The Other White Meat

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Wednesday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 23 of THE HEISTERS, Kelsey and the gang start robbing the money room at the stadium, but things get a bit complicated when a female employee starts having an epileptic fit ...


INT. STADIUM FINANCE OFFICE - DAY - FLASHBACK
We hear ROCK MUSIC playing outside.
But muffled inside.

Two FEMALE EMPLOYEES (20’s)
sit at the money counting table
in the middle of the room.

Kelsey and Ronan are now dressed as guards
and stand by the front door with guns.

IN THE STORAGE ROOM
Chick sits just inside the doorway
with a machine gun trained
on the guards and other employees,
now bound and gagged.

IN THE FINANCE OFFICE
Ludo sits under the front counter
with a machine gun aimed at the
female employees at the money counting table.

A buzzer RINGS.
Kelsey goes to the door.
Opens it.

A uniformed GUARD (20’s) stands there,
carrying a big bag of money.
He eyes Kelsey appreciatively.

Another GUARD is behind him,
his piece at the ready.

FLIRTING GUARD
(hands her the bag)
Well, hello there.
Haven’t seen you here before.

KELSEY
(takes it)
Let’s keep it that way, huh?

FLIRTING GUARD
Ouch.

GUARD WITH GUN
She got you good.

RONAN
Barking up the wrong tree, fellas.
She prefers ‘the other white meat’

FLIRTING GUARD
So that’s the way it is, huh?
Your loss, honey --

KELSEY
And my gain.
See ya later, fellas.

They smile and walk away.

KELSEY
(to Ronan)
What’s with the dyke stuff?

RONAN
Blue collar male bonding.
It would have looked funny
if I didn’t crack a stupid joke.
(beat)
You know guys --

KELSEY
Too well.

Ronan brings the cash box
over to the girls at the counting table.

One girl starts stacking up the cash.
Under the table are the duffle bags,
which the other girl start filling.

The girl stacking up the cash
starts HAVING A SEIZURE.

FALLS off her chair.
Starts THRASHING and JERKING
on the floor, having SPASMS.

Her eyes roll back
into her head.

EPILEPTIC GIRL
GAAA --

RONAN
What the FUCK?

KELSEY
She’s having a SEIZURE.

RONAN
Is she gonna DIE?

KELSEY
I DON’T KNOW.

The other girl JUMPS UP,
looks at Epileptic in horror.

CASH ROOM GIRL
She’s epileptic.
You need to put something
under her tongue,
or she’ll SWALLOW IT.

KELSEY
Like what?

CASH ROOM GIRL
A pen, a spoon,
something like that.
You want me to do it?

KELSEY
Yeah, DO IT.

Cash Room RACES over to the
Mr. Coffee machine.

Grabs a plastic spoon off the counter.
RACES back.

JAMS it in Epileptic’s mouth.
She CLAMPS her teeth on it. WRITHING.

Cash Room holds her tight.
Comforts her.
Looks up at Kelsey.

CASH ROOM GIRL
It’s happened before --

Gradually, Epileptic starts calming down.

KELSEY
What started it?

CASH ROOM GIRL
(carefully)
Uh, stress --

KELSEY
But she’s okay?

CASH ROOM GIRL
Yeah.
But she needs to lie down
for a while. Can I --

KELSEY
Yeah.
Take her back with the others.
(to Ronan)
Would you help her?

RONAN
Okay.
(walks over to her, turns his head)
Close call, huh?

PUSH IN ON Kelsey’s face.
Relieved.
Heart still pounding.

KELSEY
No fucking shit --