Poop Deck

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 10 of THE INVISIBLE GIRL, overweight teen Bettie Bee and her hefty BFF Lonny Schmerzler arrive at Ready Hand's house, one of the 'popular kids' who cyber-bullied her, with a view to get revenge on him with super glue, laxatives ... and a video camera ...


EXT. SUBURBAN STREET - NIGHT
A row of identical McMansions,
each a different flavor.

Beemers, Benzes and Bentleys
dot the driveways.

A Toyota Prius pulls in front of one.
A blight on the landscape.

INT. TOYOTA PRIUS - NIGHT
Lonny sits behind the wheel,
belly pressed against it.

He looks to his right,
even though he can’t see Bettie.

LONNY
This is it. Fifty-two-eighteen.

BETTIE (V.O.)
Thanks again for the lift, Lonny.

LONNY
No worries. Like I said,
my dad’s out of town.
You got the glue?

BETTIE (V.O.)
Yep. Check it out --

A SMALL BAG rises up from the seat.
A tube of epoxy FLIES UP into the air.

LONNY
Nice.

BETTIE (V.O.)
Got it from my dad’s
workbench in the garage.
Takes about ten minutes to dry.

The tube goes back into the bag.
A SMART PHONE then comes out.
Floats in the air.

BETTIE (V.O.)
And then I VIDEOTAPE the jackass.

LONNY
How are you going to
get him to take a crap?

A bottle of liquid laxative
pops out of the bag --

BETTIE (V.O.)
Lemon-fresh.
(beat)
Keep your shit moving.

And then goes back in.

LONNY
That’s positively EVIL.
(beat)
I love it.

The passenger-side door OPENS --

BETTIE (V.O.)
Wish me luck.

LONNY
Luck. I’ll be waiting.

BETTIE (V.O.)
Back in a few --

And then CLOSES.

EXT. MCMANSION - NIGHT
Beautifully lit with floodlights.
All the better to show off your wealth.
We hear FOOTSTEPS going up the driveway.

See the small bag floating
in the air along with it.

EXT. MCMANSION - REAR ENTRANCE - NIGHT
More FOOTSTEPS on the path
up to the back door. They stop.

CLOSE ON --
The door knob. It slowly turns. CLICK.

THE DOOR
Slowly OPENS a crack.

INT. MCMANSION - KITCHEN - NIGHT
Empty. Lights out.
The door opens all the way.
Then softly closes with a CLICK.

The bag FLIES into the room.
Soft FOOTSTEPS slap across
the marble floor. Head over to --

INT. FIRST FLOOR BATHROOM - NIGHT
The bag FLOATS into the room.
Approaches the toilet.
The lid LIFTS OPEN.

The tube of epoxy
comes out of the bag.

Goes to the toilet seat.
Applies a ring of glue around it.

INT. MCMANSION LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
A giant airbrushed room
with giant furniture.

Expensive. Impressive.
Nothing about it says ‘home.’

Ready Hand is slouched on the sofa
watching a ball game on TV.

His eyes go back and forth
from the TV to his smart phone.

READY
(at the phone)
Becky Beckworth POKED me. NICE.

His thumbs furiously text
a message on the screen.

READY
Poke THIS, Becky --

The bag slowly comes into the room.
Then goes down low.

Heads over toward the couch,
then disappears behind it.

Ready grabs his can of beer
off the coffee table.

Takes a chug. Puts it back.
Then gets up.

READY
Gotta take a piss --

He pads out of the room.
Keeping an eye on the TV.

READY
(as he leaves)
C’mon, BEAVERS --

The laxative bottle appears
from behind the couch.

FLOATS over to the beer.
The cap TWISTS off.

The bottle inverts, and
POURS A STREAM OF LIQUID
into the can.

The cap FLIPS back on,
and the bottle FLIES
back behind the couch.

Ready walks back in.
Sits. Looks at the TV.

READY
Aw, C’MON, coach --

He grabs the can.
Takes another chug.

Swallows. Looks at it.
Makes a face. We hear CHEERING.
Ready looks. PUMPS a fist.

READY
GO, GO, GO -- YES.

He grabs his phone.
Looks at the screen.

READY
Oh, shit. Pictures of
Muffin’s pool party. NICE.

Ready turns his head.
His eyes scrunch up.

READY
Oh, shit.

He LEAPS up off the sofa.
RUNS out of the room --