Friday, July 22, 2016
Here's Mud In Your Eye
Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.
In Chapter 15 of THE INVISIBLE GIRL, now that they can't see her, overweight teen Bettie Bee gets another round of revenge in the high school cafeteria ... by tarring and feathering one of her bullies ...
INT. LONNY’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Lonny sits at his desk,
staring at the computer screen.
Bettie’s can of soda floats
in the air next to him.
Ohmigod, look at all the COMMENTS.
Over a thousand hits in FIVE MINUTES.
So what do you want to do now?
I’m tired. I’m gonna go down
to the fort and get some sleep.
Start thinking about
who I’m gonna get NEXT.
You can stay in the house
if you want to. My dad won’t
be back for a few days.
Yeah. You can stay in the guest room.
Wow. I don’t know what to say.
I say we should go fix ourselves
a MIDNIGHT SNACK.
Lonny JERKS back and forth in his chair.
What’s the matter?
Ain’t no one ever gave you a hug before?
It just -- surprised me.
You’re such a good friend, Lonny.
I love you so much.
PUSH IN ON Lonny.
Eyes wide as saucers.
I -- love you, too.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL CAFETERIA - DAY
The popular kids sit together,
eating, chattering away.
Brad and Muffin sit at each
end of the table, holding court.
I don’t know about the rest of you,
but I’m GNARLY disappointed
that Ready didn’t show up today.
I was really looking forward to
razzing the SHIT out of him.
Fucking pussy. I always thought
he was a bit of a turd-burglar.
YOU’RE dating him, Gretch. Spill it.
Could Ready whip your gash into overdrive?
Or did he take you down to limp dick city
where the ass is green
and the chicks are clitty?
That’s for me to know, and you
to blow out your hole. We’re SO over.
What I wanna know is who made the video.
It wasn’t one of us.
We gotta find out. That was WAY fierce.
I liked the part where his
face smashes into the mirror.
FEMALE VOICE (V.O.)
Well if this isn’t a fine-looking group
of fresh-scrubbed, suburban Caucasians.
Mind if I pull up a nut-log?
Standing before them with her tray.
There she is. I THOUGHT we were
running low on brown sugar.
Why don’t you go the turd’s room
and pleasure yourself, Monstie.
After all, it’s sex with the one you love.
Love to. Could you stand just like that
another second while your visual image
is burned into my masturbation catalog?
She looks down.
CLOSE ON --
Her shoes. The laces UNTIE each other,
then magically start tying themselves
together into knots.
Eyes grow wide.
Who’s doing that?
Something YANKS on her hair.
A big, long chunk on the side
RIPS off. She SCREAMS.
OW! My EXTENSIONS --
A chunk on the other side RIPS off.
OW, STOP IT. Who’s DOING that?
(low, weird voice)
You shouldn’t have bought your hair
at the MALL, bitch.
What the FUCK?
Emerald’s skirt gets YANKED
down around her ankles.
I see London, I see France --
HEY. What are you DOING?
I see Emerald’s boobies DANCE.
The buttons on her blouse go FLYING.
It RIPS open, exposing her bra.
She DROPS her tray.
It hits the floor, CLANG.
Drake nudges Bert. Winks.
He smiles. Nods back.
Emerald gets SHOVED. She HITS the floor.
It’s a floor wax AND a desert topping.
Wh-who ARE you? What do you WANT?
ACROSS THE ROOM
Lonny hides behind a big trash can
next to a cart with a pair of buckets on it.
He SHOVES IT toward them.
FLIES across the room.
Comes to a stop in front of Emerald.
One of the buckets lifts up in the air --
Here’s MUD in your eye --
And dumps a load of BLACK TAR all over her.
Emerald writhes around on the floor,
cries out in pain.
Everyone in the cafeteria
stares in horror.
The other bucket FLIES UP --
and dumps a load of FEATHERS on her.
They stick all over her body.
She curls up into a ball and starts WAILING.
What are you DOING TO ME?
It’s called revenge, Tar-Baby.
Not so FUNNY when it happens to YOU, huh?
The rest of you WATCH OUT --
because one of you is NEXT.
Loud FOOTSTEPS run out of the room.
The door SLAMS.
That voice. It was familiar.
Yeah, it sounded kinda like --
They look at each other. Realize.