Thursday, July 31, 2014

Danger Is My Name


Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 14 of NOWHERE GIRL, stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation jacks a film nerd's wheels so she can deliver 'the package' to the terrorists, but the shit hits the fan when Palestinian arms dealer calls her to find out when to expect the delivery ... and then hits on her ...


EXT. SUNSET BLVD - ARCLIGHT THEATER - NIGHT
Cherry and Peeler watch
a crowd of people
filing out of the theater.

Chatting about the movie
they just saw.

CHERRY
Let’s find a film nerd.

PEELER
And follow him.

As if on cue, a
fuzzy-faced FILM GEEK (20)
walks away from the crowd.

Talking on his cell phone.

FILM GEEK
It was INCREDIBLE.
Charlie Kaufman is a GENIUS.
I have to see it again,
there are so many layers --

CHERRY
Follow me.

They fall into step behind him.
He walks down the sidewalk,
turns onto a cross street.

Cherry and Peeler follow.

DOWN THE SIDE STREET
Film Geek reaches his car.
A piece of shit ‘79 Toyota Celica.

Covered with bumper stickers.
PETA. PHISH. PANAVISION.

He puts his key in the door.
Opens it. Cherry walks over.

CHERRY (CONT’D)
Excuse me.

FILM GEEK
C-can I help you?

CHERRY
Give me the keys to your car.

FILM GEEK
I -- d-don’t understand.

Cherry pulls out her GUN.
Aims it at him.

CHERRY
I said GIVE ME THE KEYS.

Peeler appears.

PEELER
Give her the keys, dude.
Chick is DANGEROUS.
(whispers to Cherry)
Where’d you get the gat?

CHERRY
That agent chick dropped it
back at Jumbo’s.

Geek hands her the keys.
Looks like he’s gonna cry.

CHERRY (CONT'D)
Hey, lighten up.
We’re not going to hurt you.
We just need your car.

GEEK
I drove all the way from SYLMAR.
How am I supposed to get HOME?

PEELER
We could take him with us.

CHERRY
Are you fucking kidding me?
We’d be putting him
in a lot of danger.

GEEK
Don’t worry about me.
I’ll sit in the back seat
and be real quiet, I promise.
It’s okay.
D-d-danger is my name.
(beat)
I’m Stan, by the way.

PEELER
(to Cherry)
C’mon.
We’re taking the dude’s wheels.

CHERRY
Goddammit.
(beat)
Okay.
(to Stan)
Stay in the back, be quiet --
and no questions. Got it?

STAN
G-got it.
(beat)
Oh, SHIT.

CHERRY
What’s wrong NOW?

STAN
Shit my pants --

INT. MERCEDES SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
April drives west on Sunset,
passes the Arclight Theater.
Looks at her PDA. Scowls.

APRIL
Now they’re moving again. Shit.

She PUMPS the gas, starts
SWERVING through traffic.

Her cell phone RINGS.
She picks it up, listens.

APRIL (CONT’D)
Avi.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. DOWNTOWN LOFT - NIGHT
Avi sits at his desk,
looks at data on his
computer monitor.

AVI
You fucking BITCH.
First you fuck up the drop,
and then you KILL my employee?

APRIL
Your EMPLOYEE gave the package
to the WRONG PERSON.
I was about to
GET THE PACKAGE from her,
and he fucking MESSED IT UP.
And then tried to KILL ME.
(beat)
Do me a favor and
hold onto your dick, ALRIGHT?
I’m gonna get the package
and deliver it, before dawn.
GOT IT?

Pause.

AVI
How do I know I can trust you?

APRIL
My god, you Palestinians
are fucking PARANOID.
Will you just let me DO MY JOB?

AVI
Okay, okay, okay.
(beat)
You’ll call me after the drop?

APRIL
Yeah.

AVI
Then maybe --
we could grab a little --
early breakfast?

April CLICKS her phone shut.

APRIL
As if.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Serious Shit


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 13 of NOWHERE GIRL, rogue CIA agent Shag Holliday races to help his ex, stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation. Meanwhile, Cherry and Silverlake hipster Peeler Mardo decide to steal a car so they can complete their mission ... but things really heat up when back ops spook Yuri Vlaovic, under cover as a Homeland Security agent, gives the cops Cherry's location so he can 'tag along' and apprehend her ...


EXT. PACIFIC COAST HIGHWAY - NIGHT
A Corvette convertible
RACES up the coastline.

INT. CORVETTE - MOVING - NIGHT
Shag’s behind the wheel.
Talking on his cell.

SHAG
Thanks again for
watching the kids, mom.
(beat)
No, I told you --
she’s not in trouble.
She just -- needs some help.
(beat)
Love you, too.

He ends the call.
PUNCHES another number. Listens.

SHAG
Hey there, Gossip Girl.
It’s your favorite rogue agent.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - CUBICLE - NIGHT
Lark sips a mug of coffee.
Smiles into her headset.

LARK
Hey, there.
Ready to rock and roll?

SHAG
Thanks for helping me.
You could lose your job.

LARK
I can always get another job.
(beat)
But I can’t get another you.

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry and Peeler run down
the alley behind Jumbo’s.

CHERRY
We gotta get wheels, fast.

PEELER
Maybe we should -- I dunno,
turn ourselves in.
I mean, she’s a FEDERAL AGENT.
We’re in serious shit.

CHERRY
We’re in this
too far to quit now.
(beat)
And besides, I thought
you wanted to fuck me.

Peeler’s face turns RED.
What the -- ?

Cherry pulls out a GUN.
Evil smile.

CHERRY
C’mon, let’s go get us a car.

INT. JUMBO’S CLOWN ROOM - NIGHT
The Intruder lies on the floor.
He raises his head.
OW, that HURTS.

He pushes himself up by his arms
into a sitting position.

Looks around.
April is gone.
This is NOT good.

Stripper Bartender STOMPS over to him.

STRIPPER BARTENDER
Get the FUCK outta my bar.
You scared away all the fucking CUSTOMERS.

A siren WHOOP-WHOOPS outside.
Intruder takes off the motorcycle helmet.
Pulls out his ID.

INTRUDER IN BLACK
I’m federal agent, Ma’am.
This is matter of national security.

STRIPPER BARTENDER
You mean --

INTRUDER IN BLACK
I’m one of good guys.

Meet YURI VLAOVIC (40),
Croatian ex-pat.

Another agent under Sledge’s employ.
Expert assassin.
Strictly old-school.

Two COPS come racing in.
Weapons drawn.

ANGRY COP
LAPD! Stay where YOU ARE!

UGLY COP
Don’t MOVE!

Yuri sighs.
Shows them his ID.

YURI
Homeland Security.

Angry looks at his credentials.
Holy cow.

ANGRY COP
He’s Homeland Security.

UGLY COP
With that accent?

Yuri’s cell phone RINGS.
He gets up slowly.
Answers it.

YURI
Gentlemen, if you’ll excuse me.
(into the phone)
Is Yuri --

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. INTELLIGENCE OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Sledge sits in an easy chair
by the window sipping a scotch.

SLEDGE
You get her yet?

YURI
She, uh -- got away, sir.

SLEDGE
You let her GET AWAY?

YURI
Don’t worry, I get her.
She is driving car of employee of Avi.
have license number.
Every cop in city will be
on her ass if I tell them
she is terrorist.

Pause.

SLEDGE
I knew there was a reason
we paid big bucks to get you on board.
Go get ‘em, and report to me
as soon as anything happens.
(beat)
This one’s personal.

YURI
Yes, sir. Over and under.

He clicks shut the phone.
Smiles strangely.
Looks pensive.

Angry Cop stares at Yuri.

ANGRY COP
You’re chasing a TERRORIST?

YURI
Yes. She is very dangerous.
We have to apprehend her immediately.

UGLY COP
And you have her license number?
Give it me.

Yuri pulls a notebook out of his pocket.
on it. Hands it to Ugly.

YURI
I believe term is APB?

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

I Love The Smell Of Napalm On A Stripper Pole


Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 12 of NOWHERE GIRL, stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation contacts the terrorists to get their location so she can deliver their 'package.' Meanwhile, Homeland Security agent April Street gets into an explosive firefight with black ops spook Token Ware at Jumbo's Clown Room ...


INT. SUV - MOVING - NIGH
April drives the car slowly
on the right-hand side,
checks the hand-held PDA.

APRIL
They’re right near here --

INT. JUMBO’S CLOWN ROOM - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry pays the BARTENDER (40), an ex-stripper.

CHERRY
Keep the change.

STRIPPER BARTENDER
Thanks, doll.
Stripper Bartender ambles away,
goes behind the bar.

PEELER
What now?

CHERRY
I’m gonna call the guy.
Then we’re gonna see the guy.
the money.
(looks down)
And then I can finally
get this thing off my wrist.
It’s fucking killing me.

She pulls out a piece of paper.
Her cell. PUNCHES a number.

CHERRY (CONT’D)
Wish me luck.

PEELER
Luck.

CHERRY
(into the phone)
Hello?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Hamad, Kamal and the rest sit and watch
DEAL OR NO DEAL on a huge plasma-screen.

KAMAL
It’s ridiculous.
Greedy Americans.
There is no GAME.

HAMAD
Look at number twenty-seven.
She looks Persian.

Kamal’s phone RINGS.
He gets it. Listens.

KAMAL
Hello, Avi?

CHERRY
No, this is Cherry Nation.
Who’s Avi?

KAMAL
What is Cherry -- Nation?

CHERRY
I’M Cherry Nation.
And I have your briefcase.

KAMAL
(to Hamad)
It’s the girl with the package.
(to Cherry)
Where are you?

CHERRY
I’m on my way to see you.
You have the money?

KAMAL
Of course.
(to Hamad)
She doesn’t know who Avi is.
This smells funny.
I don’t like it.

HAMAD
(eyes on the TV)
Not to worry.
If it goes wrong, we kill her.
Then we go visit Avi.

CHERRY
You still there?

KAMAL
You have the address?

CHERRY
Yeah, I’m on my way.

She hangs up.
The reality of all of this
is finally sinking in.

Freak-out time.
Peeler puts his hand on top of Cherry’s.

PEELER
You okay?
You look -- scared to death.

CHERRY
Of course I’m fucking scared to death.
Aren’t you?

PEELER
Shit, yeah.

CHERRY
Thanks for doing this with me.
You know, you’re not such a --

The front door BANGS OPEN.
In walks April.

APRIL
Everybody FREEZE.
I’m a FEDERAL OFFICER.

April sees Cherry.
Starts walking toward her.

APRIL (CONT'D)
You gave me quite the little goose-chase, girlie.
You’re under arrest, both of you.

A FIGURE IN BLACK appears in the doorway
wearing a motorcycle helmet.
He raises a sawed-off SHOTGUN.

STRIPPER BARTENDER
HEY. NO GUNS ALLOWED!

April WHIPS her head around.
Sees the intruder.

APRIL
Shit, DUCK!

Cherry and Peeler HIT the floor.
April FLIPS over the table,
and they all get behind it.

APRIL (CONT’D)
Don’t fucking MOVE. Stay here.

The shotgun BLASTS.
The table top SPLINTERS.

April ROLLS across the floor.
Gets behind the bar, where
Stripper Bartender trembles on the floor.

She pulls out her Sig Sauer,
FIRES a hail of BULLETS.
They BOUNCE off his kevlar vest.

THE FIGURE
BLASTS again at the bar.
Bottles SMASH. Glass goes FLYING.

APRIL
Returns fire. Aims for his head.
BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG!
But the bullets BOUNCE off the helmet.

BEHIND THE TABLE
Cherry whispers to Peeler.

CHERRY
Let’s get the fuck out of here.

PEELER
I’m right with you.

They scuttle across the floor
to the back door. Push it open.
The shotgun BLASTS.

BEHIND THE BAR
Bottles and glass are FLYING.
Booze is pouring everywhere.

April finds an intact bottle.
Opens it. Pours it on a cleaning rag.

Stuffs it in the bottle.
Pulls out a lighter.

APRIL
I love the smell of napalm
on a stripper pole.

And LIGHTS IT.
A ROAR of flames WHOOSHES straight up.

She HEAVES IT at the figure.
He CATCHES IT in a gloved hand.

INTRUDER IN BLACK
Sorry, baby. Fire-resistant.

He TOSSES it out the front door,
where it EXPLODES, taking out
a parked car in a BALL OF FLAME.

APRIL
Who THE FUCK are you?!

INTRUDER IN BLACK
I’m from human resources.
And this is your severance package.

He PUMPS the gun. FIRES.
April DUCKS behind the bar.

INTRUDER IN BLACK (CONT’D)
Come out, come out, whereever you are.

Another BLAST. It hits a tap.
A geyser of beer WHOOSHES up.

BEHIND THE BAR
April looks around.
Sees an aluminum baseball bat. GRABS it.

APRIL
Deja vu all over again.

THE INTRUDER
Walks toward the bar. PUMPS the gun. FIRES.
And, as he reaches it, he leans over,
pushes the shotgun down --

And April FLIES UP, SWINGS the bat,
and SMASHES it into his head with a CRACK.
He weaves a little. Stunned.

April JUMPS OVER the bar.
CRACKS him in the crotch.

He goes down, reeling in pain.
She GRABS his gun.

KICKS him in the stomach.
The HEAD. He goes out like a light.

APRIL (CONT'D)
I’m filing a claim for HARASSMENT.

She GRABS him by the leg.
DRAGS him over to the stripper pole.

Pulls out handcuffs.
CLICKS him to the brass rail.

She looks around.
Sees that Cherry and Peeler are gone. Shit.

APRIL (CONT’D)
Fuck.
A SIREN wails outside.
She dashes toward the back.

STRIPPER BARTENDER
HEY. Who’s gonna pay for this MESS?

She stops. Turns.

APRIL
Write your congressman.

Monday, July 28, 2014

Till Death Do Us Part


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 11 of NOWHERE GIRL, undercover CIA operative Shag Holiday is stunned to find out that his ex, stripper Cherry Nation is carrying a suitcase nuke that was meant to be delivered to an Al Queda sleeper cell hiding in the Hollywood Hills ... and now SHE'S delivering it to them ...


INT. BUNGALOW - KITCHEN - NIGHT
Shag sits at the table
with his snack.

Takes a pull on his longneck.
Punches another number
on his cell.

SHAG
(listens)
It’s Holiday.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
A maze of dimly lit cubicles
and workstations.

Despite the hour, the joint
is abuzz with OPERATIVES
and TECHNICIANS.

A BLONDE OPERATIVE (25)
takes the call at her desk.

Crosses her long, amazing legs.
Leans back.

BLONDE OPERATIVE
Holiday?
What’s up?
I thought you were --
(chuckles)
On holiday.

SHAG
Funny.
Listen.
I need you to check
surveillance at LAX.
Something went down tonight,
and I need to know
what happened.

BLONDE OPERATIVE
Comin’ right up.

She WHEELS AROUND
to a bank of nearby monitors.

Fingers CLACK-CLACK-CLACK
across her keyboard.

The screens SPRING TO LIFE,
showing images at the airport.

BLONDE OPERATIVE
Do you have any intel?
Airline?

SHAG
Not sure.
Flight was going to Vegas.
The subject was supposed
to be on it.

BLONDE OPERATIVE
Who’s the subject?

Pause.

SHAG
Cherry Nation.

BLONDE OPERATIVE
The bipolar ex.

SHAG
Don’t remind me.

BLONDE OPERATIVE
Hold on.

SHAG
Thanks, Lark.

Lark PUNCHES IN
more information.

A list of airline flights
and passenger manifests
FLY ACROSS her computer screen.

LARK
Here we go -- Cherry Nation,
Sky Blue, flight to Vegas,
departing at gate 115 at 9PM.

She WHIRLS AROUND in her chair,
goes back to the monitors.

LARK
Okay, let’s go back to say, 8:30.

Lark PUNCHES IT in.

THE SCREEN
Shows the airport bar.
The windows EXPLODING
with GUN FIRE.

LARK
Oh, yeah -- that’s right.
I was briefed about this.
Jesus, I need more coffee.

SHAG
What the fuck happened?

LARK
Nothing much.
A suitcase nuke that was meant
for an Al Qaeda sleeper cell
was mistakenly given
to the wrong person.

SHAG
Do they say WHO?

LARK
Was supposed to be
an undercover operative
from Homeland Security --
but they’re really C-6,
that’s just a cover.
They were acting as the broker
between the supplier and the cell.

SHAG
What the fuck is C-6?

LARK
(low)
It’s a new black ops unit.
Very hush-hush.
That’s all I know.
You didn’t hear it from me.

Shag stands.
Starts pacing.
Head reeling.

SHAG
Cherry said someone gave her
a briefcase by mistake.
SHE HAS THE NUKE.

LARK
FUCK.
When did you last
talk with her?

SHAG
Just now. Shit.
Let me give you her cell number,
you can triangulate her position.

LARK
We’re supposed to back away
from this one, Shag.

SHAG
She’s my EX.
And I’m WATCHING HER KIDS.

Pause.

LARK
Give me the number.

SHAG
Till death do us part, huh?

Friday, July 25, 2014

Briefcase Full Of Blues


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friay. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 10 of NOWHERE GIRL, stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation calls her ex, undercover CIA op Shag Holliday, who's watching her kids while she's away, but the shit hits the fan when she tells him about how the briefcase got chained to her wrist ...


EXT. VENICE BEACH BUNGALOW - NIGHT
A lovely 100-year-old Craftsman
on a leafy walkway street.

Lit by old-fashioned lampposts.
Steps away from the sand.

INT. BUNGALOW - BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
Two cute little GIRLS (5) and (7)
sleep peacefully.

INT. BUNGALOW - KITCHEN - NIGHT
A MAN rummages in the fridge.
Looking for a snack.

He pulls out his cell phone.
PUNCHES a number.

Meet SHAG HOLIDAY (35),
who if you remember,
is the person we heard
Cherry speaking to at
the top of the story.

Buff and cut.
Too good-looking to be
a shower head salesman.

Which is why he is
actually a CIA operative.

Oh, and he’s also Cherry’s recent ex.
He RIPS off a turkey leg. Listens.

SHAG
Hey, it’s me.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. JUMBO’S CLOWN ROOM - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
A seedy stripper hangout
on the Sunset Strip.

Weird psychobilly on the jukebox.
A sign reeds NO TOP, NO SERVICE.

Cherry sits in a booth with Peeler.
Both have the remnants of
burgers and coffee on the table.
Cherry talks on her cell.

CHERRY
Shag.
(beat)
Ohmigod, I forgot to call you.

SHAG
It’s okay.
I just wanted to make sure
ou were -- okay.

CHERRY
Are you checking up on me AGAIN?
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean -- it’s been --
(looks at Peeler)
Quite an evening.

SHAG
Something happen?

CHERRY
You could say that.

SHAG
What, your flight get delayed?

Pause.

CHERRY
There was a -- luggage incident.

SHAG
A luggage incident?
What happened?
Are you okay?

CHERRY
I’m fine.
Someone gave me a briefcase
mistake and then split.
Then it turned out
that some people want it --

She looks at Peeler.
He shrugs. Go for it.

SHAG
Someone gave you a briefcase -- by MISTAKE?
What have you gotten yourself into?
Are these people chasing you now?

CHERRY
No, no, no.
I’m -- delivering it to them.
Then I’m on a plane, promise.
Gotta be at the club tomorrow.
(brightly)
How are the girls?
Did you tuck them in?

SHAG
The girls are fine.
Don't deflect, Cherry.
I need to know what you --

CHERRY
NO, YOU DON’T.
This is MY life, Shag.
Thank you for watching the kids,
I owe you one.
But what we had is OVER,
and you have NO RIGHT
to give me the third degree.
I’ll call you tomorrow, BYE.

Cherry hangs up.
Looks at Peeler.
Rolls her eyes.

PEELER
That was your ex.

CHERRY
It was that obvious.

PEELER
Hey. Universal language of love.
(beat)
So he’s mad at you?

CHERRY
He was always mad at me.
A real sweetheart,
but overprotective much?
Always keeping tabs on me.
Knew every move I made.
Fucking creepy --

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Burn Notice


Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 9 of NOWHERE GIRL, the shit hits the fan when Homeland Security agent April Street discovers that not only has her boss Sledge Crafton fired her, he's sent a squad of assassins to take her out ...


INT. MERCEDES SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
April drives down Sunset Boulevard
west, into Hollywood.

She pulls out Token’s tracking device,
a small, hand-held PDA.

She FLICKS it on.
Looks at the screen.

APRIL
Bingo.
They’re only a mile or two away.

As the car takes a turn,
another car SWERVES toward her.

Her focus momentarily
away from the road,
she doesn’t see it,
and the cars SIDESWIPE
each other with a CRUNCH.

The other car pulls over.
April keeps going.

APRIL
Shit, shit, shit.

A siren WHOOPS behind her.
She checks out the rearview.

IN THE MIRROR
Is an LAPD black and white cruiser.
Cherry lights FLASHING.

APRIL
Pulls over. Stops.
Rolls down her window.

APRIL
Great. Just great.

A GRIM OFFICER approaches the car.
Leans in the window.

GRIM OFFICER
License, registration and
proof of insurance, please.

April goes into her handbag,
hands the officer her papers.
Then shows him her ID.

APRIL
I realize leaving the scene
of an accident is a
serious offense, officer,
but I’m a Homeland Security agent,
and this is a matter
of national security.
(low, urgent)
I need to retrieve
a runaway suitcase nuke.

He takes the ID.
Inspects it. Hmmm.

April is puzzled, as this normally
opens doors faster than a naked woman.

Then she notices the tattoo
on the side of his neck.
Strictly against LAPD regulations.

GRIM OFFICER
Would you please
step out of the car, Miss?

APRIL
Sure thing, officer.

She slowly opens the door,
and SMASHES it into his legs.
He BUCKLES, hits the ground.

April DASHES over,
GRABS his piece,
and KARATE KICKS him
in the head with a CRACK.

He goes down.

April retrieves her ID,
still clenched in the officer’s fist.

The other officer
gets out the squad car,
starts FIRING at her.

April LEAPS in front of the SUV,
and RETURNS FIRE.

APRIL
Sledge didn’t waste any time.

A HELICOPTER appears overhead.
April looks up.

APRIL
Whoah. He’s REALLY mad.

She pulls a GRENADE out of her pocket,
and, like a pitcher at the World Series --
HURLS it at the squad car.

BOOM.
It EXPLODES in a massive FIREBALL.

April JUMPS in the SUV,
and TAKES OFF in a SCREECH of rubber.

The chopper follows,
SPRAYING the SUV with MACHINE GUN FIRE.

INT. SUV - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
April feels around
under the driver’s seat.

APRIL
Let’s hope he’s got
some samples of the merchandise.

She pulls out a huge
TACTICAL ASSAULT WEAPON.

APRIL
Bingo.

April GUNS THE ENGINE.

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - SUV - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
The car reaches an area full of
warehouses, soundstages, strip malls.
The grungy part of Hollywood.

The car HITS a hard right
at an intersection, tires SCREECHING,
and FLIES down an alley,
the chopper following.

INT. SUV - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
April sees the loading dock of a warehouse.
She pulls up to it. STOPS.
JUMPS out of the car with the gun.

A crew of WORKERS watch her.
Approach the car.

ANGRY WORKER
Hey, lady. You can’t park here.

SURPRISED WORKER
Shit! She’s got a gun!

The chopper ROARS above them.
Machine guns FIRING.

APRIL
(above the roar)
Stand back! Homeland Security!

She runs into the alley,
and FIRES up at the helicopter --
RAT-A-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT.

UP ABOVE
The chopper EXPLODES in what is now
the requisite massive fireball
of flames and smoke.

It CRASHES on the roof
of a nearby building, which IMPLODES.

April lowers her weapon.
Smiles grimly.

EXCITED WORKER
A hot chick like you
is Homeland Security?

SMILING WORKER
Where those terrorists?

APRIL
Sorry, fellas.
That’s on a need-to-blow-up basis --

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Fiddler On The Roofie


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 8 of NOWHERE GIRL, Homeland Security agent April Street makes her escape from the evil clutches of black ops spook Token Ware ... in his car. Meanwhile, undercover Al Queda terrorists Amad and Kamal decide to the let the trophy wife of their Hollywood Hills homeowner hostage take a bath room break ... after which they'll rape her.


EXT. MARDO’S JOINT - NIGHT
April comes out
the front door,
walks to the curb.
Sees Token’s big, black SUV.
Takes out his keys,
presses a button,
and THWIP,
the doors open.

APRIL
He won’t mind
if I borrow it
for a little while.

The front door FLIES OPEN,
and Token RACES toward April,
carrying the chair
she cuffed him to.

She JUMPS IN.
LOCKS the doors.

Token POUNDS
on the window.

TOKEN
Open the fucking DOOR,
BITCH!

APRIL
(pulls out her gun)
Back off!

He raises the chair,
and SMASHES it into
the driver’s side window,
SHATTERING it.

Glass SPRAYS.

April FLINGS the
door open, LEAPS OUT,
and KICKS him, WHACK!

He FLIES backward.
THUD.

He gets up,
chair now gone,

holding his chained
wrists apart,
like a weapon.

TOKEN
I’m gonna KILL you.

April SHOOTS him
in the head.

BANG.

It EXPLODES in a
cloud of red mist.

APRIL
Not if I kill you
first.
(beat)
Asshole.
Now I gotta
clean this up.

INT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Hamad sits at the bar,
sips from a cut-glass
rock glass.

HAMAD
(to the husband)
Excellent scotch.
(holds up the bottle)
Glenlivet.
(to Kamal)
Make a note of it.

Kamal nods.
He starts pacing,
looks worried.

Hamad opens up a cigar box.
Takes one out. Sniffs it.

RICH HUSBAND
Cuban.
Help yourself.

He GRABS a fistful.
SHOVES them in his pocket.

HAMAD
Damn right
I help myself.

Hamad shoves one
in his mouth.
Starts to light it.

RICH HUSBAND
You’re supposed to
cut the --

HAMAD
SHUT UP.
I know how to
smoke CIGAR.

He BITES OFF the end.
SPITS IT out.

Sticks it back in.
FIRES it up.

He leans back, smiling.
Puffing away.

KAMAL
I am concerned about
the -- delivery, sir.

HAMAD
So we have to wait a bit.
We are comfortable.
I trust Avi.
He comes recommended
most highly.

Trophy Wife starts
quietly sobbing.

HAMAD
SILENCE.
One of the guards, SAAD,
grins a brown,
broken-tooth smile.

SAAD
She soiled herself,
oh holy one.

The other guard,
MOHAMMED, nods solemnly.

MOHAMMED
She smell like
wet camel in hot sun.

RICH HUSBAND
Please sir,
if you have any decency,
would you please let her
get cleaned up and change
into some fresh clothes.
We’re cooperating with you.
(takes off his watch)
Here, take my watch.
It’s a Rolex.
It’s worth twenty-five-
thousand dollars.

Saad SNATCHES the watch,
brings it to Hamad.

He inspects it, smiles,
slips it on.

HAMAD
Very well.
(to Saad)
Take the woman
to her room, let her
shower and change.

SAAD
And then I
have sex with her?

HAMAD
Of course.
(smiles)
We all will.
It is, how they say
in the States --
(beat)
Gang Bang?

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Severance Package


Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 7 of NOWHERE GIRL, Homeland Security agent April Street goes mano-a-mano with her boss, black ops spook Sledge Crafton about the whereabouts of the missing 'package.' Meanwhile, stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation and Silverlake hipster Peeler Mardo have a run-in on the bus with a posse of gang-bangers ....


INT. MARDO’S JOINT - NIGHT
April looks through Token’s pockets.
Finds the handcuff keys.

APRIL
(on the phone)
Sledge.
What a pleasant surprise.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. INTELLIGENCE OFFICE - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Sledge paces slowly, sipping scotch
from a cut-glass tumbler.

BARKS into the speakerphone
on his desk.

SLEDGE
Watch your tone with me, GIRLIE.
I’m still your fucking BOSS.

APRIL
Is that MY fucking boss --
or FUCKING my boss?

SLEDGE
Can it, Street, before I can YOU.
What’s going on?
You secure the case?

APRIL
Uh -- no.
There’s been a little -- problem.

SLEDGE
A little PROBLEM?
So help me Street,
if you’ve fucked this up,
I’m gonna have your ass.

APRIL
You’ve already had my ass.
Now listen to me, and don’t interrupt --

SLEDGE
STREET, GODAMMIT --

APRIL
SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME!
Avi’s guy Ware came in
and fucked everything up!
The girl and the guy
who have the case split,
but I’ve got Ware’s tracking transmitter,
and I will FIND THEM and GET IT --
so stop thinking with your DICK,
take a CHILL PILL,
and let me do my JOB.

Sledge HURLS his glass
against the wall with a CRASH.

SLEDGE
How DARE you talk to me like that.
I will NOT have it.
I’m dismissing you from the case.
(beat)
And the unit.

APRIL
You’re putting out a
burn notice on me?

SLEDGE
See you IN HELL.

He PUNCHES the speakerphone,
sending it FLYING across the room --
where it CRACKS into the wall.

APRIL
Sledge? Boss? You there?
(beat)
Talk about a severance package --

INT. CITY BUS - MOVING - NIGHT
One of those long, red monsters,
in sections, like a snake.

Only a handful of passengers.
Cherry and Peeler sit toward the back.
Look at a video monitor.

CHERRY
I didn’t know they had TV on the bus.

PEELER
It’s not real TV. Watch.

ON THE SCREEN
A smiling LATINA gives a pitch
about ‘Accidentes Abigados.’

CHERRY
Makes a face.

CHERRY
It’s in Spanish.

PEELER
Welcome to how the other half lives.

The bus STOPS.
A trio of GANG-BANGERS (early 20’s) boards.

They strut down the aisle.
The first one, the LEADER, sees Cherry.

He stops. Nudges the others.
Gold-toothed smiles.

They move slowly, sauntering,
until they reach Cherry and Peeler.

The leader sits in front of them.
The others, behind.

LEAD GANG-BANGER
What'cha got in da case, mommy?

CHERRY
Uh -- nothing.

LEAD GANG-BANGER
Can’t be nothin’, or else
you wouldn’ta be cuffed to it.

The SHORT, UGLY GANG-BANGER
sitting behind Cherry
FLIPS open a switchblade,
revealing a long knife.

Cherry SHUDDERS.

SHORT, UGLY GANG-BANGER
It’s gotta be valuable, riiight?

The other kid, a TALLER,
GOOD-LOOKING GANG-BANGER pulls out
a forty-ounce bottle of malt liquor.
Takes a swig.

TALLER, GOOD-LOOKING GANG-BANGER
I say she open it
and show us what she’s got.

PEELER
That wouldn’t be a good idea.

LEAD GANG-BANGER
And why is dat?

The bus JERKS to a stop.
A FAT WOMAN in a wheelchair is getting on.
This will take a little while.

CHERRY
Because it’s a BOMB.

The Leader starts LAUGHING.
Then, the others join in.

LEAD GANG-BANGER
You kiddin’ me.
Why would a nice piece of pussy
like you have a BOMB?

CHERRY
For assholes like YOU.

She LEAPS UP -- and WHACKS
Leader in the head with the case,
CRACK, SPINS AROUND, and CRACKS
Short, Ugly in the face.

CHERRY
(to Peeler)
MOVE IT, now!

Peeler JUMPS UP, races toward the exit.
Tall, Good-Looking cowers with fear.

CHERRY
You want a piece of this, homes?

He shakes his head ‘no.’

CHERRY
I didn’t think so.
Hasta la vista,
refried motherfuckers.

EXT. BUS STOP - SECONDS LATER
Cherry and Peeler FLY
out the exit door.

RACE down the street.
LAUGHING and WHOOPING.

PEELER
Holy fucking shit!
You CLOCKED ‘em!

Cherry slows down.
Catches her breath.

CHERRY
I don’t know what happened.
It was like something snapped --
and I just DID it.

PEELER
You were great.
And I don’t even feel emasculated.
(beat)
Okay, where to now?

CHERRY
I’m starving.
Let’s grab a quick bite, regroup,
and then deliver this fucker.

PEELER
(staring, big smile)
I’d follow you
to the end of the earth.

Cherry stops.
Gives him the eye.

CHERRY
I’m still not gonna fuck you.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Leave The Bombing To Us


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 6 of NOWHERE GIRL, the plot thickens when the Al Queda terrorists hiding in the Hollywood Hills contact Palestinian arms dealer Avi Abbas and ask where their 'missing package' is. Meanwhile, stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation and Silverlake hipster Peeler Mardo make their escape ... on the bus.


INT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - NIGHT
Kamal clicks his phone shut.
Looks at Hamad.

KAMAL
She said there was a delay,
that she was on her way,
and then -- the line went dead.

HAMAD
I do not understand.

KAMAL
It sounded like there was a struggle.
Our operation might be comprised.

HAMAD
Give me your phone.

He does. Hamad PUNCHES a number. Listens.

HAMAD
Hello, Avi?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. DOWNTOWN LOFT - NIGHT
Avi stands out on the balcony,
talking on his cell.

He fires up a smoke
with a CLICK of his Zippo.

AVI
I assume you are calling to thank me.
And to confirm that payment is on the way.

HAMAD
There has been NO DELIVERY.
This -- woman is late,
and then she calls and says
there has been a delay,
and then there is fighting
and the phone goes dead.
What kind of operation are you running!?

AVI
(smooth)
Please accept my profuse apologies.
I have someone on the way
to intercept it as we speak.
All my packages get delivered.
Let me call my man and
I’ll get back to you within the hour.

HAMAD
Very well. I will await your word.
And look forward to concluding this transaction.

INT. DOWNTOWN LOFT - BALCONY - CONTINUOUS
Avi FLINGS his cigarette over the ledge.

Furiously PUNCHES a number on his cell.
Listens.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. MARDO’S JOINT - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
April lies on the floor.
Token, a few feet away,
still out like a light.

She opens her eyes.
Sits up. Rubs her head.

APRIL
Shit.

The phone in Token’s pocket RINGS.

APRIL
That might be Avi --

She goes to his jacket,
gets the phone. Listens.

APRIL
Avi?

AVI
It’s YOU.
What THE FUCK is going on?
What HAPPENED? Why haven’t you
delivered the PACKAGE?
And where is TOKEN?

APRIL
TOKEN gave THE PACKAGE
to the WRONG PERSON.
A woman who looks like me.
He was EARLY. I was ON TIME.

AVI
Where is he now?

APRIL
On the floor. Out cold.

AVI
Where are you?

APRIL
Silverlake.
At the house of the woman
who he gave the case to.
Or maybe its her boyfriend’s place,
I’m not sure.

AVI
There’s ANOTHER person involved in this?

APRIL
Hey, you can thank Ware for that.

AVI
But you have the case?
From the woman?

APRIL
No. They’re gone.

AVI
What THE FUCK?

APRIL
Relax.
I’ve got Ware’s transmitter.
I’m gonna go get it.

AVI
But what about Ware?

APRIL
You think I give two shits?
I don’t answer to you.
WARE fucked this up, and now
I’M gonna have to clean up his mess.
(hears something)
I have another call.
I’ll call you back.
(punches a button)
This is Street.

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - NIGHT
A lonely stretch of Sunset, way east.
Far from the strip.

Cherry and Peeler sit on a bench
at a bus stop. Waiting.

Cherry grips the briefcase
to her chest like it’s a baby.

PEELER
We should figure out a way
to get you out of those handcuffs.

CHERRY
That would be nice.

PEELER
(sees something)
There’s the bus.

CHERRY
Go Metro.
Leave the bombing to us --

Friday, July 18, 2014

Homeland Insecurity


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 5 of NOWHERE GIRL, exotic dancer on the lam Cherry Nation discovers the mysterious briefcase handcuffed to her wrist she was ordered to deliver to an Al Queda sleeper cell contains a nuclear weapon. Meanwhile, the terrorists are wondering where the hell it is ...


INT. PEELER MARDO'S JOINT - NIGHT

TOKEN WARE
Walks into the room.
Holding a sawed-off shotgun.

TOKEN
You should lock your front door.
Open invitation for dangerous criminals.

CHERRY
YOU.

PEELER
That’s the guy who -- ?

TOKEN
I gave you an address
to take the case to.
And instead, you come to this
-trap to fuck this LOSER?

CHERRY
I’m gonna go, I’m gonna go.
We got shot at, at the airport,
and, and --

PEELER
We were -- just leaving.
Please don’t shoot us.

TOKEN
(to Cherry)
Did I say you could take
SOMEONE WITH YOU?
This isn’t a DATE.
We’re dealing with TERRORISTS here.
There’s a TIME-TABLE.
And now you’re LATE.
You think an AL QAEDA SLEEPER CELL
is just gonna HANG AROUND
ALL DAY and WAIT?

A GLOCK
Appears next to Token’s head.
The safety CLICKS.

WOMAN’S VOICE (O.C.)
Put the gun down, slowly.

APRIL
Stands in the doorway.
Token lowers the gun.

APRIL
You gave the case
to the wrong chick, doll.
(looks at Cherry)
Jesus Christ.
You could be my sister.

EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS - MANSION - NIGHT
A glass and steel monstrosity
right outta ENTOURAGE,
high on a cliff,
jutting out into
the sky on stilts.

INT. MANSION - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
The very definition of ritzy.
The room is fucking HUGE.

An amazing view of
Los Angeles twinkles below.

Seated in front of a roaring fire is
HAMAD KHARRAZI, head of this
particular Al Qaeda sleeper cell.

His second-in-command,
KAMAL AESEFIJ, stands before him.

Both wear ‘Hollywood casual’
jeans and polo shirts with jackets.

KAMAL
We have heard nothing yet, sir.

HAMAD
American BITCH.

FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
Excuse me.

HAMAD
I told you to be SILENT.

CAMERA PULLS BACK to reveal --

The homeowners.
A RICH HUSBAND (50’s)
and his TROPHY WIFE (20’s).

Seated on another sofa
across the room.

Right now being held at gunpoint
by TWO AFGHANI TERRORISTS with Uzis.

Dressed in hip-hop baggies
and baseball caps.

TROPHY WIFE
I’m sorry, but I, I --
need to use the -- ladies’ room.

HAMAD
Stay where you are!
You can piss yourself for all I care!

KAMAL
I have an idea.

HAMAD
And what is your IDEA?

KAMAL
Well, as you know,
I am a bit of what they call
a tech-head here in the states.

HAMAD
Yes, I know.
You went to university.

KAMAL
Ball State, sir.
Excellent humanities
and science programs.

HAMAD
I am growing impatient, Kamal --

KAMAL
Well, since she called us
on the cell phone,
we can return the call
with the push of a button.

HAMAD
We CAN?

KAMAL
But of course,
it’s stored on the phone.
I suggest we -- call her.
Find out what the story is.
Fuck Avi.

HAMAD
BRILLIANT.
Call her IMMEDIATELY.

Kamal smiles.
Pulls out his cell.
Punches a button. Listens.

KAMAL
It’s ringing --

INT. MARDO’S JOINT - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
April holds her gun against Token’s head.

TOKEN
It was an honest mistake.
She looks just like you.

APRIL
I said PUT THE GUN DOWN, NOW.

TOKEN
I will if you do.

CHERRY
(to Token)
Please don’t shoot me.

APRIL
He won’t shoot you, not when
you’re carrying a suitcase nuke.

CHERRY
A suitcase wh-what?

PEELER
Holy SHIT.

TOKEN
Why did you TELL HER?

April’s phone RING-RINGS in her pocket.

APRIL
Shit.

RING-RING
Token moves on April.
She PISTOL-WHIPS him. THWUMP.

APRIL
Stay RIGHT THERE.

RING-RING
April WHIPS out handcuffs,
CUFFS him to a chair, CLICK-CLICK.

While she’s busy,
Peeler tip-toes away.

She pulls out her cell.
Answers it.

APRIL
This is Street.
(listens)
There’s been a delay.
I’m on my way.

From behind, Peeler SMASHES
April on the head with a lamp.

She reels, and goes down, THWUMP.

CHERRY
NICE.
Let’s get the fuck OUTTA HERE.

PEELER
Maybe we should -- call the cops?

CHERRY
Are you fucking kidding?

PEELER
But --

CHERRY
(holds up the case)
You know how much this is WORTH?
I say we deliver it ourselves.

PEELER
And what, take the money?

CHERRY
Hell, yeah.

PEELER
Won’t that be -- kinda dangerous?

PUSH IN ON Cherry.
Dollar signs in her eyes.

CHERRY
Probably.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Rules Of Procedure


Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 4 of NOWHERE GIRL, Homeland Security agent April Street gets reamed by her boss, black ops spook Sledge Crafton about letting 'the package' get away. Meanwhile, exotic dancer Cherry Nation and Silverlake hipster Peeler Mardo lay low at his joint and try to figure out where to deliver the briefcase handcuffed to her wrist ...


INT. TAXI CAB - MOVING - NIGHT
April drives down city streets.
Talks into her hands-free.

APRIL
I TOLD you.
Someone got there
before I did.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. INTELLIGENCE OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
SLEDGE CRAFTON (50),
beefy ex-Marine,
now gone to seed,
leans toward the
speakerphone on his desk.

Strokes the ugly scar
that crisscrosses his face.
Angry. Beet-red.

SLEDGE
You really fucked
this up, Street.
GODDAMIT.

APRIL
Hey!

The traffic was FUCKED
on the 405.
And I was ON TIME.
The fucker was EARLY,
and he gave the package
to SOMEONE ELSE.

SLEDGE
Another heartbreaker?
Like yourself?

Pause.

APRIL
Look, chief.
We did it one time.
It was a mistake.
I was grieving --

SLEDGE
Didn’t you ever
wonder why I took you on?
(BANGS on the desk)
A fucking STUNT WOMAN
with no experience?

APRIL
But you said I --

SLEDGE
I fucking said
what you wanted to hear.
I wanted to
get in your pants
from day one.
And against all odds,
I molded you into
one of our top operatives.
(beat)
Until now.

APRIL
For your information, BOSS,
I’m right now approaching
the house of the person
has the package.
I WAS calling in
for back up.
But never mind.
I’ll handle it myself.
You can go FUCK your
rules of procedure.

SLEDGE
Now THAT’S the feisty lass
I groomed for greatness.
You get that case,
AND make the delivery,
I MIGHT JUST consider
keeping you on.

PUSH IN ON April.
Royally pissed.

APRIL
Wow.
Does that mean I
can still come to
the company picnic?

EXT. SILVERLAKE STREET - BUNGALOW - NIGHT
A decrepit pre-war bungalow
on a street with
similar small houses.

Classic cars and bicycles
dot the landscape.

Peeler opens the front door,
ushers Cherry in.

PEELER
It’s not much,
but I call it hovel.

INT. MARDO’S JOINT - CONTINUOUS
Classic hipster combination of Ikea,
found threadbare furniture.

Ironic art.
Plants. Pizza boxes.

Giant plasma screen, though.
And a decent stereo.

Cherry walks around.
Inspecting.

CHERRY
Not bad for a guy.
Not filthy.
(stops, looks at him)
I’m not fucking you,
you know.

PEELER
I wasn’t -- thinking you --
(beat)
You want me to
fix you a chai latte?

CHERRY
Gag me.
You got a beer?

PEELER
Sure thing.

Peeler wanders into the kitchen.
Cherry goes to the couch.
Plops down.

Puts the briefcase next to her.
Pulls out the envelope.

RIPS it open.
Pulls out the instructions.
Reads.

Peeler comes in with
two large bottles of beer.

PEELER
(hands one to her)
Here you go --

CHERRY
(takes it, looks)
What the hell kinda
beer IS this?

PEELER
Flat tire.
Microbrew.

CHERRY
I bet you listen to
a lot of Beck.
(holds up the piece of paper)
We gotta take the briefcase
to this address.
But I don’t where it is.

PEELER
Let me see.

She hands it over.
Peeler reads it.

CHERRY
Where is it?

PEELER
Dude.
That’s in the
Hollywood hills.

A FIGURE IN BLACK
appears in the window.
Then disappears.

CHERRY
Will you go with me?

PEELER
I don’t -- have a car.
It’s in the shop.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
That’s okay.
I do.

TOKEN WARE
Walks into the room.
Holding a sawed-off shotgun.

TOKEN
You should lock
your front door.
Open invitation
for dangerous criminals --




Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Patriot Acts


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 3 of NOWHERE GIRL, exotic dancer Cherry Nation escapes the gunfight at the airport and jumps into a cab, with Homeland Security agent April Street in hot pursuit. Meanwhile, Palestinian arms dealer Avi Abbas watched the action on the news and contacts his black ops spook Token Ware, the goon that handcuffed the briefcase to Cherry's wrist right before the shit hit the fan ...


EXT. AIRPORT TAXI STAND - NIGHT
Cherry DASHES over to a gypsy cab.

CHERRY
TAXI!

She GRABS the door,
WHIPS IT OPEN, JUMPS in.

Peeler piles in after her.
SLAMS the door.

INT. TAXI - CONTINUOUS
Cherry BARKS at the DRIVER,
a frightened-looking Turk.

CHERRY
Let’s GO, c’mon!

TURKISH CABBIE
Wherefor you wish to go?

CHERRY
I don’t care!
Just get us the fuck OUTTA HERE.

PEELER
Silverlake, please.
(to Cherry)
You’ll be safe at my joint.

CHERRY
‘Joint?’
Read much Mickey Spillane?

EXT. TAXI STAND - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
April RACES up to a cab.
OPENS the driver’s side door.
FLASHES her ID.

APRIL
Homeland Security!
I’m taking your cab!
Outta the car!

The FAT CABBIE looks at her.
Takes a bite of his candy bar.

FAT CABBIE
Fuck you, lady, I’m not --

April GRABS his arm, starts
PULLING him out of his seat.

APRIL
C’mon, move it, you FAT FUCK.

With all her might,
April YANKS him out.

He HITS the pavement.
She JUMPS IN.

Fat lies in the street
like a beached whale.

He FLAILS around, trying to
right himself, get up.

APRIL
(out the window)
Some patriot YOU are.

And she GUNS IT and ROARS away.

EXT. 405 FREEWAY - NIGHT
A large, black MERCEDES SUV
flies down the carpool lane.

INT. SUV - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
The Tall, Ugly Thug we met earlier
is behind the wheel.

Meet TOKEN WARE, former CIA,
now black ops gun for hire.

He takes a sip of designer coffee.
Swipes his I-phone screen.

TOKEN
Avi? It’s Ware.

SPLIT SCREEN WITH:

INT. DOWNTOWN LOFT - CONTINUOUS
A secure HQ in a plush loft space.
Several ARMED OPERATIVES mill about.

Scan computer screens.
Clean weapons.

Their LEADER looks out
the high rise window
at the city lights
while talking on his Bluetooth.

AVI
You make the drop?

Meet AVI ABBAS (45).
Palestinian ex-pat.

Now international arms dealer.
He lights up a Gitanes.
Checks his Rolex.

TOKEN
Yeah.
Broad was acting funny, though.

AVI
What do you mean 'funny?'

TOKEN
Hard to say. Gut feeling.
Like she was in over her head.

A BIG, YOUNG SPOOK comes over to Avi.

BIG, YOUNG SPOOK
Sir, you need to see this.

He PUNCHES a remote.
A sixty-inch PLASMA SCREEN snaps on.

INT. NEWSROOM - CONTINUOUS
A SERIOUS TALKING HEAD
sits at the news desk.

SERIOUS TALKING HEAD
-- where at Los Angeles
International Airport,
a gunfight broke out at a sports bar.
We go now to Charlie Huston,
live at the scene.

EXT. AIRPORT TARMAC - CONTINUOUS
Reporter CHARLIE HUSTON stands
in front of the open bar window.
We can see a CRIME SCENE CREW is working.

CHARLIE
Thanks, Rolf.
(dramatic pause)
One hour ago a team of military operatives
opened fire on this airport bar,
killing three people and injuring two.
Witnesses say the men were shot
and killed by a young woman
who then left the scene on foot --

AVI
Shut it off.

The spook does.

TOKEN
Pulls his car over
to the side of the road. Stops.

Pulls out a LAPTOP.
Boots it up.

AVI
Paces, worried.

AVI
You better check on the girl.
Make sure she’s alive.
And delivering the package.

TOKEN
I’m one step ahead of you.
(punches buttons, looks)
She’s going east --
instead of north.

AVI
Find her.
And find out what
the fuck is going on.
We’re taking about
a million dollars.
She might be trying to
sell it to someone else
for a higher price.

TOKEN
Duplicitous bitch.
That’s why she was a bit off.

AVI
Doo-plicitous?

TOKEN
Means two-timing.
Double-crossing.
(beat)
Like your wife.

AVI
We must show respect
for the dead, Mr. Ware.

Token does a ‘take.’
Looks quizzical.

TOKEN
Even when you killed them?

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Seventh Inning Stretch


Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 2 of NOWHERE GIRL, exotic dancer Cherry Nation is accosted by Homeland Security agent April Street about the goon that handcuffed a briefcase to her wrist in the airport bar, when the joint explodes in gunfire, and everyone has to fight for their life ...


INT. AIRPORT BAR - NIGHT
Cherry looks at the Hipster.
Unsure of what to do.

CHERRY
I need your help.

HIPSTER
You in some kind of trouble?

Cherry raises her wrist.
Exposing the handcuffs and the case.

CHERRY
You might say that.

HIPSTER
Holy shit. Are you a --
(leans over, whispers)
A spy?

CHERRY
(lowers it)
Hell, no. I’m a dancer.
Some asshole just cuffed me
to this briefcase.
Said I needed to
deliver it to someone.
If I didn’t, he’d --
(tears up)
Kill my family.

HIPSTER
Holy shit.

CHERRY
You keep saying that.

Pause.

HIPSTER
I’m -- Peeler.

CHERRY
What?

PEELER
My name. Peeler.
Peeler Mardo.

CHERRY
Oh. I’m Cherry.

PEELER
You certainly are.

CHERRY
Look, I need your help,
not your hitting on me, okay?
He threatened MY FAMILY.

PEELER
Okay, okay.
I’m sorry.
I’m a guy.
(beat)
So where are you
supposed to deliver it?

The door FLIES OPEN.
April RACES into the room.

WHIRLS AROUND. Stops.
Holds up her badge.

APRIL
Homeland Security, everybody FREEZE!

People stop talking. Look.
April pulls out a photograph.
Starts showing it around.

APRIL
Has anyone here seen THIS MAN?
It’s a matter of national security.

April shows it to the bartender.
He shakes his head ‘no.’
She goes to Cherry and Peeler’s table.

CHERRY
Ohmigod.

APRIL
You SAW him?
He was HERE?

Cherry slowly puts
the briefcase on the table.

April stares at it,
at the handcuffs.

Then looks at Cherry more closely.
Their resemblance.

APRIL
I’m afraid you’re going to
have to come with me, Miss.

CHERRY
But he said he’d hurt my family
if I didn’t --

The wall of windows EXPLODES
in a HAIL OF BULLETS.

Cherry and Peeler JUMP,
hide under a table.

April HITS the floor, ROLLS away.
Slides behind the bar.

Pulls out twin giant
SIG SAUER HANDGUNS and starts FIRING.

Cherry and Peeler start
crawling toward the entrance.

Two HUGE GOONS in black BOUND IN.
A red DOT appears on the forehead
of the first one.

His head EXPLODES
in a red mist.

APRIL
Smiles.
Takes aim at --

THE OTHER GOON
Who FIRES at April.
She DUCKS behind the bar.

CHERRY AND PEELER
Make it to the doorway.
Crawl away.

THE GOON
RACES toward the bar.

SPRAYING his Uzi.
Bottles FLY, SMASH.

BEHIND THE BAR
April crawls to the end.
GRABS a baseball bat.

THE GOON
Stealthily creeps up
toward the end of the bar, where --

APRIL
CRACKS him on the head.
The goon goes down, THWUMP.

APRIL
Sorry, fella --
seventh inning stretch.

She looks around.
Sees Cherry's gone.

APRIL
Shit.

And RACES toward the door.

INT. AIRPORT CORRIDOR - AT THAT MOMENT
A drum-and-bass big-beat
of The Crystal Method PUMPS over --

Cherry and Peeler.
TEARING ASS down the moving walkway.
The briefcase BANGING against the railing.

PEELER
Where are we going?!

CHERRY
The fuck OUTTA here!

CAMERA FLIES BACKWARD, WHIPS AROUND --

So that we see April at the other end.
She SEES THEM.

APRIL
Motherfucker.

And she starts TEARING ASS after them.

CHERRY AND PEELER
Reach the end of the moving sidewalk.
A sign reads BAGGAGE CLAIM.

Cherry GRABS Peeler’s hand.
JERKS HIM toward it.

CHERRY
C’mon!

They CLATTER down the stairs.

APRIL
Reaches the end of the sidewalk.
Looks around.

APRIL
Shit. Think, think, think --

She sees the sign.
RUNS to the top of the stairs,
sees Cherry and Peeler going down,
and TAKES OFF after them.

CHERRY AND PEELER
Hit the bottom.
Cherry BANGS into a porter. OOF.

PORTER
HEY!

CHERRY
Sorry!

She GRABS Peeler’s hand,
and they RACE AWAY.

PORTER
SLOW DOWN, bitch!

APRIL
BANGS into the porter.

PORTER
OW, hey!

He GRAPPLES her in a bear hug.

APRIL
Let me GO.

The porter SQUEEZES TIGHTER.

PORTER
You gotta SLOW DOWN, lady!

APRIL
I’m a GOVERNMENT AGENT.

PORTER
Bull-shit.

She FLINGS his arms away.
CRACKS him in the jaw. THWUMP.

Notices a crowd of ONLOOKERS.
Shows her ID.

APRIL
Homeland Security.
Keeping America safe.

Monday, July 14, 2014

Baby's In Black


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 1 of NOWHERE GIRL, exotic dancer Cherry Nation waits in an airport bar waiting for her flight to Vegas, and in a case of mistaken identity, gets accosted by an ugly thug in a trenchcoat. Meanwhile, Homeland Security agent April Street ... a dead ringer for Cherry ... runs through the airport at breakneck speed on a mission from hell ...


INT. LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - BAR - DUSK
One of those bland watering holes
for travelers who aren’t picky about ambiance.

Or their cocktails.

A WOMAN (20’s) sits at
a table near the windows,
watching the planes.

Unbelievably hot, with long,
long black hair.

Reckless curves.
Sleek. A gazelle.

Meet CHERRY NATION.
Exotic dancer.

Former porn star.
Future entrepreneur.
Single mother of two.

Right now she’s sipping
a whiskey sour and
talking on her cell.
Tugs on her miniskirt.

CHERRY
Thanks for watching
the kids for me, Shag.
I owe you one.
(listens)
The money is fucking AMAZING.
I’m getting close to having
the amount I need to
quit dancing and open the store.
(listens)
Of course I’m taking my meds.
Mind your own business.
It’s OVER, Shag, and
you have no right to --
(listens)
I’ll call you
when I get to Vegas.

She feels something
in the small of her back.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Don't move.
I have a gun pointed
at the base of your spine.

CHERRY
What the fuck?

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Don't speak.
Just listen.

CHERRY
But --

The gun CLICKS.
Camera PULLS BACK to reveal --

A TALL, UGLY THUG in
shades and a trench coat
seated at the table
behind her back.

He smiles.
Not a pretty sight.

TALL, UGLY THUG
I don’t know what kind
of game you’re playing,
girlie, and I don’t care.
Get off the fucking PHONE.

She clicks it shut.

TALL, UGLY THUG
Good girl.
Now listen carefully.
The briefcase is
next to your chair.

He FLIPS an envelope
onto her table.

TALL, UGLY THUG
Take this envelope.
In it, you’ll find an address.
Take the briefcase there.
Got it?

CHERRY
Listen to me, I think
you’ve got the wrong --

TALL, UGLY THUG
If you don't deliver the package
by sunrise, we’ll kill you.
And your family.
(nudges her with the gun)
GOT it?

She nods.
Frightened to death.

TALL, UGLY THUG
Lower your arm.
Put it near the case.

She does.
We hear a SNAP, CLICK.

TALL, UGLY THUG
Good girl.
Now you’re being smart.
I’m gonna leave now,
and you’re gonna keep
facing the window.
DO NOT MOVE. Understand?

CHERRY
Y-yes.

TALL, UGLY THUG
One last thing.
DO NOT open the briefcase.
If you do, you’ll die.
(beat)
Enjoy your cocktail.

He stands.
And in one fluid movement,
he’s gone.

Cherry vibrates in her chair, shaking.
Blinking back tears.

She raises her hand.
We see she’s clutching the briefcase.

And that she’s been handcuffed to it.
She puts it back down.

A good-looking HIPSTER
slides into the chair next to her.

Studiously messy hair.
Five-hundred dollar torn jeans.

HIPSTER
These airport bars kinda suck,
don’tcha think?

INT. AIRPORT SECURITY CHECKPOINT - AT THAT MOMENT
A long line of weary
TRAVELERS wait in line.

An ANGRY-LOOKING GUARD
waves a metallic wand
across a FAT MAN’S suit.

The detector SHRIEKS.
Angry’s face lights up.

DOWN THE CORRIDOR
A WOMAN is SPRINTING toward us.

Meet APRIL STREET (20’s).
Eyes burning fire.

Tall and foxy, with legs for days.
Baby’s in black.

But how can she run so fast
in stiletto heels?

As she runs, she KNOCKS over shit.
PLOWS into a ELDERLY MAN.

APRIL
(British accent, over her shoulder)
Sorry! Government agent!

She gets closer.
We see she’s a dead ringer
for Cherry Nation.

Like sisters.
What’s going on here?

April RACES up to the checkpoint.
Flashes her ID.

APRIL
Homeland Security!
Outta THE WAY!

A open-mouthed guard
takes a look at the badge.
Fancy stuff.

OPEN-MOUTHED GUARD
Sure thing, uh --

APRIL
MOVE IT, Kojak.
This is a NATIONAL EMERGENCY --

And she KNOCKS HIM OVER
and RACES down the corridor --

Friday, July 11, 2014

Like Romeo And Juliet


Hey there, crime kids. TGI motherfucking Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In the final chapter of THE DISH, chaos ensues when murderous lesbian Jett Targo returns to her sleazy motel room after being fingered by the cops, only to find her illicit lover Haven Crayce throwing their getaway money into the fireplace after being lied to by Jett's former lover Rush Madder ...


INT. MOTOR COURT - BUNGALOW - MOMENTS LATER
Haven sits on the floor
in front of the fireplace
in bra and panties.

Laughing. Crying.
Makeup smeared. Hair a mess.

She’s THROWING fistfuls of money
into the flames.

Jett walks in.
Puts down the bag.
Sees Haven.

JETT
What are you DOING?

Haven ignores her.
Tosses in another handful of bills.

JETT
(races over)
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?

Jett tries to grab money
out of the flames, GETS BURNED.

JETT
OW, FUCK!

HAVEN
Careful, it’s hot.

Jett SLAPS Haven.
She looks at Jett, wild-eyed.
Grimacing.

HAVEN
Your BOYFRIEND came to visit
while you were gone.

JETT
My boyfriend?
What boyfriend?
I don’t have a fucking BOYFRIEND.
(small voice)
I’ve got -- you.

HAVEN
Rush? Rush Madder?
The one you said you took care of?

JETT
I did!
I knocked him out
and threw him in the ocean!

HAVEN
Well, he must have swum to shore,
because he was just here.
(nasty)
And I gave him his cut.

JETT
HIS CUT?

HAVEN
He said a lot of interesting stuff.
Told me a lot of stories
about the two of you.
How you were dating
back home in Kansas, dealing drugs.
How he tried to rape a customer
while tweaked out on meth, a COP,
and how you killed the guy.
And then the pair of you
split for sunny California.

JETT
That was over a LONG time ago.

HAVEN
That’s not what RUSH said.

JETT
WHAT?

HAVEN
He said the two of you
were gonna bump me off
and split with the money.

JETT
HE’S LYING.
Haven, don’t you see --
he was making that up.
I love YOU.

HAVEN
Then he saw the money,
got greedy and took half of it
and split.
(slow, dreamy)
So I said fuck it.
There’s nothing left to live for.
So I started burning
the rest of the money,
and now we BOTH have nothing.

She starts LAUGHING MANIACALLY.

JETT
Haven, he was LYING.
He was --

Haven pulls out Jett’s REVOLVER.
Aims it at her.

HAVEN
Look what I found.

JETT
Haven.
Put the gun down.
Give it to me.

HAVEN
SHUT THE FUCK UP!

And she SHOOTS, wildly.
A bullet HITS Jett in the stomach.

JETT
HAVEN. You --

Jett looks down.
A small red stain appears
on her white shirt.
Starts slowly growing.

JETT
SHOT me.

HAVEN
I thought we could be
like Romeo and Juliet.
A tragic love story.

She pulls out Jett’s coke snifter.
Does a bump.

HAVEN
Man, that’s good shit.
My mind has been RACING
thinking about what we could do.
Thought maybe we could
set fire to the cabin
and go out in flames.
That would be dramatic, huh?
Right out of a movie.

Jett sits down next to
Haven on the floor.

But she’s off somewhere,
looking into the fire.

JETT
I love you, Haven.
Listen to me.
He was LYING,
you gotta BELIEVE ME.

But Haven is in
her own little world.

Jett reaches over and
tries to GRAB the gun
out of her hand.
She SCREAMS.

HAVEN
NO!

They wrestle for control,
Jett now weaker,
Haven on fire,
almost an equal match.

The gun GOES OFF, BANG.
A window SHATTERS.

Another BLAST.
TV set EXPLODES.

A third, BANG.

HAVEN
Ow.

Haven SLUMPS over.
Shot in the heart.

JETT
HAVEN! NO!

Jett freaks.
GRABS Haven in her arms.
Holds on for dear life.

JETT
Baby, it’s gonna be okay,
it’s gonna be okay.

HAVEN
(a whisper)
You -- shot me.

JETT
I didn’t mean to.
I was -- just --

A siren WHOOP-WHOOPS outside.

Haven looks.
She’s starting to slip away.
Eyelids heavy.

HAVEN
Looks like we have -- company.

Her flame flickers out. Gone.

JETT
Haven, NO -- baby --
NO, NO, NO, NO!

An ANGRY MALE VOICE
comes over a bullhorn.

ANGRY MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Haven Crayce and Jett Targo,
this is the POLICE!
We have you SURROUNDED!
Come out RIGHT NOW
with your HANDS IN THE AIR!

Jett starts crying.
Puts the gun in her mouth.

Closes her eyes.
But she can’t do it.

ANGRY MALE VOICE (O.C.)
This is your LAST CHANCE!
We have you SURROUNDED!
If you don’t come out right NOW,
we’re coming in AFTER you!

Jett goes to the window. Sees --

EXT. MOTOR COURT PARKING LOT - CONTINUOUS
A dozen SQUAD CARS.
Lights blaring.

Dozens of COPS, SWAT, with hand guns,
assault rifles, automatic weapons.

Half a dozen media trucks.
REPORTERS. CREW. ONLOOKERS.

JETT
pulls away from the window.
Holds her wound.

Looks around the room.
Sees a GAS CAN.

Raises THE gun.
Takes aim --

JETT
I’m so sorry, baby.
It was gonna be so good.
We had it all.

And SHOOTS it.
It EXPLODES in a massive fireball.

Burning money FLIES
around in the air.

ANGRY MALE VOICE (O.C.)
COMMENCE FIRING!

The windows EXPLODE with bullets.
Shots BANG-BANG-BANG,
blasting HOLES in the walls.

Jett gets SHOT.
She hits the floor, dying.

Looks at Haven.
Flames licking at her body.
The peaceful look on her face.

JETT
But sometimes --
it just doesn’t work out.

EXT. MOTOR COURT BUNGALOW - CONTINUOUS
Everyone watches the house
EXPLODES in a BALL OF FLAMES.

CAL SEELY stands next to his car.
Shakes his head slowly.

DR. BING appears beside him.
They nod at each other.
Look back at the fire.

DR. BING
I never did trust that dame --

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Motel Hell


Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 27 of THE DISH, wanted fugitive Jett Targo goes the convenience store to get some snacks for her partner in crime Haven Crayce, holed up in a shitty motel at the beach on the lam from the law ... and runs into trouble with the retarded clerk ...


INT. SHITTY MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
A ROARING FIRE in the fireplace.

The wood CRACKS in the
red and orange flames
flickering over the money.

Haven and Jett
lie in each other’s arms,
basking in the heat.

HAVEN
I wanna stay here
forever and ever.

JETT
Yeah.

HAVEN
Mmmm.
(beat)
I’m hungry.

JETT
So am I.

HAVEN
Would you go get
us some provisions?
Pretty please?

JETT
Of course.

Jett gets up,
puts on her cowboy hat.

HAVEN
I think you should go
just like that.

Shrugs into her jeans.

JETT
Silly girl, it’s fuckin’
freezing out there.

Puts on her shirt.
SNAPS it.

HAVEN
Hurry back, honey pie.
I’m so hungry,
I could eat a horse.

JETT
When I come back,
we’ll do some ropin’ and ridin.’
(goes to the door)
Keep the home fires burning.

HAVEN
(smiles, dreamy)
Yeah --
(beat)
Hey, you know what?

JETT
What.

HAVEN
You know when they say
money can’t buy happiness?
(beat)
They’re full of shit.

And she THROWS
a fistful of money
in the air.

PUSH IN ON Haven’s eyes.
Dancing with delight.

INT. CONVENIENCE STORE - MOMENTS LATER
The Wanted poster is up.

But now Haven has a mustache
and a missing front tooth.

And Jett is in shades
and a cowboy hat.

Like she is right now.
Walking in the door.

The bell RINGS.

JETT
(tips her hat)
Evenin.’

She grabs a basket.
Starts going through
the food aisles.

MILDLY RETARDED CLERK
(wide-eyed)
Evenin.’

Jett goes to the beverage cooler.
Takes out a six-pack.
Brings her items to the counter.

MILDLY RETARDED CLERK
Looks like you’re fixing t
o have yourself a late-night snack.

JETT
Yeah.

MILDLY RETARDED CLERK
You must be stayin’ at
the Buccaneer down the way.

Jet nods.
Retarded rings up the items.

Open-mouthed.
Concentrating.
Placing each in a paper bag.

MILDLY RETARDED CLERK
That’ll be -- thirty-four dollars
and seventy-three cents, please.

Jett hands him some cash.

MILDLY RETARDED CLERK
Out of forty --
(hands her bills and coins)
Five dollars and
twenty-seven cents
is your change.

Jett tosses the coins
in a big plastic cup marked TIPS.

JETT
(picks up the bag)
Thanks.
Have a good night.

She heads toward the door.

MILDLY RETARDED CLERK
You, too.
(after she’s out the door)
Give my best to your friend.

Retarded goes to the phone.
Dials. Listens.

MILDLY RETARDED CLERK
I’d like to speak
with the Sheriff, please.
This is Lonnie down
at the Stop and Gulp?
(listens)
I wanna report that
Bonnie and Bride are holed up
at the Buccaneer Motor Court
over here in Seal Beach.
(listens)
So when do I get
that reward money?

PUSH IN ON Retarded.
Doing his duty. Excited.


Wednesday, July 9, 2014

A Fistful Of Dollars


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 26 of THE DISH, star-crossed murderous lesbians Haven and Jett hole up from the law in a seedy motel room at the beach, where Haven impulsively strips naked and rolls around in a big pile of cash on the floor. Meanwhile, a sheriff's deputy gives the retarded motel clerk a wanted poster ... with their pictures on it ...


INT. SHITTY MOTEL ROOM - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Quaint and cute.
Forty years ago.

Now, musty and well-worn.
Wooden furniture. Ancient TV.

An overstuffed couch
facing a stone fireplace.

Typical shitty paintings
of ships at sea.

Haven walks in,
hefting a large briefcase,
followed by Jett,
carrying their luggage.

HAVEN
Who knew eight-hundred grand
was so HEAVY.

Jett drops the luggage
with a BANG.

JETT
I thought I told you
to pack light.

She goes to the fireplace.
Gets a fire going.

HAVEN
Hey, a girl’s gotta have
a change of outfits.
Don’t you want me
to look sexy for you?

Jett walks over to her.
Kisses her.

JETT
You’d look good in a burlap bag.

HAVEN
You know what I wanna do?

JETT
What.

HAVEN
Roll around in it.

JETT
Roll around in what?

Haven goes to the briefcase.
Opens it.

HAVEN
The money.
I wanna feel it on my skin.

She takes out a bundle.
RIPS off the tape.
THROWS it in air.

It flutters down like confetti.
Haven SQUEALS with joy.

JETT
You think you should do that?
What if somebody comes by?

HAVEN
No one’s coming.
We’re all alone,
and it’s late.
C’mon, it’s FUN.

Haven takes out two more.
RIPS them open.
TOSSES them.

HAVEN
Wheeeeee!

She twirls in the
fluttering bills like a dancer.

Jett stares.
Takes some money.

RIPS it open.
THROWS it.

They both start LAUGHING MADLY.
A storm of cash RAINS down on them.

Haven stops.
SHRIEKS --

And strips off her dress.
Glorious in lingerie and heels.

The vixen gets down on the carpet
and ROLLS AROUND in it.

Jett showers her with more cash.

HAVEN
Fuck me, BEN FRANKLIN.

Jett takes off her boots.
Her jeans.

Then joins Haven on
the money-covered rug
in front of the roaring fire.

HAVEN
We made it, baby.
There’s nobody else in the world.

JETT
And you’re mine.
All mine.
(beat)
There’s nobody else.

And they start making love,
like animals.

Jett BITES Haven’s throat.
She CRIES OUT.

EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE - AT THAT MOMENT
A ramshackle joint a stone’s throw
from the motor court.

The COUNTY SHERIFF’S POLICE CRUISER
is parked outside.

INT. CONVENIENCE STORE - CONTINUOUS
A STRANGE-LOOKING DEPUTY hands
a wanted poster to the CLERK,
a mildly retarded local kid (18).
The clerk looks at it.

MILDLY RETARDED CLERK
I saw them -- on the news.

STRANGE-LOOKING DEPUTY
Yep. Bonnie and Bride.

Shore would like
toget in the middle
of THAT sandwich.

Retarded stares at the poster.
Strange-looking goes to
the frozen food section.

Rummages around.
Finds something.
Returns to the register.

STRANGE-LOOKING DEPUTY
How much for the Hot Pockets?

MILDLY RETARDED CLERK
On the house, chief.

STRANGE-LOOKING DEPUTY
(goes to the door)
Mighty obliged, son.
You take care now.

MILDLY RETARDED CLERK
(watching him go)
I love Hot Pockets.

Retarded puts the wanted poster
on the counter.

Takes out a black marker.
Starts drawing on it --

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Trailer Trash Heaven


Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 25 of THE DISH, murderous lesbians on the lam Haven and Jett get new wheels and then hole up in a sleazy, remote motel at the beach. Meanwhile, homicide detective Cal Seely summons his troops and starts a nationwide manhunt for them ...


EXT. TRAILER PARK - NIGHT
Jett sits behind the wheel
of an old Ford pickup truck,
playing with the wires
under the steering wheel column.

They SPARK.
The engine ROARS to life.

JETT
Like riding a bicycle.

The barrel of a SAWED-OFF SHOTGUN
is placed against Jett’s temple.

A GIANT REDNECK leans
into the window. Sneers.

GIANT REDNECK
What the fuck do you
think YOU’RE DOING?
Get the fuck outta MY TRUCK.

JETT
Easy now.

Jett opens the door.
Slides out.
Starts to raise her hands --

GIANT REDNECK
What I don’t get is why
you’d wanna steal this
piece-a crap.

And WHIPS OUT her REVOLVER.
JAMS it in his crotch.

JETT
We’re swapping rides, big fella.
Gotta problem with that?
(CLICK)
See that Cadillac over there?

The redneck looks at the Caddy.

GIANT REDNECK
You wanna trade my truck
for the CADDY?
Are you fuckin’ CRAZY?

JETT
Something like that.
(nods)
Go ahead, check ‘er out.
Keys are in the ignition.

Redneck breaks into a
big ‘ol rotten-toothed grin.

GIANT REDNECK
Take your piece outta my pants,
and you got yourself a deal.

EXT. COUNTY ROAD - NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER
The truck ROARS down the gravel road.

HAVEN
You see the look on his face?
He just died and went to
trailer trash heaven.
He’s probably jerking
off in it right now.

JETT
I think we should hole up
somewhere for the night.
I’d rather cross the border
in the morning,
when there’s more traffic.

HAVEN
Ooh.
I love the sound of 'holing up.'

EXT. COUNTY ROAD - CONTINUOUS
The pickup FLIES down the road.

Behind them, a DODGE DART SWINGER
pulls out of the bushes,
and ROARS after them.

INT. SHERIFF’S MUSTER ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Your typical shitty institutional
municipal squad room.

Cal Seely stands at a lectern
in front of a dozen UNIFORMED OFFICERS
and a handful of PLAINCLOTHES DETECTIVES.

CAL
We’ve put out an APB.
All regional airports,
bus stations and trains
are being watched.
The highway patrol is on it.
And we’ve alerted the media,
who is calling them
'Bonnie and Bride.'

A smattering of chuckling.

CAL
This isn’t a fucking JOKE.
We need to FIND them,
and find them NOW.
This is front page news, people.
I want you to fucking
take apart that whore’s boat,
and that fucking dyke’s apartment --
and find out where the fuck
they’ve gone.
(beat)
Do I make myself clear?

EXT. MOTOR COURT - NIGHT
A foghorn BLEATS somewhere off the coast.

A dense FOG has rolled in from the ocean.
Lights look blurry, fuzzy.

There’s a sharp, damp, pungent chill
in the air over --

THE BUCCANEER.
A small motor court motel
across the street from the beach.

A deserted area far away
from the touristy crap.

A small semi-circle of
shitty bungalows face the water.

The middle one has a sign
that reads OFFICE. VACANCY.

Jett’s pickup pulls up behind it
and stops.

INT. PICKUP TRUCK - CONTINUOUS
Jett shuts off the ignition.
Slips on a cowboy hat. Shades.

HAVEN
I like the hat.
Makes you look -- rugged.

JETT
Let me check in by myself.
You’re too -- memorable.

HAVEN
That sounds like a line
from something.

JETT
From our life, baby face.

HAVEN
Hurry up, I’m cold.

INT. MOTOR COURT OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER
A plump BUCK-TOOTHED WOMAN
sits at the desk reading
a true crime magazine. Riveted.
Slowly eating potato chips.

Jett comes in quietly.
Closes the door behind her.

JETT
Evenin’.
Mighty cold out there.

BUCK-TOOTH
It’s the fog.
Cold and wet it is.

She smiles strangely.
This bulb is definitely low-wattage.

JETT
Can I get a cabin for the night?

BUCK-TOOTH
Sure thing.
Got one left.
But the heater’s broke.
Got a fireplace, though.

JETT
How much?

BUCK-TOOTH
(hands her a key)
Fifty bucks.
Check out is at eleven.

JETT
(takes it)
Mighty obliged.

BUCK-TOOTH
How can you see in those shades?
It’s night-time, mister.

PUSH IN ON Jett. Delighted.