Monday, March 7, 2016
In Blonde We Trust
Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.
In Chapter 11 of FRANKENSTEIN IN LOVE, local cop Chet Beverage grills Shayla's boyfriend Willis Grub about her disappearance. Meanwhile, at the high school Shayla attended, both the jocks and the cheerleaders mourn her loss ...
EXT. WILLIS’ HOUSE - NIGHT
Chet Beverage stands at the door.
RINGS the bell. Wait a beat. RINGS again.
The door FLIES open. Willis stands there. Sees Chet.
Tries hard not to look freaked out. Fails.
Oh, hi -- officer. Is everything -- okay?
I just have some routine questions. Can I come in?
Uh -- yeah, sure.
INT. WILLIS’ HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Buck sits on the couch. Passed out in the dark.
Some old movie plays at a low volume on the TV.
Let’s go in the kitchen.
INT. WILLIS’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT
Chet takes a seat at the small kitchen table.
Willis stands, fidgeting. Looks very nervous.
And more than a little guilty.
So what’s up?
We got a call from Shayla’s parents.
She didn’t come home for dinner tonight.
Her parents said she was with you
after school. Was she?
Yeah. We were just -- hanging out.
Driving around, you know --
If you didn’t take her home afterwards,
where did she go?
I don’t know.
We had a -- a fight.
She puked all over the inside my car,
and I -- got mad and kicked her out.
And you just drove away?
I was mad. The truck is almost BRAND-NEW,
and now it smells like puke.
Where did you drop her off?
Out by Old Country Road.
Were you drinking?
Of course not.
Could you show us where it was?
PUSH IN ON Willis’ face.
Quietly freaking out.
Uh, yeah -- sure.
INT. SUBURBAN HIGH SCHOOL - CORRIDOR - DAY
Students stream down the hallway carrying books.
Most of them looks sad, in shock, lost.
A pair of STONERS stand in
front of the water fountain.
They sport the standard ripped jeans
and Metallica T-shirt uniform.
You can practically smell them on the page.
Dude. It’s The case of the missing snatch.
What do you think happened to her?
I dunno. It’s a loss to humanity, bro.
That was some righteous pink taco.
In blonde we trust.
CAMERA finds a group of NERDS
huddling around a locker.
BIG GLASSES NERD
She was swallowed into a space-time
continuum, I tell you.
God, are you stupid.
She probably just ran away
from home or something.
Maybe she got KIDNAPPED
and sold into white slavery.
BIG GLASSES NERD
Maybe she got sucked into a black hole.
Hey. Who you calling a BLACK HOLE?
CAMERA WHOOSHES OVER to a pair of jocks
walking down the hallway. Heads hung low.
Trying to process the information.
So -- is it still okay to jerk off over her?
(low, to himself)
What a waste of such major boobage --
Maybe I can dry-hump Nicole --
and think about her?
They SLAP PALMS.
Gone, but still jizzed-on.
CAMERA glides away. Finds Shayla’s cheerleader friends
AURA and AMBER. Teary-eyed, they hustle down the hall.
I don’t understand. Where did she GO?
I feel -- empty, like when I got kicked off Facebook --
Yeah. It’s like you texted someone,
and they didn’t text back.
They look at each other. SHRIEK.
RUN into the girls’ room.
CAMERA finds Frankie and Josh,
walking toward the exit.
I dunno, Frankie. Maybe we should confess.
It doesn’t feel right.
Yeah, right. What are we supposed to say?
She’s dead, but I brought her back to life
and she’s down in my basement?
I had bad dreams last night, Frankie.
I’m not sure if I can handle this.
HANDLE this? You HAVE to handle this.
She’s mine now, and I’m not going to let her go.
But she’s DEAD, Frankie. She’s DEAD.
What good is she to you like that?
GOOD to me? Tonight’s our first date --