The Breakfast Club

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 29 of FRANKENSTEIN IN LOVE, CDC agent Beck Driver and patrolman Chet Beverage meet with Frankie Stein's principal so they can question him, but the shit hits the fan when principal Bacon's elderly secretary makes the announcement over the school PA system ...


INT. HIGH SCHOOL - PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE - DAY
Functional furniture. Fake Persian rug. Fake plants.
American flag on the wall. Bowling trophies.

Would be almost nice if it weren’t for
the pukey-colored painted brick walls.

Seated at his desk is PRINCIPAL BACON (50’s),
a large bear of a man. Florid-faced, balding,
and stuffed into a threadbare suit
that the eighties would like to have back.

Beck and Chet sit in chairs facing him.

BECK
Thanks for seeing us.

CHET
First time I asked
to go the principal’s office --

PRINCIPAL BACON
Don’t worry, I’m not going
to give you detention --
(SLAPS desk)
But enough tomfoolery.
You didn’t come here to
quips and banter.
I assume you have a suspect?

BECK
Yes, we do.
One of your students --

CHET
Frankie Stein, a sophomore.

PRINCIPAL BACON
Frankie Stein?
But he’s one of our best students.
He got into MIT, early admission --

BECK
We think he might have something to do
with Shayla Petrie’s disappearance.

CHET
We’d like you to ask him
to come to your office.
We’ll take it from there.

PRINCIPAL BACON
Are you going to arrest him?

CHET
We just want to ask him
a few questions.

BECK
Given the hysteria
over Shayla’s disappearance,
we need to handle this quietly.
We don’t want the students
to know what’s going on.

PRINCIPAL BACON
Do you fear for his safety?

CHET
Missing cheerleader?

PRINCIPAL BACON
(nods)
Indeed.
(picks up his phone)
Ruth, could you please find out
what class Frankie Stein is in,
and get word to the teacher
I would like to see him?
(listens)
No. Don’t use the PA.
We need to keep this quiet.
(listens)
Thank you.
(hangs up, to them)
He should be here soon.

Beck and Chet nod. Fidget awkwardly.
Look around the room.

BECK
So, uh -- I see you’re quite the bowler --

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - FRONT OFFICE - DAY
The typical school office
with ancient furniture.

And what’s that?
A mimeograph machine?

Seated behind her desk
is RUTH CHUBB (60’s),
Miss Grundy incarnate.

She studies a schedule.
Gets up from her desk.
Walks toward the door.

EXT. CLASSROOM DOORWAY - DAY
Ruth whispers to the TEACHER (20’s),
a hot young thing.

Her eyes grow wide.
Shakes her head ‘no.’

RUTH
Returns to her desk. Sits.
Turns on the PA system.
Leans into the microphone.

INT. SCHOOL CORRIDOR - DAY
Completely empty. Ruth’s voice
comes over the PA system.

RUTH (O.C.)
(electronic)
Will Frankie Stein please report
to the Principal’s office?
Frankie Stein, please report
to the Principal’s office.

CHET AND BECK
Sit in their chairs.
WHIP their heads toward the speaker.

BECK
What the fuck?

CHET
Great. Just great --

PRINCIPAL BACON
Fucking old CROW.
(clears his throat)
Excuse me --