Where's Raymond Chandler When You Need Him?

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 42 of WILSHIRE BOULEVARD, after a shootout at the Flender estate, private eye Carrie Love gives recorded evidence to homicide dicks Bernie Keko and Aya Meir that she was framed by Jenny Lane, who's hiding in the pool house, and makes a plan to bring her in peacefully ...


EXT. FLENDER ESTATE - BACK YARD - NIGHT
Bernie raises his gun. Takes aim.

BERNIE
CARRIE, STOP.
Don’t make me shoot!
(sees Aya)
Aya --

He races over.

AYA
I’m okay.
It went right through.

Bernie RIPS off a sleeve.
Ties it around the wound.
KNOTS it.

BERNIE
Stay here.
Keep me covered.
I’m going after her.

AYA
Didn’t you hear?
The other girl
is the one we want.

BERNIE
Then we’ll bring ‘em both in.

AYA
Shut up and listen to me --

GUNSHOTS ring out.
Pieces of wood go FLYING.
They DUCK down.

CARRIE (O.C.)
She’s in the POOL HOUSE.
C’mon, over here.
We can surround her.

CARRIE
stands behind the cabana.
Sticking her head out.

CARRIE
I didn’t KILL anyone, Bernie!
I’m not a FUCKING KILLER.

INT. POOL HOUSE - AT THAT MOMENT
Jenny is panting.
She wipes her forehead.
Opens the gun.

CLOSE ON
the chamber.
One bullet left.

CARRIE
raps on the rear window.
Hidden behind a curtain.

CARRIE
Jenny.
Let me in.
Let’s talk about this.

JENNY
I have nothing
to say to you!
Go away!
You’re just like a guy!

CARRIE
I’ll take that
as a compliment.

BERNIE AND AYA
appear.

Bernie aims his
service revolver at Carrie.

BERNIE
You’re under arrest.
Don’t move a muscle.

Carrie pulls out her Glock.
Points it at Bernie.

CARRIE
I didn’t kill anyone, Bernie.

BERNIE
Put down the piece, Carrie.
I don’t want to shoot you.

CARRIE
That makes two of us.
(looks at Aya)
Is this your new partner?

AYA
Aya Meir.
Nice to meet you.
Uh, given the circumstances --

CARRIE
Hey.
You two just had sex --

BERNIE
Shut the fuck up
and drop it.
You’re under arrest.

CARRIE
You’ve got it all
on tape, Bernie.
On the dictaphone.
Martune killed Slobotnik
in a fit of homophobic rage,
Nikki Yavo killed Roland Yavo
because he couldn’t deal
with her sex change,
and Jenny Lane bumped off
Roland Flender because
he stole her script,
and then framed me
out of some twisted obsession.
The alternative sexuality
triple crown, if you will.

AYA
Where’s Raymond Chandler
when you need him?

CARRIE
Exactly.
(to Bernie)
This one’s a keeper --

BERNIE
(pulls out dictaphone)
And all of that
is on this tape?

CARRIE
Yeah.
And after we bring her in,
I’ll go to the station,
answer all your questions
and drink that shitty coffee.

AYA
Put it down, Bernie.
Let’s be civilized.

BERNIE
(lowers his gun)
Alright, godammit.

CARRIE
(lowers hers)
You two cover the front.
I’m going in the back window,
and I’ll bring her out.

AYA
Can I ask you a question?

CARRIE
Shoot.

AYA
Have you always had
such a powerful
sense of -- smell?

PUSH IN ON Carrie.
Eyes twinkling.

CARRIE
For certain things --