Thursday, October 31, 2013

The Land Of Celluloid Dreams


Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 4 of THE HEISTERS, after discovering the money from the heist was stolen, career criminal Kelsey Hazard jacks a set of wheels and heads off to meet with her crew to figure out who the fuck took it ...


EXT. BEACH PARKING LOT - DAWN - FLASHBACK
Titles read ‘A FEW DAYS EARLIER.’

A handful of junky cars
sit parked overnight.

Kelsey walks up to a beat-up old Toyota sedan.
Looks around. No one.

She pulls out a long, thin
metal strip from her pocket.

Works in into the window.
POPS the door open. Slides in.

IN THE CAR
She deftly pulls a pair of wires
from the steering column.

Strips them with her teeth.
Presses the ends together.

The engine ROARS to life.
She hits the gas. Drives away.

EXT. PACIFIC COAST HIGHWAY - DAWN - FLASHBACK
A heart-stopping gorgeous view of the ocean.

Grey and blue waves crest into white
like knives in the bright blue sky.

The famed thoroughfare twists and turns
around the coastline.

Weaves through giant rock formations
as if on a dare.

ANGLE ON --
The crappy Toyota rumbles along
in the sparse traffic.

INT. TOYOTA SEDAN - DAWN - FLASHBACK
Kelsey sits behind the wheel.

Cigarette dangling on her lip.
Rakish in Ray Ban shades.

KELSEY (V.O.)
I’d been holed up in Santa Barbara
the last few months taking it easy.
Enjoying the local color.
Shellfish, surfing and sex.
(beat)
Not necessarily in that order.
(beat)
When I saw that I’d blown through
half the dough from the last job,
I knew it was time to
rustle up some more scratch.
And it was time to pay the bill
at my kid’s assisted care facility again.
Place is fucking expensive.
But it’s the best in the country.
What’s a mother to do?
(beat)
So I spread the word
through the grapevine
that I was looking
for some action.
Things were pretty quiet
for a while,
but then I caught a break.
I got a call from one of my go-betweens
that my old pal in LA Ronan Kenny
was putting together a
sweet little stadium job.
(beat)
So here I was,
on my way to the City of Angels,
the land of celluloid dreams.
Except this was no dream.
This was the real deal --
(beat)
Little did I know
it would soon become a nightmare.

EXT. BAY STREET - NIGHT
Kelsey walks briskly to
her stolen car of the moment.

A beat-up old Dodge Dart Swinger.
Gets in. Turns on the engine.

INT. DODGE DART SWINGER - MOVING - NIGHT
Kelsey pulls away from the curb.

Drives south on Bay Street.
Pulls out her cell phone.

KELSEY (V.O.)
We all use disposable
cell phones during a job.
That way there’s nothing to trace.
None of us knew where
we were holed up,
but we COULD call each other.

She fingers a number.
Listens.

KELSEY
Ronan, it’s me --
(listens)
Some fucked up shit just went down.
I need to see you.
(listens)
Not on the phone --
(listens)
I don’t want to take that chance.
(listens)
The Venice Motor Court.
On Speedway.
(listens)
I’ll be there in ten.

She clicks the phone shut.
Turns left at the next intersection.
Heads south.

We see flashes of the beach
between the buildings as she drives.

KELSEY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
The plan was, after the job
all six us would hole up
somewhere separately for a week or two
until the heat was off.
Problem was, we did the job two days ago,
so the heat was definitely still ON.

INT. VENICE MOTOR COURT HOTEL - CORRIDOR - NIGHT
Kelsey walks up to a door.
Knocks softly three times.
Then stops.

Then once again.
The door opens.
She goes in.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

To Protect And Swerve


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 3 of THE HEISTERS, career criminal on the lam Kelsey Hazard discovers her boy toy is dead and the money from the heist is missing ... but the shit really hits the fan when the cops show up ...


INT. BUNGALOW - BEDROOM - NIGHT
Kelsey RACES over to the closet.
Opens it. Looks.

She WHEELS AROUND.
Head whipping back and forth.
In a RAGE.

KELSEY
The MONEY --

She stops.
Closes her eyes.

Takes a deep breath.
Opens them.

Now blazing.
Full of FIRE.

KELSEY
(under her breath)
Somebody’s gonna DIE.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Police.
DON’T MOVE.

Kelsey turns, sees --

TWO POLICE OFFICERS
Standing in the doorway.

A GRIZZLED VET and a YOUNG ROOKIE.
Weapons drawn.

Kelsey expresses blank-faced surprise.
Rookie stares at the body.
Looks like he’s gonna puke.

KELSEY
You got here fast --

RED-FACED ROOKIE COP
What?

GRIZZLED VET COP
You called us?

KELSEY
Hell, yeah.
I go down to the corner
to get beer and smokes
and I come back and my
fuck-buddy’s been skewered
like a shish-ka-bob.
So I called.

She reaches for her pocket.
Red-Faced shakes his weapon.

RED-FACED ROOKIE COP
Don’t MOVE.

KELSEY
I was --
(gestures at her pocket)
Getting a cigarette?

GRIZZLED VET COP
(to Red-Faced)
Put your weapon down, Dunn.
It might go off.

He does, but still looks pissed.
Kelsey nods.

Pulls out a smoke.
Lights it.

KELSEY
You think I’d kill someone
and then stick around
until you got here?
(off their silence)
The bag with the receipt
is on the kitchen counter.
Two six-packs of beer,
and a carton of Marlboros.
Seventy-two bucks and change.

GRIZZLED VET COP
(to Dunn)
Go check.

Dunn nod.
Goes off to the kitchen to look.

GRIZZLED VET COP
Sorry about that.
He’s new on the force.

KELSEY
Don’t worry about it.
I’d be suspicious, too.

GRIZZLED VET COP
So what was your relationship
with the victim?

KELSEY
Jackie Tempel?
Like I said.
He was a fuck-buddy.
Met him in a bar
a couple of nights ago.
We’ve been shacked up
ever since.

GRIZZLED VET COP
You live around here?

KELSEY
From New York.
Here on vacation.

Dunn comes back in.
Looks sheepish.
But still pissy.

DUNN
It checks out, chief.
Receipt says the purchase
was made five minutes ago.

Grizzled Vet nods.
Stares at Kelsey carefully.

GRIZZLED VET
You check the closet?
Perp could be hiding in there.

KELSEY
I checked.
No one there.

GRIZZLED VET COP
(to Dunn)
Go take a look.

Dunn nods.
Goes to the closet.

KELSEY
You’re wasting your time --

The rookie opens the door.
Looks down.
Eyes go wide.

DUNN
Well, look at what we have HERE.
Machine guns, handguns --
a regular ARSENAL.
(turns and looks)
Cuff her, partner.
We got us a real --

Kelsey GRABS a book off the dresser.
HURLS it at Dunn’s head, CRACK.

He WHEELS BACKWARDS
into the closet, THWUMP.

She WHIRLS around.
KNEES Grizzled Vet in the groin.
He doubles over in pain.

She PUNCHES him in the throat.
Grizzled HITS the floor,
GASPING for breath.

Dunn starts to get up,
but Kelsey’s too fast.

She DASHES over to the closet
and KICKS him in the head.

He goes back down.
Out like a light.

Grizzled starts to get up,
still wheezing.

Reaches for his piece --
but Kelsey GRABS it and CRACKS
him on the head with it. THWUMP.
He goes down for the count.

She races over to the closet.
Grabs the pistols.

Stuffs them in her pockets.
Goes to the bed table.

Grabs the kid’s cell phone.
Heads for the door.

KELSEY (V.O.)
I hate fucking up cops,
but sometimes a gal’s gotta do
what a gal’s gotta do --

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Death Becomes Him


Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 2 of THE HEISTERS, career criminal Kelsey Hazard returns to her safe house with beer and cigarettes, only to discover her boy toy has been massacred and the money from the robbery gone with the wind ...


EXT. BAY STREET - NIGHT
We watch from the across the street
as Kelsey walks down
the sidewalk with her bag.

Heels CLICK-CLICKING
on the cement.

KELSEY (V.O.)
The name’s Hazard.
Kelsey Hazard.
I’m a heister.
(beat)
I steal for a living.
Big jobs, mostly.
Armored cars.
Stadium jobs.
Race tracks.
Even jacked a
coin convention once.
But no banks.
That shit’ll get you killed.
And besides,
it’s a federal offense.
I’ll stick with
the local heat, thank you.

She turns onto a driveway.
Starts walking up to a
Craftsman bungalow.

Once nice,
now crumbling in disrepair.

KELSEY (V.O.)
I do one or two jobs a year.
Then live off the take
the rest of the time.
I plan my jobs meticulously --
and I’ve never been caught.

Kelsey opens the front door,
goes in.

INT. BUNGALOW - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Dimly lit.

Decor, ‘early dorm room.’
She walks through into --

KELSEY (V.O.)
I’m completely off the grid.
Have never paid taxes.

INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT
The kitchen, where she puts the smokes
on the counter.
The beers into the fridge.

KELSEY (V.O.)
As far as Uncle Sam goes,
I don’t exist --

She pulls off two cans,
walks into --

INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT
Dark, with light spilling out
from an doorway at the end.
She walks toward the bedroom.

KELSEY
I’m back --
(beat)
Miss me?

Gets to the door.
Starts to walk in --

KELSEY
Rested up for the next round?

She looks, sees a YOUNG STUD (25)
propped up in bed.

A long SAMURAI SWORD
stuck in his neck.
Pinning him to the head board.

Blood everywhere.
Must have been SOME geyser.

KELSEY
NO!

Kelsey RACES over to the closet.
Opens it. Looks.

She WHEELS AROUND.
Head whipping back and forth.
In a RAGE.

KELSEY
The MONEY --

She stops.
Closes her eyes.

Takes a deep breath.
Opens them.

Now blazing.
Full of FIRE.

KELSEY
(under her breath)
Somebody’s gonna DIE.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Police.
DON’T MOVE.

Kelsey turns, sees --

TWO POLICE OFFICERS
Standing in the doorway.

A GRIZZLED VET and a YOUNG ROOKIE.
Weapons drawn.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Legs For Days


In Chapter 1 of THE HEISTERS, we meet career criminal Kelsey Hazard, who's just pulled off the perfect score, now holed up with a boy toy for a little R&R ...


EXT. SANTA MONICA - BAY STREET - NIGHT
A leafy side-street off the main drag. Quiet.
Bucolic. Small homes.

Some nice, some shitty.
The cheap seats. But safe.

A WOMAN (40) comes walking toward us
down the sidewalk.

Tough-looking, but very hot.
Cigarette dangling off blood-red lips.

Curves galore.
Legs for days.
Lips for nights.

Meet KELSEY HAZARD,
a tight, taught bundle of swagger.

Long chestnut hair tied tight in a ponytail.
Eyes flashing with that world-weary air
of someone who’s seen it all.

Several times.

She gets to the corner.
Starts walking across the street.

KELSEY (V.O.)
The job had gone well.
We’d made off with a little
over a million bucks.
All in all, not a bad haul.

Kelsey gets to the front door
of a small MARKET. Goes in.

INT. MARKET - NIGHT
Kelsey walks over the beer cooler.

Grabs a couple six-packs.
Takes them up to the register.

KELSEY (V.O.)
I’d been holed up for two days
with a low-level errand boy
for a local crew, and needed supplies.
(beat)
All that fucking makes a gal thirsty.

KELSEY
(to the clerk)
Can I get a carton
of Marlboro one-hundreds?

The AWKWARD CLERK (20) nods.
Reaches up above for the smokes.

KELSEY (V.O.)
We’d all been laying low
for a few days after the score
until the heat died down.

Awkward rings up the total.
Looks at the register.

AWKWARD CLERK
That’ll be seventy-two dollars
and thirty-eight cents.

KELSEY
(gives him some cash)
Fucking cancer sticks are gonna
break the bank one of these days --

AWKWARD CLERK
(takes it)
You should smoke generics, like I do.
Much cheaper.

She looks at him more closely.
Appraising.

KELSEY
You live around here?

AWKWARD CLERK
Uh -- yeah.
On t-tenth street.

KELSEY
(arches an eyebrow)
Maybe sometime we could --
work out a trade.

AWKWARD CLERK
Uh -- yeah. Sure --

KELSEY
(nods, big smile)
Later.

He stares.
She grabs her bag.
Starts for the door.

AWKWARD CLERK
Hey.
You forgot your change --

KELSEY
(over her shoulder)
Keep it.
Get yourself something nice.
Splurge.
Live a little.

And she’s gone.
Awkward watches her go.

Shakes his head.
Wow.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Sister Act


Hey there, crime kids. TGIF. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In the exciting conclusion of LEGS, Episode 2, private eye Carrie Love finds out her client is fucking her brother, then bails her porn star girlfriend Laura Lang out of jail. Meanwhile, snuff filmmaker Klaus Speer reveals to his crew that Carrie is the star of his next opus ...


INT. CARRIE’S PORSCHE - MOVING - DAY
Carrie drives down Via Marina.
Fingers a number on her cell.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. MARNIE’S MOTEL ROOM - DAY
Marnie and Yago lie in bed under the covers,
Yago fast asleep.

Marnie lights a smoke.
Smiles dreamily.

Her cell phone on the night stand
RINGS. She grabs it.

MARNIE
This is Marnie --

CARRIE
It’s Carrie.

MARNIE
How did it go with my dad and my brothers?

CARRIE
Not good.

MARNIE
What do you mean 'not good?'

CARRIE
They tried to escape,
we followed them to the airport and --

MARNIE
They’re dead, aren’t they.

CARRIE
I’m so sorry, Marnie.

MARNIE
Are you kidding?
That’s fucking GREAT.

CARRIE
Excuse me?

MARNIE
Now I can be with Yago.

CARRIE
Isn’t he -- your brother?

MARNIE
He’s actually my half-brother.
We have different mothers.

CARRIE
That’s why he was living
at the safe house --

MARNIE
Yeah.
When my father found out about us,
he moved Yago there and
started monitoring my every move.

CARRIE
Why didn’t you tell me about this
when we first talked?

MARNIE
Would you have taken the case?

CARRIE
Good point.
(beat)
Wait a minute.
You WANTED me to kill your father, didn’t you.
That was the plan all along, wasn’t it?

MARNIE
Thanks, Carrie.
You’re one hell of a private eye.
Send me your bill, okay?
Laters, baby.

She hangs up.
Carrie looks at the phone. Sighs.

Pulls out a flask.
Takes a long swig.
Wipes her mouth with her sleeve.

CARRIE (V.O.)
How do you like that.
Sneaky little bitch.
And I’ve got no way to prove it.
(another sip)
Growing up in a fucked-up family
not only fucks you up,
it fucks up every relationship
you have for the rest of your life.
It’s like you’ve been imprinted
with this dysfunctional DNA.
You can do years of therapy,
but it’s still there,
lurking under the surface.
Watching. Waiting.
Ready to fuck things up.
(beat)
Look at who I worked with on this case.
My ex-husband and the girl I left him for.
Codependent much?
And my latest client?
Fucking her brother? Hello?

She drains the flask.
Sticks in her jacket pocket.

EXT. MARINA DEL REY - SHERIFF’S STATION - DUSK
A small, brick building right on the water.
Carrie’s car pulls into the small parking area in front.

CARRIE (V.O.)
And how about my girlfriend?
When I hear the phrase
‘healthy, adult relationship,’
the image of bailing someone
out of jail usually doesn’t come to mind.

INT. SHERIFF’S STATION - DUSK
A small, cluttered, drab lobby.

A BORED-LOOKING FEMALE DEPUTY
sits behind the counter.
Carrie hands her a check.

CARRIE
Here you go.
Promise it won’t bounce.

BORED-LOOKING FEMALE DEPUTY
(takes it)
You sure know how to pick ‘em, honey.
(picks up the phone, dials a number)
Alex, it’s Latifah.
Someone’s just posted Laura Lang’s bail.
Can you bring her out?
(listens)
Better not let the chief
hear you talk like that.
(hangs up, to Carrie)
It’ll just be a minute.
(low, conspiratorial)
So what’s the sex like with a porn star?

CARRIE
If I answer that,
you’ll have to arrest me.

A side door opens,
and out comes Laura.

Makeup smeared, hair a mess.
Eyes red from crying.
She RACES into Carrie’s arms.

LAURA
Carrie --

CARRIE
(hugs her tight)
It’s okay, baby.
It’s gonna be okay.

LAURA
(a whisper)
I’m so glad you’re here --
it was terrible --
they were so mean to me --

They hold each other a long beat.
Then Carrie pulls away.

CARRIE
You wanna stop somewhere
on the way home and pick up
something to eat?
You must be starving.

LAURA
(low)
Honey, I got all I want to eat right here.

LATIFAH
I heard that.

INT. CARRIE’S PORSCHE - MOVING - DUSK
Carrie and Laura drive home,
both munching on cheeseburgers and fries.

Laura says something.
Carrie BURSTS out laughing.

INT. PRODUCTION STUDIO - NIGHT
A dimly lit studio crammed with
postproduction equipment.

We hear the faint thump-thump-thump
of tweaker club music somewhere nearby.

KLAUS SPEER (50’S), German,
Jeremy Irons on Prozac and
JOREL AMIN (30’s), beefy, black as night,
sit in front of the monitor.

CRIMSON (20’s) Gothic-gorgeous
and totally pierced pleads her case.

CRIMSON
It would mean so much to me, Klaus.
Saturday night is the Equinox,
and I'm supposed to be the sacrifice.

KLAUS
You should have told me earlier.
There's no time to find another hostess.
I can’t find a replacement on such short notice.
I'm sorry, my little rose petal.

CRIMSON
Yeah, right.

And she's gone.

KLAUS
The things I have to do
in the name of dominance and submission.

Klaus punches a button on the DVD player.
A disc slides out.

JOREL
Roll it, Mein Herr.
I'm chubby already.

KLAUS
(takes out disc, grabs another)
And I thought you were just glad to see me.
(shoves it in, giggles)
We hit the fucking lottery with this one.

KLAUS (CONT'D)
I like the part where she hits the tree.

He PUNCHES a button.

ON THE MONITOR
A steep incline high in the Hollywood Hills.

A young GIRL (18) gagged and wearing a bikini
on Rollerblades comes FLYING down the road.

She takes a sharp turn,
FLAILS her arms wildly --
PLOWS into a tree with a CRACK --
and FLOPS to the ground.

KLAUS
Breaks out into a big, perverted smile.

KLAUS
Her first starring role -- and her last.

JOREL
Boogie Night, Roller Girl.
What about the next one?
You said you shot some B-roll stuff.

Klaus grins.
Presses EJECT.
Takes out the disk.

Grabs another.
Puts it in.
Presses PLAY.

KLAUS
Ah, yes -- my little actress.

ON THE MONITOR
We see hand-held footage
looking through a window --
of Laura and Carrie,
making love on the floor
of her living room.

KLAUS (V.O.)
Now that’s what I call 'cinema verite' --

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Winging It


Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 18 of LEGS, Episode 2, the bullet-riddled shit hits the fan when Carrie, Bernie and Meg go head-to-head with Israeli crime boss Nuri Hadar at the airport as he tries to make his escape ...


EXT. AIRPORT ROADWAY - DAY
The plane picks up speed,
starts taxiing toward the runway.

ANGLE ON --
Meg leans out her window.
Starts FIRING at the tires.

ANGLE ON --
Bernie drives with his right hand.

Starts SHOOTING at the tires
with his left.

ANGLE ON --
The bullets PING-PING-PING
off the wheel guards, the struts.

INSIDE THE PLANE
Nuri looks out the window.
Sees them.

NURI
Goddammit.

EXT. AIRPORT RUNWAY - DAY
A phalanx of SQUAD CARS
get into formation on the runway
to form a roadblock.

INT. AIRPLANE COCKPIT - CONTINUOUS
Nuri comes back into the cockpit.
Shouts at the boys.

NURI
They’re shooting at tires.
You need to lose them, NOW.

TAL
Lose them?
How we supposed to do THAT?

LERON
I have idea.

Hold onto testicle --
And he TURNS the steering wheel
into a HARD LEFT.

EXT. AIRPORT ROADWAY - CONTINUOUS
The plane suddenly turns toward
the commercial terminal area,
heading right toward a line of planes.

Carrie also makes a HARD LEFT,
just misses getting clipped by the wing.

Bernie’s car turns,
while Meg and Bernie continue FIRING.

CLOSE ON --
Meg FIRES.
She gets the left tire. BANG.

CLOSE ON --
Bernie FIRES.
He gets the right tire. BANG.

THE PLANE
SCREECHES on the rims.
Heads toward the terminal.

IN THE PLANE
Leron furiously fights to
control the plane,
but he’s having a hard time
with the tires out of commission.

NURI
What are you DOING?
Turn away, turn away.
We’re going to hit BUILDING.

LERON
Is no good, I cannot TURN --

NURI
(to Tal)
Then hit fucking BRAKES.

Tal JAMS his foot on the pedal.

EXT. AIRPORT TERMINAL - DAY
The plane starts to slow down,
but is still heading right for
the giant windows
in the terminal building --

and IN SLOW MOTION --
the nose of the plane SMASHES
through the glass as it
SCREECHES to a halt,
the metal rims SQUEALING.

ON THE GROUND
Carrie and Bernie’s cars SCREECH
to a stop next to the plane.

The door OPENS,
and a staircase starts descending.

IN THE PLANE
Leron and Tal stand at
the top of the steps, holding Uzis.

See Bernie, Carrie and Meg
get out of their cars.

Start SPRAYING THEM
with MACHINE GUN FIRE.

ON THE TARMAC
Carrie, Bernie and Meg DUCK
behind Bernie’s car.

ON THE STAIRS
Leron and Tal start
walking down the steps,
continuing to SPRAY
the cars with bullets.

The windows EXPLODE.

BEHIND BERNIE’S CAR
Bernie turns to Carrie.

BERNIE
They got us pinned down here.

Carrie looks around.
Sees a baggage handler cart nearby.

CARRIE
I got an idea.
Cover me.

Bernie and Megan nod.
Start RETURNING FIRE, as Carrie
DASHES over to the cart.

Hops on the side away from the gunfire.
Reaches up. Turns on the engine.

Crouches low, presses down
on the gas pedal with one hand,
grabs the steering wheel with the other --
and drives around the cars and the plane.

She gets to the other side, jumps off.
Ducks under the plane
-- and SHOOTS at the boys in the leg.

NURI AND TAL
Get HIT.

GRAB their thighs.
SCREAM in pain.

BERNIE AND MEG
POP UP from behind the car and S
HOOT them both in the head. BANG. BANG.
They hit the ground, THWUMP, THWUMP.

NURI stands in the doorway.
Sees this.

Runs back inside the plane.
Carrie comes up from under and
RACES up the stairs after him.

INSIDE THE PLANE
Nuri ducks to the side of the doorway.

And, as Carrie RUNS in,
GRABS her around the neck in a choke hold.

She tries to pull his arm off,
but he’s too strong.

Her face starts turning red.
She STOMPS on his foot.
His grip loosens a bit.

Takes a big gulp of air and
HEAD BUTTS him from behind,
but this just makes him ANGRIER,
and he YANKS his arm across her neck, HARDER.
She GASPS, struggling to breathe.

Her hands desperately search for
something to use as a weapon.

They find a FIRE EXTINGUISHER,
RIP it off the wall,
and CRACK him on the head with it.

Stunned by the blow,
Nuri RELEASES her.
He staggers a bit.

Carrie breathes in gulps of air,
pulls out her gun.

Nuri raises his.
They both take aim.

NURI
It would appear to be stalemate,
my impetuous one.

CARRIE
Guess it’s too late
for peace talks, huh.

He suddenly gets RIDDLED
with bullets from behind.

His body JERKS like a puppet
in a dance of death --
until he HITS the floor, THWUMP.

Bernie and Meg appear
in the doorway, guns drawn.

Carrie looks at Nuri’s body.
Then at them.

CARRIE
What took you guys so long?

BERNIE
Well, last time I stopped
a guy from killing you,
you gave me shit about it.

MEGAN
I got tired of arguing with him
about whether or not
we should come save you.

CARRIE
Wow. I’m really feeling the love.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Fly The Deadly Skies


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 17 of LEGS, Episode 2, private eye Carrie Love and the cops tear after Israeli crime boss Nuri Hadar in a hail of bullets ... until they try to make their getaway at Los Angeles International Airport.


EXT. VIA MARINA - DAY
The Hummer nears an intersection marked BIKE CROSSING.

It turns right onto a narrow BIKE PATH
that snakes around the marina boat slips.

The squad car follows them, then Carrie’s car,
then Bernie’s Crown Vic.

EXT. MARINA BIKE PATH - DAY
The Hummer BARRELS down the bike path.

Up ahead, a pair of CYCLISTS leisurely pedal.
Tal HONKS his horn.

They turn and look, DART off the path.
The squad car follows.

Then Carrie’s Porsche.
Then Bernie’s car, bringing up the rear.

EXT. FISHERMAN’S WHARF - DAY
A series of tacky, touristy shops and restaurants
at the south end of the marina.
The vehicles pass by in a blur.

EXT. PLAYA DEL REY - BIKE PATH - DAY
The Hummer takes the path to the
other side of the channel into Playa del Rey,
the other vehicles in hot pursuit.

EXT. PLAYA DEL REY - BIKE PATH - DAY
The vehicles FLY down the narrow strip
heading toward the shore,
PLOWING THROUGH a group of BICYCLISTS --
until they reach an intersection
where it meets the beach bike path
in the sand going south.

The Hummer makes the turn and ROARS
down the bike path.

The other vehicles SCREECH to a halt.
Everyone JUMPS out,
watches the Hummer drive away.

BERNIE
God-DAMMIT.

MIKE
(cell rings, answers it)
Yeah.
(listens)
No shit.
(to the group)
Just got word that Flowers
died in the hospital.
They’re now wanted for murder.

BERNIE
Great. But we don’t know where
the fuck they’re GOING.

CARRIE
I know where they’re going.

BERNIE
Were you planning on sharing it with us?

Carrie points at a plane
taking off overhead to the south.

CARRIE
Airport.

Everybody exchange glances.
RACES over to their vehicles.
JUMPS in.

TURNS AROUND and TAKES OFF --
just as a HOARD OF SQUAD CARS arrive.

EXT. LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY
The Hummer is parked in front of a
charter plane hanger with
an Israeli flag across the top.

A private jet sits nearby.
Carrie’s Porsche, followed by Bernie’s Crown Vic,
followed by a hoard of SCREAMING SQUAD CARS
race toward the plane.

IN THE COCKPIT
Leron and Tal sit at the controls.

Start flipping switches.
Nuri sticks his head in the cockpit.

NURI
Hurry the fuck up.
We must GO, NOW.

LERON
Time to fly friendly skies.

He PULLS BACK on a lever.

ON THE GROUND
The plane starts taxing
away from the hangar.

EXT. HANGAR CORRIDOR - DAY
Carrie’s Porsche and Bernie’s sedan
start following the plane on either side --
Carrie on the left, Bernie on the right.

INT. CARRIE’S PORSCHE - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
Carrie talks to Bernie on her cell.

CARRIE
We gotta stop them from taking off.
Got any bright ideas?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. BERNIE’S CROWN VIC - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
Bernie drives like a madman.
Talks on his cell.

BERNIE
Just heard on the radio
the cops are setting up a roadblock
on the runway,
so why don’t we box ‘em in?

CARRIE
Why don’t we just
shoot their fucking tires?

BERNIE
That’s a big ten-four, little lady.
Commence firing.

She looks at Meg, who nods.
Pulls out her service revolver.

MEG
'It's time to fly.'

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Leave The Driving To Us


Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 16 of LEGS, Episode 2, it's the mother of all car chases when private eye Carrie Love and the cops pursue Israeli crime boss Nuri Hadar and his sons Tal and Leron through the Venice Beach canals ...


EXT. NURI'S SAFE HOUSE - DAY
Mike turns to Clifford.

MIKE
How much you think
a place like this costs?

CLIFFORD
A couple million at least.

MIKE
Jesus.
Imagine living right at the beach.

CLIFFORD
I don’t have to.
I’m further up in Venice.
Cute little bungalow.
Not ON the beach,
but right across the street.
You should come over
and hang out sometime.

MIKE
Do you have a hot tub?

A YELLOW HUMMER comes
CRASHING through the door -- BANG.

Wood goes FLYING.
Mike and Clifford start SHOOTING.

Carrie, Meg and Bernie come RUNNING.
Everybody JUMPS into their cars
and gives chase --
the patrol car in the lead,
then Carrie and Meg in Carrie’s Porsche,
then Bernie in his Crown Vic.

EXT. SPEEDWAY - DAY
The Hummer ROARS north,
the others behind it, catching up.

IN THE PATROL CAR
Mike drives like a maniac.
Clifford grabs the radio.

CLIFFORD
This is unit One-Adam-Twenty-Three.
We’re in pursuit of kidnapping suspects
travelling in a yellow Hummer
heading north on Speedway.
Send all available units.

IN THE HUMMER
Tal drives.
Leron rides shotgun.
Nuri leans forward.

NURI
(to Leron)
Call Shelly at airport.
Tell him to have jet ready.

LERON
(pulls out cell phone)
You got it, pop.
(dials number, listens)
Shelly? It’s Tal --
(listens)
Yeah, we’re on our way to airport.
We need plane ready --
(listens)
I know is short notice --
(listens)
TWO Asian chicks? Damn.

AERIAL POV
The Hummer ROARS down the street,
weaving through traffic,
followed by the patrol car,
Carrie’s Porsche and Bernie’s Crown Vic.

It turns right at a side street
going south --

EXT. OCEAN STREET - DAY
The monster-car barrels down
the narrow street.

Up ahead, we see a small, steep,
narrow, one-lane bridge
hat curves over the first
of the four remaining Venice canals.

IN CARRIE’S CAR
Carrie turns to Megan.
Shakes her head in disbelief.

CARRIE
He’s going over the fucking CANALS --

THE HUMMER
Gets to the first bridge.

An old, VW Bug ahead of them
chugs up to the top, engine whining.
The Hummer ROARS up it.

IN THE HUMMER
Tal keeps driving,
big smile on his face.

NURI
Idiot.
I TOLD you we shouldn’t go this way.

TAL
No problem.
Watch this --

THE VW BUG
Tries to pull to the side to make room,
and the Hummer SMASHES
into the left rear fender, BANG --
and the Bug goes FLYING
in the air and SPLASHES in the canal.

THE HUMMER
Drives down the other side
of the bridge.

Another car approaches, sees it,
CAREENS into the side alley.

THE PATROL CAR
FLIES up the bridge --
briefly soars in the air --
and HITS the pavement,
following the Hummer.

SIDE POV
Carrie’s Porsche FLIES OVER the bridge,
BANGS on the pavement on the other side,
as does Bernie’s Crown Vic.

IN BERNIE’S CAR
Bernie WINCES
as the car hits the road. BANG.

BERNIE
Asshole’s gonna pay for the damages.

IN CARRIE’S CAR
She YELLS OUT as the car
BANGS on the pavement.

CARRIE
WHOO-HOO.
Leave the driving to US.

AERIAL POV
The vehicles FLY the second bridge,
PEDESTRIANS and BICYCLISTS LEAPING
out of the way --
then the third bridge.

EXT. VIA MARINA - DAY
A boulevard that twists
and turns around the marina.

The Hummer cruises around the curves,
followed by the gang.

IN THE HUMMER
Nuri angrily shakes his fist at Tal.

NURI
They’re still behind us.
Can’t you LOSE them?

TAL
Not to worry.
I have idea.

LERON
You TRYING to scare us?

Monday, October 21, 2013

New Chicks On The Block


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 15 of LEGS, Episode 2, private eye Carrie Love and the cops surround Israeli crime boss Nuri Hadar's Venice Beach safe house ... just as Nuri and his sons jump into action and plot a daring escape ...


INT. NURI’S SAFE HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Leron sits at table,
hunched over Yago’s laptop.

Nuri and Tal sit on
either side of him, watching.

Leron smiles.
Points.

LERON
Is Marnie’s Friendbook page.

Nuri and Leron
crane their necks to look.

TAL
She has four-thousand friends?

LERON
(points)
Is because of risque photo
on profile.

NURI
Is disgraceful.
She’s hardly wearing any clothing.

LERON
Well, is taken at beach --

NURI
But is just string on bottom.

TAL
Is called thong, pop.

OUTSIDE
Carrie, Bernie, Meg, Mike and Clifford
huddle in front of the garage
facing the street.

CARRIE
Okay.
There’s only three exits --
(to Mike and Clifford)
You two stay here
and watch the garage.
(off their nods)
Bernie, you go around the back
and cover the exit onto the beach.
(off his nod)
Meg and I will go the front door.

MEGAN
This time with our guns drawn.

INSIDE THE HOUSE
Tal works the mouse.
Points at the screen.

LERON
Over here is where I send her
‘private message.’

TAL
What are you gonna say?

LERON
I invite her to big,
Hollywood party,
but I have to give
invitation in person.

NURI
Brilliant.
You are chip off
new kids of block.
(to Tal)
You get detective’s address?

TAL
Like taking blintz from baby.

IN BACK OF THE HOUSE
Bernie takes position
near the rear entrance.

AT THE GARAGE
Mike and Clifford face the garage doors,
guns drawn.

AT THE FRONT DOOR
Carrie and Meg stand
on either side of the door,
guns at the ready.

Carrie leans over,
RINGS the buzzer.

INSIDE THE HOUSE
The doorbell RINGS.
Nuri, Tal and Leron look.

NURI
Who could that be?

LERON
Probably one of Yago’s
loser friends.

NURI
(to Tal)
Go get rid of them.

Tal nods. Jumps up.
Trots off toward the front door.

NURI
(to Leron)
Speaking of Yago,
where IS that lazy fuck?

OUTSIDE
Carrie PRESSES the buzzer again.

TAL (O.C.)
(electronic)
Hello?
Who is there?

MEGAN
This is the POLICE.
We’ve got the place SURROUNDED.
Open the door, NOW.

TAL (O.C.)
Hold on a sec.
Be right with you.

Carrie and Meg exchange glances.
Carrie grabs her cell phone.

Punches a number.
Listens.

BERNIE’S
Phone rings.
He answers it.

BERNIE
What’s up?

CARRIE (O.C.)
Asshole’s stalling.
Watch the door.
Get ready.

CARRIE
Turns to Meg.

CARRIE
I’ve got a feeling
they’re gonna try something.

Meg nods.
Carrie RINGS the buzzer again.

CARRIE
NURI HADAR.
This is the POLICE.
Open that fucking door RIGHT NOW,
or we’re COMING IN.

INSIDE THE HOUSE
Tal RACES over
to Nuri and Leron.

TAL
Is cops.
They have house surrounded.

LERON
How the FUCK they find us?
What are we gonna do?

NURI
Calm down.
You forget about
Hummer in garage.

LERON
To the HUMMER --

Friday, October 18, 2013

Never A Dull Moment


Hey there, crime kids. TGIF. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 14 of LEGS, Episode 2, the plot thickens when private eye Carrie Love gets a call from her porn star lover Laura Lang ... from jail, where she was picked up for prostitution.


INT. CARRIE’S VINTAGE PORSCHE - MOVING - DAY
Carrie drives.
Meg rides shotgun.

They both look tense.
Carrie’s phone RINGS.

She grabs it.
Looks at it.

CARRIE
Laura, nine-one-one.

MEGAN
Never a dull moment.

CARRIE
(gives her a look, answers it)
Laura?
What’s wrong?
You okay?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. POLICE PRECINCT - CORRIDOR - DAY
Laura stands in the corridor
near a row of cells
talking on a pay phone,
eyes red from crying.

LAURA
Carrie, thank god --
(beat)
Ohmigod.

CARRIE
What’s wrong?
What happened?

LAURA
I’m -- in jail.

CARRIE
In JAIL?
What for?

A cop walks by,
eyes her appreciatively.

LAURA
Prostitution, but I wasn’t DOING THAT.
I went to the The Ritz Carlton
to meet that director, Nick Orleans,
but he didn’t show,
so I had a couple of cocktails,
and these assholes were
in my face propositioning me --

CARRIE
And you made them
an offer they refused.

LAURA
Yeah.
The cops picked me up
as soon as I left the joint.
(gasps)
Can you come bail me out?

CARRIE
Of course -- but right now
I’m in the middle of a case.
I’m sorry, but you’re gonna
have to wait a little bit --

LAURA
You mean to tell me
you’re TOO BUSY?

Another cop walks by.
Raises his eyebrows. Chuckles.

CARRIE
I’m in the car on my way
to tangle with some Israeli mobsters
who tried to kidnap me.
Trust me, I’d much rather
come pick you up.

LAURA
Oh.
(beat)
Israeli mobsters?
Really?

CARRIE
Really.

LAURA
Alright, but just
hurry it the fuck up.
They body cavity searched me
twice after recognizing me
from my pornos,
and I’m afraid they’re
gonna do it again.

CARRIE
Twice?
Really?

LAURA
Really.

CARRIE
I’ll get there
as fast as I can.
Promise.
(looks out the window)
I’m sorry, but I gotta go.
We’re here.

LAURA
Okay.
Hurry.

CARRIE
I will.
Bye.

She hangs up.
Pulls over.
Kills the engine.

Looks at Meg.
Eyes bright with tears.

CARRIE
Please.
No jokes.
I’m not in the mood.

MEGAN
It’s okay.
I know she’s
really special to you.

CARRIE
Yeah.

MEGAN
(grabs the door handle)
So let’s go bust
Moe, Larry and Curly
so you can go rescue
your damsel in distress.

Carrie tries to smile.
Touched.
Grabs her door handle.

CARRIE
Thanks, Meg.
You’re a good friend.

MEGAN
Hey.
I’ll take what I can get --

Thursday, October 17, 2013

A Legend In Her Own Crime


Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 13 of LEGS, Episode 2, the plot thickens when Carrie discovers the location of Israeli crime boss Nuri Hadar's safe house, while Nuri and his sons Tal and Leron plot their next move. Meanwhile, Nuri's daughter Marnie, holed up in a cheap motel, gets 'up close and personal' with her brother Yago ...


INT. NURI’S CONDO - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Carrie stands in the middle of the room
with Bernie and Megan.

She CLICKS her cell phone shut.
Looks at them.

BERNIE
Where are they?

CARRIE
Not far.
Safe house is up in Venice,
right off Speedway.
Take five minutes.

MEGAN
Hot sox.
Let’s go.

The two Uniform Cops walk into the room.
MIKE HUNT (30’s), a giant,
hyper-masculine hulk shrugs.

MIKE
Place is clean.

The other uniform cop,
CLIFFORD SIM (20’s), tall, thin,
great-looking and totally metrosexual
chimes in.

CLIFFORD
Yeah.
They have horrible taste,
but nothing we can bust them for --
(beat)
Although the sculpture of an
eagle killing a rodent
SHOULD be against the law.

MIKE
You get their location?

BERNIE
Yep.
Carrie will take the lead,
I’ll follow her,
and you two follow me.

CARRIE
Hey.
Who’s the giving orders around here?
This is my case.

BERNIE
Be my guest --

CARRIE
Meg and I will go in my car,
and you all follow me in yours.

MEGAN
Isn’t that what Bernie just said?

CLIFFORD
Oh, wow.
Now I get it.
I thought there was major tension
in the room --
(off their looks, to Megan)
You’re the girl Carrie shacked up with
after she left Bernie.

MEGAN
How did you --

CARRIE
Jesus Christ.
Does the whole force know?

MIKE
Are you kidding?
You’re a legend.
The whole department wanted
to take a crack at her.

MEGAN
They did?

BERNIE
So if Carrie’s a legend,
what does that make me?

CLIFFORD
You don’t want to know.

CARRIE
C’mon, kids.
What is this, high school?
Let’s get a move on.

Carrie’s cell phone RINGS.
She fishes it out.
Answers it.

CARRIE
This is Carrie --

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. LAW OFFICES - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
Todd stands near the window
away from the conference table
talking on his cell phone.

TODD
Where the hell ARE you.
We have a MEETING.

CARRIE
Oh, yeah.
Mom told me about that.

TODD
I sent you an EMAIL.

CARRIE
Yeah, same day as the meeting.
I’m in the middle of a case right now,
little brother, so you’re
gonna have to reschedule.
And this time,
give me more notice,
you fucking control freak.

TODD
How DARE you --

CARRIE
How dare YOU.
Have your people call my people,
THEN you can shove it up your ASS.
(CLICKS the phone shut)
Fuck-tard.

BERNIE
Your brother?

CARRIE
Ten points for the cuckold.
How did you guess.

MEGAN
Easy.
You always invent new swear words
when it’s about your family.

BERNIE
Cuckold?
What’s a cuckold?

CLIFFORD
I told you didn’t want to know --

INT. NURI’S SAFE HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Tal sits on the couch,
texting on his smart phone.

Leron fools around with Yago’s laptop.
Nuri paces back and forth.

LERON
Is still working --
(moves the mouse)
But is fucking SLOW.

NURI
Where the fuck IS he?
I’m STARVING.

TAL
I’ll give him call.

He dials a number. Listens.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. MARNIE’S MOTEL ROOM - DAY
Marnie and Yago sit on the bed.

The groceries he bought
are spread out like a big picnic.

Marnie sips from a bottle of wine.
Yago drinks from a bottle of vodka.

MARNIE
I can’t believe you came over.

YAGO
I can’t believe you invited me.

Yago’s phone RINGS.
He picks it up.
Looks at it.

YAGO
Shit. It’s Tal.
What should I do?

MARNIE
Answer it.

YAGO
What should I tell him?

MARNIE
Tell him -- the store’s crowded,
there’s a long line.

YAGO
(nods, answer it)
Tal. What’s up?

TAL
What the fuck’s taking so long?

YAGO
The store is crowded, man.
There’s a long line. Sorry.

TAL
Well, hurry it the fuck up.

YAGO
Okay, okay.
I’ll call you when I’m leaving, okay?

TAL
Okay.

They both hang up.

MARNIE
See? That wasn’t so bad.

He smiles.
Leans over.
Kisses her.

YAGO
But that was better --

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Where There's A Will, There's A Lawyer


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 12 of LEGS, Episode 2, private eye Carrie Love gets a call from Israeli crime boss Nuri Hadar's daughter Marnie, who's hiding out in a cheap motel while she, Bernie and Meg search Nuri's joint for clues to his whereabouts. Meanwhile, Carrie's brothers Todd and Nate meet with their lawyers to try and screw her out of their father's inheritance ...


INT. NURI’S CONDO - LIVING ROOM - DAY
A pair of COPS IN UNIFORM
search the joint while
Bernie talks with Carrie and Megan.

BERNIE
(to Megan)
Nice to see you again -- officer.

MEGAN
(nods, curt)
Detective.

CARRIE
Children, play nice.
(to Bernie)
You have no right to be upset.
I came to you first.

MEGAN
You DID?

CARRIE
I WAS married to him
for ten years, Meg --

MEGAN
And I’m just the
‘on the rebound’ quickie?

BERNIE
You said it, not me --

Carrie’s cell phone RINGS.

CARRIE
Just chill, okay?
Both of you.
(answers it)
This is Carrie.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. THE STARLET MOTEL - MARNIE’S ROOM - DAY
Marnie sits at the
table by the window,
watching the traffic go by,
talking on her cell phone.

MARNIE
Detective Love, it’s me, Marnie.

CARRIE
Call me Carrie.
What’s up?

MARNIE
Carrie.
How did it go with my dad?

CARRIE
He and your brothers
assaulted and kidnapped me
and a police officer.
We escaped.
There’s now a warrant out
for their arrest.

MARNIE
Holy shit.
(beat)
I just found out
where they are.
My brother Yago called me --

CARRIE
You have ANOTHER brother?

MARNIE
He didn’t go into
the family business.
He called from my
dad’s safe house in Venice
after they got there.
They told him I was
causing a problem,
so he called to see
if I was okay.

CARRIE
What was he doing
at the safe house?

MARNIE
Daddy lets him stay there,
rent-free.
(beat)
It’s a long story.

CARRIE
Give me the address.

MARNIE
Hold on a sec.
Yago’s out getting
groceries for them.
I told him you wouldn’t
go over there until
after he got back and
was able to get out of there.

CARRIE
If you don’t give me
the address right now,
I’ll arrest you for
obstruction of justice.

MARNIE
But what about Yago?

CARRIE
Call him and tell him
to go somewhere else.
Maybe come over
and hang with you.

MARNIE
Oh.
Why didn’t I think of that --

CARRIE
I’m gonna ask one more time.
The address?

MARNIE
One-five-two-two
Ocean Front Walk.
It’s a big, old house
right on the sand.
You’ll call me afterward
and let know what happens?

CARRIE
You can count on it.
(beat)
We might need someone
to identify the bodies.

INT. LAW OFFICES - CONFERENCE ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
A burnished, glossy, airbrushed joint
where Glenn Close would feel right at home.

Todd and Nate sit in giant chairs
on one side of the table with their ATTORNEYS (50’s),
a pair of stone-faced, smooth-looking hawks.

CARRIE’S ATTORNEY, a big,
jovial-looking fellow sits on the other side.

TODD
Where the hell is she?
I told her the meeting was at one.

CARRIE’S ATTORNEY
When did you tell her?

TODD
This morning.

CARRIE’S ATTORNEY
So she said she’d be here?

Pause.

TODD
I sent her an email.

NATE
I told you to call her.

CARRIE’S ATTORNEY
You sent an email the same day
as the meeting?
Didn’t it occur to you
that she might be busy?

TODD
Oh, I’m sure she’s busy --

CARRIE’S ATTORNEY
Your mother told me
she’s a private detective.
I would imagine that sometimes
involves long hours on a stakeout?

TODD
Maybe. I guess.

CARRIE’S ATTORNEY
You guess?
From what I gather,
you don’t have a very close relationship,
possibly even a hostile one.
It would seem to me that you
avoided informing her of the meeting
until the last minute
for your own personal gain.

HAWK-NOSED ATTORNEY
What’s that supposed to mean?

CARRIE’S ATTORNEY
Her not showing up makes her
look bad in your eyes,
gives you more ammunition
for making your case --
that’s she’s immature, irresponsible --
when in fact, she’s a hard-working woman
attending to her business.

TODD
That’s a good one.
She wouldn’t know the
meaning of hard work if it bit her on --

HAWK-NOSED ATTORNEY
Todd.

CARRIE’S ATTORNEY
That’s right.
How could I forget.
You mother tells me you’re a --
(looks at his notes, smiles)
‘Wedding videographer.’
I’m sure that’s even harder work t
han chasing dangerous criminals.

TODD
HEY.

HAWK-NOSED ATTORNEY
Todd. Calm down.

TODD
But he --

HAWK-NOSED ATTORNEY
(to Carrie’s attorney)
We’ll reschedule the meeting,
without prejudice.

CARRIE’S ATTORNEY
(stands)
Have your office do it through mine.
(smiles)
And Nate?

NATE
Yeah?

CARRIE’S ATTORNEY
Can I give you a little unsolicited advice?

NATE
What’s that?

CARRIE’S ATTORNEY
You might want to consider the possibility
that you’re siding with the wrong sibling.
Do you really think you can deny
what’s due to your older sister?
(nods)
Gentlemen.

And he leaves.

NATE
Wow.

TODD
What do you mean, wow?

NATE
Maybe he’s right.
I mean, dad did change his mind
about leaving her something.
He just couldn’t do anything about it
because of the irrevocable trust.
(off Todd’s look)
But if he intentionally destroyed
the original signed copy of the will --

Their attorneys exchange glances.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Martini Built For Two


Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 11 of LEGS, Episode 2, after being stood up on her 'date,' porn star Laura Lang tangles with a pair of rich yuppie brats at the Ritz Carlton bar. Meanwhile, Israeli mob daughter Marnie Hadar hides from her family in a cheap motel on the wrong end of Wilshire Boulevard ...


INT. RITZ CARLTON HOTEL - BAR - DAY
Laura sits at the bar,
now three sheets to the wind.

She drains her martini.
Flags down the bartender.

LAURA
Can I --
(hiccups)
Get another?

BARTENDER
You sure that’s a good idea?

LAURA
Are you fucking kidding me?
Martinis are always a good idea.

An INVESTMENT BANKER (50’s)
next to her raises his glass.

STUFFY INVESTMENT BANKER
I’ll drink to that.
(to the bartender)
Serve the lady. On me.

Bartender rolls his eyes.
Turns to go make it.

LAURA
Thanks, love.

STUFFY INVESTMENT BANKER
(nods)
You look familiar.
Are you an actress?

LAURA
That’s funny.
You don’t look the type.

STUFFY INVESTMENT BANKER
The type of what?

LAURA
I guess everybody DOES watch porn.

STUFFY INVESTMENT BANKER
Oh. So you’re a --

Bartender serves her.
She smiles grimly.
Takes a sip.

LAURA
I was supposed to be meeting
Nick Orleans about starring in
Battlestar Cracktica,
but it looks like he stood me up.

A couple of YOUNG STUDS (20’s)
on the other side of her look,
nudge each other.

Whispering to themselves.
Snickering.

STUFFY INVESTMENT BANKER
'Battlestar Cracktica?'

LAURA
So I guess it’s your lucky day.
Wanna take me out for a spin?
I’ll only charge half-price,
since it’s a matinee.

STUFFY INVESTMENT BANKER
Of all the vulgar --
(throws money on the bar)
Well, I never --

He gets up off his stool,
storms away in a huff.

LAURA
Apparently not.

The Young Studs,
grinning Stepford Son types,
turn and leer.

DARK-HAIRED STEPFORD SON
You’re Laura Lang.

LAURA
Well, look what we have here.
A two-fer.

DARK-HAIRED STEPFORD SON
Hi. I’m Whit --
(points at his friend)
And this is Heath.

HEATH
Hey, there.

WHIT
We were wondering if you’d
like to go a party --
on my yacht.

In the background,
we see Stuffy Investment Banker
talking to Hotel Manager.

He points at Laura.
Then leaves.

LAURA
That might be arranged.
I might even give you boys
the group rate --
or should I say 'grope rate?'

She sips her drink. Chuckles.
The Stepfords exchange glances.

WHIT
PAY for it?
I never PAY for it.

HEATH
Do you realize who he IS?

WHIT
Of course she doesn’t.
Fucking whore wouldn’t
recognize a tech start-up mogul
if it bit her on the fake tits.

Laura THROWS her drink at him.
Gets up.

Whit SPUTTERS.
Grabs a napkin.
Wipes his face.

LAURA
That’s for calling me a whore,
you fucking Zuckerberg.
Go jerk each other off
on your fucking BOAT.

She storms off.
Bartender CALLS OUT after her.

BARTENDER
HEY.
You didn’t pay your BILL --

CAMERA finds Hotel Manager,
speaking on his cell phone.

WHIT
Thank you, officer.
I’d like to report a
prostitute on our premises --
(listens)
The Ritz Carlton.

OUTSIDE IN FRONT
Officious Valet brings
Laura’s Dodge Dart around.

Hops out.
Hands her the keys.

Laura takes them.
Gets in. Drives away.

Officious watches her angrily.
Shakes his fist.

HOTEL MANAGER (O.C.)
Medium height, blonde, British.
She just left, driving an old,
light green Dodge Dart Swinger --
(listens, chuckles)
Well, I guess you’re right.
There’s no such thing as a
NEW Dodge Dart Swinger, is there?

EXT. ROLLS ROYCE SEDAN - MOVING - DAY
The giant white behemoth
cruises down Wilshire Boulevard.

INT. ROLLS ROYCE SEDAN - MOVING - DAY
Yago sits behind the wheel driving.
Talks on his cell phone.

YAGO
A private detective? Gnarly.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. THE STARLET MOTEL - MARNIE’S ROOM - DAY
Marnie sits on the bed
with her laptop.

Talks on her cell.

MARNIE
Yeah. And she said she was gonna
bring a cop friend with her for protection.
Something bad must of gone down
if they’re hiding out at your place.

YAGO
But you’re okay.
You’re safe --

MARNIE
Yeah. I guess so.
Not much fun hiding out
in a shitty motel room, though.
Did they tell you what happened?

YAGO
No. They never tell me anything.

MARNIE
Will you keep me posted
on what they’re up to?

YAGO
Of course.

MARNIE
Okay, good.
I’m gonna call the detective
and let her know where they are.

YAGO
You mean, she and the cop
are gonna come to the safe house?

MARNIE
Yeah. So it might be a good idea
for you to stay away for awhile.

YAGO
Shit. I’m on my way
to get groceries for them --

MARNIE
Go do that.
Then go surfing or something.
I’ll make sure they don’t come
until after you’re gone, okay?

YAGO
Okay, cool. Thanks.

MARNIE
I miss you.
I wish things could be --
the way they used to be.

YAGO
Don’t even talk about that.
If dad found out
we were even talking --
(sees out the window)
I’m here.
Gotta go --

Monday, October 14, 2013

The Way Of The Cunt


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 10 of LEGS, Episode 2, Carrie and Bernie search Israeli crime boss Nuri Hadar's condo for clues about his whereabouts ... while Carrie's girlfriend, porn star Laura Lang causes a ruckus at the local Ritz Carlton. Meanwhile, Nuri and his sons make their plans for revenge at their Venice Beach safe house.


INT. NURI’S CONDO - FRONT DOOR - DAY
Bernie and a pair of UNIFORMED OFFICERS
carrying shotguns stand nearby.

Carrie and Megan stand back
near the entrance to the stairs.

Bernie POUNDS on the door.

BERNIE
POLICE.
Open the door or we’re COMING IN.

Silence. One of the uniforms,
a tall, hulking brute, looks at Bernie.
He nods.

Hulking steps back and KICKS the door in.
They all RUSH IN --

INT. NURI’S CONDO - LIVING ROOM - DAY
To find it empty.
Bernie nods at the uniforms.

BERNIE
Go check the bedrooms.

CARRIE
I’ll show you the closet
where we were tied up.
Our DNA’s gotta be all over the place.
(off his look)
God, you’ve got a dirty mind.

INT. RITZ CARLTON HOTEL - BAR - DAY
A JAZZ TRIO (40’s) plays in the corner over --
Very plush, with understated elegance.

A smattering of HOTEL GUESTS and RICH LOCALS
enjoy their liquid lunch.

Laura takes a seat at the end,
away from the BARTENDER (20’s)
a preppy Tommy Hilfiger wannabe
in khakis and polo shirt.

She checks her watch.
Scans the crowd for her ‘date.’

In the background we see Officious Valet
and the STUFFY HOTEL MANAGER (40’s).

Officious points at her.
Stuffy nods.

Laura leans forward,
tries to get Preppy’s attention,
but he’s chatting up a
tipsy COUGAR DIVORCEE (40’s).

Laura waves at him,
trying to get his attention.

Preppy sees her out of
the corner of his eye.
Ignores her.

LAURA
Who do I haveta blow to
getta fucking DRINK around here?

The hushed conversations stop.
The band looks, keeps playing.

BARTENDER
Excuse me?

LAURA
Excuse yourself.
Just get Cat On A Hot Tin Roof’s
phone number and bring me a COCKTAIL, darling.
My cooch is so parched it could
give the Sahara a run for it’s money.

An OLDER COUPLE (60’s) near her look.
It’s obvious from the way the HUSBAND
is staring that he recognizes her.

LAURA
(to the wife)
Looks like your hubby’s a big fan.
(off her look, to him)
So what’s your favorite film of mine?
'The Way Of The Cunt?'
'Jungle Beaver? '
'The Color of Runny?'

Their grey faces turn red.
They get up and shuffle away.
Preppy glides over to her.

PREPPY BARTENDER
Could you keep it down, please?
You’re starting to bother our guests.

LAURA
'Starting to bother?'
(off his look)
I’ll have a Jack and Coke,
heavy on the Jack,
light on the Coke.

EXT. VENICE BEACH HOUSE - DAY
A classic, old, weathered-looking big house
nestled between two giant, gleaming condos
right on the sand.

It’s surrounded by giant hedges and trees
taller than the joint that makes the
tiny yard around it shadowy and dark --

and very private.
INT. VENICE BEACH HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Large and airy, with a great view of the ocean.

YAGO HADAR (20’s) sits
on the couch working a laptop.

He resembles the family,
except his hair is bleached blonde
and he’s dressed ‘early surfer.’

Nuri, Tal and Leron walk into the room.

YAGO
What are you doing here?

TAL
Is safe house, what do you think?

LERON
Sorry to disturb social networking.

NURI
After what you did to this family,
you’re lucky to be living ANYWHERE.
Last time I looked, I paid the bills --
and YOU get to shack up for free
and keep eye on joint.

TAL
And keep refrigerator stocked.

He heads off toward the kitchen.

YAGO
So -- what happened?

NURI
Marnie -- is causing problem.

YAGO
Gee, I wonder why.
It’s not like you keep her
locked up like a veal --

Nuri walks over, KICKS
the laptop off the coffee table.

It HITS the wall with a CRACK.
CRASHES to the floor, BANG.

YAGO
HEY.

NURI
Don’t HEY me, you fucking goldbrick.
I BOUGHT it, I can BREAK it.

YAGO
How am I supposed to finish
my online massage therapist exam?

NURI
'Massage therapist exam?'
I didn’t raise you
to become fucking FRUIT.

YAGO
I thought you wanted me
to find a job.

NURI
Only because you won’t join
FAMILY BUSINESS.

Tal comes back in.

TAL
Hey, pop.
Cupboard is bare.
(to Yago)
What’s up with that?

Leron points at the bong
on the coffee table.

LERON
Looks like Jeff Spicoli
spent his allowance on
four-twenty instead of FOOD.

NURI
Jeff Spicoli?

LERON
You haven’t seen
Fast Times At Ridgemont High?
Sean Penn plays stoner,
is funny like heart attack.
Is also notable for VERY
sexy scene with
Phoebe Cates in bikini.

He makes a jerking off motion
with his hand.

Nuri shoots him a look, disgusted.
Pulls out his wallet.

Hands Yago a fistful of cash.
Points at the door.

NURI
Go. Now.
Get some food.
Good stuff.
Whole Foods, like that.
And get wine, liquor.
And ice. Lots of ice.

YAGO
Yeah, sure. Okay.
(carefully)
My car is low on gas?

Nuri sighs.
Pulls out his keys.
TOSSES them to him.

NURI
Take the Rolls.
But if you get ONE SCRATCH on it,
I send you to kibbutz, GOT IT?

YAGO
Got it. I’ll be careful, pop.
Promise.

He slinks away.
Nuri looks at Tal and Leron.
Shakes his head.

NURI
Is embarrassment to crime family.
Thank god I have you boys.

LERON
Maybe he’ll come around someday.

NURI
When Gaza Strip freezes over.
(beat)
Okay.
We need to come up with plan
on how to find Marnie.
Any ideas?

LERON
I can start checking on all her friends.
Maybe one of them knows something.

NURI
How you propose doing that?

LERON
On Friendbook.
I’m on there as ‘Misty,’
one of her friends,
You should SEE party photos
she posts.

NURI
Excellent --
(makes a face)
But spare me details.

TAL
I’m gonna pay visit
to that private detective she hired --
and MAKE her tell me where she is.

Friday, October 11, 2013

Let's Blow This Kibbutz


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 9 of LEGS, Episode 2, private eye Carrie Love and equestrienne patrolwoman Megan Paul escape the evil clutches of Israeli mob boss Nuri Hadar, just as homicide dick Bernie Keko arrives on the scene. Meanwhile, Carrie's squeeze, porn star Laura Lang arrives at the Ritz Carlton to stir up a little trouble ...


INT. NURI’S CONDO - GUEST BEDROOM CLOSET - DAY
Carrie’s gotten her hands free.
She starts untying Megan.

MEGAN
Thank fucking god.
I was starting to feel
like a pot roast.

CARRIE
Okay --

MEGAN
You know how they’re
tied up with string?

CARRIE
You’re confusing me with
someone who knows how to cook.

MEGAN
How can I forget.
'Miss Take-Out.'

She finishes.
Meg rubs her wrists.

CARRIE
C’mon.
Let’s blow this kibbutz.

They open the closet door.
Walk into the room.

Look around.
See two windows.

Carrie goes to the one
facing the street.

CARRIE
There’s a telephone pole.
Bit of a jump,
but I think we can make it.

Meg goes to the other window.
Looks out.

MEGAN
We could jump onto
the roof next door.
The buildings are
really close together.

CARRIE
(comes over, looks)
Much quicker than
climbing down a pole.

Carrie tests the window.
Opens it.

Looks down.
Then at Meg.

CARRIE
Mamma warned me
to stay off the pole.

IN THE ALLEY
We see Carrie FLY
across and LAND
on the next building.

ON THE ROOF
Carrie looks at the windows
of Nuri’s building to
make sure she wasn’t seen.

Then motions to Meg to go.

IN THE ROOM
Meg RACES toward the window,
steps on the ledge, and --

IN THE ALLEY
FLIES across onto the roof
of the next building, SLAP.

EXT. SPEEDWAY - AT THAT MOMENT
Bernie stands at the entrance
to Nuri’s building,
reading the names on the buzzers.

Carrie and Megan walk up to him.

CARRIE
Bernie.

BERNIE
(turns, looks)
You’re okay.

CARRIE
Bastards held us hostage.

MEGAN
But we escaped.

BERNIE
(pulls out his gun)
Sounds like I came
just in time.

MEGAN
No, don’t.
There’s at least
three of them up there.
Let’s go back to your car,
call for back-up.

INT. NURI’S CONDO - CORRIDOR - DAY
Tal unlocks the door
to the guest room.
Looks inside.

Sees the open closet,
then the window.

TAL
God-DAMMIT.
They ESCAPED.

INT. NURI’S CONDO - KITCHEN - DAY
Nuri and Leron sit
at the table, eating.

Tal RUNS into the room,
wild-eyed.

TAL
Bitches escaped out WINDOW.

NURI
Shit.

LERON
Fuck.

TAL
What do we do?
They gonna call cops.

NURI
We go to safe house.

TAL
Acch.
I hate Venice.

LERON
Is not so bad.
Builds character.
See how other half lives.
Camus once said --

NURI
Enough kibitzing.
I’ll get the car warmed up.
You two go grab Zivah.
Put in trunk.

EXT. RITZ CARLTON HOTEL - DAY
A giant stone edifice to wealth and power,
right on the marina.

A cluster of Beamers, Benzes and Bentleys
are parked in front awaiting
their glitzy owners.

A pea-green piece-of-shit
Dodge Dart Swinger
pulls up to the entrance.

EXT. RITZ CARLTON HOTEL - ENTRANCE - DAY
Laura gets out of the Dodge.

She’s garishly made-up, wearing
a more-than-daring black cocktail dress,
towering in six-inch bondage heels.

She hands her keys
to the OFFICIOUS VALET (20’s),
who looks at her wide-eyed
as he hands her a ticket.

LAURA
Be sure not to scratch it, love.
(beat)
Ah, so you’re a fan.
If I had a dollar
for every time
you jerked off
to one of my movies,
I could afford
to stay here.

A RICH COUPLE (40’s)
waiting for their car
stare at her.

Officious Valet angrily
pulls out a walkie talkie.

Angrily starts mumbling into it --

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Say Hello To My Little Friend


Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 8 of LEGS, Episode 2, the plot thickens when private eye Carrie Love and equestrienne Megan Paul try to escape from the clutches of Israeli crime boss Nuri Hadar ... while Nuri tangles with his bitchy trophy girlfriend in the next room. Meanwhile, homicide dick Bernie Keko arrives on the scene to lend a helping hand ...


INT. NURI’S CONDO - GUEST BEDROOM - CLOSET - DAY
Carrie and Meg sit on the floor
of the closet, bound and gagged,
facing away from each other.

Carrie chews at the stocking
across her mouth.

It RIPS apart.
She SPITS it out.

CARRIE
Thank fucking god.

MEGAN
(mumbles through the gag)
Mhow yuh duh dat?

CARRIE
I broke a tooth
a couple days ago.
My being too cheap to
go to the dentist
just saved our asses.
(works her wrists)
Now if I can just
get this off my wrists -
(keeps trying, then)
I’ve got an idea.

MEGAN
Greah.

CARRIE
On the count of three,
let’s stand up.

MEGAN
Cahn duh ih.

CARRIE
Yes, you can.
Press your back against mine,
then slowly stand up.
C’mon. One. Two. Three --

And they slowly
start rising up.

EXT. SPEEDWAY STREET - DAY
A one-way street that runs north
behind the beachfront properties.

Bernie’s unmarked Crown Vic
cruises slowly south,
going the other way.

An OLD, HOMELESS HIPPIE cruises by
on a bicycle festooned with
dozens of bags of crap tied to it.

OLD, HOMELESS HIPPIE
You’re going the wrong way, asshole.

BERNIE
(yells out the window)
I’m a fucking COP, asshole.

EXT. VOYAGE STREET - CONTINUOUS
We see Carrie’s car,
parked near the sand.

Bernie’s car pulls up behind it.
He gets out.
Looks around at the opulence.

BERNIE
I’m in the wrong business.

INT. NURI’S CONDO - GUEST BEDROOM - CLOSET - DAY
Carrie and Meg are now standing,
leaning against the wall,
tied together at the waist.

Carrie’s arms are raised.
She’s rubbing her wrists
on a nail sticking out of the ceiling.

MEGAN
Huhree.
Theh mih cuh bah.

CARRIE
I’m doing the best I can.
(keeps sawing)
I don’t know what’s scarier,
being held hostage,
or understanding what you’re saying --

EXT. NURI’S CONDO - BALCONY - AT THAT MOMENT
Nuri lies on a lounge chair,
smoking a cigar,
looking out at the ocean.

Zivah sits on his lap.

ZIVAH
I’m cold.
I want to go back inside.

NURI
But I need comforting.
My little baklava has gone astray.

ZIVAH
'Gone astray?'
You fucking scared her off.

He SLAPS her on the cheek.
SHOVES her off him.
Stands up.

NURI
How DARE you speak to me
like that.

ZIVAH
How dare you fucking HIT me,
you crusty, old FUCK.

Nuri pulls out a
GUN WITH A SILENCER.

SHOOTS her.
THWIP.

NURI
Say hello to my little fren.

Tal and Leron come out
onto the balcony.

LERON
Everything okay, pop?
(sees the body)
Aw, jeez.
That’s the third one this year.

NURI
Women.
Can’t live with them,
can’t shoot ‘em.
(beat)
You get ahold of Marnie yet?

TAL
(shakes his head)
Keep getting voice mail.

LERON
I couldn’t get ahold of Itzak.
His wife says he’s out of town
at Holocaust reenactment.

NURI
'Holocaust reenactment?'
(gets up)
All this tsuris
has made me hungry.
Do we have any more of
Rachel’s perogis?

LERON
I think so.
(gesture at the body)
But what about --

NURI
We take care of later.
Come. We nosh.

INT. NURI’S CONDO - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Nuri leads Tal and Leron
toward the kitchen.

TAL
What are we gonna do
about private dick and cop?

NURI
We keep them on ice
until we talk to Marnie.

LERON
Nice.
Use them as bargaining chip.

NURI
Exactly.
(smiles)
Until we cash them in --

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Don't Fuck The Messenger


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 7 of Episode 2 of LEGS, more than sparks fly when private eye Carrie Love tells Israeli mob boss Nuri Hadar that his wannabe actress daughter wants to be emancipated from the family. Meanwhile, homicide dick Bernie Keko changes his mind about helping her out and starts doing a little research ...


EXT. NURI’S CONDO - FRONT ENTRANCE - DAY
Carrie and Megan stand at the door.

CARRIE
(presses the intercom)
Let me do the talking.

TAL (O.C.)
(electronic)
Hello?

CARRIE
Hi.
My name is Carrie Love.
I’m a private investigator.
I’d like to speak to Nuri Hadar
about his daughter, Marnie.

TAL (O.C.)
Is family business.
Please go away.

CARRIE
I’m sorry, but it’s my business, too.
Marnie just hired me.
She’s my client.

The door BUZZES.

INT. NURI’S CONDO - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Nuri sits in a big wing chair
facing the couch,
where Carrie and Megan sit
with cups of coffee.

Leron and Tal stand
on either side of him.

You could cut the tension
with a knife.

CARRIE
Beautiful place you’ve got here.
Love the Picasso print.

NURI
Is not print.

MEGAN
Great coffee.
Ethiopian blend?

NURI
Enough with pleasantries.
What is your business?
Why did Marnie hire you?

CARRIE
First of all, I’d like you
to know that we’re not here
to cause any trouble.
I’m just acting on her behalf.
You understand?

NURI
Of course.

CARRIE
And that what I’m going
to tell you might upset you --
and you need to know
that I’m just the messenger,
providing a service for my client.
I don’t have anything against you.
I wish you no harm.

Tal pulls out a HANDGUN.

LERON
Put that away, idiot.
She comes in peace.

He puts it back in his jacket.
Glowers.

NURI
I’m beginning to lose patience.

CARRIE
Marnie is very -- upset
about what happened
to the producer she met with,
and she feels that what happened
might seriously affect
her acting career --

NURI
And --

CARRIE
She’s afraid if it happens again,
no one will consider her
for any acting jobs --

NURI
AND --

CARRIE
She doesn’t want to see you
for awhile --
(gingerly)
And she’d like to be
emancipated from the family.
(quickly)
It’s not that she
doesn’t love you --

Nuri’s eyes BUG OUT.
He LEAPS out of his chair.

GRABS an ashtray,
THROWS it against the wall, CRACK.

NURI
Tell me where she is.

CARRIE
I’m afraid I can’t do that.
Client confidentially.
I hope you understand.

NURI
Do you realize WHO I AM?
What I CAN DO to you?

CARRIE
We were hoping you’d be
reasonable about this.

NURI
I’ll give you one last chance.
Tell me where she is. NOW.

CARRIE
You know, you’re making this
more difficult than it needs to be --

NURI
TELL ME.

Leron and Tal WHIP OUT their guns.
CLICK the safeties.

CARRIE
Please, let’s talk about this.
Don’t do anything stupid.

Leron PISTOL-WHIPS Carrie.
She HITS the floor, THWUMP.

Tal PUNCHES Megan in the stomach.
She goes down, THWUMP.

Tal and Leron rifle through
the girls’ purses.
Check their ID’s.

LERON
She is private dick --

TAL
Other one is cop.

NURI
Put them in cold storage.
Then call Itzak.

LERON
Itzak the Ice Pick?
Isn’t that a little -- extreme?

NURI
Not to worry.
I just want to scare them.
(beat)
Not.

He BURSTS into MAD LAUGHTER.

INT. DETECTIVE’S SQUAD ROOM - DAY
The joint is deserted.

Everybody’s at lunch,
except for BERNIE, at his desk,
looking at his computer screen.

BERNIE
(reading)
Extortion, racketeering,
money laundering --
importing ecstacy --
(reading)
Suspected of murder --
(beat)
Shit.
(picks up the phone, dials)
Hey, Roscoe.
I need the address
and phone number
of Nuri Hadar
in Marina Del Rey.
(listens)
Yeah, the mob guy.
(listens)
Sure. I’ll hold --

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Your Burka Or Mine?


Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 6 of LEGS, Episode 2, we meet Israeli mob boss Nuri Hadar, whose sons inform him that the producer they tried to 'convince' he cast their sibling Marnie in his new picture is now in a coma. Meanwhile, private eye Carrie Love and her ex, Venice Beach cop Megan Paul arrive on their doorstep to deliver some bad news ...


EXT. BEACH FRONT CONDO - DAY
A white, four-story edifice to fancy living
right on the sand on the Marina Peninsula.

But the paint is
flaking off in places,
and the foundation
is cracked and crumbling.

INT. BEACH FRONT CONDO - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Mournful Israeli folk music plays over --

NURI HADAR, (50’s), Marnie’s father,
Standing in front of a giant window.

Big and tall, with
snow white close-cropped hair
with a matching geometric
close-cropped beard.

He’s quite the stylish mob boss,
resplendent in designer sweats,
gold chains and a Rolex.

Smoking a huge cigar.
Staring at the ocean.

Thinking.
The song ends.

He look at the
old-school component stereo.
Shakes his head wistfully.

NURI
They don’t sing ‘em
like that anymore --

A GORGEOUS MODEL-TYPE (30’s)
lies on a nearby couch,
smoking a cigarette,
poking and texting
her smart phone, looks up.

GORGEOUS MODEL TYPE
No shit.
Thank god for small miracles.
You got any Joan Jett?

Meet ZIVAH OPHIR,
Nuri’s girl-toy. Rail-thin.

Black hair down to her ass.
Long, dagger-like nails.

NURI
That is classic folk song, Zivah --
about our homeland.

ZIVAH
The homeland can
kiss my Louboutins.

Leron and Tal
walk in the room.

In unison,
they pull out cigarettes,
LIGHT them with a
CLICK of their lighters.

NURI
Any word?

LERON
No one has seen her.

TAL
Is like she disappeared
off face of earth.

NURI
Try and do something
nice for someone,
and this is thanks I get.
(sighs)
How is producer?

LERON
Still in coma.

NURI
Goddammit.
I said work him over,
not fuck him up.

TAL
Is fine line, father.

EXT. MARINA PENINSULA - SIDE STREET - DAY
Carrie’s vintage Porsche
is parked right near the sand.

INT. CARRIE’S PORSCHE - CONTINUOUS
Carrie and Megan sit in the front seat,
munching on fast food.
Sipping sodas.

CARRIE (O.C.)
Since Bernie wouldn’t
help me with the case,
I asked Meg.
You know the drill.
Strength in numbers.
(beat)
That’s right.
When the going gets tough,
the tough get laid.
(beat)
I still had feelings for Meg
and really wanted to be friends.
I just hoped I wasn’t
taking advantage of her good will.
I think if I asked her to go
hitchhiking in Afghanistan,
she’d say ‘your burka or mine?’

Carrie finishes her fries.
Wipes her mouth with a napkin.

CARRIE
Thanks for coming along, Meg.

MEGAN
Hey.
I can’t think of a better way
to spend my lunch break.
In N’ Out burgers,
then meet a vicious
Israeli mob boss.
What’s not to like?

CARRIE
It’s probably better that
he doesn’t know you’re a cop.

MEGAN
Right.

She pulls out her gun.
Opens the glove compartment.

Puts it in. Closes it.
Looks at Carrie.

MEGAN
Don’t worry.
I’ve got another one
strapped to my ankle.
Just in case.

CARRIE
But you’re a tourist wrangler.

MEGAN
In Venice Beach.

CARRIE
Touche.

Pause.

MEGAN
So -- is she better in bed?

CARRIE
I’m not gonna go there.
(off her look)
It’s apples and oranges.
We have chemistry.

MEGAN
Better living through chemistry --