A Happy Ending

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 3 of FULL BODY, elite 'masseuse' Lindsay Lett services The Speaker Of The House until he 'reaches liftoff.' Meanwhile, wannabe singer Summer Donovan has a job interview with Croatian lesbian manager Etya Vlaovic, but is a bit taken aback when she finds out that more than the masseuse job is open ...


INT. BLUE MASSAGE SUITE - DAY
Dookie’s about ready for lift-off.
So is his propeller beanie.

From behind, we see Lindsey
kneading his doughy flesh.

One hand works its magic.
Up and down.
Up and down.

The other, his chest.
Long, blonde hair brushes him.

Back and forth.
Back and forth.

Sensual.
Mechanical.

DOOKIE
God, yes.
Sis boom bah -- uhhhhh --
uh, that’s so good.

LINDSEY
Such a good boy, so good --

DOOKIE
Ahhhhhhh -- ahhhhhhh --

EXT. DC LOFT DISTRICT - AT THAT MOMENT
Summer pulls her Jeep up to
what looks like a loading dock.

Faded letters above on the brick
read INTERNATIONAL SHIPPING.

INT. JEEP - CONTINUOUS
She looks at the address
scrawled on a slip of paper.

SUMMER
This is the right address --

INT. BLUE MASSAGE SUITE - AT THAT MOMENT
Dookie reaches an ear-splitting CLIMAX.

DOOKIE
Sweet Mother Mary of
CHRIST FUCK ME JESUS!
ARRRRGGGHHHHH!

Lindsey deftly feints
to the left, as --

IN SLOW MOTION
Dookie’s LOAD flies across the room --
And hits the wall -- SPLAT.

DOOKIE (O.C.) (CONT'D)
Go, TEAM!
Two POINTS!

THE CONGRESSMAN
lies back.
Closes his eyes.

DOOKIE (CONT’D)
Goddamit.
I haven’t come like that
since I was pup.

LINDSEY
That’s why we’re the best,
Mr. Speaker Of The House.
Now hop in the shower.
I gotta clean up,
and YOU have an
appropriations bill to introduce.

DOOKIE
(eyes fly open)
Shit.
You had to remind me of that --

INT. RECEPTION AREA - AT THAT MOMENT
Chrome and glass outta Architectural Digest.
Tiki bar with lava lamps.

A BREATHLESS poster.
Strange plants.

Summer sits on an outrageous couch.
Soaks it all in.

Nearby, behind a desk,
sits REYNOLDS TAN, (24)
tightly-wrapped temptress
in blonde leather.

Amerasian lips curled in
a self-satisfied sneer.

Aware of her impact.
Works it.

She touches her headset.
Listens. Looks at Summer.

REYNOLDS
You can go in now, Ms. Donovan.
She’s ready for you.
(bitchy)
Smart suit.

SUMMER
(doesn’t get it)
Super.
Th-thanks.

CAMERA follows Summer walk
to a connecting door.

We see the grease stain
on her rear end.

Tissue on the back
of her knee.

INT. ETYA’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
The roiling, syncopated Croatian beat
of Lana’s breathy, siren song I RAZLOG over --

Summer. Standing in the doorway.
Coy. Expectant.

SUMMER
Hi, I’m --
(beat)
Summer.

ETYA
You certainly are.
Please, come in. Sit.
Make yourself at home.

Summer goes to the chair
opposite Etya’s desk.
Primly sits.

ETYA (CONT’D)
Would you like some vater,
a soft drink?

SUMMER
No, thanks.
I’m fine.

ETYA
So tell me why you wish
employment in establishment
such as this.

SUMMER
Well, I’m an artist, a, a --
singer, actually, and I’ve heard
that the schedule is flexible.

ETYA
Yes, it is.
And so are the girls.
(laughs)
I’m sorry.
I make joke.
Cannot resist.
I’m how you say,
a bit of a bon vivant.

Etya’s eyes devour Summer.
Licking their chops. Waiting.

SUMMER
Oh. And, well -- I’ve heard
the money is really good.

ETYA
It is, yes.
But you have to be villing to,
how you say, do certain things.
We offer more than just
spa and massage.

SUMMER
What kind of -- things?

ETYA
You seem like smart girl.
I’ll be blunt.
The gentlemen that come here e
xpect full release, a --
‘happy ending’ as you call it.

SUMMER
But that’s it, right?
We don’t have to --

ETYA
NO. No sex!
The girls are NOT
allowed to have oral,
anal or vaginal contact.
No intercourse, no blow job.
Anyone caught doing that
is terminated IMMEDIATELY.

SUMMER
Okay --

ETYA
Now, you can negotiate
‘extras,’ for tips.
You take top off, fifty bucks.
Squeeze boob, another fifty.
You do role play,
say man wants to be humiliated.
Wear pumps. Whatever.
Is extra money for you.
(meaningfully)
Smart girl can clean up.

Summer thinks it over.
Nods slowly.

ETYA (CONT’D)
You have any questions?

SUMMER
Yeah.
(beat)
When can I start?