Homeland Security

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In Chapter 7 of THE INVISIBLE GIRL, Bernard is horrified to discover that Bettie mistakenly drank his invisibility potion, and is now missing. Meanwhile, at Bettie's high school, the popular kids meet to decide on the theme of the prom ... and decide on Carrie ... starring Bettie ...


INT. BETTIE’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
Bernard walks in the door.
Puts his briefcase down.

Goes to the fridge.
Looks for the soda bottle.
Doesn’t find it.

BERNARD
I shouldn’t have taken it from the lab.
(sighs)
So much for ‘homeland security.’

He sees the empty soda bottle
on the counter. GASPS.
Picks it up. Sniffs it.

BERNARD
Bettie.

His face goes white.
Goes to the phone on the wall.

Picks up the receiver.
Dials a number. Listens.

BERNARD
Yes, my daughter’s missing.
She’s disappeared.
(listens)
Bettie. Bettie Bee.
(listens)
Bernard. Her father.
(listens)
Well, that’s the tricky part.
You see, she’s become invisible --

INT. CLASSROOM - DAY
An otherwise empty classroom is now
filled with all the ‘cool’ kids.

The blackboard reads PROM COMMITTEE.
Muffin Heather and Brad Stifle
lean against the teacher’s desk.

MUFFIN
It’s just a few days until prom, people --
and we still don’t have a THEME.

BRAD
Anybody have any ideas?

DRAKE MONSTERBURG (16), small and squirrely,
the class clown, smiles mischievously.
Chuckles to himself.

DRAKE
I say we go full-Animal House.
All we gotta do is get a keg
and wear togas.

BERT
TOGA.

DRAKE
Or, if that’s too sophomoric,
how about The War On Drugs,
and we all get REALLY wasted?

MUFFIN
I’m SO sure that would go over
just GREAT with Principal Chubb, Drake.
(to the group)
C’mon, kids -- fire those synapses.

BERT
How about The Lord Of The Rings?
We could recreate The Shire in the gym.
Do the Misty Mountain Hop. Serve MEAD --

MUFFIN
Sorry, Dungeon Master.
Be still, my hairy feet.
What do you think we are,
a bunch of Comic-Conheads?
Prom is a dragon-free zone. NEXT.

Whit Wiggins raises his hand. Eager.

WHIT
What about an eighties theme?
could play all that great
music from John Hughes’ movies.
Like the prom scene in Pretty In Pink --
(sings)
'I touch you once, I touch you twice,
I won’t let go at any price -- '

BERT
(chortles)
Don’t ask, don’t SMELL, anyone?

MUFFIN
Shut up, Bert.
That’s actually not a bad idea.
GLBT awareness is NOT
something to sniff at.

GRETCHEN
How about like, Ingmar Bergman?
We could so totally have awesome
tableaus from all his great films --
Cries and Whispers, The Seventh Seal,
Wild Strawberries --

MUFFIN
Hold your four horsemen,
Pippi Longstocking.
Slit your wrists much?
(beat)
C’mon, people. Anyone else?

EMERALD
How about some kind of
-- horror theme?

RONNIE
Ooh, yeah.
I LOVE horror movies.

READY
Maybe a zombie theme?
Twenty-eight Proms Later.

BERT
Night of the living TUX.

MUFFIN
Ohmigod. I’ve GOT it.
How about Carrie?

It was on TV last night.
That scene at the end where
they dump pig’s blood all over her?
(beat)
Now THAT’S a prom.

A pin drops.
Everyone looks at each other. Excited.

TILA
So who’s our Carrie?

MUFFIN
Konichiwa, Ms. Roboto.
How about -- Bettie?

RONNIE
Ohmigod. That’s genius.

MUFFIN
Hey. How do you think I
to be most popular?
My good looks?
(beat)
Wait a minute.
Don’t answer that --