The Fat And The Furious

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 19 of THE INVISIBLE GIRL, Bettie terrorizes Drake, one of the popular kids that bullied her, by taking control of his car as he's driving it and taking him on a one-way trip to hell ...


INT. DRAKE’S GARAGE - NIGHT
A vintage Mustang convertible
with the top down.

The passenger door OPENS.
We see an indentation in the seat.

It’s Bettie.
The door quietly closes, CLICK.

BETTIE (V.O.)
(whispers)
The fat and the FURIOUS --

She CHUCKLES, low, evil.

ACROSS THE STREET
Lonny hides behind a row of hedges
with his video camera.

IN THE GARAGE
A door in the rear OPENS.
Drake walks in. Closes it behind him.

Goes over the car. Gets in. SLAMS the door.
Puts the keys in the ignition. Starts it.

Thinks a moment.
Pulls the gun out from his waistband.
Leans over, puts it in glove compartment.

DRAKE
Be just my luck to get pulled over.

He hits the garage door opener
on the sun visor. It starts opening.
The car starts slowly rolling out of the garage.

ACROSS THE STREET
Lonny sees the Mustang. Starts videotaping.

ON THE DRIVEWAY
The car suddenly LURCHES forward.
Then violently STOPS.

IN THE CAR
Drake looks around. Spooked.

DRAKE
Who’s there?

BETTIE (V.O.)
Three GUESSES.
(beat)
Wanna go for a RIDE?

She STOMPS on the gas, and the car
ROARS out onto the street.

ON THE STREET
The Mustang’s wheels SQUEAL on the pavement
as it makes a HARD TURN onto the street.

IN THE CAR
Drake watches the wheel
turn all by itself. SCREAMS.

The phantom PUNCHES the gas again.
The car starts SPEEDING.

DRAKE
Who’s THERE? What are you DOING?

BETTIE (V.O.)
(low, feral)
Leave the driving to US.

DRAKE
B-bettie? Is that YOU?

BETTIE (V.O.)
It sure as hell ain’t DALE EARNHARDT.
(beat)
BWAHAHAHAHA --

ON THE STREET
Lonny videotapes the car
going down the street.

It veers to the side, and starts
SMASHING into a row of mailboxes --
BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG.

IN THE CAR
Drake WRESTLES with the wheel,
trying to pull it back onto the road.
With each BANG he SCREAMS.

DRAKE
STOP, STOP -- you’re fucking up my CAR.

BETTIE (V.O.)
WHOOO, Talladega BITES --

ON THE STREET
The car suddenly
SWERVES AROUND IN A CIRCLE,
goes into a FISHTAIL, tires SCREECHING.

IN THE CAR
Drake gets THROWN into the
driver’s side door, BANG. SCREAMS.
The car SCREECHES to a halt.

BETTIE (V.O.)
Wow, that was FUN. Wanna go AGAIN?

DRAKE
Wh-what do you WANT?

BETTIE (V.O.)
Not sure yet.
Maybe a POUND OF FLESH?
Your HEAD ON A STICK?

DRAKE
I’m SORRY we teased you, Bettie.

BETTIE (V.O.)
An apology? How quaint. BUZZZZZ.
WRONG ANSWER. Not GOOD ENOUGH.

Drake gets WHACKED in the head.

DRAKE
OW.

BETTIE (V.O.)
Do you KNOW what it feels like
to get FUCKED with?
It feels like SHIT.
(growls)
So now I’m gonna fuck with YOU.

DRAKE
I SAID I was sorry, you fat BITCH.

BETTIE
WHAT did you call me?

She PUNCHES him in the stomach.

DRAKE
OW.

He LUNGES for the glove compartment.
Opens it. GRABS the gun.

BETTIE
Oooh. He’s gotta GUN.

LONNY
Hears the commotion.
RACES over to the car, still filming.

IN THE CAR
Drake and Bettie struggle
for control of the pistol.

It WAVES in the air,
FLYING AROUND WILDLY, back and forth.

DRAKE
STOP IT, GIMME THAT, LET GO.

The gun FIRES -- BANG.

BETTIE (V.O.)
Whoops.

Drake looks down at his shirt.
A red blossom starts forming on his chest.
Starts growing bigger.

DRAKE
You fucking SHOT ME.

BETTIE (V.O.)
(sings)
'Shot through the heart,
and you’re to blame,
you give bullies a BAD NAME.'
(beat)
BWAHAHAHAHA --

His head slumps over. Lights out.
Lonny appears in his window.

Shuts off the camera.
Eyes wide as saucers.

BETTIE (V.O.)
There’s my intrepid cameraman.
You get all that?

LONNY
(nods)
Is he -- dead?

BETTIE (V.O.)
As a doornail.
(beat)
I always wondered about that expression.
What THE FUCK is a ‘doornail?’

LONNY
(staring at the body)
I -- I -- don’t know.

The passenger side door OPENS.
We hear footsteps on the pavement.
Something SLAPS Lonny’s shoulder. Rubs it.

BETTIE (V.O.)
C’mon, tons of fun -- let’s go back
to your joint and chow down.
I’m fucking STARVING. GRRR.

Lonny reacts to Bettie’s touch.
Swallows down his fear, his panic.
Tries to regain his composure.

LONNY
Yeah, okay. Okay.

BETTIE (V.O.)
Don’t look so spooked, Lonny.
He was a piece of shit
that DESERVED to die.
(beat)
They ALL do --

The Missing

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Wednesday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 18 of THE INVISIBLE GIRL, police officer Lane Diamond convinces police chief Winn Sackler to let her investigate the disappearance of Bettie Bee ...


INT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS - CHIEF’S OFFICE - DAY
A shitty, overstuffed room.
File cabinets.

Rows of cardboard boxes
stuffed with paperwork.

A desk covered in file folders.
Pictures of dead cops
and plaques line the walls.

Sitting behind his desk
is police chief
WINN SACKLER (60’s),
poster boy for the
Big And Tall Store.

Beer belly strains
against his belt.

Right now he’s staring
at Lane Diamond --

Standing before him,
hat literally in her hands.

LANE
But chief, the girl was
TARRED AND FEATHERED.

WINN
School-yard shenanigans. Hijinks.

LANE
I think it’s connected to
the missing girl, Bettie Bee.
She was cyber-bullied
and then ran away from home.

WINN
(picks a report up off his desk)
And according to her father,
she’s invisible.

LANE
I know it sounds incredible,
but there were a whole high school
cafeteria full of witnesses.
Maybe that’s why none of them
would come forward.

WINN
Do you realize how CRAZY
this sounds, Diamond?

LANE
Yes I do, sir.
But the father filed
a mission persons report,
and I’d like to follow up on it.
(off his stare)
Sir. Please.

WINN
Ah, what the fuck.
Keep you out of trouble --

LANE
Thank you, sir.
You won’t be sorry.

WINN
You’ve been on the job,
what -- a week now?

LANE
Yes, sir.

WINN
Don’t make me regret
hiring you, Diamond.

LANE
You won’t, sir.
(salutes)
Thank you, sir.

She turns on her heel
and walks out.
He watches her go.

WINN
The things I would do
to that ass --

A Better Mousetrap

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 17 of THE INVISIBLE GIRL, Bettie's scientist father Bernard discovers that the rabbit he gave his invisibility serum to is now having violent side effects, which means Bettie will start having them, too. Meanwhile, the popular kids that Bettie got revenge on for bullying her are now plotting how to get back at her ...


INT. BETTIE’S HOUSE - STUDY - DAY
The door opens. Bernard walks in.
Looks at the rabbit cage on his desk.

It’s SHAKING VIOLENTLY.
He walks up to it. Staring.

BERNARD
Bugs. What’s wrong?
Are you okay?

He pulls a LARGE CARROT
out of his pocket.

Sticks it through the bars of the cage.
It’s immediately eaten in a BUZZSAW SPRAY
OF VIOLENT CHOMPING. He BURPS.

BERNARD
Ah. You were HUNGRY.
(looks more closely)
And you need more WATER.

He opens the door to the cage.
Sticks his hand in --

and gets BITTEN.
YANKS his hand out.

BERNARD
OW. BUGS.

We hear a SNARLING noise.
Bernard SLAMS the cage door closed.
Holds up his bleeding hand.

BERNARD
I better get this cleaned and dressed.
(at Bugs)
I’m so sorry, my little friend.
I promise you we’ll get
to the bottom of this.

The cage starts SHAKING VIOLENTLY.

INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIA - DAY
The popular kids sit at their
usual table eating lunch.

Emerald’s hair is now much shorter.
She seems quiet. Subdued.

BRAD
What a LOSER.

MUFFIN
I know.
He didn’t have to get
all Sylvia Plath on us.

GRETCHEN
You guys see that story on the news
awhile ago about that gay dude
who like jumped off a bridge?

WHIT
You mean the one where
the roommate live video streamed
him kissing another dude?

RONNIE
Yeah, I saw that.
The roommate got suspended,
and now he’s going to jail --

EMERALD
Good. I’m GLAD.
People who do shit like that
should be PUNISHED.

MUFFIN
Speaking of which, that brings us
to our next hot topic --

BRAD
The invisible Bettie Bee.
What are we going to do about her?

WHIT
Maybe we could --
lay some kind of trap?

TILA
Like what?
Get a giant mousetrap
and put a pizza on it?

DRAKE
Guys. You’re forgetting. The PROM.
CARRIE? Hello? Sissy Space-out much?

BRAD
Shit, that’s right.
if we throw a bucket
of pig’s blood on her,
we’ll be able to SEE her.

MUFFIN
Two snaps for Brad and Drake.
So now we just need to figure out
a way to get her to come --
and then FRY her fat ass.

RONNIE
You guys are forgetting something.
(off their looks)
It’s still a couple days until prom --
and I’ve got a funny feeling
she’s gonna be coming after us --
like she did Emerald.

BRAD
Then we pair up.
Watch each other’s backs.

MUFFIN
Super. Brad and me will stay together.

BRAD
(takes her hand, kisses it)
But of course.

GRETCHEN
And I’ll stick with Emerald.

Emerald Nods.

RONNIE
And I’ll hang with Tila.

Tila smiles. Gives a thumbs-up.

BERT
So what about me, Whit and Drake?

DRAKE
No worries.
You two lovebirds can
chill with each other.
I’ll be fine by myself.

BRAD
You sure about that?

Drake pulls out a VINTAGE HANDGUN.
Places it on the table.

DRAKE
Ask yourself, punk --
do you feel LUCKY?

All You Can Eat

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 16 of THE INVISIBLE GIRL, after getting revenge on a couple of the popular kids, Lonny gets concerned with Bettie starts binge eating ... and drinking ...


INT. READY’S BEDROOM CLOSET - DAY
Ready’s lifeless body hangs by the neck
from a rope of ties tied to
a pipe near the ceiling.

Lane stands nearby looking at him.
Shakes her head sadly.
Pulls out her radio.

LANE
This is officer Diamond.
The ten-fifty-six is confirmed,
do you copy?
(listens)
White male, age seventeen.
The mother found him.
I’m going to interview her now.
(listens)
Tell me about it --

INT. LONNY’S KITCHEN - DAY
Lonny sits at the kitchen table
eating a giant piece of cake.

The refrigerator door FLIES OPEN.
Food items starts coming out
and landing on the counter.
He watches. Smiling.

The packaging on a loaf of bread OPENS.
A slice comes FLYING out. Then another.
They land on a plate.

BETTIE (V.O.)
I’m so hungry I could eat a CHEERLEADER.

A jar of mayonnaise OPENS.
A drawer slides out.

A knife FLIES UP and goes to the jar.
Starts spreading mayo on the bread.

BETTIE (V.O.)
For the first time in my life,
I feel ALIVE.

A package of cold cuts opens up.
Slices of baloney start FLYING UP
and land on the bread.

More slices keep piling on,
until the whole package is used up.

Then a package of cheese opens.
Cheddar slices FLY UP
and land on the meat --
until the package is empty.

LONNY
That’s an awfully BIG sandwich, Bettie.
You sure you can eat all that?

The other piece of bread
turns over and lands on top,
forming a six-inch-thick MONSTER.

It floats up -- and a big BITE
is taken out of it with a GROWL.
Loud CHOMPING noises.

Then it starts getting DEVOURED as if
by some beaver-from-buzzsaw-hell.

Food SPRAYS in the air like confetti
as it gets CHOMPED on -- and then disappears.

A loud BURP.

BETTIE (V.O.)
That sure hit the spot.
Several, actually.
(unearthly, spooky laughter)
BWAHAHAHAHA --

LONNY
Are you -- okay, Bettie?

BETTIE (V.O.)
Okay? Okay? OKAY?
(beat)
I’m just getting STARTED.

Footsteps go to the fridge.
The door FLIES OPEN.

A WHOLE CHICKEN comes FLYING OUT.
It, too gets DEVOURED in a
BUZZSAW SPRAY OF LOUD CHOMPING.
Meat FLIES in the air.

Bettie BURPS.

BETTIE (V.O.)
Now THAT’S food for thought.
(beat)
BWAHAHAHAHA --

LONNY
Holy SHIT.

BETTIE (V.O.)
Thirsty.

Cabinet doors start
FLYING OPEN AND CLOSED.

Finally, at the end,
we see the liquor stash.

A brown bottle comes
FLYING DOWN. The cap OPENS --

LONNY
Hey. That’s my dad’s --

BETTIE (V.O.)
Aged 25 years? NICE.

The bottle tips up,
and we hear her start
CHUGGING IT DOWN.

PUSH IN ON Lonny’s face.
Freaking out.

LONNY
Bettie. What’s wrong?
Are you OKAY?

Here's Mud In Your Eye

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 15 of THE INVISIBLE GIRL, now that they can't see her, overweight teen Bettie Bee gets another round of revenge in the high school cafeteria ... by tarring and feathering one of her bullies ...


INT. LONNY’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Lonny sits at his desk,
staring at the computer screen.

Bettie’s can of soda floats
in the air next to him.

LONNY
Ohmigod, look at all the COMMENTS.

BETTIE (V.O.)
Over a thousand hits in FIVE MINUTES.

LONNY
So what do you want to do now?

BETTIE (V.O.)
I’m tired. I’m gonna go down
to the fort and get some sleep.
Start thinking about
who I’m gonna get NEXT.

LONNY
You can stay in the house
if you want to. My dad won’t
be back for a few days.

BETTIE (V.O.)
Really?

LONNY
Yeah. You can stay in the guest room.

BETTIE (V.O.)
Wow. I don’t know what to say.

LONNY
I say we should go fix ourselves
a MIDNIGHT SNACK.

BETTIE (V.O.)
Yeah.

Lonny JERKS back and forth in his chair.

LONNY
Ow, HEY.

BETTIE (V.O.)
What’s the matter?
Ain’t no one ever gave you a hug before?

LONNY
It just -- surprised me.

BETTIE (V.O.)
You’re such a good friend, Lonny.
I love you so much.

PUSH IN ON Lonny.
Eyes wide as saucers.

LONNY
I -- love you, too.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL CAFETERIA - DAY
The popular kids sit together,
eating, chattering away.

Brad and Muffin sit at each
end of the table, holding court.

BRAD
I don’t know about the rest of you,
but I’m GNARLY disappointed
that Ready didn’t show up today.
I was really looking forward to
razzing the SHIT out of him.

BERT
Fucking pussy. I always thought
he was a bit of a turd-burglar.

MUFFIN
YOU’RE dating him, Gretch. Spill it.
Could Ready whip your gash into overdrive?
Or did he take you down to limp dick city
where the ass is green
and the chicks are clitty?

GRETCHEN
That’s for me to know, and you
to blow out your hole. We’re SO over.

RONNIE
What I wanna know is who made the video.
It wasn’t one of us.

TILA
We gotta find out. That was WAY fierce.

WHIT
I liked the part where his
face smashes into the mirror.

FEMALE VOICE (V.O.)
Well if this isn’t a fine-looking group
of fresh-scrubbed, suburban Caucasians.
Mind if I pull up a nut-log?

Reveal Emerald.
Standing before them with her tray.

DRAKE
There she is. I THOUGHT we were
running low on brown sugar.

EMERALD
Why don’t you go the turd’s room
and pleasure yourself, Monstie.
After all, it’s sex with the one you love.

DRAKE
Love to. Could you stand just like that
another second while your visual image
is burned into my masturbation catalog?

EMERALD
HEY.

She looks down.

CLOSE ON --
Her shoes. The laces UNTIE each other,
then magically start tying themselves
together into knots.

EMERALD’S
Eyes grow wide.

EMERALD
Who’s doing that?

Something YANKS on her hair.
A big, long chunk on the side
RIPS off. She SCREAMS.

EMERALD
OW! My EXTENSIONS --

Another YANK.
A chunk on the other side RIPS off.

EMERALD
OW, STOP IT. Who’s DOING that?

BETTIE (V.O.)
(low, weird voice)
You shouldn’t have bought your hair
at the MALL, bitch.

Everyone GASPS.

BRAD
Who’s THERE?

MUFFIN
What the FUCK?

Emerald’s skirt gets YANKED
down around her ankles.

BETTIE (V.O.)
I see London, I see France --

EMERALD
HEY. What are you DOING?

BETTIE (V.O.)
I see Emerald’s boobies DANCE.

The buttons on her blouse go FLYING.
It RIPS open, exposing her bra.

She DROPS her tray.
It hits the floor, CLANG.

EMERALD
STOP IT!

Drake nudges Bert. Winks.
He smiles. Nods back.

BETTIE (V.O.)
WHOOPS.
Emerald gets SHOVED. She HITS the floor.

EMERALD
OW.

BETTIE (V.O.)
It’s a floor wax AND a desert topping.

EMERALD
Wh-who ARE you? What do you WANT?

ACROSS THE ROOM
Lonny hides behind a big trash can
next to a cart with a pair of buckets on it.
He SHOVES IT toward them.

THE CART
FLIES across the room.
Comes to a stop in front of Emerald.
One of the buckets lifts up in the air --

BETTIE (V.O.)
Here’s MUD in your eye --

And dumps a load of BLACK TAR all over her.
Emerald writhes around on the floor,
cries out in pain.

Everyone in the cafeteria
stares in horror.

The other bucket FLIES UP --
and dumps a load of FEATHERS on her.

They stick all over her body.
She curls up into a ball and starts WAILING.

EMERALD
What are you DOING TO ME?

BETTIE (V.O.)
It’s called revenge, Tar-Baby.
Not so FUNNY when it happens to YOU, huh?
(beat)
The rest of you WATCH OUT --
because one of you is NEXT.

Loud FOOTSTEPS run out of the room.
The door SLAMS.

BRAD
That voice. It was familiar.

MUFFIN
Yeah, it sounded kinda like --

They look at each other. Realize.

BRAD MUFFIN
Bettie! Bettie!

Dancing With The Farts

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 14 of THE INVISIBLE GIRL, popular girls Emerald, Muffin, Tila and Ronnie chortle over the viral video of Ready's crazy-glued diarhea attack. Meanwhile, Ready finds out about his online infamy and freaks out ...


INT. EMERALD’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
A riot of cute in a sea of pink.
Emerald, Ronnie and Tila sit
on the bed with their textbooks.

Ronnie and Tila stare at a smart phone
with shit-eating grins on their faces.

EMERALD
(on the phone)
TELL me about it.
He was running around like a
chicken with his DICK cut off --

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. MUFFIN’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Muffin paces the room excitedly.

MUFFIN
Total lesbro. Hello?
(SNORTS)
Brad said we gotta
find out who shot it.
Imagine the hijinx we
could pull with BETTIE?

EMERALD
Soil my Abercrombie’s much?
Let me see what Ronnie and Tila think.

MUFFIN
What, it’s United Colors of Benetton
night and I wasn’t invited?

EMERALD
We’re cramming for the French exam.
You’re taking Spanish.

MUFFIN
Fist me with a chalupa.
See you in teenage hell.

EMERALD
Totally.

MUFFIN
It’s been huge.

EMERALD
What?

MUFFIN
It’s been huge.

EMERALD
Paris Hilton called.
She wants her banality back.

MUFFIN
Eat my thong. If it weren’t for me,
you’d still be slinging dollar menu
dreams to Rosa Parks in the hood.

Pause.

EMERALD
LOL! Long and hard. LMFAO.
(off her silence)
Hello?
(beat)
Muffin? You there?
(beat)
BFF?

MUFFIN
Uh -- BRB with you on that.

EMERALD
Muffin, PLEASE.
I was out of line.
I’m like, SO sorry.
It’s the hardest word.
I’d just DIE if you fired me.

MUFFIN
Got YOU good. Sleep tight,
caramel goddess of vaginal delights.
See you tomorrow in the stirrups.

She hangs up.
Emerald stares at her phone.

EMERALD
As IF.

INT. READY’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Your typical jock’s room.
Posters of sports teams, athletes.

Manly rock bands. And, hey -
what a cool Budweiser neon sign.

Ready walks in gingerly, his ass
still hurting from his
trip to the emergency room.

Carries an almost
empty bottle of booze.

Takes another swig.
Trying to numb the pain.

He grabs a pillow off the bed.
it on the chair in front of his desk.

Carefully sits down.
Boots up his computer.

Starts checking his email.
He GASPS. Face turns white.

READY
What the FUCK?

He CLICKS onto --

THE MYTUBE WEBSITE
Where we see the video of him
stuck to the toilet seat.

READY (V.O.) (
Oh, NO.

READY
Starts reading the comments underneath.

READY
Shit. Everybody’s seen it --
(reads)
Dancing With The Turds?
(reads)
The Fart Of WAR?
(reads)
Cheekly World News?
(reads)
The Ex-Lax Factor?
(reads)
Sphincter in the grass?
(reads)
Break-wind FOUNTAIN?

He SLAPS his smart phone closed. Crushed.

READY
My life is RUINED --
(thinks)
I can’t show my face again.
I’m the laughingstock
of the whole SCHOOL.

Ready puts his head in his hands.
Stifles a sob. Gets up.

Trudges over to the closet.
Pulls out a bunch of ties.

Goes over to the bed. Sits.
Starts tying them together --

Bromantic Comedy

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 13 of THE INVISIBLE GIRL, in round one of getting revenge on the popular kids that cyber-bullied Bettie, her BFF Lonny posts the video she shot of Ready Hand getting stuck to the toilet during a diarrhea attack on MyTube, which the kids see, much to Ready's horror ...


INT. LONNY’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
A comic book geek’s wet dream come true.
Walls and shelves filled with posters,
action figures and movie stills of
superheroes and horror movie icons
of past and present.

Lonny sits at his desk in front
of his computer drinking a can of soda.

Another can floats in the air next to him.
He puts his down.

Fingers go flying across the keyboard.

LONNY
See? It’s easy.
I just upload the video to MyTube --

ON THE MONITOR
Is the MyTube website.
On it, a video appears in a small box.

Caption reads
LOSER GLUED TO TOILET SEAT FREAKS OUT.

The mouse clicks on PLAY, and it starts up --
We see Ready stuck to the toilet lid.

He RIPS it off.
RUNS around the bathroom,
the lid still stuck to his ass.

BETTIE (V.O.)
Omigod. That’s GREAT.
(beat)
But won’t people know you posted it?

LONNY
Nah. I created a fake account connected
to a dummy email address I never use.

LONNY’S
Fingers go FLYING on the keyboard.

LONNY
Now I send a mass-email to everyone
in school with the link, and voila.
Instant cyber-counterattack.

BETTIE (V.O.)
How did you get everyone’s email addresses?

LONNY
I’d give you a dirty look, but I can’t see you.

BETTIE (V.O.)
Oh. Right. Computer genius.

LONNY
Word to my gigabytes.
(sighs contentedly)
Now we just sit back and watch the fireworks.

INT. MUFFIN’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Muffin lies in bed, works her tablet computer.
Looks at the screen. SCREAMS.

MUFFIN
OhmifuckingGOD. That’s Ready HAND.
(eyes grow wide)
EW to the third power.

She GRABS her phone.
Fingers a number. Listens. Then --

MUFFIN
GRETCHEN, it’s me -- are you watching it?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. GRETCHEN’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
The ice princess sits at her desk,
staring at her computer.

GRETCHEN
Uh -- yeah.
I’m like SO embarrassed,
my douche had to chill.
Can you say ‘toilet-bowling for dollars?’

MUFFIN
Gag me with a ball-gag.
So your prom date just went bin Laden?

GRETCHEN
Earth to Muffin --
fuck me gently with a Roto-rooter.
Can you say MAJOR PR damage?

MUFFIN
(hears something)
Hold on. That’s my other line --

GRETCHEN
Take your time.
I need to go choose a razor blade --

MUFFIN
(punches a button)
Hello?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. BRAD’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Manly yes, but he likes it, too.
You can practically smell the gym socks
and empty beer cans on the page.

Brad sits at his desk.
Stares at his computer with a shit-eating grin.

BRAD
Hey. It’s me. You see the video?

MUFFIN
Does Whit Wiggins ride the Hershey Highway?
Fucking UNREAL. Who do you think shot it?

BRAD
Hell if I know. We gotta find out.
It’s fucking GENIUS.
(hears something)
Hold on. My other line --

HEATHER
Later, tater-tot.
I need to jingle the bitches.

BRAD
Give ‘em a lick for me.
(pushes a button)
Yo. Sup?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. BERT’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Brought to you by the color ‘messy.’
Bert and Whit sit on his bed
with textbooks and a big pizza.

Whit stares at his tablet computer,
shaking his head. Grinning.

BERT
(on his cell phone)
It’s Bert. You see the video?

BRAD
Yeah. Fuckin’ UNBELIEVABLE.
Who knew Ready could go FULL-RETARD?

BERT
I KNOW. Me and Whit watched it five times.
Fuck-head got his ASS glued
to the fucking TOILET SEAT.

BRAD
You and Whit?

BERT
Yeah. He’s helping me with that English paper.

BRAD
You sure that’s ALL he’s helping you with?

BERT
Fuck you. I bought the pizza.
If I don’t pass English, I don’t graduate,
and NO football scholarship.

BRAD
Just sayin’ --

BERT
Go FUCK yourself. Asshole.

BRAD
Chill, bromantic comedy.
Just yanking your chain-male.
(beat)
Hey. What’s that I hear in the background?
Lady Gag-Gag?

What's Up, Doc?

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 12 of THE INVISIBLE GIRL, scientist Bernard Bee tries his invisibility position on a rabbit in his lab ... and is delighted to discover it works. However, what he doesn't know is that it also worked on his daughter Bettie ...


INT. UNIVERSITY MEDICAL LAB - NIGHT
Empty, except for -- Bernard.
Standing at a work table.

Working amid a mass of
test tubes and beakers.

He adjusts a tiny spigot.
Red liquid starts DRIPPING
into a glass vial.

He watches it. Nods.
Goes over to the rabbit cage.

Picks it up. Places it down
in front of him on the counter.

BERNARD
Are you ready to be part
of medical history, little fella?

The rabbit twitches its whiskers.

BERNARD
A name.
You have to have a name --
(thinks)
I shall call you Bugs,
after Bugs Bunny.
(strange voice)
What’s up, Doc?

He turns around.
Sees the vial is full.
Shuts off the spigot.

Brings it over to a test tube
half-filled with a yellow liquid.

Pours it in. The combination
turns BRIGHT ORANGE.

BERNARD
And now a little glucose for taste --

Turns around, grabs another, smaller vial,
and squeezes a few drops into the formula.

Picks up an eyedropper and fills it up.
Then goes to the video camera. Turns it on.

BERNARD
(into the camera)
This is Bernard Bee, professor of science,
in the Venison University medical lab,
where I am about to conduct
an astounding experiment.
(dramatic pause)
I am about to make this animal DISAPPEAR,
right before your eyes.

He takes Bugs out of his cage.
Feeds him the formula.

BERNARD
(watches him lick it up)
That’s it Bugs, that’s a good boy.
Don’t worry, it’s not rabbit-forming -- HA.

Pats him on the head.
Puts him back in.
Closes the door.

BERNARD
It’s for your own good, my child.
I don’t want to lose you.
And, as he speaks, Bugs
DISSOLVES and DISAPPEARS.

Bernard clasps his hands with joy.
Then rubs them together. Smiling.

BERNARD
(into the camera)
And as you see, Bugs has disappeared
after ingesting the formula.
(sings, off-key)
One pill makes you larger,
and one pill makes you GONE --

He shuts off the camera.
Goes to the cage. Taps on it.

BERNARD
Now hold tight, my boy. Just relax.
We’re just going to find out
if there are any harmful side effects --

Shit Don't Stink

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 11 of THE INVISIBLE GIRL, Bettie gets revenge on school bully Ready Hand by secretly giving him a laxative and crazy gluing him to the toilet seat ... and then videotaping it ...


IN THE BATHROOM

Ready RUNS to the toilet.
YANKS down his jeans.

SLAMS his ass down, just in time.
We hear a VIOLENT SPRAY OF DIARRHEA.

Bettie’s smart phone FLOATS
into the room. Pointing at him.

A red light GOES ON.
Ready doesn’t see it. Eyes closed.

READY
Talk about a fucking SHIT.
(sniffs)
Smells like something DIED.

He tries to look between
his legs to see it.

Then tries to stand.
But he CAN’T.
He’s GLUED TO THE SEAT.

READY
What the fuck?

BETTIE (V.O.)
(weird, deep voice)
Smile, you’re on Candid Crapper.
(beat)
You are SO screwed NOW, asshole.

READY
(sees the camera)
What? Who is that?
Who’s there? What the FUCK?

BETTIE (V.O.)
This is the voice of GOD.
Since you’ve been a BAD BOY,
you’ve been sentenced to
spend the rest of your days
GLUED TO THE TOILET.
(beat)
Damn, do you REEK.
And you thought your
shit didn’t stink.

Incensed, Ready tries to LEAP
off the toilet and LUNGE
at the phantom voice.

But he doesn’t budge,
and SCREAMS with pain.

READY
You fucking ASSHOLE.
You’re not gonna get
AWAY with this.

BETTIE (V.O.)
In your hat, turd-boy.
Maybe I should call the
Guiness Book Of World Records,
tell them about
‘the world’s longest SHIT.’

Ready LOSES it, and YANKS
the toilet seat off
the bowl with a CRUNCH.

He FLIES into the air,
the seat stuck to his ass --
The camera JUMPS out of the way --
And Ready CRASHES into the wall, BANG.

READY
OW.

He gets up, crouched low, the seat
restricting his movement.

The phone FLIES around
him in a circle.

BETTIE (V.O.)
GREAT footage. Can’t WAIT
to stream this on the web.
Just WAIT till your friends see THIS.

READY
No, STOP -- you CAN’T DO THAT --

Ready tries to spin in a circle,
arms GRABBING for the phone,
but it stays one step ahead of him.

Then FLIES OVER to the sink.
FLOATS in front of the mirror.

READY
Aha. Gotcha NOW.

He LUNGES at the phone,
and just as he gets near it,
it FLIES straight up into the air.

Ready’s face SMASHES
into the glass,
which CRACKS and gets
SPRAYED with blood.

Ready FLIES backwards,
HITS the tiles.
CRYING out in pain.

BETTIE (V.O.)
That’s it folks, show’s over.
Thanks for coming. See ya NEXT TIME.

She breaks into MANIACAL LAUGHTER --
and the phone goes SAILING out the door.

Poop Deck

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 10 of THE INVISIBLE GIRL, overweight teen Bettie Bee and her hefty BFF Lonny Schmerzler arrive at Ready Hand's house, one of the 'popular kids' who cyber-bullied her, with a view to get revenge on him with super glue, laxatives ... and a video camera ...


EXT. SUBURBAN STREET - NIGHT
A row of identical McMansions,
each a different flavor.

Beemers, Benzes and Bentleys
dot the driveways.

A Toyota Prius pulls in front of one.
A blight on the landscape.

INT. TOYOTA PRIUS - NIGHT
Lonny sits behind the wheel,
belly pressed against it.

He looks to his right,
even though he can’t see Bettie.

LONNY
This is it. Fifty-two-eighteen.

BETTIE (V.O.)
Thanks again for the lift, Lonny.

LONNY
No worries. Like I said,
my dad’s out of town.
You got the glue?

BETTIE (V.O.)
Yep. Check it out --

A SMALL BAG rises up from the seat.
A tube of epoxy FLIES UP into the air.

LONNY
Nice.

BETTIE (V.O.)
Got it from my dad’s
workbench in the garage.
Takes about ten minutes to dry.

The tube goes back into the bag.
A SMART PHONE then comes out.
Floats in the air.

BETTIE (V.O.)
And then I VIDEOTAPE the jackass.

LONNY
How are you going to
get him to take a crap?

A bottle of liquid laxative
pops out of the bag --

BETTIE (V.O.)
Lemon-fresh.
(beat)
Keep your shit moving.

And then goes back in.

LONNY
That’s positively EVIL.
(beat)
I love it.

The passenger-side door OPENS --

BETTIE (V.O.)
Wish me luck.

LONNY
Luck. I’ll be waiting.

BETTIE (V.O.)
Back in a few --

And then CLOSES.

EXT. MCMANSION - NIGHT
Beautifully lit with floodlights.
All the better to show off your wealth.
We hear FOOTSTEPS going up the driveway.

See the small bag floating
in the air along with it.

EXT. MCMANSION - REAR ENTRANCE - NIGHT
More FOOTSTEPS on the path
up to the back door. They stop.

CLOSE ON --
The door knob. It slowly turns. CLICK.

THE DOOR
Slowly OPENS a crack.

INT. MCMANSION - KITCHEN - NIGHT
Empty. Lights out.
The door opens all the way.
Then softly closes with a CLICK.

The bag FLIES into the room.
Soft FOOTSTEPS slap across
the marble floor. Head over to --

INT. FIRST FLOOR BATHROOM - NIGHT
The bag FLOATS into the room.
Approaches the toilet.
The lid LIFTS OPEN.

The tube of epoxy
comes out of the bag.

Goes to the toilet seat.
Applies a ring of glue around it.

INT. MCMANSION LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
A giant airbrushed room
with giant furniture.

Expensive. Impressive.
Nothing about it says ‘home.’

Ready Hand is slouched on the sofa
watching a ball game on TV.

His eyes go back and forth
from the TV to his smart phone.

READY
(at the phone)
Becky Beckworth POKED me. NICE.

His thumbs furiously text
a message on the screen.

READY
Poke THIS, Becky --

The bag slowly comes into the room.
Then goes down low.

Heads over toward the couch,
then disappears behind it.

Ready grabs his can of beer
off the coffee table.

Takes a chug. Puts it back.
Then gets up.

READY
Gotta take a piss --

He pads out of the room.
Keeping an eye on the TV.

READY
(as he leaves)
C’mon, BEAVERS --

The laxative bottle appears
from behind the couch.

FLOATS over to the beer.
The cap TWISTS off.

The bottle inverts, and
POURS A STREAM OF LIQUID
into the can.

The cap FLIPS back on,
and the bottle FLIES
back behind the couch.

Ready walks back in.
Sits. Looks at the TV.

READY
Aw, C’MON, coach --

He grabs the can.
Takes another chug.

Swallows. Looks at it.
Makes a face. We hear CHEERING.
Ready looks. PUMPS a fist.

READY
GO, GO, GO -- YES.

He grabs his phone.
Looks at the screen.

READY
Oh, shit. Pictures of
Muffin’s pool party. NICE.

Ready turns his head.
His eyes scrunch up.

READY
Oh, shit.

He LEAPS up off the sofa.
RUNS out of the room --

The Missing

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 9 of THE INVISIBLE GIRL, after reporting his daughter Bettie's disappearance, Bernard gets interviewed by officer Lane Diamond, who has a hard time believing she's become invisible ...


INT. BETTIE’S HOUSE - FOYER - EARLY EVENING
Bernard goes to front door. Opens it.
Standing in the doorway is a
FEMALE POLICE OFFICER IN UNIFORM.

BERNARD
You got here fast.
Thanks for coming.

FEMALE POLICE OFFICER
Slow news day.

Meet LANE DIAMOND (20’s). Very pretty.
A little on the zaftig side,
with dangerous curves.
Dark hair tied back in a ponytail.
Dazzling eyes, with a hint of a smirk.

BERNARD
Please come in.

LANE
(nods)
Officer Diamond, at your service.

He gestures toward the living room.
They start walking.

BERNARD
You don’t have a partner?

LANE
They make the rookies do the shit --
(beat)
Uh, we’re a bit understaffed.
Budget cuts, you know.

Bernard sits down on the couch.
Lane sits in a chair across from him.
Takes out a notebook and pen.

BERNARD
Not to worry.
You should hear the salty exchanges
between scientists at our
little get-togethers --
the F-word goes FLYING about
the room like an unstable proton.
(off her look)
I’m sorry. I’m a bit stressed out.
My daughter has disappeared. Literally.

LANE
What do you mean literally?

BERNARD
They didn’t TELL you?
(sighs)
Well, you see -- I’ve been
working on a formula that
refragments subatomic particles
so that the atoms are cloaked
in a sub-setted spatial plane
apart from ours --

LANE
In English, please?

BERNARD
Right. Sorry.
(beat)
When ingested, it makes one
invisible to the naked eye.
They’re still there,
but you can’t see them.

Lane stares at him.
Nods her head slowly. Okay.

LANE
I see.

BERNARD
You don’t believe me.

LANE
(carefully)
You realize this sounds
a bit -- far-fetched.

BERNARD
I realize how ridiculous
this must sound to a lay person,
but this is historic research,
officer, I promise you.
(off her look)
I left the formula here at home
rather than at the lab because
I was afraid someone would steal it.
Believe it or not, scientists
can be QUITE ruthless.

LANE
Go on --

BERNARD
Well, I poured it into
something innocuous -- a soda bottle,
to be precise, and I put
it in the refrigerator.
When I went to test the formula
on a lab animal today, I realized
I brought the wrong bottle,
and came home to fetch it.
(tears in his eyes)
And when I got here,
I found the bottle,
and it was empty.
My daughter drank it by mistake --
and now she’s GONE.

LANE
I see.

BERNARD
Look. I don’t care if you
believe me or not about the formula.
That’s not the point.
My daughter has run away,
and I need you to FIND her.
She’s all I’ve got left.
After her mother died, we both --
take care of each other.

LANE
Is there any other reason
she might have run away?

BERNARD
She told me this morning
she was being cyber-bullied.
Perhaps I wasn’t -- sympathetic enough.

LANE
Do you have any idea
where she could have gone?

BERNARD
I haven’t a clue.

LANE
A relative perhaps?

BERNARD
I’m afraid not.
(beat)
Oh, wait. Her best friend
lives right down the street.
Lonny Schmerzler.
Maybe he might know
where she went.

Lane scribbles a note
in her book. Gets up.

LANE
Thank you very much, Mr. Bee.
We’ll get right on it tomorrow.

BERNARD
Tomorrow? I don’t understand.

LANE
I’m sorry, we can’t pursue
a missing persons report
for twenty-four hours.

BERNARD
Oh, dear.

LANE
Cheer up. Who knows. Maybe
she’ll come home later tonight.

BERNARD
I highly doubt that.

LANE
Why do you say that?

BERNARD
Well, now that she’s invisible,
I’m afraid she might want to
get some sort of revenge
against the bullies.

LANE
(smiles)
Let’s not get carried away
with ourselves just yet.

PUSH IN ON Bernard’s face.
Raising an eyebrow.

BERNARD
My dear, you don’t know Bettie --

An Eye For An Eye

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 8 of THE INVISIBLE GIRL, Lonny meets Bettie in his back yard fort, where he discovers she's invisible ... and that she wants to get revenge on the popular kids that have been cyber-bullying her ...


EXT. LONNY’S BACKYARD - DAY
Lonny lumbers up to the fort.
Knocks on the door.

LONNY
Bettie? It’s me, Lonny.

BETTIE (V.O.)
Thank GOD.
Get your ass in here.

He opens the door.
Squeezes through into --

INT. FORT - DAY
A half-eaten sandwich
floats in the air.

A BITE is taken out of it.
Then another. Lonny comes in.
Sees it. Sits down.

LONNY
Hi, Bettie.

BETTIE (V.O.)
(mouth full)
Hey, Lonny.
Am I glad to see YOU.

The sandwich DISAPPEARS.
We hear a loud BURP.

LONNY
(eyes wide)
That’s easy for you to say.

He watches a pack of cigarettes
FLY into the air.

A cigarette comes out.
The pack goes back down.

A book of matches FLIES up,
LIGHTS the cigarette.
A puff of smoke EXHALES.

LONNY
Since when did you start smoking?

BETTIE (V.O.)
Since I found the pack of cigarettes
you hid in here.

LONNY
Oh.

BETTIE (V.O.)
Thanks for coming.

LONNY
You really are -- invisible.

BETTIE (V.O.)
Can’t hide anything from YOU.

LONNY
Sorry. It’s just so -- freaky.
(beat)
How do you feel?

BETTIE (V.O.)
Fine. A little chilly.
Thank god it’s summer.

LONNY
Yeah.

BETTIE (V.O.)
While I was waiting for you,
I’ve been doing some thinking.

LONNY
About what ?

BETTIE (V.O.)
Getting BACK at them.
Now that I’m invisible,
can you IMAGINE
what I could do to them?

LONNY
Ow, wow. Yeah.

BETTIE (V.O.)
First I’m gonna fuck with Ready.
He posted the video.
(beat)
Would you like to help?

PUSH IN ON Lonny’s face.
Big smile.

LONNY
Does a bear eat in the woods?

Homeland Security

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 7 of THE INVISIBLE GIRL, Bernard is horrified to discover that Bettie mistakenly drank his invisibility potion, and is now missing. Meanwhile, at Bettie's high school, the popular kids meet to decide on the theme of the prom ... and decide on Carrie ... starring Bettie ...


INT. BETTIE’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
Bernard walks in the door.
Puts his briefcase down.

Goes to the fridge.
Looks for the soda bottle.
Doesn’t find it.

BERNARD
I shouldn’t have taken it from the lab.
(sighs)
So much for ‘homeland security.’

He sees the empty soda bottle
on the counter. GASPS.
Picks it up. Sniffs it.

BERNARD
Bettie.

His face goes white.
Goes to the phone on the wall.

Picks up the receiver.
Dials a number. Listens.

BERNARD
Yes, my daughter’s missing.
She’s disappeared.
(listens)
Bettie. Bettie Bee.
(listens)
Bernard. Her father.
(listens)
Well, that’s the tricky part.
You see, she’s become invisible --

INT. CLASSROOM - DAY
An otherwise empty classroom is now
filled with all the ‘cool’ kids.

The blackboard reads PROM COMMITTEE.
Muffin Heather and Brad Stifle
lean against the teacher’s desk.

MUFFIN
It’s just a few days until prom, people --
and we still don’t have a THEME.

BRAD
Anybody have any ideas?

DRAKE MONSTERBURG (16), small and squirrely,
the class clown, smiles mischievously.
Chuckles to himself.

DRAKE
I say we go full-Animal House.
All we gotta do is get a keg
and wear togas.

BERT
TOGA.

DRAKE
Or, if that’s too sophomoric,
how about The War On Drugs,
and we all get REALLY wasted?

MUFFIN
I’m SO sure that would go over
just GREAT with Principal Chubb, Drake.
(to the group)
C’mon, kids -- fire those synapses.

BERT
How about The Lord Of The Rings?
We could recreate The Shire in the gym.
Do the Misty Mountain Hop. Serve MEAD --

MUFFIN
Sorry, Dungeon Master.
Be still, my hairy feet.
What do you think we are,
a bunch of Comic-Conheads?
Prom is a dragon-free zone. NEXT.

Whit Wiggins raises his hand. Eager.

WHIT
What about an eighties theme?
could play all that great
music from John Hughes’ movies.
Like the prom scene in Pretty In Pink --
(sings)
'I touch you once, I touch you twice,
I won’t let go at any price -- '

BERT
(chortles)
Don’t ask, don’t SMELL, anyone?

MUFFIN
Shut up, Bert.
That’s actually not a bad idea.
GLBT awareness is NOT
something to sniff at.

GRETCHEN
How about like, Ingmar Bergman?
We could so totally have awesome
tableaus from all his great films --
Cries and Whispers, The Seventh Seal,
Wild Strawberries --

MUFFIN
Hold your four horsemen,
Pippi Longstocking.
Slit your wrists much?
(beat)
C’mon, people. Anyone else?

EMERALD
How about some kind of
-- horror theme?

RONNIE
Ooh, yeah.
I LOVE horror movies.

READY
Maybe a zombie theme?
Twenty-eight Proms Later.

BERT
Night of the living TUX.

MUFFIN
Ohmigod. I’ve GOT it.
How about Carrie?

It was on TV last night.
That scene at the end where
they dump pig’s blood all over her?
(beat)
Now THAT’S a prom.

A pin drops.
Everyone looks at each other. Excited.

TILA
So who’s our Carrie?

MUFFIN
Konichiwa, Ms. Roboto.
How about -- Bettie?

RONNIE
Ohmigod. That’s genius.

MUFFIN
Hey. How do you think I
to be most popular?
My good looks?
(beat)
Wait a minute.
Don’t answer that --

Fat City

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 6 of THE INVISIBLE GIRL, after becoming invisible, overweight teen Bettie Bee packs a suitcase and moves into her best friend Lonny Schmerlzer's back yard fort, then calls him at school to give him the good news ... and that now they can get revenge on the bullies that have been making their lives a living hell ...


INT. BETTIE’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
We hear FOOTSTEPS on the linoleum.
The suitcase FLIES into the room.
Lands on the table. OPENS.

FOOTSTEPS go the refrigerator.
The door OPENS. Food starts FLYING OUT
and landing in the suitcase.

Cheese. Crackers. Potato chips.
A loaf of bread. Mayo. Cold cuts. Cookies.

The suitcase CLOSES. RISES UP off the table,
and heads toward the back door, which OPENS --
and it travels outside.

IN THE BACK YARD
We see the suitcase FLY through the yard,
accompanied by FOOTSTEPS in the grass
as Bettie RUNS.

IN A NEIGHBOR’S WINDOW
A woman looks out.
Sees the bag moving across the grass.

INT. NEIGHBOR’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
MRS. HENDERSON (50’s), puffy, bloated,
dumps her cocktail in the sink. Eyes bugged-out.

MRS. HENDERSON
I gotta make some coffee --

INT. SUBURBAN BACK YARD - DAY
Nicely manicured. Nestled against the fence
in the rear is a child’s fort.

Looks like a mini-log cabin.
The suitcase travels over to it.
Stops. The door opens. It goes in.

INT. BACKYARD FORT - DAY
The suitcase opens.
A CELL PHONE flies out.

Floats in the air.
We hear a number being PUNCHED IN.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL CLASSROOM - DAY
A HIP-LOOKING MATH TEACHER (30’s)
stands in front of the class.

Points at an algebra equation
on the blackboard.

HIP-LOOKING MATH TEACHER
So if we change the variable to four-X,
can someone tell me what the quotient will be?

An eager, ASS-KISSING STUDENT raises his hand.

HIP-LOOKING MATH TEACHER
Yes, Donovan?

IN THE BACK OF THE CLASS
Sits Lonny. Half-asleep.
Something VIBRATES in his pocket.
He fishes out his phone. Looks at it.

A TEXT MESSAGE
On the screen reads IT’S BETTIE.
NEED YOUR HELP ASAP. URGENT.

LONNY
Raises his hand.

HIP-LOOKING MATH TEACHER
Yes, Lonny?

LONNY
May I please be excused to go to the bathroom?

Hip-Looking nods. Lonny gets up.
Goes to his desk. Grabs the bathroom key,
which is attached to A LARGE PIECE OF WOOD.

INT. BOY’S ROOM - DAY
Lonny sits in a stall.
PUNCHES a number on his cell phone.

LONNY
Hello, Bettie?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. BACKYARD FORT - DAY
Bettie’s cell phone floats in the air.

BETTIE (V.O.)
Lonny? Thank GOD.

LONNY
What happened? I haven’t seen you since
you ran out of the cafeteria. Where are you?

BETTIE
I need your help -- I’m INVISIBLE.

LONNY
Well, everybody has self-esteem issues --

BETTIE
NO. LISTEN to me.
I’m invisible, as in YOU CAN’T FUCKING SEE ME.

LONNY
I don’t understand.

BETTIE
I came home from school, went to the fridge
to get a snack and drank something
that was in a soda bottle.
But it wasn’t soda -- and then I DISAPPEARED.

LONNY
Holy SHIT.

BETTIE
It must have been some formula my dad was working on.

LONNY
Yeah, right --

BETTIE
I freaked out, didn’t know what to do,
so I ran away. He’s gonna KILL me.

LONNY
Where did you go?

BETTIE
I’m in your backyard. In the fort.

LONNY
Did anybody see you?

BETTIE
What part of I’M INVISIBLE didn’t you GET?

LONNY
Oh, right. Right --
(smiles, realizes)
So you’re -- not wearing any clothes?

BETTIE
What do YOU think?

LONNY
Okay, sit tight. I’ll come see you after school.
(beat)
I mean, I’ll come visit you.

BETTIE
Can’t you come NOW? I’m SCARED.

LONNY
Maybe you should eat something.
That always makes ME feel better --

BETTIE
That’s all I’ve BEEN doing. I packed a suitcase.

He looks at the phone. Thinks a moment.

LONNY
And you -- carried it through the yard?

BETTIE
No, I swallowed it and barfed it back up again.

LONNY
No, no -- I just meant -- what if someone saw it?

BETTIE
Don’t worry. I was careful.
The only person who could have seen it was
Mrs. Henderson, and she’s a drunk.
Nobody would believe her.

LONNY
Okay. I’ll ditch my last class.
I hate history anyway.

BETTIE
Thanks, Lonny. You’re a real friend.
The only one I’ve got.

LONNY
Just hang tight, Bettie.
We’ll figure this out together.

BETTIE
Okay, bye.

LONNY
Bye.

They both CLICK their phones shut.
He sighs. Smiles dreamily.

LONNY
She finally needs me --

The Moment Of Truth

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In Chapter 5 of THE INVISIBLE GIRL, scientist Bernard Bee tries his invisibility potion on a rabbit in his lab, but the experiment is a bust when he discovers he brought the wrong bottle from home. Meanwhile, at home, his daughter Bettie accidentally drinks the potion thinking it's soda pop, and turns invisible ...


INT. UNIVERSITY MEDICAL LAB - DAY
Clean. Antiseptic. A row of work tables.
Cabinets and shelves stuffed with equipment.

At one table stands Bernard.
Working amid a mass of test tubes,
beakers, and electrical equipment.

A WHITE RABBIT sits in a small cage.
He hums softly to himself.

BERNARD
And now, the moment of truth.

He turns around. Opens a briefcase.
Takes out a plastic soda bottle.

Places it on the counter.
Turns to a video recorder
on a tripod facing the cage.
Turns it on.

BERNARD
Testing, testing -- one, two, three --
(beat)
This is Bernard Bee, professor of science,
at the University of Venison medical lab,
where I am about to conduct
an astounding experiment.
(dramatic pause)
I am about to make this animal DISAPPEAR,
right before your eyes.

He picks up the bottle.
Starts to screw it open.

A fountain of SODA POP comes
WHOOSHING out, drenching his hand.

BERNARD
DRAT.

Bernard puts down the bottle.
SHUTS off the recorder.

Goes to the sink.
Rinses off his hands.
Wipes them with a towel.

BERNARD
You stupid old coot.
You brought the WRONG bottle --

INT. BETTIE’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
Bettie comes in the side door.
SLAMS it shut. Goes to the fridge. Opens it.

Starts foraging for a snack.
She pulls out a box of donuts.
Grabs a bottle of soda.

BETTIE
Got the last one --

She goes to the table. Sits. Opens the box.
SHOVES a donut in her mouth. INHALES it.

Opens the soda. CHUGS it down.
Her face turns GREEN. She GAGS.
Looks at the bottle.

BETTIE
What WAS that?
(thinks)
I thought the cap wasn’t --
(closes her eyes)
Don’t feel so good.

And then, right before our eyes,
she slowly DISAPPEARS.

All we see is her T-shirt,
jeans and shoes.

She shakes her head. Gets up.
Walks out of the room into --

INT. BETTIE’S HOUSE - BATHROOM - DAY
Bettie goes to the sink.
Turns on the water to splash her face.

Looks in the mirror.
Sees what’s happened. Freaks out.

BETTIE (V.O.)
Oh my GOD.

She RACES out of the room into --

INT. BETTIE’S BEDROOM - DAY
RUNS over to her dresser.
Looks in the mirror.

Sees the same thing.
She touches her face.

BETTIE (V.O.)
I’m INVISIBLE.
(beat)
It must have been
one of my dad’s formulas --
(beat)
He’s gonna KILL me.
(beat)
What do I do? What do I DO?

A long pause.

BETTIE (V.O.)
WAIT a minute.

She KICKS OFF her shoes.
Takes off her shirt. Her jeans.

Now completely invisible.
Chuckles a low, nasty laugh.

BETTIE (V.O.)
Now I can get REVENGE.

We see footsteps in the shag carpet.
They walk over to the closet.

The doors open. A suitcase comes out.
Slowly drifts toward the doorway --
and floats out of the room.