From Croatia, With Love

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 2 of FULL BODY, model Summer Donovan drives to her big job interview at The International, DC's most exclusive, upscale massage joint. Meanwhile, in The International's inner sanctum, owner/Croatian mobster Yuri Vlaovic hands over the reins to his lesbian daugher Etya with a stern warning not to 'sample the merchandise' ...


INT./EXT. SUMMER’S CAR - MOVING - DAY
The childlike whipped-trance femme-pop
of Groove Coverage’s GOD IS A GIRL
on the car stereo.

Summer shimmies in her seat.

SUMMER
(sings)
'God is a girl,
wherever you are,
do you believe it,
can you receive it -- '

Reaches over.
Pulls a greasy cheeseburger
out of a bag.

Takes a big bite.
Savors it.

SUMMER (CONT'D)
Ummmm --

Another, bigger bite.
But it’s too much.

A wedge of meat,
sauce and sloppy bun
PLOPS on her lap.

She looks --

SUMMER (CONT’D)
Oh, no!

She SWERVES the car
to the curb.
A car HONKS.

FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
Stupid CUNT!

SUMMER
(out the window)
Georgetown WHORE!

Summer gingerly pulls
the food off her suede skirt.

FLIPS it out the window.
Surveys the damage.

SUMMER (CONT’D)
What am I going to do?

INT. THE INTERNATIONAL - FRONT OFFICE - AT THAT MOMENT
The liquid, bubbling dub beats
of Thievery Corporation’s
2001 SPLIFF ODYSSEY over --

Very uptown.
Tres Trump-gaudy.
Is that a real Picasso?

The door OPENS.
In walks --

YURI VLAOVIC (50’s),
a squat tree-trunk
of Croatian muscle.

Top of the organized crime
food chain.

Tries for cultured.
But still street.
Cobblestone.

YURI
And this is inner sanctum --

Following behind him
is his daughter,
ETYA (late 20’s).

Raven-tressed.
Skintight Gautier.

Lean. Lithe. Luscious.
And lesbian.

ETYA
Is nice.
Wery nice.

She walks over to a bank
of video monitors.

Watches a session in progress.
We see Lindsey start to
work on Dookie’s dookie.

YURI
You have security on call,
twenty-four-seven.
You have problem,
you call them.
No funny business.
I don’t want repeat
of thing in Zagreb.

ETYA
Hey.
The deal vent bad.
I’m supposed to walk away
empty-handed?

YURI
You cut off his fucking hand!
If this going to work,
you gotta play by rules.
After shit that went down
with last cooze,
I can’t trust nobody.

ETYA
You can trust me, Poppa.
I make you proud.
Come. Give me hug.

She raises her arms.
A flash of chrome
in her waistband.

YURI
You’re becoming too Americanized.
A Vlaovic DOES NOT HUG.
And gimmee your piece.
We got all kindsa government
people that come here,
and I don’t need
illegal weapons beef.

ETYA
But Momma’s gun is legal.
No?

YURI
You have my WIFE’S GUN?
What the fuck?
I thought she was
buried with that --

ETYA
Open-casket ceremony,
I was emotional, I, I --
couldn’t help myself --

BUZZ.

FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
Yuri, Etya.
Your nine-o’clock is here.

YURI
Okay, okay -- give us a sec.
Hold onto mammary glands.
(to Etya)
Okay. Now.
You’re gonna interview girl.
And no funny business, got it?
No sniffin’ round merchandise.

ETYA
(big grin)
Of course.
I am professional, Poppa.
I use -- restraint.

YURI
That’s what I’m afraid of --