know who Avi is.
This smells funny.
I don’t like it.

HAMAD
(eyes on the TV)
Not to worry.
If it goes wrong, we kill her.
Then we go visit Avi.

CHERRY
You still there?

KAMAL
You have the address?

CHERRY
Yeah, I’m on my way.

She hangs up.
The reality of all of this
is finally sinking in.

Freak-out time.
Peeler puts his hand on top of Cherry’s.

PEELER
You okay?
You look -- scared to death.

CHERRY
Of course I’m fucking scared to death.
Aren’t you?

PEELER
Shit, yeah.

CHERRY
Thanks for doing this with me.
You know, you’re not such a --

The front door BANGS OPEN.
In walks April.

APRIL
Everybody FREEZE.
I’m a FEDERAL OFFICER.

April sees Cherry.
Starts walking toward her.

APRIL (CONT'D)
You gave me quite the little goose-chase, girlie.
You’re under arrest, both of you.

A FIGURE IN BLACK appears in the doorway
wearing a motorcycle helmet.
He raises a sawed-off SHOTGUN.

STRIPPER BARTENDER
HEY. NO GUNS ALLOWED!

April WHIPS her head around.
Sees the intruder.

APRIL
Shit, DUCK!

Cherry and Peeler HIT the floor.
April FLIPS over the table,
and they all get behind it.

APRIL (CONT’D)
Don’t fucking MOVE. Stay here.

The shotgun BLASTS.
The table top SPLINTERS.

April ROLLS across the floor.
Gets behind the bar, where
Stripper Bartender trembles on the floor.

She pulls out her Sig Sauer,
FIRES a hail of BULLETS.
They BOUNCE off his kevlar vest.

THE FIGURE
BLASTS again at the bar.
Bottles SMASH. Glass goes FLYING.

APRIL
Returns fire. Aims for his head.
BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG!
But the bullets BOUNCE off the helmet.

BEHIND THE TABLE
Cherry whispers to Peeler.

CHERRY
Let’s get the fuck out of here.

PEELER
I’m right with you.

They scuttle across the floor
to the back door. Push it open.
The shotgun BLASTS.

BEHIND THE BAR
Bottles and glass are FLYING.
Booze is pouring everywhere.

April finds an intact bottle.
Opens it. Pours it on a cleaning rag.

Stuffs it in the bottle.
Pulls out a lighter.

APRIL
I love the smell of napalm
on a stripper pole.

And LIGHTS IT.
A ROAR of flames WHOOSHES straight up.

She HEAVES IT at the figure.
He CATCHES IT in a gloved hand.

INTRUDER IN BLACK
Sorry, baby. Fire-resistant.

He TOSSES it out the front door,
where it EXPLODES, taking out
a parked car in a BALL OF FLAME.

APRIL
Who THE FUCK are you?!

INTRUDER IN BLACK
I’m from human resources.
And this is your severance package.

He PUMPS the gun. FIRES.
April DUCKS behind the bar.

INTRUDER IN BLACK (CONT’D)
Come out, come out, whereever you are.

Another BLAST. It hits a tap.
A geyser of beer WHOOSHES up.

BEHIND THE BAR
April looks around.
Sees an aluminum baseball bat. GRABS it.

APRIL
Deja vu all over again.

THE INTRUDER
Walks toward the bar. PUMPS the gun. FIRES.
And, as he reaches it, he leans over,
pushes the shotgun down --

And April FLIES UP, SWINGS the bat,
and SMASHES it into his head with a CRACK.
He weaves a little. Stunned.

April JUMPS OVER the bar.
CRACKS him in the crotch.

He goes down, reeling in pain.
She GRABS his gun.

KICKS him in the stomach.
The HEAD. He goes out like a light.

APRIL (CONT'D)
I’m filing a claim for HARASSMENT.

She GRABS him by the leg.
DRAGS him over to the stripper pole.

Pulls out handcuffs.
CLICKS him to the brass rail.

She looks around.
Sees that Cherry and Peeler are gone. Shit.

APRIL (CONT’D)
Fuck.
A SIREN wails outside.
She dashes toward the back.

STRIPPER BARTENDER
HEY. Who’s gonna pay for this MESS?

She stops. Turns.

APRIL
Write your congressman.

Monday, July 28, 2014

Till Death Do Us Part


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 11 of NOWHERE GIRL, undercover CIA operative Shag Holiday is stunned to find out that his ex, stripper Cherry Nation is carrying a suitcase nuke that was meant to be delivered to an Al Queda sleeper cell hiding in the Hollywood Hills ... and now SHE'S delivering it to them ...


INT. BUNGALOW - KITCHEN - NIGHT
Shag sits at the table
with his snack.

Takes a pull on his longneck.
Punches another number
on his cell.

SHAG
(listens)
It’s Holiday.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
A maze of dimly lit cubicles
and workstations.

Despite the hour, the joint
is abuzz with OPERATIVES
and TECHNICIANS.

A BLONDE OPERATIVE (25)
takes the call at her desk.

Crosses her long, amazing legs.
Leans back.

BLONDE OPERATIVE
Holiday?
What’s up?
I thought you were --
(chuckles)
On holiday.

SHAG
Funny.
Listen.
I need you to check
surveillance at LAX.
Something went down tonight,
and I need to know
what happened.

BLONDE OPERATIVE
Comin’ right up.

She WHEELS AROUND
to a bank of nearby monitors.

Fingers CLACK-CLACK-CLACK
across her keyboard.

The screens SPRING TO LIFE,
showing images at the airport.

BLONDE OPERATIVE
Do you have any intel?
Airline?

SHAG
Not sure.
Flight was going to Vegas.
The subject was supposed
to be on it.

BLONDE OPERATIVE
Who’s the subject?

Pause.

SHAG
Cherry Nation.

BLONDE OPERATIVE
The bipolar ex.

SHAG
Don’t remind me.

BLONDE OPERATIVE
Hold on.

SHAG
Thanks, Lark.

Lark PUNCHES IN
more information.

A list of airline flights
and passenger manifests
FLY ACROSS her computer screen.

LARK
Here we go -- Cherry Nation,
Sky Blue, flight to Vegas,
departing at gate 115 at 9PM.

She WHIRLS AROUND in her chair,
goes back to the monitors.

LARK
Okay, let’s go back to say, 8:30.

Lark PUNCHES IT in.

THE SCREEN
Shows the airport bar.
The windows EXPLODING
with GUN FIRE.

LARK
Oh, yeah -- that’s right.
I was briefed about this.
Jesus, I need more coffee.

SHAG
What the fuck happened?

LARK
Nothing much.
A suitcase nuke that was meant
for an Al Qaeda sleeper cell
was mistakenly given
to the wrong person.

SHAG
Do they say WHO?

LARK
Was supposed to be
an undercover operative
from Homeland Security --
but they’re really C-6,
that’s just a cover.
They were acting as the broker
between the supplier and the cell.

SHAG
What the fuck is C-6?

LARK
(low)
It’s a new black ops unit.
Very hush-hush.
That’s all I know.
You didn’t hear it from me.

Shag stands.
Starts pacing.
Head reeling.

SHAG
Cherry said someone gave her
a briefcase by mistake.
SHE HAS THE NUKE.

LARK
FUCK.
When did you last
talk with her?

SHAG
Just now. Shit.
Let me give you her cell number,
you can triangulate her position.

LARK
We’re supposed to back away
from this one, Shag.

SHAG
She’s my EX.
And I’m WATCHING HER KIDS.

Pause.

LARK
Give me the number.

SHAG
Till death do us part, huh?

Friday, July 25, 2014

Briefcase Full Of Blues


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friay. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 10 of NOWHERE GIRL, stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation calls her ex, undercover CIA op Shag Holliday, who's watching her kids while she's away, but the shit hits the fan when she tells him about how the briefcase got chained to her wrist ...


EXT. VENICE BEACH BUNGALOW - NIGHT
A lovely 100-year-old Craftsman
on a leafy walkway street.

Lit by old-fashioned lampposts.
Steps away from the sand.

INT. BUNGALOW - BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
Two cute little GIRLS (5) and (7)
sleep peacefully.

INT. BUNGALOW - KITCHEN - NIGHT
A MAN rummages in the fridge.
Looking for a snack.

He pulls out his cell phone.
PUNCHES a number.

Meet SHAG HOLIDAY (35),
who if you remember,
is the person we heard
Cherry speaking to at
the top of the story.

Buff and cut.
Too good-looking to be
a shower head salesman.

Which is why he is
actually a CIA operative.

Oh, and he’s also Cherry’s recent ex.
He RIPS off a turkey leg. Listens.

SHAG
Hey, it’s me.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. JUMBO’S CLOWN ROOM - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
A seedy stripper hangout
on the Sunset Strip.

Weird psychobilly on the jukebox.
A sign reeds NO TOP, NO SERVICE.

Cherry sits in a booth with Peeler.
Both have the remnants of
burgers and coffee on the table.
Cherry talks on her cell.

CHERRY
Shag.
(beat)
Ohmigod, I forgot to call you.

SHAG
It’s okay.
I just wanted to make sure
ou were -- okay.

CHERRY
Are you checking up on me AGAIN?
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean -- it’s been --
(looks at Peeler)
Quite an evening.

SHAG
Something happen?

CHERRY
You could say that.

SHAG
What, your flight get delayed?

Pause.

CHERRY
There was a -- luggage incident.

SHAG
A luggage incident?
What happened?
Are you okay?

CHERRY
I’m fine.
Someone gave me a briefcase
mistake and then split.
Then it turned out
that some people want it --

She looks at Peeler.
He shrugs. Go for it.

SHAG
Someone gave you a briefcase -- by MISTAKE?
What have you gotten yourself into?
Are these people chasing you now?

CHERRY
No, no, no.
I’m -- delivering it to them.
Then I’m on a plane, promise.
Gotta be at the club tomorrow.
(brightly)
How are the girls?
Did you tuck them in?

SHAG
The girls are fine.
Don't deflect, Cherry.
I need to know what you --

CHERRY
NO, YOU DON’T.
This is MY life, Shag.
Thank you for watching the kids,
I owe you one.
But what we had is OVER,
and you have NO RIGHT
to give me the third degree.
I’ll call you tomorrow, BYE.

Cherry hangs up.
Looks at Peeler.
Rolls her eyes.

PEELER
That was your ex.

CHERRY
It was that obvious.

PEELER
Hey. Universal language of love.
(beat)
So he’s mad at you?

CHERRY
He was always mad at me.
A real sweetheart,
but overprotective much?
Always keeping tabs on me.
Knew every move I made.
Fucking creepy --

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Burn Notice


Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 9 of NOWHERE GIRL, the shit hits the fan when Homeland Security agent April Street discovers that not only has her boss Sledge Crafton fired her, he's sent a squad of assassins to take her out ...


INT. MERCEDES SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
April drives down Sunset Boulevard
west, into Hollywood.

She pulls out Token’s tracking device,
a small, hand-held PDA.

She FLICKS it on.
Looks at the screen.

APRIL
Bingo.
They’re only a mile or two away.

As the car takes a turn,
another car SWERVES toward her.

Her focus momentarily
away from the road,
she doesn’t see it,
and the cars SIDESWIPE
each other with a CRUNCH.

The other car pulls over.
April keeps going.

APRIL
Shit, shit, shit.

A siren WHOOPS behind her.
She checks out the rearview.

IN THE MIRROR
Is an LAPD black and white cruiser.
Cherry lights FLASHING.

APRIL
Pulls over. Stops.
Rolls down her window.

APRIL
Great. Just great.

A GRIM OFFICER approaches the car.
Leans in the window.

GRIM OFFICER
License, registration and
proof of insurance, please.

April goes into her handbag,
hands the officer her papers.
Then shows him her ID.

APRIL
I realize leaving the scene
of an accident is a
serious offense, officer,
but I’m a Homeland Security agent,
and this is a matter
of national security.
(low, urgent)
I need to retrieve
a runaway suitcase nuke.

He takes the ID.
Inspects it. Hmmm.

April is puzzled, as this normally
opens doors faster than a naked woman.

Then she notices the tattoo
on the side of his neck.
Strictly against LAPD regulations.

GRIM OFFICER
Would you please
step out of the car, Miss?

APRIL
Sure thing, officer.

She slowly opens the door,
and SMASHES it into his legs.
He BUCKLES, hits the ground.

April DASHES over,
GRABS his piece,
and KARATE KICKS him
in the head with a CRACK.

He goes down.

April retrieves her ID,
still clenched in the officer’s fist.

The other officer
gets out the squad car,
starts FIRING at her.

April LEAPS in front of the SUV,
and RETURNS FIRE.

APRIL
Sledge didn’t waste any time.

A HELICOPTER appears overhead.
April looks up.

APRIL
Whoah. He’s REALLY mad.

She pulls a GRENADE out of her pocket,
and, like a pitcher at the World Series --
HURLS it at the squad car.

BOOM.
It EXPLODES in a massive FIREBALL.

April JUMPS in the SUV,
and TAKES OFF in a SCREECH of rubber.

The chopper follows,
SPRAYING the SUV with MACHINE GUN FIRE.

INT. SUV - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
April feels around
under the driver’s seat.

APRIL
Let’s hope he’s got
some samples of the merchandise.

She pulls out a huge
TACTICAL ASSAULT WEAPON.

APRIL
Bingo.

April GUNS THE ENGINE.

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - SUV - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
The car reaches an area full of
warehouses, soundstages, strip malls.
The grungy part of Hollywood.

The car HITS a hard right
at an intersection, tires SCREECHING,
and FLIES down an alley,
the chopper following.

INT. SUV - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
April sees the loading dock of a warehouse.
She pulls up to it. STOPS.
JUMPS out of the car with the gun.

A crew of WORKERS watch her.
Approach the car.

ANGRY WORKER
Hey, lady. You can’t park here.

SURPRISED WORKER
Shit! She’s got a gun!

The chopper ROARS above them.
Machine guns FIRING.

APRIL
(above the roar)
Stand back! Homeland Security!

She runs into the alley,
and FIRES up at the helicopter --
RAT-A-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT.

UP ABOVE
The chopper EXPLODES in what is now
the requisite massive fireball
of flames and smoke.

It CRASHES on the roof
of a nearby building, which IMPLODES.

April lowers her weapon.
Smiles grimly.

EXCITED WORKER
A hot chick like you
is Homeland Security?

SMILING WORKER
Where those terrorists?

APRIL
Sorry, fellas.
That’s on a need-to-blow-up basis --

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Fiddler On The Roofie


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 8 of NOWHERE GIRL, Homeland Security agent April Street makes her escape from the evil clutches of black ops spook Token Ware ... in his car. Meanwhile, undercover Al Queda terrorists Amad and Kamal decide to the let the trophy wife of their Hollywood Hills homeowner hostage take a bath room break ... after which they'll rape her.


EXT. MARDO’S JOINT - NIGHT
April comes out
the front door,
walks to the curb.
Sees Token’s big, black SUV.
Takes out his keys,
presses a button,
and THWIP,
the doors open.

APRIL
He won’t mind
if I borrow it
for a little while.

The front door FLIES OPEN,
and Token RACES toward April,
carrying the chair
she cuffed him to.

She JUMPS IN.
LOCKS the doors.

Token POUNDS
on the window.

TOKEN
Open the fucking DOOR,
BITCH!

APRIL
(pulls out her gun)
Back off!

He raises the chair,
and SMASHES it into
the driver’s side window,
SHATTERING it.

Glass SPRAYS.

April FLINGS the
door open, LEAPS OUT,
and KICKS him, WHACK!

He FLIES backward.
THUD.

He gets up,
chair now gone,

holding his chained
wrists apart,
like a weapon.

TOKEN
I’m gonna KILL you.

April SHOOTS him
in the head.

BANG.

It EXPLODES in a
cloud of red mist.

APRIL
Not if I kill you
first.
(beat)
Asshole.
Now I gotta
clean this up.

INT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Hamad sits at the bar,
sips from a cut-glass
rock glass.

HAMAD
(to the husband)
Excellent scotch.
(holds up the bottle)
Glenlivet.
(to Kamal)
Make a note of it.

Kamal nods.
He starts pacing,
looks worried.

Hamad opens up a cigar box.
Takes one out. Sniffs it.

RICH HUSBAND
Cuban.
Help yourself.

He GRABS a fistful.
SHOVES them in his pocket.

HAMAD
Damn right
I help myself.

Hamad shoves one
in his mouth.
Starts to light it.

RICH HUSBAND
You’re supposed to
cut the --

HAMAD
SHUT UP.
I know how to
smoke CIGAR.

He BITES OFF the end.
SPITS IT out.

Sticks it back in.
FIRES it up.

He leans back, smiling.
Puffing away.

KAMAL
I am concerned about
the -- delivery, sir.

HAMAD
So we have to wait a bit.
We are comfortable.
I trust Avi.
He comes recommended
most highly.

Trophy Wife starts
quietly sobbing.

HAMAD
SILENCE.
One of the guards, SAAD,
grins a brown,
broken-tooth smile.

SAAD
She soiled herself,
oh holy one.

The other guard,
MOHAMMED, nods solemnly.

MOHAMMED
She smell like
wet camel in hot sun.

RICH HUSBAND
Please sir,
if you have any decency,
would you please let her
get cleaned up and change
into some fresh clothes.
We’re cooperating with you.
(takes off his watch)
Here, take my watch.
It’s a Rolex.
It’s worth twenty-five-
thousand dollars.

Saad SNATCHES the watch,
brings it to Hamad.

He inspects it, smiles,
slips it on.

HAMAD
Very well.
(to Saad)
Take the woman
to her room, let her
shower and change.

SAAD
And then I
have sex with her?

HAMAD
Of course.
(smiles)
We all will.
It is, how they say
in the States --
(beat)
Gang Bang?

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Severance Package


Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 7 of NOWHERE GIRL, Homeland Security agent April Street goes mano-a-mano with her boss, black ops spook Sledge Crafton about the whereabouts of the missing 'package.' Meanwhile, stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation and Silverlake hipster Peeler Mardo have a run-in on the bus with a posse of gang-bangers ....


INT. MARDO’S JOINT - NIGHT
April looks through Token’s pockets.
Finds the handcuff keys.

APRIL
(on the phone)
Sledge.
What a pleasant surprise.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. INTELLIGENCE OFFICE - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Sledge paces slowly, sipping scotch
from a cut-glass tumbler.

BARKS into the speakerphone
on his desk.

SLEDGE
Watch your tone with me, GIRLIE.
I’m still your fucking BOSS.

APRIL
Is that MY fucking boss --
or FUCKING my boss?

SLEDGE
Can it, Street, before I can YOU.
What’s going on?
You secure the case?

APRIL
Uh -- no.
There’s been a little -- problem.

SLEDGE
A little PROBLEM?
So help me Street,
if you’ve fucked this up,
I’m gonna have your ass.

APRIL
You’ve already had my ass.
Now listen to me, and don’t interrupt --

SLEDGE
STREET, GODAMMIT --

APRIL
SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME!
Avi’s guy Ware came in
and fucked everything up!
The girl and the guy
who have the case split,
but I’ve got Ware’s tracking transmitter,
and I will FIND THEM and GET IT --
so stop thinking with your DICK,
take a CHILL PILL,
and let me do my JOB.

Sledge HURLS his glass
against the wall with a CRASH.

SLEDGE
How DARE you talk to me like that.
I will NOT have it.
I’m dismissing you from the case.
(beat)
And the unit.

APRIL
You’re putting out a
burn notice on me?

SLEDGE
See you IN HELL.

He PUNCHES the speakerphone,
sending it FLYING across the room --
where it CRACKS into the wall.

APRIL
Sledge? Boss? You there?
(beat)
Talk about a severance package --

INT. CITY BUS - MOVING - NIGHT
One of those long, red monsters,
in sections, like a snake.

Only a handful of passengers.
Cherry and Peeler sit toward the back.
Look at a video monitor.

CHERRY
I didn’t know they had TV on the bus.

PEELER
It’s not real TV. Watch.

ON THE SCREEN
A smiling LATINA gives a pitch
about ‘Accidentes Abigados.’

CHERRY
Makes a face.

CHERRY
It’s in Spanish.

PEELER
Welcome to how the other half lives.

The bus STOPS.
A trio of GANG-BANGERS (early 20’s) boards.

They strut down the aisle.
The first one, the LEADER, sees Cherry.

He stops. Nudges the others.
Gold-toothed smiles.

They move slowly, sauntering,
until they reach Cherry and Peeler.

The leader sits in front of them.
The others, behind.

LEAD GANG-BANGER
What'cha got in da case, mommy?

CHERRY
Uh -- nothing.

LEAD GANG-BANGER
Can’t be nothin’, or else
you wouldn’ta be cuffed to it.

The SHORT, UGLY GANG-BANGER
sitting behind Cherry
FLIPS open a switchblade,
revealing a long knife.

Cherry SHUDDERS.

SHORT, UGLY GANG-BANGER
It’s gotta be valuable, riiight?

The other kid, a TALLER,
GOOD-LOOKING GANG-BANGER pulls out
a forty-ounce bottle of malt liquor.
Takes a swig.

TALLER, GOOD-LOOKING GANG-BANGER
I say she open it
and show us what she’s got.

PEELER
That wouldn’t be a good idea.

LEAD GANG-BANGER
And why is dat?

The bus JERKS to a stop.
A FAT WOMAN in a wheelchair is getting on.
This will take a little while.

CHERRY
Because it’s a BOMB.

The Leader starts LAUGHING.
Then, the others join in.

LEAD GANG-BANGER
You kiddin’ me.
Why would a nice piece of pussy
like you have a BOMB?

CHERRY
For assholes like YOU.

She LEAPS UP -- and WHACKS
Leader in the head with the case,
CRACK, SPINS AROUND, and CRACKS
Short, Ugly in the face.

CHERRY
(to Peeler)
MOVE IT, now!

Peeler JUMPS UP, races toward the exit.
Tall, Good-Looking cowers with fear.

CHERRY
You want a piece of this, homes?

He shakes his head ‘no.’

CHERRY
I didn’t think so.
Hasta la vista,
refried motherfuckers.

EXT. BUS STOP - SECONDS LATER
Cherry and Peeler FLY
out the exit door.

RACE down the street.
LAUGHING and WHOOPING.

PEELER
Holy fucking shit!
You CLOCKED ‘em!

Cherry slows down.
Catches her breath.

CHERRY
I don’t know what happened.
It was like something snapped --
and I just DID it.

PEELER
You were great.
And I don’t even feel emasculated.
(beat)
Okay, where to now?

CHERRY
I’m starving.
Let’s grab a quick bite, regroup,
and then deliver this fucker.

PEELER
(staring, big smile)
I’d follow you
to the end of the earth.

Cherry stops.
Gives him the eye.

CHERRY
I’m still not gonna fuck you.