Thursday, December 8, 2016

Cat Got Your Arrest Record?


Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 18 of THE HEISTERS, robbery team driver Jefty visits one of the dead boy toys's girlfriends to try and find out if she stole the cash from the heist, with deadly results ...


EXT. SHITTY APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT
A plain, ordinary cement joint
on the outskirts of town
brought to you by the color grey.

Jefty walks up the front walk.
Gets to the front door.

Searches the mailboxes for a name.
Finds it. RINGS the bell.

Nervously fingers the clipboard
he’s carrying.

KELSEY (V.O.)
The gag was taking a survey
about entertainment habits.
What were you doing last night?
Watching TV? A DVD?
Cruising the internet?
Social networking?
Playing a videogame?
(beat)
If they were quick to respond,
we knew they weren’t a suspect.
Anybody who had killed someone
that violently and robbed them
of two bags stuffed with cash
would react in some way
that’d be noticeable.
(beat)
Simple. Easy.
Something anybody could do --

The door BUZZES. Jefty walks in.

INT. CORRIDOR - NIGHT
Dimly lit. Shitty, stained carpet.
A door OPENS down the hall.

A tough-looking YOUNG CHICK (20’s),
tattooed and pierced
leans out the doorway.
Rubs her black jeans.

TATTOOED CHICK
What do you want?

JEFTY
Are you the woman of the house?

TATTOOED CHICK
Who wants to know?

JEFTY
I’m with the Global Media Group.
We’re doing a survey about
entertainment habits.

TATTOOED CHICK
Entertainment habits?

JEFTY
Yeah. You know, do you
watch TV or DVD’s,
do you go on the internet --
(big smile)
Can I come in?
It’ll just take a minute, I promise.

TATTOOED CHICK
What the fuck. C’mon in.

She ducks in. Jefty follows her.

INT. SHITTY APARTMENT - NIGHT
Jefty follows her into
the threadbare living room --

JEFTY
Thanks for letting me --

Where he sees two
BIG PLAINCLOTHES DETECTIVES
in cheap suits and cheaper haircuts.
Standing in the middle of the room.

NASTY PLAINCLOTHES DICK
Taking a survey, huh?
Can we see some identification?

JEFTY
(starts to freak out)
I, uh -- uh --

UGLY PLAINCLOTHES DICK
What’s the matter, son --
cat got your arrest record?

JEFTY
Sorry -- I made a mistake --

He turns around
and RUNS for the door.

The cops WHIP OUT their guns.
DASH after him.

TATTOOED CHICK
GET the fucker!

IN THE CORRIDOR
Jefty RUNS. TOSSES the clipboard.
Pulls his gun out of his pocket.
Looks for a place to get rid of it.

The cops see the gun. SHOUT out --

UGLY PLAINCLOTHES DICK
STOP, POLICE --

NASTY PLAINCLOTHES DICK
Put the weapon DOWN or we’ll SHOOT --

But he keeps running.
Gets to the end.
Starts to open the door.

The cops OPEN FIRE.
BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

Jefty’s body JERKS like a puppet
in a dance of death.

SLAMS against the door.
Slides down, red smears on the glass.

NASTY PLAINCLOTHES DICK
Your show’s been CANCELLED --

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Seems Like Old Times


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 17 of THE HEISTERS, we flash back to the start of the heist, when Kelsey, Ronan, Chick and Ludo sneak into the stadium the night before the rock concert ...


EXT. STADIUM GATE - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
Ludo carries a fold-up chair
and a newspaper.

Sets the chair down
next to the gate.
Puts the paper on it.

He turns toward Chick.
Interlocks his fingers together.
Holds them down below his knees.

Chick steps onto Ludo’s hands
and GRABS the bars.

Ludo then HOISTS Chick up.
He GRABS the top.

Ludo GRABS Chick’s feet
and PUSHES him up higher.

Chick squeezes through
the opening at the top of the gate
and drops down on the other side
with a soft THUD.

Ludo pulls down his scarf.
Sits. Starts reading the paper.

IN THE MERCEDES
Ronan turns. Looks at Kelsey.
Staring out the windshield.

RONAN
Been awhile since we worked together.

KELSEY
(eyes straight ahead)
Seems like old times --

RONAN
(stares at her, fidgets)
You never get nervous, do you.
(off her silence)
I get a bit -- on edge.
Then when the job
gets going, I calm down.
Kinda go onto auto-pilot.

KELSEY
(sees something)
Don’t look now, but we’re
coming in for a landing.

LUDO
Gets up from his chair.
Stretches and yawns.

KELSEY AND RONAN
Get out of the car.
Go the trunk. Open it.

Ronan takes out two
large duffle bags.

Kelsey grabs a large suitcase.
They carry them over to Ludo.

LUDO
(takes Kelsey’s bag)
Gate’s open.

KELSEY
Then let’s go make
a charitable withdrawal --

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

The Big Bounce


Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 16 of THE HEISTERS, professional bank robber Kelsey Hazard has the nerve to meet with Mart Volok, the cop in charge of investigating her latest heist, but not the murder of her boy toy ...


INT. STUDY - NIGHT
A manly room with shelves
of books and a big desk.

Ambience heavy and quiet.
Photos of cops on the walls.

Awards. Trophies. Plaques.
Rifles bolted to the wall on a rack.

Mart sits behind the desk.
Kelsey in a chair in front of it.

MART
So what do you want?
You didn’t come to my home
just to tell me you didn’t do it.

KELSEY
I want names --

MART
Names? What names?

KELSEY
Jackie Tempel’s female associates.

MART
And why would I do that?

KELSEY
Because I could help you.

MART
And why would you do that?

KELSEY
Whoever killed him has something of mine.
And I want it back.

MART
Would that have anything to do with
the semi-automatic weapons
the officers found?
(off her stare)
I can’t figure you out.
You come here, ask ME questions,
and then have the nerve to ask me
to give you information.
Why would I do that?

KELSEY
I dunno. You’re a good guy?
You wanna see justice done?

MART
Look. I know you didn’t kill him, okay?
The timing of when the call
was made to us was doesn’t fit.
And the story about going
to the corner store checked out.
(beat)
My gut tells me you’re dirty.
What’s the story with the guns?
Were you in on that heist
at the rock concert?

KELSEY
Heist? At a rock concert?

Pause.

MART
What’s your name?

KELSEY
Jane. Jane Doe.

MART
Okay -- Jane Doe.
I’m investigating a murder, NOT a robbery.
But in order to keep my perp
from flying the coop,
I’ve let the media concentrate
on the search for you.
But I’m not searching for you, Robbery is.
They figure you were in on it,
given the weapons in the closet.

KELSEY
Did it ever occur to you
that the guns were Jackie’s?

MART
That punk?
He was a low-level errand boy,
not a hard-bitten pro like you.
From where I sit, you reek of heister.

KELSEY
I want names.

MART
You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

KELSEY
You’ve got nothing.
No suspects for the murder, OR the robbery.
Give me the names and maybe I can
stir things up a little.

MART
You mean FUCK things up a little --

Pause.

KELSEY
I bet your wife was quite
the dish back in the day.

MART
What the fuck --

KELSEY
(hisses, sharp)
But I guess after having the kids,
her figure kinda went to mush, huh?

MART
Now, LISTEN --

KELSEY
NO. You listen to ME.
You think I came here ALONE?
(off his shocked look)
Give me the fucking NAMES.

MART
From the bulges in your jacket
I can tell you’re carrying
at least two weapons.

KELSEY
And from the bulge in your gut
I can tell you can’t do two sit-ups.

MART
I have a gun holstered on my hip.
From that position,
I’m the fastest draw on the force.

KELSEY
Must be nice to come home
to a home-cooked meal every night.
Bet you even read to the kids
before bedtime.

MART
Don’t you DARE threaten my family --

KELSEY
I want the fucking NAMES.
(quietly)
And then when I get what I want,
what was TAKEN from me --
I deliver them to you
on a silver platter.
With a nice, big bow.

MART
Do you really expect me to --

KELSEY
I bet she makes really
good mashed potatoes --

Pause.

MART
Okay. You win. This round.

He opens up a notebook on the desk.
Pulls off a blank piece of paper.

Turns to a page. Looks at it.
Grabs a pencil. Starts writing --

MART
But know this.
All of these people are under surveillance,
and if you get within fifty feet of them,
you’re gonna be behind bars
so fast your head will spin. GOT it?

Kelsey watches him.
Smiles like a cat.

KELSEY
Well, I hope at least
I’ll have time for desert --

Monday, December 5, 2016

Real Housewives


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Mondah. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 15 of THE HEISTERS, Kelsey pays a visit to the cop in charge of the case against her ...


INT. SUBURBAN STREET - NIGHT
The car door opens.
Kelsey gets out.

Walks up the sidewalk
to the front door.
She RINGS the bell.

KELSEY (V.O.)
I knew I had to play
my cards VERY carefully.
It’s usually not
a good idea to fuck with
officers of the law.

The door OPENS.
A small HOUSEWIFE (40’s),
formerly cute, now a
faded wisp of suburban malaise,
stands there staring at
Kelsey with alarm.
Eyes blinking.
Mind whirring.

KELSEY
Sorry to bother you,
but I’d like to speak
to detective Volok.

MRS. VOLOK
I, uh --
I don’t think he’s --

KELSEY
Tell him it’s about
the Jackie Tempel case.

She stares at Kelsey balefully.
But it’s dinner-time.

Deer in the klieg lights.
She deflates. Sighs.

MRS. VOLOK
I’ll go get him.

The Real Housewife of
Santa Monica pads away.

KELSEY (V.O.)
I could smell the pot roast.
Talk about perfect timing.

MART VOLOK (45)
appears in the door.

Tall and thin with a belly.
Casual in jeans and a sweatshirt.

But the eyes tell it all.
Razor-sharp. Dark and menacing.
Appraising.

MART
You said you wanted
to talk about the Tempel case?
You have some information?

KELSEY
I might.

MART
Are you here
to give yourself up?

KELSEY
You’re a funny guy.

MART
I have my moments.
(beat)
You’re the one
who found the body, right?

KELSEY
Maybe.

MART
And beat the shit out of
two of my officers?

KELSEY
Price of doing business.

MART
Come inside --

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Spin The Dick


Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 14 of THE HEISTERS, we flashback to the start of Kelsey's stadium heist, then flash forward to the present, where she shows up at the home of the cop in charge of investigating the robbery to find some clues ...


EXT. STADIUM - NORTH GATE - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
Deserted at this hour.
A large, old black Mercedes sedan
idles at the curb.

The exhaust softly puffs out
a white cloud in the moonlight.

We see four DARK FIGURES
huddled inside.

KELSEY (V.O.)
There’s nothing like the feeling
you get at the start of a heist.
At first it’s like
butterflies in your stomach,
like you’re going onstage.
But once you get going,
it’s a pure adrenaline rush.
Better than drugs. Booze.
Gambling. Even sex --
(beat)
Well, almost.

INT. MERCEDES SEDAN - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
Ronan’s behind the wheel.
Kelsey rides shotgun
in the passenger seat.

Chick and Ludo sit in the back.
They all wear stadium uniforms.
Everybody SNAPS on thin latex gloves.

KELSEY
(to Ronan)
Ready to rock and roll?

Kelsey’s wearing a long, blonde wig.
TONS of makeup that makes her
look glitzy, and a darker skin tone.

Tres exotic. NOT white. With maximum
cleavage for maximum distraction.

RONAN
Solid, doll.
Let’s crack this sucker like a walnut --
(smiles)
And let the heist begin.

Ronan’s skin is also now
darker with makeup.

A big, wide fake nose and a
close-cropped beard
complete his disguise.

CHICK
Where’s Mickey Spillane
when you need him?
(to Ludo)
It’s showtime, boychick.

LUDO
(to Kelsey and Ronan)
See you in the funny papers.

Chick and Ludo slide on baseball caps.
Pull big scarves up over their noses.
Open their doors. Get out.

EXT. FOURTEENTH STREET - NIGHT
A leafy side street off Wilshire
on the north side of Santa Monica.

Safe, quiet, and not too expensive.
The beige seats.

Kelsey’s beat-up Toyota
pulls up to the curb.

KELSEY (V.O.)
I read in the newspaper that
homicide detective Mart Volok
was in charge of the case --
(beat)
I did a little research,
found the guy’s address --
and now it was time
to play ‘spin the dick.’

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Ding Dong Bitch


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 13 of THE HEISTERS, Kelsey meets with her gang to figure out a plan to try and find the money that was stolen from their bank job ...


INT. RONAN’S HOTEL ROOM - DAY
Blinds are drawn. A heavy haze
of smoke hangs in the air.

And the smell of sweat.
Desperation. Anger.

Everyone’s seated on the couch,
the floor, and all available chairs.

Becky puts a bowl of chips
and dip on the coffee table.

If you didn’t know better,
you’d think it was a party.

KASPER
(glares at Jefty)
But I still say how do we know
it wasn’t one of us?

RONAN
If YOU ripped off a million bucks,
would YOU still be in town?

JEFTY
(eyes Kasper)
I dunno.
If someone was doing a cross,
they would stick around.
A cover, you know --

KASPER
Fuck you.
I didn’t do it --

CHICK
(looks at Ludo)
Well, that WOULD be the perfect cover.
Steal the dough, then stay holed up
like the rest of us --

LUDO
(eyes Chick)
And maybe they had some HELP --

Pause.

CHICK
(eyes Ronan)
But then on the other hand,
some of us were alone the whole time --

RONAN
HEY. I fucking PUT THIS JOB TOGETHER.
You think I’m going to double cross
all of you?

LUDO
(shrugs)
Happens all the time --

KELSEY
ENOUGH, all of you.
I had the fucking money, I was
gone for TEN FUCKING MINUTES,
and nobody knew where I was except RONAN,
who I called right after the shit went down.
There’s NO WAY he could of have done it --
(sighs)
If we’re going to get the money back,
we’re going to have to work together,
and not BICKER like a bunch of
fucking school girls, GOT IT?
(off their stares)
Alright. It’s settled --
(beat)
Now, like I told you, Jackie Tempel
was stabbed through the neck
with a samurai sword he
had hanging over the bed.
That makes it a crime of passion,
so we’re looking for some chick
he was seeing -- and dumped.
Or cheated on.

LUDO
And how are we going to find HER?

Kelsey pulls out the kid’s cell.
Holds it up. Smiles.

KELSEY
I grabbed his phone.
And looking through all the names on it,
we’ve got ourselves a nice little list
of chickies.

CHICK
So what’s the plan, then?

KELSEY
We’ve got five names --
(beat)
I want each of you to check out
one of them. Tonight.

JEFTY
You want us to play ding-dong bitch?

LUDO
(suspicious)
What are you going to do?

KELSEY
I’m going to pay a little visit
to the homicide detective
in charge of the case.
See if there are any names
we don’t know about.

RONAN
But won’t that be -- dangerous?

KELSEY
Not a problem.
(beat)
Danger is my business --

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

The Morning After


Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 12 of THE HEISTERS, after a lost weekend of carnal desires with her latest boy toy, Kelsey is horrified to discover she's pregnant ...


INT. SHITTY MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Tiny. Sleazy.
‘Threadbare’ would a compliment.

Kelsey crouches on the bed,
doggy-style, gripping the headboard,
while Ponytailed fucks
the SHIT out of her.

INT. SHITTY MOTEL ROOM - DAY
Cold, grey light spills in
through the blinds.

Ponytailed sits on the bed,
pulling on his jeans.

Kelsey sips a can of lukewarm beer.
Lies dreamily on the bed.

KELSEY
How about one more for the road?

PONYTAILED BIKER
Damn, woman.
You just don’t quit.
(looks at her)
Been three days now,
and we ain’t hardly
left the fuckin’ ROOM.

He grabs his boots.
Puts them on.
She lights a smoke.

KELSEY
Got an itch that
needs to be scratched.

PONYTAILED BIKER
They should call you
Poison Ivy --

INT. SHITTY MOTEL ROOM - BATHROOM - NIGHT
Kelsey leans over the toilet.
OMITS. Goes to the sink.

Splashes her face with water.
Looks in the mirror.

KELSEY
Fuck me --

INT. CONVENIENCE STORE - NIGHT
Kelsey stands at the counter.
Pays for her purchase.

The SHIT-KICKER CLERK (50’s)
smiles knowingly.

Hands her her change.

SHIT-KICKER CLERK
Know a doctor that can
take care of it for ya --

GRABS it.
Hurries toward the exit.

KELSEY
Fuck off, Billy Bob.

INT. SHITTY MOTEL ROOM - BATHROOM - NIGHT
Kelsey sits on the toilet.
Pulls out the home
pregnancy test strip.

Looks at it.
Exhales.

KELSEY
Shit.

INT. SHITTY MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Kelsey lies in bed. Smoking.
Sips a can of beer. Thinking.

KELSEY
(a whisper)
I’m gonna give you all
the things I never had.
Things are gonna be
different for you --