Dead Weight

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 7 of FULL BODY, newbie masseuse Summer Donovan discovers that her next client will be escorted by the Secret Service, which can only mean one thing. Meanwhile, spa owner Yuri Vlaovic meets with dance instructor Yitzi, who is helping him blackmail a US senator ...


INT. THE INTERNATIONAL - BREAK ROOM - DAY
Summer and Lindsey huddle
around the coffee maker
in the kitchenette area.

Summer looks spooked.
Lindsey, in shock.

SUMMER
Nice to meet you, too -- I --

LINDSEY
Are you okay?

SUMMER
I should be asking you --

LINDSEY
Yeah.

SUMMER
Are you -- okay?

LINDSEY
The crusty old fuck
croaked on my watch.
I’m not okay.
(beat)
I’ll be okay.
(beat)
It was fucking scary.

SUMMER
Yeah.

LINDSEY
Welcome to the
house of hand release.
How you like it so far?

SUMMER
The jury’s still out.
I haven’t had a client yet.
I had the --
instructional massage from --

LINDSEY
Ayanna?
The queen of pain?
(off Summer’s nod)
Stay away from her.
She’s a mess.
Descended from royalty,
stripped of her trust fund,
she’s a party girl
going straight to hell.
I wouldn’t trust her
with a used tampon.

AYANNA (O.C.)
He was so fucking huge,
it took FOUR men
to carry the stretcher. T
hey shoulda had one of those
signs that said ‘double wide.’

REVEAL Ayanna. Laughing.
Catalina trailing behind her.

CATALINA
You’re terrible.
He might die.

AYANNA
That’s why they call it
‘dead weight.’

LINDSEY
Well, at least he went out
with a smile on his face.

CATALINA
(to Summer)
You must be Summer.
Hi. I’m Catalina.

SUMMER
Like the dressing. Hi.

CATALINA
The dressing?
What dressing?

SUMMER
When I was a kid,
my favorite salad
dressing was ‘Catalina,’
a sickenly sweet French dressing --
it was a bright red that
doesn’t exist in nature.
I eventually outgrew it.

AYANNA
Well, look who’s
all bubbly and shit
with the childhood reminiscences.

ETYA (O.S.)
Girls.
There you are.

ETYA
marches into the room.
Imperious.

ETYA (CONT’D)
That vas quite the commotion.
I’m glad you are taking
little break and recovering.
Female bonding and sharing
of life experiences.
Ah, the sisterhood.
Kind of like ‘The View,’ no?
And Summer is new co-host.
(looks at watch)
Okay, break time over.
Go see Reynolds for
next appointments.
(to Summer)
Ms. Donovan, I need
to speak to you alone.

The other girls leave.
Etya’s eyes glint with lust.

SUMMER
Did I do something wrong?

ETYA
(walks over to her)
Of course not,
my little tikva.
I just wanted to prep you
for your first client.

SUMMER
P-prep me?

Etya puts her hands
on Summer’s shoulders.

ETYA
He will have his
own security with him --

SUMMER
His own security?

Etya leans closer.
A wolf ready to pounce.

ETYA
Ja.
The Secret Service.

SUMMER
The Secret Service?
But that’s for --

PUSH IN ON Summer.
Pulling away.
Realizing the implications.

EXT. DANCE STUDIO - AT THAT MOMENT
A run-down looking studio
on the ground floor in the
cheap seats side of town.

A large hand-painted sign reads
‘Yitzi’s Dancing Academy.
Let me take you to the stars.’

INT. YITZI’S STUDIO - CONTINUOUS
Xavier Cugat’s bizarre cha-cha-cha
cover of GOLDFINGER over --

A large dance floor.
Mirrors everywhere.
Flashing lights.

The obligatory disco ball.
Joint deserted.
Except for --

YURI
doing a wicked tango
with YITZI (50’s).

Former knockout.
Now knocked around a bit.

But still Eastern Europe’s
answer to Ginger Rogers.

She STOMPS her
cha-cha heels. TWIRLS --

And her left cone-missile
JABS Yuri in the shoulder.

YURI
Vatch it, doll-face.
You have license for that?

YITZI
License to carry.

YURI
License to kill
is more like it.

They tango across
the dance floor.

YURI (CONT’D)
We on for payoff?

YITZI
Is ready.
He said to be at
reflecting pool near
Vashington Monument at midnight.

YURI
You’re giving me monument in pants.
Why the cloak-and-dagger-stuff?
Can’t we just meet in bar over wodka?

YITZI
You’re fucking blackmailing him.
Vat do you expect?

YURI
Fucking crooked government official.
Can’t have drink with comrade,
not sure I trust him.

YITZI
I can think of one hundred thousand
reasons why you should trust him.
(beat)
And I took the pictures --

YURI
Don’t worry.
You’ll get your ten percent.

She reaches down and
GRABS Yuri by the balls.

YURI (CONT’D)
Ow! Hey!

YITZI
I know that.
And is now TWENTY percent.
(lets go, CLAPS loudly)
Okay!
Is time for Mambo!