A Better Mousetrap

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 17 of THE INVISIBLE GIRL, Bettie's scientist father Bernard discovers that the rabbit he gave his invisibility serum to is now having violent side effects, which means Bettie will start having them, too. Meanwhile, the popular kids that Bettie got revenge on for bullying her are now plotting how to get back at her ...


INT. BETTIE’S HOUSE - STUDY - DAY
The door opens. Bernard walks in.
Looks at the rabbit cage on his desk.

It’s SHAKING VIOLENTLY.
He walks up to it. Staring.

BERNARD
Bugs. What’s wrong?
Are you okay?

He pulls a LARGE CARROT
out of his pocket.

Sticks it through the bars of the cage.
It’s immediately eaten in a BUZZSAW SPRAY
OF VIOLENT CHOMPING. He BURPS.

BERNARD
Ah. You were HUNGRY.
(looks more closely)
And you need more WATER.

He opens the door to the cage.
Sticks his hand in --

and gets BITTEN.
YANKS his hand out.

BERNARD
OW. BUGS.

We hear a SNARLING noise.
Bernard SLAMS the cage door closed.
Holds up his bleeding hand.

BERNARD
I better get this cleaned and dressed.
(at Bugs)
I’m so sorry, my little friend.
I promise you we’ll get
to the bottom of this.

The cage starts SHAKING VIOLENTLY.

INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIA - DAY
The popular kids sit at their
usual table eating lunch.

Emerald’s hair is now much shorter.
She seems quiet. Subdued.

BRAD
What a LOSER.

MUFFIN
I know.
He didn’t have to get
all Sylvia Plath on us.

GRETCHEN
You guys see that story on the news
awhile ago about that gay dude
who like jumped off a bridge?

WHIT
You mean the one where
the roommate live video streamed
him kissing another dude?

RONNIE
Yeah, I saw that.
The roommate got suspended,
and now he’s going to jail --

EMERALD
Good. I’m GLAD.
People who do shit like that
should be PUNISHED.

MUFFIN
Speaking of which, that brings us
to our next hot topic --

BRAD
The invisible Bettie Bee.
What are we going to do about her?

WHIT
Maybe we could --
lay some kind of trap?

TILA
Like what?
Get a giant mousetrap
and put a pizza on it?

DRAKE
Guys. You’re forgetting. The PROM.
CARRIE? Hello? Sissy Space-out much?

BRAD
Shit, that’s right.
if we throw a bucket
of pig’s blood on her,
we’ll be able to SEE her.

MUFFIN
Two snaps for Brad and Drake.
So now we just need to figure out
a way to get her to come --
and then FRY her fat ass.

RONNIE
You guys are forgetting something.
(off their looks)
It’s still a couple days until prom --
and I’ve got a funny feeling
she’s gonna be coming after us --
like she did Emerald.

BRAD
Then we pair up.
Watch each other’s backs.

MUFFIN
Super. Brad and me will stay together.

BRAD
(takes her hand, kisses it)
But of course.

GRETCHEN
And I’ll stick with Emerald.

Emerald Nods.

RONNIE
And I’ll hang with Tila.

Tila smiles. Gives a thumbs-up.

BERT
So what about me, Whit and Drake?

DRAKE
No worries.
You two lovebirds can
chill with each other.
I’ll be fine by myself.

BRAD
You sure about that?

Drake pulls out a VINTAGE HANDGUN.
Places it on the table.

DRAKE
Ask yourself, punk --
do you feel LUCKY?