Monday, April 21, 2014

Funeral Parlor Games


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 11 of FULL BODY, Croatian massage spa manager Etya Vlaovic gets a phone call from her mother Mavra informing her that she's going to assassinate her father. The problem is, Etya attended Mavra's funeral, and is now more than a little freaked out to find out she's 'back from the dead' ...


INT. THE INTERNATIONAL - ETYA’S OFFICE - NIGHT
The empress of the damned
reviews the books.

Picks up a bottle of vodka.
Pours a shot.
Slugs it down.

ETYA
This place is cash cow.
One hundred fifty-thousand per week.
(pours shot, raises it)
Capitalism -- the God I pray to.

Knocks it back.
She dabs her mouth
with a sleeve.

Rubs her hands together.
Goes to the safe.

Starts working the dial.
The door CLICKS.

Opens.

Etya pulls out a
banded wad of hundreds.

Stuffs it in her pocket.
The phone RINGS.

ETYA
Ach.

She closes the safe.
THUNK.

Goes to the phone.
Picks up. Listens.

Her eyes bug.
Face turns white.

ETYA
Is not possible!
You are dead!
(listens)
Who is this?
Tell me!
(listens)
But we buried you -- we --
(listens)
I’m not afraid of you!
You can go fuck yourself!

Etya SLAMS down the phone.
Starts pacing. Freaked.

ETYA
Is not possible --
I kiss her goodbye --
close lid --
is like magic trick --

She goes to the desk.
GRABS the bottle.

Takes a big chug.
PUNCHES numbers on the phone.

INTERCUT WITH:

EXT. WASHINGTON MONUMENT - REFLECTING POOL - NIGHT
Yuri sits on a bench.

Squinting, trying to
read a newspaper
in the dim light
of a street lamp.

A COUPLE passes by.
Yuri lowers the paper.
Watches them.

YURI
To be young
and have horniness.

He pulls out a bag
from his coat pocket.

Fishes out a heel
of dark bread.

Breaks off a piece
with his teeth.
Chews.

A MOUSE jumps up on the bench.
Whiskers sniffing.

YURI
Hello, little fella.
You hungry?

He breaks off
a small piece.

The mouse rears up
on his hind legs.

Yuri gives it to him.
Rapid-fire CHEWING.
Gulp.

YURI
Is good, no?
Croatian peasant bread.
Oats and barley.
A few nuts.
Is good for long winter.
And bowel movement.

Yuri gives him another piece.
Smiles, childlike.

YURI
You are cute little fella.
I call you -- Oogie.

A RINGING in his pocket.
He fishes out his cell.

SNAPS it open.
Listens --

ETYA
Poppa, she’s ALIVE.
Mavra is ALIVE.
She called me --

YURI
Is not possible,
we BURIED her.

ETYA
I know that, but body
must be switched
at last moment.
How else do you explain?

YURI
I don’t know.
(scared)
What did she
say to you?

ETYA
She said she was
going to -- kill you.

YURI
But she always said that.
What make you think
it different now?

ETYA
I don’t know --
maybe she knows
you tried to POISON her?

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