Dancing With The Farts

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In Chapter 14 of THE INVISIBLE GIRL, popular girls Emerald, Muffin, Tila and Ronnie chortle over the viral video of Ready's crazy-glued diarhea attack. Meanwhile, Ready finds out about his online infamy and freaks out ...


INT. EMERALD’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
A riot of cute in a sea of pink.
Emerald, Ronnie and Tila sit
on the bed with their textbooks.

Ronnie and Tila stare at a smart phone
with shit-eating grins on their faces.

EMERALD
(on the phone)
TELL me about it.
He was running around like a
chicken with his DICK cut off --

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. MUFFIN’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Muffin paces the room excitedly.

MUFFIN
Total lesbro. Hello?
(SNORTS)
Brad said we gotta
find out who shot it.
Imagine the hijinx we
could pull with BETTIE?

EMERALD
Soil my Abercrombie’s much?
Let me see what Ronnie and Tila think.

MUFFIN
What, it’s United Colors of Benetton
night and I wasn’t invited?

EMERALD
We’re cramming for the French exam.
You’re taking Spanish.

MUFFIN
Fist me with a chalupa.
See you in teenage hell.

EMERALD
Totally.

MUFFIN
It’s been huge.

EMERALD
What?

MUFFIN
It’s been huge.

EMERALD
Paris Hilton called.
She wants her banality back.

MUFFIN
Eat my thong. If it weren’t for me,
you’d still be slinging dollar menu
dreams to Rosa Parks in the hood.

Pause.

EMERALD
LOL! Long and hard. LMFAO.
(off her silence)
Hello?
(beat)
Muffin? You there?
(beat)
BFF?

MUFFIN
Uh -- BRB with you on that.

EMERALD
Muffin, PLEASE.
I was out of line.
I’m like, SO sorry.
It’s the hardest word.
I’d just DIE if you fired me.

MUFFIN
Got YOU good. Sleep tight,
caramel goddess of vaginal delights.
See you tomorrow in the stirrups.

She hangs up.
Emerald stares at her phone.

EMERALD
As IF.

INT. READY’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Your typical jock’s room.
Posters of sports teams, athletes.

Manly rock bands. And, hey -
what a cool Budweiser neon sign.

Ready walks in gingerly, his ass
still hurting from his
trip to the emergency room.

Carries an almost
empty bottle of booze.

Takes another swig.
Trying to numb the pain.

He grabs a pillow off the bed.
it on the chair in front of his desk.

Carefully sits down.
Boots up his computer.

Starts checking his email.
He GASPS. Face turns white.

READY
What the FUCK?

He CLICKS onto --

THE MYTUBE WEBSITE
Where we see the video of him
stuck to the toilet seat.

READY (V.O.) (
Oh, NO.

READY
Starts reading the comments underneath.

READY
Shit. Everybody’s seen it --
(reads)
Dancing With The Turds?
(reads)
The Fart Of WAR?
(reads)
Cheekly World News?
(reads)
The Ex-Lax Factor?
(reads)
Sphincter in the grass?
(reads)
Break-wind FOUNTAIN?

He SLAPS his smart phone closed. Crushed.

READY
My life is RUINED --
(thinks)
I can’t show my face again.
I’m the laughingstock
of the whole SCHOOL.

Ready puts his head in his hands.
Stifles a sob. Gets up.

Trudges over to the closet.
Pulls out a bunch of ties.

Goes over to the bed. Sits.
Starts tying them together --