Friday, February 5, 2016

Leave The Driving To Us


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 54 of BABY HEISTER, the cops get tipped off about Doc's gang's bank robbery, and head over to the scene of the crime. Meanwhile, Doc and Kelsey tangle with rogue cop Flint Cole, who holds them hostage ...


INT. ABANDONED GROCERY STORE - DAY
Costello SLAMS down the phone.
RACES over to Darryl’s desk,
where he sits and chats
with Flint over cups of coffee.

COSTELLO
Chief, the First National Bank
of California’s been hit.
Main branch, downtown.

FLINT
The bank where the Hazards were killed?
I thought it was closed for repairs.

COSTELLO
It was, but now it’s done.

DARRYL
And they were delivering all
the money they’d need today --

Another COP (40’s) African-American,
built like a linebacker, salt and pepper,
approaches them, excited.

LINEBACKER COP
Chief. We just a call from
a guy at a gas station.
Recognized Doc and his crew
when they stopped to refuel.

DARRYL
WHERE?

LINEBACKER COP
Near a freeway entrance.
Said they’re heading east on the ten.
Big U-Haul.

DARRYL
Call the Highway Patrol.
Have them set up a roadblock.

LINEBACKER COP
One step ahead of you.

Flint gets up.
Starts heading toward the door.

FLINT
I’m gonna catch those fuckers.

DARRYL
They gotta BIG lead on you.
You’ll never catch them.

He GRABS the knob.
Turns. Looks. Sneers.

FLINT
You haven’t seen ME drive.

EXT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE - DAY
A ramshackle joint from
the turn of the century.

The Dumpster truck pulls up
to the entrance. HONKS once.
Then twice again.

The doors slowly open inward.
The truck drives in.

INT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS
A giant space. Almost big enough
to be an airplane hanger.

Parked off to the side is
a giant semi tractor-trailer,
back doors open,
with a ramp leading up inside it.

Flint stands near it,
along with EB PICKER (40’s),
a giant redneck trucker right out
of central casting.

Holding a shotgun. Chewing tobacco.
Confederate flag hat. The works.

IN THE DUMPSTER TRUCK
Kelsey looks at Doc. Shakes her head.

KELSEY
I don’t like it.

DOC
Don’t have any choice.

SIMON
Who’s the scary-looking dude next to him?

DOC
Must be the driver.

KELSEY
How do we know we can trust them?

DOC
Fifteen million bucks says so.
And besides, we now have protection.
He’ll keep the law away from us.
(opens his door)
C’mon. Let’s get it over with.

They get out of the truck.
Flint and Eb walk over.

FLINT
Well, if it isn’t the
Cooch In The Wall Gang.

DOC
Cole.

FLINT
Okay. Here’s how it’s gonna work.
Eb here gave the cops an anonymous tip
that you’re heading east
on the ten freeway in a U-Haul,
so the cops are looking for you there.
Meanwhile, he’s gonna take you
to the Marina where your boat is.

EB
(CRACKS the shotgun)
Leave the drivin’ to us.

FLINT
You’ll wait there while Doc
and I go get his dough.
(to Doc)
If I don’t return safely, they die.
And if they get cute, you’re toast.
(cackles)
Sometimes I’m so brilliant
I can’t fucking take it.
(off their stares)
Okay. Toss your guns on the floor
and let’s get this show on the fuckin’ ROAD.

Kelsey, Simon and Jo toss them. Look pissed.
Eb starts picking them up.

DOC
If we’re going to rob a police precinct,
I’d like to keep mine.

FLINT
Sorry, pop. No can do.
(off his stare)
You’ll get it back. Promise.

DOC
What if I take out the bullets?

He carefully pulls out his Magnum.
Racks out the clip.

Opens it. Dumps the bullets
on the floor. Holds it up.

Shows it’s empty.
SHOVES it back in, CLICK. Flint smiles.

FLINT
That’ll work.

Thursday, February 4, 2016

Take Me Back To Paradise City


Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 53 of BABY HEISTER, after the gang successfully robs the bank, Doc gives Kelsey some shocking news ... that the night before the robbery, while she and Simon were out killing the Yakuza gang leader that shot her parents, they got busted by rogue cop Flint Cole, who now wants to split the loot with them ...


INT. BANK - MANAGER’S OFFICE - DAY
A small space with the usual functional furniture.
Doc and Jo look at Big Bank Guard and Beige Manager,
now handcuffed, sitting on the floor,
facing away from each other.

DOC
What time do the other employees get here?

BEIGE BANK MANAGER
Any minute now.

DOC
Then we’ll make this fast.

Jo puts a piece of duct tape
on Big Guard’s mouth.
RIPS off another piece for Beige.

BEIGE BANK MANAGER
Do you really have to --

JO
(SLAPS it on)
Yeah. We really do.

EXT. BANK - BACK ALLEY - DAY
Simon and Kelsey throw in the last bag
of money into the Dumpster.
We see Kelsey’s back in her coveralls.

Doc and Jo come out. They help them
throw in lumber to cover the money.

Kelsey and Simon close the
rear door to the armored car.
Lock it with the guards’ keys.

Get in the truck.
Simon behind the wheel, Kelsey beside him,
Doc and Jo in the rear compartment
behind the cab.

Simon GUNS the engine, and
they start off down the alley.

INT. DUMPSTER TRUCK - MOVING - DAY
Simon POUNDS the steering wheel.

SIMON
We fucking DID it.

KELSEY
(sings)
Take me down to Paradise City, where
the cash is green and the girls are gritty --

Doc leans into the cab. Looks serious.

DOC
We need to talk.
Something went down last night.

EXT. BANK - FRONT ENTRANCE - DAY
A pair of BANK EMPLOYEES (20’s)
stand at the front door.

A HOT TELLER presses a buzzer.
Looks at the other, a
CHUBBY HISPANIC ASSISTANT MANAGER.

HOT TELLER
Still no answer.

CHUBBY HISPANIC ASSISTANT MANAGER
(peers in the window)
That’s strange. Maybe they’re
around back because of the delivery. C’mon.

INT. DUMPSTER TRUCK - MOVING - DAY
Doc looks at Kelsey. Then Simon. White-faced.

DOC
When the two of you went off to
take care of the Yakuza, we got busted.
(off their looks of shock)
Undercover dick by the name of Flint Cole.
Found us in the hotel, but didn’t
let on to the other cops.
Saw an opportunity.

KELSEY
Why didn’t you TELL us?

DOC
Didn’t want you to be distracted.
If we fucked up the job,
we’d be really fucked.

KELSEY
So what happens now?

DOC
In exchange for helping us escape with the dough --
which he gets a cut of, by the way --
he wants half the stash.

SIMON
The bloody BASTARD.

KELSEY
But the cops have it.

DOC
Yeah. But he knows where it is,
and how to get it back -- if we help him.

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Second Time's A Charm


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 52 of BABY HEISTER, Doc, Kelsey, Jo and Simon arrive at the bank where Kelsey's parents were killed trying to rob it ... and proceed to rob it again ...


EXT. BACK ALLEY - MOMENTS LATER
Simon sits in the truck,
the Dumpster in front of the exit,
leaving just enough room
for someone to squeeze by.

AT THE END OF THE ALLEY
The ARMORED TRUCK arrives.

Comes to a stop behind the Dumpster.
The driver HONKS his horn.

Simon looks in his rear view mirror.
Gets out of the truck.

Starts walking over the armored car.
Waving and smiling.

Kelsey starts coming down the alley
on the opposite side.

Both guards in the truck stare at her.
Simon walks up to the driver-side window.
Driver sees him.

DRIVER
Move the Dumpster. It’s in the way.

Simon pretends he can’t hear.
Silently moves his mouth like he’s talking.
Driver opens the door, starts to get out.

Just at that moment, Kelsey approaches
the passenger side door.

Pulls out a cigarette.
RAPS on the window.

KELSEY
Hey. You gotta light?

PASSENGER-SIDE GUARD
No, sorry.

She gets closer. Smiles.
Passenger-Side stares. Wow.

ON THE OTHER SIDE
Driver Guard gets in Simon’s face.

DRIVER
I said MOVE the fucking DUMPSTER.

Simon CLIPS Driver on the head with his gun,
knocking him to the ground.

Passenger Side sees,
reaches for his weapon --
as Simon JUMPS in the cab,
JAMS his gun in his face.

SIMON
Ever heard the expression
‘explodes in a red mist?’

IN THE REAR COMPARTMENT
The THIRD GUARD tries
working the radio, without success.

THIRD GUARD
Hello? Hello? Come in, GODDAMMIT.
We’re being ROBBED.

AT THE END OF THE ALLEY
A panel truck backs up to the armored car.
Jo gets out.

AT THE BANK EXIT
Doc stands to the side of the door.
Jo joins on the other side.

They pull out Uzis. Nod to each other.
The door OPENS. Out comes a BIG BANK GUARD.

Sees the Dumpster blocking the way.
Doc presses his Uzi against his chest.

DOC
Make a move and you’re shredded beef.

SIMON AND KELSEY
Press their guns against the guards’ heads.
Take their guns.

KELSEY
Take out your keys and open the door.

They reach into their pockets.
Start pulling them out.

SIMON
Slowly. No sudden movements.

KELSEY
We don’t wanna hurt anybody.

In unison, they open the door -- revealing
THIRD GUARD, crouched on one knee.
Gun aimed at them with both hands.

THIRD GUARD
Shit.

KELSEY
Toss it, NOW.

He does.

SIMON
Get out.

IN THE BANK
Doc and Jo walk Big Bank Guard toward the back.

The MANAGER, a puffy, corporate type in beige
wearing a goatee and glasses sees him.
Then Doc and Jo. Their guns.

BEIGE BANK MANAGER
Wh-what’s going on?

DOC
What does it look like?

BEIGE BANK MANAGER
AGAIN?

DOC
Second time’s a charm.
(beat)
In your office, NOW.

He stares. Open-mouthed.

JO
You heard the man. MOVE IT.

IN THE PANEL TRUCK
Simon handcuffs the guards to a steel pole
just under the ceiling of the compartment.
Kelsey holds a gun on them.

DRIVER
You’ll never get away with this.

Simon STUFFS a rag in his mouth.

SIMON
Watch us.

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

The Way Of The Gun


Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 51 of BABY HEISTER, Doc discovers that Kelsey killed the Yakuza gang leader that murdered her parents Griff and Chelle, and is surprisingly cool with it ... and then he, Kelsey, Jo and Simon begin their robbery of the bank where Griff and Chelle got killed trying to rob it ...


INT. SHITTY MOTEL - BATHROOM - DAY
Kelsey sits on the toilet seat
wearing a tank top.

Simon ties a bandage around
her upper arm tightly,
making a tourniquet.

KELSEY
Ow.

SIMON
It’s gotta be tight.
And you’re gonna have
to see a doctor soon.
If it gets infected,
you’re fucked.

KELSEY
I’ll go after the job.
Hurry up and finish
before they wake up.

DOC (O.C.)
What’s going, Kelsey? What happened?

Reveal Doc. Standing in the doorway.

KELSEY
Doc.

DOC
What happened to your arm?

Pause.

KELSEY
We, uh -- visited the Yakuza.

DOC
Did you kill him?

KELSEY
Yeah.
(beat)
Please don’t be mad.

Doc stares at her. Sighs.

DOC
Fuck it. Bastard’s dead,
and you didn’t get caught.

KELSEY
You’re not -- mad at me?

DOC
Life’s too short. C’mon.
Jo’s got a first aid kit.
We’ll get you fixed up in a jiffy.

Kelsey stares, open-mouthed.
Doc CLAP-CLAPS his hands.

DOC
C’mon, let’s get a move on.
We’ve places to go,
people to see,
banks to rob.

INT. EMPTY STORE - DAY
An empty space with a cement floor.
Construction equipment. Piles of lumber.
The gang wears coveralls and hard hats.

Simon stands at a makeshift table
with a metal box on it.

He FLICKS a switch.
A red light starts BLINKING.

SIMON
Simon says SCRAMBLED.

A HONK-HONK from outside.

DOC
Dumpster’s here. Places, please.

Simon, Doc and Jo pull goggles
down from their helmets.

Scarves up from around their necks.
Faces now covered.

IN THE ALLEY
The Dumpster truck rolls to a stop
in front of the store.

Simon walks up to it. Waves.
The DRIVER (20’s),
big and burly, gets out.
Climbs down carrying a clipboard.

SIMON
Boy, am I glad to see you.
My boss is gonna have my ass.

BURLY DRIVER
Got a lot of shit, huh?

Simon CLIPS him on the head
with his gun. He falls, THWUNK.

IN THE STORE
Doc looks at Kelsey.

DOC
It’s showtime, baby heister.

Kelsey nods.
Unzips her coveralls.
Steps out of them.

Now resplendent in
Daisy Dukes and a tight,
denim top knotted
above her belly button.

She takes off her hard hat.
Undoes her ponytail.

Shakes her hair free.
Puts it back on.

Then mirrored shades.
Applies blood-red lipstick.

KELSEY
Think this’ll work?

DOC
Won’t know what hit ‘em --

Monday, February 1, 2016

Hot And Heavy


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 50 of BABY HEISTER, Kelsey finally grieves for the death of her parents, and then gets up close and personal with Simon. Meanwhile, robbery-homicide chief Darryl Rooker finds out about the death of the Yakuza gang leader that killed Kelsey's parents, and realizes she did it ...


INT. SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Kelsey sits on the mattress.
Holding a bottle of Jack.

Takes a big swig.
Wipes her mouth with her sleeve.

We see she’s been crying.
Eyes are red.

Simon comes in from the bathroom.

SIMON
Are you okay?

KELSEY
No, I’m NOT okay.
(sniffles)
I’m a LONG way away from THAT.

He sits down next to her.
Strokes her hair.

SIMON
Maybe you should take it easy with that.
We gotta big job tomorrow.

She hands him the bottle.
He takes a swig. Grimaces.

KELSEY
I thought I’d feel better, you know?

SIMON
Maybe you’re finally grieving.
(off her look)
A lot of people keep it bottled up.
Afraid it would hurt too much.

And that does it.
The floodgates open.

Kelsey starts SOBBING.
Simon takes her into his arms.
Holds her tight.

SIMON
It’s okay. Let it out.
Let it out.

Kelsey cries and cries.
Heaving, wracking sobs of pain.

Then pulls away.
Eyes full of grief.

KELSEY
I never really KNEW them.
(gasps)
It was all a LIE.
(a whisper)
And now I’m just LIKE them.

She GRABS him for dear life.
Starts kissing him.

They start going at it.
Hot and heavy.

She hungrily starts
pulling his shirt off.

He grabs her belt.
Starts undoing it --

And they fall onto the bed
in a writhing, twisting,
tormented tornado of passion.
Consuming each other for dear life.

INT. ABANDONED GROCERY STORE - DAY
The task force HQ
is a beehive of activity.

Cops sit at work stations
working computers. On the phone.

The big map on the wall
now has dozens of marks on it.

Flint and Darryl sit at a desk
with a box of donuts
and cups of coffee.

Flint picks up a bear claw.
Throws it down.

FLINT
My teeth are rotting
just looking at this shit.
I want a real breakfast.

DARRYL
There’s a Mickey D’s
around the corner.
You want me to send --

FLINT
I said a REAL breakfast.

Costello walks over to them.
Looks excited.

COSTELLO
Chief, I got something.
You know that Yakuza gang leader
that was out on bail awaiting trial?

FLINT
The one who killed Doc’s
son and his wife?

COSTELLO
Yeah. He was shot
and killed last night.
Witnesses say young a girl did it.

DARRYL
Hot? About eighteen?

COSTELLO
Bingo.

FLINT
(looks at Darryl, smiles)
Looks like Doc’s little girl
just went over to the dark side --

Thursday, January 28, 2016

Bloodbath


Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 49 of BABY HEISTER, it's the mother of all shootouts when Kelle and Simon go face-to-face with the Yakuza gang leader who killed Kelle's parents during their last, ill-fated bank robbery ...


EXT. TENEMENT BUILDING - REAR ALLEY - NIGHT
Kelsey goes to the fire escape.
Grabs the bottom rung.

Starts climbing.
Simon follows her up.

INT. YUNG PARK SOH’S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Tastefully done in ‘early dorm room.’
And the boxes of stolen electronics
are a nice touch.

Yung lies in bed with his NAKED GIRLFRIEND (18)
watching some action movie on a flat-screen.

YUNG
Kill ‘em, MOTHERFUCKA --

Naked giggles. Loads a giant BONG with pot.
Pulls out a lighter. FIRES it up.
Takes a big hit. Starts COUGHING.

Hands the bong to Yung.
He scarfs up the rest. Holds it in.

OUTSIDE
Kelsey and Simon stand on each side
of the window. Peer in.

KELSEY
(whispers)
Gonna be easy. Fucker’s wasted.

SIMON
Still gotta be careful. Dude’s Yakuza.

Kelsey nods. Crouches down.
Grabs the bottom of the window.

Slowly opens it -- SCREECH.
They move away. Wait. Then look.

SIMON
TV’s on too loud.

KELSEY
(nods)
On the count of three --

ON THE TV SCREEN
A big gang fight in a warehouse.
You know the cliche.

A dozen YAKUZAS fight each other
in a whirlwind. A real bloodbath.

YUNG AND NAKED
Stare at the screen. Transfixed.

ON THE FIRE ESCAPE
Kelsey pulls out her gun. Simon, his.

KELSEY
(mouths silently)
One, two --

They JUMP in the window.
Start FIRING. Yung gets HIT.

He SCREAMS. GRABS an Uzi.
Starts SPRAYING bullets at them.

Kelsey gets HIT in the arm.
JUMPS back. Simon DUCKS.

More MACHINE GUN FIRE.
The girl SCREAMS. Then silence.

Kelsey holds her arm.
Sees the blood. Gasps.

SIMON
You’ve been HIT.

KELSEY
It’s okay. Just nicked me.

SIMON
What do we do now?

She slowly peers around the corner. Looks.

IN THE APARTMENT
Naked lies on the floor.
Bleeding. No sign of Yung.

KELSEY
Looks at Simon, wide-eyed.

KELSEY
He’s GONE. C’mon --

She RACES down the fire escape.
Simon follows. They JUMP down.

Start RUNNING toward
the front of the building --

INT. SHITTY APARTMENT BUILDING ENTRANCE - NIGHT
Yung RUNS out the front door.
JUMPS on his motorcycle,
just as Kelsey and Simon
DASH around the corner.

He sees them.
SPRAYS them with MACHINE GUN FIRE.
They HIT the ground.

A DISPLAY OF FRUIT
Gets SHREDDED with bullets.
Pulp FLIES in the air.

YUNG
KICK-STARTS the bike.
The engine ROARS. He TAKES OFF.

KELSEY
JUMPS up. Aims her gun at him. SCREAMS.

KELSEY
NOOO.

She FIRES at him.
BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

Bullets HIT the bike.
Yung loses control.
FLIES in the air.

It SKITTERS down the street.
He JUMPS up. Looks around.
Can’t find his Uzi.

Kelsey and Simon RUN toward him.
He turns. Sees them. Eyes flashing.

He pulls out a SWITCHBLADE.
FLIPS the blade open.

Kelsey stops. Aims her gun
at him with both hands. Sneers.

KELSEY
You killed my PARENTS.
(growls)
Now it’s YOUR TURN.

She pulls the trigger. CLICK. And again.
CLICK. CLICK. CLICK.
He smiles. Starts LAUGHING.

YUNG
Now I cut you in little pieces.

Simon steps into frame.
Offers his gun to Kelsey.

SIMON
Take it --

She DROPS hers. GRABS his --
as Yung CHARGES her.

YUNG
GAAA --

She FIRES. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.
The bullets stop him in mid-air.

He FLOPS to the ground
like a rag doll, THWUMP.

Kelsey stares. Horrified.
She VOMITS. Wipes her mouth.

A small crowd of ONLOOKERS appear.
A siren starts WAILING.

SIMON
(grabs her hand)
C’mon, let’s get the fuck outta here --

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Love Never Dies


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 48 of BABY HEISTER, a SWAT team gets ready to blast their way into Doc and Kelsey's safe house, but little do they know that the gang had moved next door into their 'back up' safe house. Meanwhile, now that Doc and Jo are asleep, Kelsey and Simon get ready to go get revenge on the Yakuza gang leader that killed Kelsey's parents ...


EXT. DOC’S WAREHOUSE - DUSK
A SWAT truck is at the curb.
Flint and Darryl talk with the
TACTICAL FORCE COMMANDER,
(40’s), big, tough, no-nonsense.

SWAT COMMANDER
We gotta problem.
The door to the stairs
has been welded shut.
Only way up is on the elevator --

FLINT
Which is now toast,
with dead heisters, over easy.

DARRYL
Can someone climb up the cables?

SWAT COMMANDER
They’ve been cut.

FLINT
And the windows are secured --

DARRYL
(to SWAT Commander)
What do you think?
You’re the expert.

SWAT COMMANDER
We go up to the roof,
blow a hole, then go in.

FLINT
He’s not there.

DARRYL
Bullshit. Where could he have gone?

FLINT
After those two assholes tried
a double-cross and crash-landed,
he split.
(points)
See the roofs up there?
They’re connected.
He could be anywhere by now.

DARRYL
I say he’s still in there.
(to Swat Commander)
Go ahead. Blow the fucker up.

INT. SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Completely bare, except for
a bare mattress on the floor.

Next to it, an ancient,
old-school transistor radio.

Simon lies on the mattress.
Kelsey comes into the room.

KELSEY
Finally. They’re asleep.

SIMON
I can’t believe they still -- do it.

KELSEY
Love never dies, I guess.

SIMON
Fucking gross.

KELSEY
I think it’s sweet.

SIMON
Give you any ideas?

KELSEY
In your dreams.

She pulls her gun out
from behind her back.

Checks the clip.
CRACKS it back in, KA-CHINK.

KELSEY
Cops gone?

SIMON
Yeah. Boy, were they PISSED
when they didn’t find anything.
(beat)
You sure you wanna do this.

KELSEY
Never more sure of
anything in my life.

SIMON
Then let’s go punch out
his fortune cookie.

KELSEY
Fortune cookies come
with Chinese food.
He’s Japanese.

SIMON
You’re confusing me with
someone who gives a duck sauce --