Friday, March 29, 2019

The Dark Side


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Fridaze. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 19 of RIDGEWAY (coming soon to a streaming outlet near you), LA exile Cate Salinger has a lunch meeting at one of the quaint burg's mountaintop cafes with local entrepreneur Zane 'Big Boy' Clem, who Cate doesn't realize is also the local Dixie Mob chief.


EXT. ERNIE’S CAFE - DAY
A small clapboard house on a
residential street that’s now a restaurant.

Tables on the front porch.
Red neon sign reads OPEN.

Blackboard reads SPECIAL:
FISH BLT in green chalk.

A green tram with three cars
comes down the street,
half-filled with TOURISTS.

The TOUR GUIDE (50’s), a
portly local with a voice
like honey and molasses
gives his folksy spiel.

TOUR GUIDE
--- now the building on your left
used to be a gas station,
and believe it or not
is now an artist’s studio --
and on your right is a
bed and breakfast that used
to be the home of Carrie Nation --

INT. ERNIE’S CAFE - DAY
A front room with a big picture window.
Surprisingly bohemian cool.
We could be in Greenwich Village.

Only the bearded and beaded
arty-funky LOCALS give it away.

Cate and Big Boy sit at a big
round table in the corner,
feasting on the aforementioned fish BLT’s.

BIG BOY
Got my fingers in a few pies.
Sell some real estate,
gotta motel out on the highway,
an antique store,
used car dealership --
and I told ya about
the bluegrass festival.

CATE
Impressive.

BIG BOY
Probably heard the rumor
going round that I’m involved
in some -- shady activities.

CATE
No, I haven’t.

BIG BOY
Completely blown outta proportion.
I do offer some services off the books --
high-interest loans for
people with bad credit,
run a high-stakes poker game,
stuff like that, but that’s
life in a small town.
People talk shit about you.

CATE
(carefully)
Then I would imagine you know --
the dark side of Echo.

BIG BOY
Hell, yeah. I got stories
that’d curl your hair.
(beat)
If I hire you to write my story,
would you sign a
non-disclosure agreement?

CATE
Of course.
And I’d change the names
to protect the innocent.

Big Boy nods, thinking it over.

BIG BOY
How much you charge?

CATE
Five thousand, paid in installments.
Take me about two, three months tops.

BIG BOY
Got yourself a deal.

CATE
Great. I’ll email you my
standard contract so you can --

BIG BOY
Round these parts
a handshake’ll do.
I trust you.
(strangely)
You gotta nice face.

Saturday, March 23, 2019

The Gospel According To Gomer


Happy Saturday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 19 of RIDGEWAY, deputy Londell Kirvin tells sheriff Willa Knox about the Hollywood screenwriter that's 'shacking up' with his wife's sister ...


EXT. POLICE PRECINCT - DAY
A brick building on a woodsy,
rural road on the outskirts of town.

A giant billboard advertises
‘The Great Passion Play.
Group Discounts Available.’
The gospel according to Gomer.

A giant RV sits in the parking lot
with a FOR SALE sign in the front window.

INT. POLICE PRECINCT - FOYER - DAY
Your usual small-town police station.
Londell stands next to WILLA KNOX
(40’s) the sheriff.
Unwraps a candy bar.

Willa’s a big-boned gal,
but has a face that could
launch a thousand crooks,
with a long chestnut mane
in a ponytail.

She pops in a piece of nicotine gum.
Grimaces at the taste.

WILLA
A screenwriter? Do tell.

LONDELL
Yep. Just moved here.
Shacking up with my wife’s sister.

WILLA
Really.

LONDELL
Really. And check it out.
She’s writing a TV show about Echo.

WILLA
Interesting.

LONDELL
Yeah. It’s a crime story,
so I told her --
(low)
Go talk to Big Boy.
See if he’s got any --
(clears his throat)
Great stories for her to use.
(big smile)
Was that freakin’ brilliant or WHAT.

WILLA
Good work, Londell. Keep me posted.

LONDELL
You can count on it.
(beat)
How’s the quitting smoking going?

WILLA
(softly)
I wanna fucking rip someone’s head off.

LONDELL
(holds up the chocolate)
Maybe you should have a candy bar.
(smiles)
Works for me.

He nods. Takes a bite.
Ambles away.



Friday, March 15, 2019

God, Country And The NRA


Happy Friday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 18 of RIDGEWAY, a local kid learns the hard way not to steal from the Dixie Mob ...


INT. SHITTY OLD CABIN - DAY
Big, Bald Brute and Mutton Chops,
who we recognize from the opening scene,
drag the Kid we saw tied
to the chair into the cabin.

His mouth has been duct taped,
wrists zip-tied tight.

BIG, BALD BRUTE
Gotcha now, shithead.

Meet JIB CASEY.
You don’t wanna mess with this fucker.
Loves god, country and the NRA.
Not necessarily in that order.

MUTTON CHOPS
Thought you could get away with it, huh?

Meet HOYT YOUNGBLOOD.
Makes Vin Diesel look
like Pee Wee Herman.
Puts the shit in shit-kicker.

Jib THROWS the Kid
into a rickety wooden chair.
Hoyt starts tying his legs to it.

HOYT
Big Boy’s mighty pissed.

JIB
Said we could do anything we want.
As long as we get ya to talk.

He pulls out a rolled up tool kit.
Unwraps it with a flourish.

Proudly displays a series of knives,
hooks, pinchers and various other
medieval-looking instruments.

JIB
So if you enjoy eatin’ corn on the cob,
better fess up right now.

KID
I didn’t take nothin,’ I swear.

Hoyt grins. Reaches up.
GRABS his nose ring --

HOYT
I was hopin’ you’d say that.

YANKS it out. Kid HOWLS.
Pops it in his mouth. Sucks on it.

HOYT
Mmm. Salty.


Friday, March 8, 2019

The Cheap Seats


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 17 of RIDGEWAY, Vivi's underaged daughter Dee Ann discovers she's pregnant, and tells her n'er do well boyfriend Jacob the bad news, but when Vivi walks in and tells her she's made lunch, she chickens out and clams up ...


EXT. TIDWELL HOUSE - DAY
A plain, seventies-era ranch house
on the wrong side of the tracks,
which in this case is a creek.

Not in the historic district.
The cheap seats, if you will.

Various ceramic garden gnomes,
turtles and frogs dot the front lawn,
revealing the occupants’
total lack of taste.

An old, faded RED PICKUP TRUCK drives by.
Four TEENAGE KIDS sit in the flatbed,
excited to be going who knows where.

INT. TIDWELL HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
A shiny suburban kitchen,
stuffed with shitty bric a brac.

Right now, Vivi’s cleaning the joint,
and the grimace on her mug
could strip the paint off an outhouse.

IN THE BATHROOM

Her daughter DEE ANNE (20),
pudgy with frosted mall hair
and vacant eyes sits on the toilet
with a home pregnancy test,
on the cusp of becoming
the cliche she already is.

DEE ANNE
Shit.

IN HER BEDROOM

JACOB KRUNK(20), dark-haired,
good looking on a budget,
lounges on the bed with a
car magazine and an energy drink.

In a case of life imitating advertising,
his T-shirt sports the drink’s logo.

Indeed, this mouth-breather makes
a great case for selective breeding.

Dee Anne comes in.
Softly closes the door.

JACOB
Hey.
(beat)
What’s wrong?

DEE ANNE
I’m pregnant.

JACOB
What?

DEE ANNE
I’m pregnant.

JACOB
Oh.

DEE ANNE
Don’t look so happy about it.

JACOB
I’m sorry. I’m just --
(beat)
How did it happen?

DEE ANNE
What do you mean ‘how did it happen?’

JACOB
I just meant --
(beat)
I mean, I pull out, you know?

DEE ANNE
Well, I guess you stayed in a
little too long one time, didn’t you.

JACOB
I’m sorry.

DEE ANNE
My mom’ll help out, right?

JACOB
Yeah, sure. Sure she will.

A soft knock-knock-knock on the door.

DEE ANNE
It’s open.

Vivi walks in carrying an
open can of Spaghetti-o’s.

Spoons a mouthful,
gulps it down. Grins.

VIVI
Headin’ over to the store for awhile.
Made you some baloney
and Velveeta sandwiches,
and there’s a new bag
of cool ranch chips.

DEE ANNE
Uh -- thanks.

She has another spoonful.
Dee Anne and Jacob stare.

VIVI
Hey. I’m a gal on the go.
(loud burst of laughter)
See ya!

And she leaves.

DEE ANNE
Yeah. Mom’ll help out --

Saturday, March 2, 2019

Full-Chaz Bono


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Saturdaze. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 16 of RIDGEWAY, Halene thanks Kayla for helping finding out why her sexually confused daughter is cutting herself, then presses for details about her sex life with Cate ...


INT. DREAMLAND - DAY
Kayla stands at the counter
making a necklace.

Beads and jewelry parts sit
in a little tray in front of her.

Halene sits next to her,
watching her do the precise,
surgical work.

Nimble fingers plying their trade.

HALENE
I like how you’re making it crooked.

KAYLA
You mean asymmetrical.

HALENE
Right.

Kayla concentrates.
Threads a tiny bead.

HALENE
Thanks again for taking Les out to dinner.
Really means a lot to us.

KAYLA
(not looking up)
No problem. Glad to help.

HALENE
There’s something else about Les
I wanted to talk to you about.
Londell doesn’t know, and if he did,
I’m afraid he’d flip out.

KAYLA
What’s that?

HALENE
Les has been -- cutting herself.

KAYLA
Oh my god, really?

HALENE
Yeah. I noticed she stopped
wearing short-sleeved shirts --
and then one day I saw
the scars on her forearm.
(beat)
I’m scared, Kayla.

KAYLA
I’m -- so sorry.

HALENE
That’s why you need find out
what’s going on with her.
If she’s hurting herself,
who knows what she might do.

KAYLA
You mean like
‘going full-Chaz Bono?’

HALENE
That Londell.
He’s a good man,
but sometimes he’s just --

KAYLA
Insensitive? Inappropriate?

HALENE
You know men when it
comes to that kinda stuff.
(beat)
Bet you don’t have that
problem with Cate, huh?

KAYLA
Nah. She’s a sweetie.

HALENE
Not to pry -- but I always wondered
what two women do together.
Y’all use a strap-on?

KAYLA
That’s a little personal, Halene.
(beat)
We actually -- haven’t made love yet.

HALENE
How come?

KAYLA
Promise you’ll keep it a secret?
(off her nod)
Cate’s been celibate seventeen years.

HALENE
Seventeen years? Really? Why?

KAYLA
Had a string of bad relationships.
Saw a shrink, realized she
‘didn’t know how to pick ‘em’ --
they were all abusive
or emotionally unavailable --
and she gave up.
(a wicked look)
It’s not as bad as it sounds.
Vibrator’s a girl’s best friend.

HALENE
(blushes)
Kayla.
(thinks)
Have you tried?

KAYLA
Yeah. I shouldn’t have.
It was late, we were
kinda wasted, she was tired --
(beat)
I mean, hell -- she just got here,
and I’m gonna pressure her to have sex?
After seventeen years of not having any?
(beat)
Gonna let nature take it’s course.
I’m in no hurry. She’s the
best thing that ever happened to me.

HALENE
Well, hell -- after what
the slug put you through --

Kayla winces.
An unpleasant memory creases her face.