From Brassiere To Eternity

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 17 of FULL BODY, French/African gazelle Ayanna Prouxl and Portuguese delight Catalina Gil get 'up close and personal,' much to the delight of the Surgeon General. Meanwhile, security guard Rod Katz, after getting busted by undercover agent Reynolds Tan for secretly videotaping the girls' massage sessions, comes up with a dastardly plan to get rid of her ...


INT. RED MASSAGE SUITE - NIGHT
Ayanna does a little dance.
Sipping champagne.

Chick does a strange shuffle.
Puffs on a joint. Passes it.

AYANNA
Thanks.
You’re not so bad
for an old geezer --

CHICK
Geezer?
Why, I’ll have you know
I won the Cha-cha contest
at the Brown Derby in ‘46.
Used to be quite the hoofer,
if you must know --

The door opens.
In comes Catalina.

All smiles.
Then smells --

CATALINA
You’re smoking marijuana?

CHICK
Don’t be alarmed.
I slipped the security lad a C-note.
We could kill someone in here
for all he cares.

Chick takes the joint from Ayanna.
Another toke.

CATALINA
So what’s your pleasure, doctor?

CHICK
My pleasure is --
(nods at Ayanna)
Her pleasure.
It seems my friend here
has quite a hankering for you --

CATALINA
(stares at Ayanna)
A hankering -- for me?

AYANNA
Sur-priii-ise.

CHICK
And I thought it would
be fun if you two --
made whoopee --
while I watched.

CATALINA
Make -- whoopee?

CHICK
(hands her a roll of bills)
One thousand reasons to say yes.

Catalina stares at the wad.
Eyes wide. Nods.

Ayanna entwines her arms
around the gazelle.
Eyes druggy slits.

AYANNA
Come on, don’t tell me --
you never thought about it.

CATALINA
(blushes, whispers)
Actually, I, I -- have.

Ayanna picks Catalina up.
Carries her to the table.

Gently lies her down.
Slides on top.
Starts caressing her.

Chick’s eyes grow
wide with wonder.
He sits.

Slides a hand into
the folds of his robe.

Starts working it.
In ecstacy.

Catalina moans.
Starts KISSING Ayanna.
Which inflames her.

She slowly puts her hand
up Catalina’s skirt.

CHICK
Suffering succotash!
Not now! Not yet! I -

Chick’s body JERKS.
He lets out a weird,
high-pitched YIP.

Stops.
Eyes go glassy.

The girls keep going at it.
Hot and heavy. Oblivious.

INT. SECURITY WATCH ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Rod watches on a monitor.
Face red.
He POUNDS the console.

ROD
Goddamn fucking dyke --
this woulda out-sold
fucking Paris Hilton
and Pamela Anderson COMBINED.

He picks up the phone.
Dials. Listens.

ROD
Henry?

SPLIT SCREEN WITH:

INT. LOFT - AT THAT MOMENT
Dark, cavernous.
Windows blacked out.

Banks of computers.
Video game consoles.

Porno movie posters.
A gamer’s lair.

HIROKU TAKEO (27), heavyset
with a giant, round head,
geek extraordinaire,
slurps noodles.

Speaks into his headset.

HIROKU
Hiroku, asshole.
What’s up?

ROD
Why can’t I just
call you Henry?

HIROKU
Because THAT’S NOT MY NAME.
(beat)
What -- do -- you -- want, ROD.
(low, to himself)
Retard --

ROD
Okay, lookit.
We got trouble.
I got busted today --

HIROKU
The cops?
The fucking cops?

ROD
No, worse.
A -- Federal agent.

HIROKU
You fucking inbred IDIOT.

ROD
Hey now, calm down --
she was undercover, HERE --
how was I supposed to know?
And now she says I gotta
help her bring the place down --
or else it’s my ass in a sling.

Hiroku smiles.
Piggy eyes pondering.

ROD
Hen -- Hi-row-koo?
You still there?

HIROKU
Interesting visual image.
Limited market, but it
might be worth exploring.

ROD
So whadda we gonna do?

HIROKU
We make her -- go away.

ROD
So you’ll -- make the flight plans?

HIROKU
Yes.
(eyes light up)
I just had a brilliant idea.

ROD
What.

He SLURPS a long, fat noodle.

HIROKU
We videotape it.

PUSH IN ON Rod’s face.
Greedy eyes darting.