More Fun Than Milking Cow

It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your darkest fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 33 of FULL BODY, as we start the race to the exciting conclusion of our story, we catch up with recently reunited Croatian crime lords in love, Yuri and Mavra, who now must deal with newbie Summer Donovan's attempt to resign from her duties at The International ...


INT. THE INTERNATIONAL - YURI’S OFFICE - NIGHT
The jazzy, sultry, nasty purr of Layo & Bushwacka’s remix
of Ella Fitzgerald’s ANGEL EYES over --

Yuri and Mavra. On the floor.
A tangled mess of spent passion.

Yuri gets up.
Offers his hand.

MAVRA
Stay with me.
Is like we are losing virginities.

YURI
Need smoke --
(pulls her up)
C’mere -- lubavnik.

She rises. In time to the music.
Gestures. Dips.

MAVRA
I like -- American remix.

YURI
Satellite radio.
Only the best in land of opportunity.

MAVRA
(embraces him)
Opportunity knocks -- me up.

YURI
Opportunity had fucking multiple orgasm.

The glittering syncopated intrigue of
Thievery Corporation’s KILLER’S WALTZ starts, percolates over --

Yuri grabs his smokes from the desk.
Pulls out a pair.
Pops them in his mouth.

Lights up. Hands her one. She SNATCHES it.

YURI
Do you know how to whistle?

MAVRA
(exhales luxuriously)
Darling. Put lips together and blow job.

YURI
We need to -- wait a bit.

MAVRA
Silly boy.
Who said anything about you?

They laugh. Nuzzle. Smoke.
Years of pain washing away.

YURI
Remember that summer in Zagreb,
after gimnazija dance?

MAVRA
When I gave you hand job in vijecnica?

YURI
You said it more fun than milking cow.

Oogie pops his head out of Yuri’s jacket
lying on a chair.

YURI
Oogie. There you are --

MAVRA
You still bring home stray animals?

FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
Hello? Is anybody here?

SUMMER appears in the doorway.
With Lindsey.

LINDSEY
Oh. Sorry to -- interrupt --

SUMMER
Mr. Vlaovic. Sorry to --

YURI
MR. VLAOVIC?
Yuri, please --
you must call me YURI.

The girls fidget.
Awkward. Staring at Mavra.
And the couple’s state of near undress.

YURI
Ach. I forget manners.
Summer, Lindsey --
I’d like you to meet my wife, Mavra.

MAVRA
(bows)
Enchanted.

The girls exchange glances.

LINDSEY
But I thought -- your wife --

SUMMER
She -- passed away?

YURI
Was white lie to hide pain and loss.
And now is miracle, we are reunited.

MAVRA
(takes Yuri’s hand, kisses it)
Like vilderbeast in Dalmatian forest.

Pause.

SUMMER
So, uh -- Yuri --

LINDSEY
Don’t let her do it, Yuri.
You can’t let her quit.

YURI
(to Summer)
You want to quit?
After only first day?

SUMMER
I’m sorry, but I’m just not --
I can’t --

ETYA walks in. Hands on hips.

ETYA
You cannot quit!
You are already most popular!
All your clients have booked
for you again.
And you made most money.
(beat)
Sorry. Was eavesdropping.

SUMMER
They did? I did? But --

YURI
Is ridiculous.
You not give us chance.
This is respectable family business.
Sure, there is occasional kinkiness,
but we perform valuable service --
helping movers and shakers release tension.
We are doing duty for seat of nation’s capitol --
in seat of pants.

Etya hands envelopes to Summer and Lindsey.

ETYA
Go ahead. Count it.
You made five thousand fifty dollars,
Ms. Donovan.

SUMMER
(looks)
Five thousand -- ?

LINDSEY
(looks)
That’s more than twice what I --

YURI
I understand you might find some
of what you do here to be a little -- unseemly.
But this is American way. Greed is good.
Sometimes you have to get down and dirty
in name of capitalism.
Look at Iraq war, Haliburton, hello?
They fucking cleaned up.
And look at Madison Avenue. Sex sells.
How else you explain Doublemint Twins?
What we do isn’t illegal or immoral,
is just -- business. Profitable business.

MAVRA
Family business.

LINDSEY
Which could allow you to follow your dream --

Pause.

SUMMER
Okay, you win. Alright? Happy?
(beat)
But I’m taking tomorrow off.

Balling The Jack

It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your darkest fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 32 of FULL BODY, masseuse/would-be singer Summer Donovan flees the Eighteenth Street Lounge after her disastrous singing debut. Meanwhile, the party continues in the surgeon general's limo, when French-African gazelle Ayanna Prouxl and Portuguese beauty Catalina Gil get down and dirty with sex, drugs and overdoses ...


EXT. 16TH STREET - NIGHT
Summer and Lindsey walk fast down the sidewalk.

LINDSEY
C’mon, let’s get a cab. It’s late --

SUMMER
I fucked it up, Lindsey!
I fucked it up. Goddammit. I was THERE.
I sang for Eric Hilton and Rob Garza,
and I was GREAT --
until my fucking NOSE started BLEEDING!

She stops. Loses it.
Starts crying. Lindsey hugs her.

LINDSEY
Shhhhh, it’s okay --

A RASPY MALE VOICE calls out.

RASPY MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Yeaaaaah, gimmee some sugar.
Love da lezzies. Can I join in?

A SCARY GUY in a leather jacket approaches.
Leering. Rubbing his crotch.

Lindsey WHIPS OUT a can of mace. Aims it.

LINDSEY
Back the fuck off, asshole!
Go swing your dick somewhere else!

SCARY GUY
(walks away)
Fucking carpet-munchers --

LINDSEY
Loser! Go home and beat off!
(grabs Summer’s arm)
C’mon, let’s split a cab.
What part of town do you live?
(gives her a kleenex)
Here --

SUMMER
Thanks.
(dabs her eyes)
I gotta -- go back to the salon.
Get my jacket -- has my keys.

LINDSEY
Okay --

SUMMER
I can’t do it, Lina.
It’s -- too much.
I’m just not cut out for --

LINDSEY
You can’t quit! We’re a team.
Buds. You’re part of the family --

PUSH IN ON Summer. Falling apart.

SUMMER
That’s why I’m -- running away from home.

INT. CHICK’S LIMO - MOVING - AT THAT MOMENT
The Brazilian pop-soul-funk of Anthony Marinell’s remix
of Herb Albert & The Tijuana Brass’s WHIPPED CREAM over --

The remains of the day.
Ayanna, hooked up to an IV.
Bandage across her forehead.

Catalina, in nurse position,
holding Ayanna’s hand.
More than a bit freaked out.

AYANNA
(sings)
Ba-ba-ba-bop-be-bedo-bee --

CHICK
(stops the IV, takes it out)
That’s enough -- don’t want you
getting all Karen Carpenter on me.

CATALINA
What were you giving her?

CHICK
Morphine drip.
Poor girl suffered quite a crack to the head.
And then there’s the withdrawal, of course.

AYANNA
I’d like to -- make a withdrawal,
ossiffer -- ha, ha, ha, ha --

CHICK
She’s either seeing white rabbits
or pink elephants at this juncture.
One pill makes you larger,
and a speedball makes you sore.

CATALINA
Withdrawal? She’s addicted to -- ?

AYANNA
Might as well confess
you’re addicted to love --

CHICK
We all have addictions, my love.
For some people it’s shopping,
others, its sex --
some people get off on
money, power, fame.
It’s all the same thing.
(freaky smile)
I’m Chauncey Gardener -- I like to watch.

Chick pulls out a large syringe. SQUIRTS it.

CATALINA
What the fuck is THAT?

CHICK
Just a little booster to even her out.

He finds a vein in Ayanna’s arm.
Taps it. FLICKS the needle.
Slides it in. Presses the plunger down --

Ayanna’s eyes roll back.
Immediate, heavenly bliss.

AYANNA
(to Catalina, dreamy)
Mommy -- fucks so good --

CATALINA
(hugs her)
Oh, baby -- what are we gonna do?

CHICK
Now that’s an excellent question.
I would think you should join the party --
then we could get this shindig
on the road, be-bop-a-lula, she’s my girl.

CATALINA
Join the party?

Chick lays out a mirror.
Takes out a glassine envelope.

Pours powder out of it.
Starts chopping it up.

CHICK
Back in the fifties,
my first wife was a
real beatnik hep-cat.
She used to call it ‘balling the jack.’
(twitches his eyebrows)
And I, of course -- was JACK. HA.

CATALINA
I’m sorry, but I’m not
going to get addicted to --

AYANNA
(sits up, sees the powder)
Now that’s what I call balling the jack --

CHICK
(offers the straw)
Nonsense. This is recreational use.
(gestures toward Ayanna)
And this is your playground.
Approved by the Surgeon General.
(narrows eyes)
I wouldn’t want this to turn ugly.

AYANNA
C’mon, baby -- let’s party.
One lil-ol’ liney won’ hurt you --

She leans over.
HONKS up a fat line.
SNORTS. Eyes roll back.

Whoops.

AYANNA
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaah --

She SPASMS.
Viscous fluid ERUPTS from her mouth.
Ayanna’s head falls back. THUD.

CHICK
Now why did you have to go and do THAT.

He puts his stethoscope on her heart.
Feels her wrist.

CATALINA
What’s wrong!? What’s wrong!?

CHICK
No pulse. Quick, don’t panic.
(points)
Hand me that case, NOW.

Catalina grabs a large aluminum container.
Chick opens it, YANKS out a pair of paddles
with electrical cords.

CHICK
Open her blouse!

CATALINA
(RIPS it open)
Ohmigod, baby -- don’t die!
Don’t die!
(crosses herself)
Mother Mary, full of grace --

Chick raises the paddles --

CHICK
Turn it on! Let me know when it hits 250!

CATALINA
What about giving her a shot of adrenaline
like in ‘Pulp Fiction?’

CHICK
That’s a fucking MOVIE!
Fiction! Watch the red arrow!

AYANNA
(watches it)
Okay -- NOW!

CHICK
One, two -- clear!

He ZAPS her chest -- BZZZZZZZZZZT!
No response.

CHICK
Awaken! I COMMAND you!

He ZAPS her again -- BZZZZZZZZZZT!
Nothing. Not looking good.

CATALINA
Oh my god! Please, Lord --
DO SOMETHING.

CHICK
I'm trying!
(to Ayanna)
Wake THE FUCK UP!

Chick ZAPS her -- BZZZZZZZZZZT!
BZZZZZZZZZZT! BZZZZZZZZZZT!

Ayanna BOLTS UPRIGHT. Eyes FLY OPEN.

Catalina and Chick sigh. Relieved.
Ayanna, big, goofy grin.

AYANNA
I’m hungry. Who wants pizza?

A phone RINGS.
Catalina fishes out her cell. Listens.

CATALINA
What now?
(mouths silently)
My husband --
(into the phone)
I’m on my way home.
Had a special client --
from the Surgeon General’s office.
(listens)
What do you mean
the kids didn’t eat anything?
(listens)
I told you they don’t like chili --
(listens)
What about the chicken I -- ?
(listens)
YOU ate it? I told you to save that --
(listens)
STOP yelling at me!
I’m on my way home!
Give them some cereal!
And this is your last night
in MY HOME. GOOD-BYE!

She SLAMS the phone shut.
Dark eyes flash with anger.

CATALINA
Idiot. I thought we were separated.
(to Chick)
Family emergency.
Could you please take me back
to the International?
My car’s there --

Chick glares at her. Leans over.
SNORTS a line. Then another.

CHICK
Of course, my love.
I didn’t realize you had children.
(slurs, into the call box)
Driver. To the International.
And make it SNAPPY.
We have an errant mother
who needs to tend to her brood.

AYANNA
What about -- our party?

CATALINA
Sorry, baby -- party’s over.

Almost Wet My Panties

It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 31 of FULL BODY, 'The International' security guard Rod Katz and evil criminal mastermind Hiroku Nakamura huddle after Rod's been cleared of the murder of undercover agent Reynolds Tan. But little do they know, they're being watched by Israeli cop Ben Fleck and Palestinian agent Ali Nassour ...


EXT. THE INTERNATIONAL - ACROSS THE STREET - NIGHT
The pitch-black, slit your wrist, stabbed in the heart
doom-pop of Joy Division’s LOVE WILL TEAR US APART over --

Rod, sitting on the passenger side
of Hiroku’s Hummer.

Hiroku grips the wheel tightly.
Face clenched with rage.

ROD
(sips coffee)
Nice wheels, Henry.
What’s the mileage on this fucker,
six miles to the gallon?

HIROKU
(pulls gun on him)
It’s Hiroku, shit-head.

ROD
Okay, okay, put the gat away,
Hi-ro-ku. We be cool.
(weird smile)
Hi-ro-ku. We be cool. Ha.

HIROKU
We not be cool.
Let me do the talking,
you ignorant fuck.
Do the cops know anything?
Do they have any suspects?

INT. VAN - AT THAT MOMENT
ALI NASSOUR and BEN FLECK sit in the back
listening on headphones.

Staring at a chessboard.
Deep in thought.

NASSOUR
That’s it, baby. Sing to mamma.
(moves a piece)
I’ve got you now, Mossad wannabe.

FLECK
Pure genius.
Bugging his fucking Starbucks.
I gotta hand it -- to me.
(looks at the board)
That’s your move?
You play like Golda Meyer
strapped with dynamite at a pre-school.

IN THE HUMMER
Rod fiddles with his coffee lid.

ROD
No, I told you. We’re cool.
I’m clean. They let me go.

HIROKU
I find it hard to believe
that a complete idiot
could get over on them so easily.

ROD
Excuse me?

HIROKU
You heard me.
How do you know
they’re not following you?

ROD
Following me?
Why would they follow me?

HIROKU
Because you KILLED THE FUCKING GIRL.

ROD
But they DON’T KNOW
I killed the fucking girl.

IN THE VAN
Nassour’s and Fleck’s eyes LIGHT UP.

They JUMP OUT of the van.
RACE toward the Hummer.

IN THE HUMMER

ROD
Hey, c’mon, now.
Put the gun down.
It might go off.

HIROKU
(screws on a silencer)
Oh, it’s gonna go off.
(CLICK)
I’ve decided you’re a
liability to my operation.
Get ready to go down
on cold, blue steel.

ROD
Wait! Let’s talk about this --
c’mon, Hi-ro-ku, I’m beggin’ you --

Hiroku flips open his cell phone.
Points it.

HIROKU
Smile for the camera, asshole --
time to meet your maker.
Think they’ll like it on YouTube?

Rod LUNGES for the gun --

ROD
NOOOOOOO --

BANG. Hiroku shoots him between the eyes.
Blood SMEARS the window. Rod slumps. Gone.

Hiroku smiles.
CLICKS the phone shut.

Nassour and Fleck POUND on the windows.

NASSOUR
POLICE, OPEN UP!

FLECK
FEDERAL AGENT!
STEP OUT OF THE VEHICLE!

Hiroku rolls down his window.
Smiles.

HIROKU
Hey, Ali. Scary.
Almost wet my panties.

NASSOUR
Hey. We gotta make it look good.

HIROKU
You get it all?

NASSOUR
Like Tricky Dick.
Good job, kid.
We manipulate the guard
into killing the bitch,
and then faster than
you can say ‘rogue operation,’
get his confession on tape.
God, I love this country.

Smiles all around.

HIROKU
What do you say we get a pitcher
and watch the Patriots game?

NASSOUR
Thanks, but we have --
our own game.

FLECK
First annual Israeli-Palestinian
grand master.

HIROKU
Huh?

NASSOUR
The sport of KINGS.

HIROKU
What?

NASSOUR AND FLECK
Chess!

Hiroku rubs his chin. Thinks.

HIROKU
A little heavy-handed --
but still, an effective metaphor.

Love, Croatian Style

It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 30 of FULL BODY, we return to The International, DC's most exclusive 'gentleman's spa,' where Croatian crime boss/club owner Yuri Vlaovic has his final showdown with his ex-wife Mavra, back from the dead ... and stuck in the middle is their darling daughter, Etya ...


INT. THE INTERNATIONAL - OFFICE - NIGHT
Thievery Corporation’s ominous dub-drenched
swirling remix of The Doors’ STRANGE DAYS over --

A stand-off.
Etya, gun at Silke.
Silke, gun at Etya.

Yuri, weapons on both.

'Love, Croatian style.'

YURI
Unhand my daughter.

MAVRA
(arms around Etya)
She’s my daughter, too.

ETYA
Is okay, Poppa.
Don’t shoot.
She not want to harm us.

SILKE
What the fuck is this?
The Family feud?

Husband and wife look at each other strangely.
The music RISES.

MAVRA
Been a long time -- Yuri.

YURI
Since -- funeral.

MAVRA
Was good turn-out --

YURI
Why are you here -- now?

MAVRA
I’ve come for my daughter.

YURI
Over my dead body.

SILKE
That can be arranged.

MAVRA
Silke, stay out of this.

SILKE
Oh, yeah?

YURI
You heard the woman,
stay out of this.

SILKE
(points gun at YURI)
But she’s mine.
(to Mavra)
You’re MINE.

Yuri SHOOTS Silke in the chest.
BANG! BANG! BANG!

YURI
I told you to SHUT UP! Idiot.
She doesn’t BELONG to anyone.
She is free spirit.
Beautiful, brilliant
independent businesswoman.

He looks at Mavra shyly.
A glimmer of a smile.

MAVRA
Yuri?

ETYA
Poppa?

MAVRA
You mean all of that?

A BULGE slowly rises in Yuri’s trousers.

YURI
I’ve been -- doing some reading.

MAVRA
Yuri. Is miracle.
You have -- woody.

YURI
(with wonder)
I have -- fucking hard-on.

He RACES to her. They embrace.
ATTACK each other like animals.
Yuri SWEEPS off the desk with his arm.
Turns --

YURI
(to Etya)
Get rid of body, give us some --
(looks at Mavra)
Privacy.

He lays her down on the desk.
Straddles her.

YURI
(to Etya)
Now!

ETYA
(in shock)
Yes, Poppa.

She goes to Silke’s limp body,
starts dragging him away.

MAVRA
(to Yuri, in Croatian, with subtitles)
Come to me, my Dalmatian doggie.

YURI
(in Croatian, subtitles)
My little pussycat. Meooow --

And they go at it. Brutal.
Tender. Like never before.

Let Your Fingers Do The Crying

SPECIAL LABOR DAY EDITION:

It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your darkest fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 29 of FULL BODY, masseuse/would-be torch singer Summer Donovan makes her debut at The Eighteenth Street Lounge, which turns into a disaster. Meanwhile, at Dhumbah, DC's hottest restaurant, French-African gazelle Ayanna Prouxl, jonesing for heroin, falls and hits her head on the loo ... but fortunately Chick, the Surgeon General, comes to the rescue ...


INT. EIGHTEENTH STREET LOUNGE - MAIN ROOM - NIGHT
Thievery’s house-dub remix of Nora Jones’ ANGELS over --

Gianluca. In a dark corner
huddled with ERIC HILTON (30’s).
Pale, good looking. Shaken, not stirred.
Azure eyes glint with the secrets of success.
Twinkle with passion.

ERIC
But we didn’t send for another artist.

INTENSE HISPANIC MAN
What were you thinking? Are you high?

Meet ROB GARZA (30’s), Eric’s partner.
Hispanic, broad-shouldered.
Serpentine soul patch, sideburns.
Glossy black hair pulled back
under a middle-eastern cap.
Dark eyes flash.

ERIC
Go find the girl. Escort her out.

GIANLUCA
But she --
(pulls out CD)
Said she sent you this.
Signed her to the label --

ROB
(takes the CD, looks at it)
You fell for THIS?
Every kid in the lounge has a demo.

ERIC
Easy, Rob -- I get it.
(to Gianluca)
She must be -- exquisite.

GIANLUCA
She, she -- is.

ERIC
(sees something)
You’re right. She is.

They turn their heads. Look at --

SUMMER
standing on a raised platform
in the middle of the room.
Wrapped in silk. Draped arms rise.
A butterfly.

BRITISH FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
Ladies and gentlemen,
Messieurs and Madams,
the Eighteenth Street Lounge
is proud to present`--

The aching, yearning, supple trip-hop of Hooverphonic’s
CLUB MONTEPULCIANO oozes over --

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Wednesday.

Summer reaches the sky. Glorious. Taking flight.

SUMMER
(sings)
Fiona said something nice to me,
green velvet jacket sets you free --
Club Montepulciano is what you need --
(beat)
Blue Hawaii, Picadilly whore --
a cocktail is what I’m hoping for --

THE CROWD
is entranced. She’s a hit.

A DIPLOMAT in a white dinner jacket leans over.
Whispers in a RASTA’S ear.

A TURBANED SHEIK nods.
Riding the wave.

SUMMER
shimmies and sways to the music.
Losing herself.

A RIVULET OF BLOOD
trickles out of her nose.
Runs down her face.
Into her mouth.

A TRUST FUND HIPSTER
notices. Grins. Points. Laughs.

SUMMER
tastes something wrong.
Wipes her nose. Sees the blood.
GASPS. Turns, RUNS off the stage,
WHIRLS through the crowd.

SUMMER
I’m sorry! I’m Sorry! I’m sorry --

ROB AND ERIC
watch her go.

ROB
Shame.

ERIC
Nice voice.

ROB
Yeah --

ERIC
What was her name again?

INT. DHUMBA RESTAURANT - AT THAT MOMENT
The Egyptian trip-hop sacred siren song of
Anteus’ PALM OF THE PROPHET over --

Catalina, at a primo table.
Pulls out her cell phone.
Turns it on. Listens to a message.
Rolls angry eyes.

Puts it away.
Looks at her watch.

CATALINA
What is she doing?

IN THE LADIES’ ROOM
Ayanna pulls herself up.
Grabs the paper roll,
which TEARS OFF.

She loses her balance,
BANGS against the door --

AYANNA
Uhh!

Careens forward. Slips.
BANG, head against the sink.

HITS the tiles with a CRACK.
Say good night, Gracie.

IN THE RESTAURANT
Catalina reads the menu.

CATALINA
'Sweet and sour lamb?'

A SCREAM from the back.
PATRONS whip their heads, look.

A WAITRESS appears.
Blood on her hands.

FREAKED-OUT WAITRESS
There’s a woman in the ladies’ room
with her skull cracked open!

CATALINA
Ayanna!

Chick FLIES BY her table.

CHICK
Twenty-four skiddoo on the 911,
doll-face -- c’mon!

They race toward the commotion.

CATALINA
How did you -- ?

CHICK
She let her fingers do the crying --

Rock The Casbah

It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 28 of FULL BODY, would-be singer Summer Donovan smokes a little 4:20 before her performance at The Eighth Street Lounge. Meanwhile, French-African gazelle Ayanna Prouxl gets sick from heroin withdrawal in the bathroom at trendy restaurant Dhumba, so she calls her client the Surgeon General Chick Almond, who is right now in his limo with a pair of hookers ...

INT. THE EIGHTH STREET LOUNGE - NIGHT

DOWN THE HALL
in another dressing room,
sits SALI’, the headliner.

Pan-Asian/Jamaican goddess.
Sultry in native silk.

Waterfall of dreadlocks frame island perfection.
Right now she’s finishing rolling a big spliff.
Licks it. Holds it up to the light.

SALI’
An offering -- to Jah.

She digs into her large canvas bag. Searching.

SALI’ (CONT’D)
Shit.

IN SUMMER’S DRESSING ROOM
the girls sit on kilms atop straw mats on the floor.
Lindsey dumps coke on her compact.
Starts chopping lines.

SUMMER
What have I gotten myself into --

LINDSEY
Just relax. Couple-a toots up the Maytal,
and you’ll be ready rock the Casbah.

Summer leans over. Does one.
And another. Offers the straw.

A soft KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK at the door.

SUMMER
Shit, cover it up.
(to the door)
Hold on a sec!

Lindsey deftly closes the compact.
Slides it under a pillow.

Sali’ shuffles in.
Beaming. Arms outstretched.

SALI’
Greetings, sisters.

SUMMER
Sali’ -- hi.

LINDSEY
You know her?

SUMMER
Sali’s the headliner.

SALI’
The honor is mine.
Sorry to interrupt your ritual, but --
(holds up the joint)
I need to catch a fire.
Can you help out a sister in need?

Summer pulls out her lighter.

SUMMER
Have a seat.
Care to share your Rastaman vibration?

SALI’
(sits)
No woman no cry.
(beat)
I smell -- fear.

Summer lights Sali’s spliff.
She nods. Inhales.

SUMMER
Fear?

Sali’ holds it in.
Her eyes start to water. Then --
EXHALES a cloud of smoke.

SALI’
(offers it to Summer)
Yes. You are afraid of your passion.
Your pleasure. Your -- art.

SUMMER
(takes it)
No --

Summer takes a big hit.
Eyes wide. Hands it to Lindsey.

LINDSEY
She’s not afraid, she’s just a little --
(inhales)
Nervous about performing.

SALI’
(takes the spliff)
A tigress in the jungle can smell fear
from a hundred feet away.
That’s how she finds her prey.
Animal instinct. Survival of the fastest.

And with that, she takes a large toke.

SUMMER
So what do you do to --
calm your nerves.

Sali’ exhales, CHOKES with laughter.

SALI’
My dear girl --
(passes the joint)
This.

PUSH IN ON Summer.
Taking the joint. Nodding.

INT. DHUMBA RESTAURANT - LADIES ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Ayanna stands at the sink.
Splashes cold water on her face.

AYANNA
I feel -- sick. Have to -- sit down.

Weaves toward the loo.
SLAMS a door open.
LURCHES into the stall.
GRABS the walls.
Lands on the toilet seat, BANG.

Rummages through her purse.
Pulls out her cell. Dials.

AYANNA (CONT’D)
C’mon -- answer, you old fuck.

SPLIT SCREEN WITH:

INT. STRETCH LIMOUSINE - MOVING - DAY
Bratty, nasty, techno-fuck. Peaches’ SLIPPERY DICK over --
Chick Almond sits with a pair of HISPANIC HOOKERS.
Hands them each a length of tubing from a large hookah.

CHICK
My stars!
No, it’s NOT for smoking crack.
It’s for cannabis.
Crack is for street trash.
(realizes)
Present company excluded, of course.

The girls look at him blankly.

CHICK (CONT'D)
Mary Jane? Reefers?
(off their stares)
Da chronic?

The hookers smile.
Chick’s cell VIBRATES.

CHICK (CONT’D)
Whoa, Nelly.
Gotta rocket in my pocket.
(pulls out cell)
Hold that thought --
(listens)
This is Dr. Almond’s phone.

AYANNA
Dr. Almond, uh -- Chick?
I need your help.

CHICK
Saints preserve us.
Your first jones. Poor thing.
How are you feeling?

AYANNA
Like shit. Can you come -- help me?

CHICK
But of course.
You’re my favorite patient.
Where are you?

AYANNA
Dhumba, it’s this restaurant --

CHICK
I know it well.
Pan-fried hummus to die for.
I’ll be there faster than
two shakes of a prawn’s tail.
Just sit tight.

He shuts off the phone.
Looks at the hookers. Reaches over.
Hits a call switch. Speaks into it.

CHICK (CONT’D)
Driver. Please stop the car.
(to the hookers)
I’m sorry ladies,
I have a patient to take care of.

HAIR EXTENSIONS HOOKER
We ain’t goin’ nowheres
till you PAY us,
cracka mutha-fucka.
My time be MONEY.

GIANT GOLD EARRINGS HOOKER
Yeah, you think you can just
kick us outta da car,
you skanky ol’ white piece-a shit,
mutha-fucka?

Chick pulls out a REVOLVER.

CHICK
You foul-mouthed -- CUNTS.
This could have ended nicely,
with a tidy profit for each of you.
But you’ve insulted my intelligence
with your mercenary greed and racial slurs.
(KICKS the door open)
Get out of the car NOW,
before I blow off your
surgically enhanced fun-bags.

The girls SCRAMBLE out. SLAM the door.

CHICK (CONT’D)
Driver. To Dhumba.
And step on it --
we have a damsel in distress.
(low, to himself)
Weak in the knees,
and ripe for the licking.

Raging Current Of Fertility

It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your darkest fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 27 of FULL BODY, after being seated at their table at Dumba, DC's hottest restaurant, French African gazelle Ayanna Prouxl starts feeling faint, and rushes off to the ladies room, leaving Portuguese vixen Catalina Gil to fend off the advances of an African prince. Meanwhile, would-be singer Summer Donovan and Aussie spinner Lindsey Lette successfully penetrate the inner sanctum of The Eighth Street Lounge, where Summer must suddenly get ready to perform ...


INT. DHUMBA RESTAURANT - NIGHT
The sacred sitar-beat of Hindi Ensemble’s BOMBAY over --
Matre D leading the women into the restaurant.

PERSIAN MATRE D
Welcome to Dhumba, ladies.
My name is Mehran.
I will be your culinary guide.

CATALINA
What kind of restaurant is this?

MEHRAN
Thai-Persian fusion.
(gestures)
Have a seat at the bar
while we get your table ready.

He bows. Leaves. The women sit.

CATALINA
Wow. What service.

AYANNA
Are you kidding?
Did you see the raging hard-on
in his Dolce and Gabannas?
He’s ready to shoot chick peas.

CATALINA
Shhh. We’re not at work.

The HOLLOW-FACED THAI BARTENDER
leans over. Grins toothily.

HOLLOW-FACED THAI BARTENDER
What can I get you ladies?

CATALINA
I’ll have a Kir Royale, please.

AYANNA
Make it two.

Ayanna blinks.
Shakes her head.
Rubs her temples.

CATALINA
Are you okay?

AYANNA
I’m not -- feeling so --

She slides off the bar stool.
Stands. Unsteady.

CATALINA
Ayanna, what’s wrong?

AYANNA
I -- have to go to the ladies’ room.
I’ll be right back --

CATALINA
I’ll come with you --

AYANNA
No, shhhh. Save my seat, it’s okay --

She weaves away. Catalina frowns.
Puts her bag on Ayanna’s stool.
The bartender slides over their drinks.

An AFRICAN PRINCE
sits on the other side of Catalina.
Natty in his native Dashiki.
Grins a gold-toothed smile.

AFRICAN PRINCE
Allow me to introduce myself.
I am Prince Ja’Far Ngdelgachela.
At your service.

CATALINA
I’m sorry,
but I’m waiting for my friend.

JA’FAR
Please. I simply desire
pleasant conversation.
What do you do for a living?
Are you a fashion model?

CATALINA
I’m a -- massage therapist.

Ja’far beams.
Gestures at his lap.
Makes a ‘jerk off’ motion.

JA’FAR
What would you charge to
assuage the raging current
of fertility which inflames my loin?

Catalina RECOILS in shock.
Slides off her stool. Quivering.

CATALINA
WHAT did you say?!

Mehran appears.

MEHRAN
Is everything alright?

CATALINA
No, everything is NOT alright.
That man -- said something VERY rude --
and he’s --

MEHRAN
Please. Come with me.
Your table’s ready.

They start walking.

CATALINA
Aren’t you going to throw him out?

MEHRAN
I can’t -- he’s the owner.

INT. ESL - UPPER FLOOR LOUNGE - REAR - AT THAT MOMENT
Eye Patch shows the women
into a candlelit dressing room.
Tapestries. Oversized pillows
on the floor. Incense burning.

MAN WITH EYE PATCH
Make yourself at home.

SUMMER
(staring)
Thanks, uh --

MAN WITH EYE PATCH
Gianluca.
(whispers)
Break a leg -- Wednesday.

He leaves.
Summer softly closes the door.

SUMMER
Holly fucking shit.
We did it.
(turns)
Never thought an eye-patch
could be hot.

LINDSEY
What do we do now?

Pause.

SUMMER
I guess I’m going
to have to SING --