Book 'Em, Dano

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 25 of THE HEISTERS, Chick pays a clandestine visit as a 'survey taker' to another one of Jackie Tempel's girlfriends to find out if she stole the gang's loot, but when he gets there, he's in for a rude surprise ...


EXT. BUNGALOW - NIGHT
An old Craftsman bungalow
divided into three tiny apartments.

Right down the street from where
Jackie Tempel got skewered.

Chick comes walking
down the sidewalk
holding his clipboard.

Reads the numbers on the houses.
Stops at the Craftsman.

CHICK
I love these old homes.
So much character.

He opens the gate.
Walks up the path
to the front door.

ACROSS THE STREET
Sitting in an unmarked car
are Homicide Detective Isaacs
and his partner Nunn
staking out the joint.

They both sip
designer coffees.

Isaacs sees Chick
across the street.

ISAACS
Looks like we got ourselves
another live one.

NUNN
Guy looks kinda old --

ISAACS
Keep in mind
these are heisters.
Some of the pros
keep working.
There’s no retirement age.

NUNN
Should we pop ‘em now,
or wait till
he comes out?

ISAACS
It’s fucking late.
Let’s go reel ‘em in.

NUNN
Book ‘em, Danno.

They start to get
out of the car.

AT THE DOOR
A young HOT BLONDE (20)
stands in the doorway.

Looks at Chick intently.
She’s in her bathrobe,
wearing glasses.

HOT BLONDE
Can I help you?

CHICK
I’m sorry to
bother you so late.
I’m with the
Global Media Group,
taking a survey.
It’ll only take a
couple of minutes.

HOT BLONDE
A survey?
What about?

CHICK
(smiles)
Your entertainment
viewing habits.
TV, the internet,
video games --

HOT BLONDE
(looks over his shoulder)
Well, I’m kinda busy --
studying for finals.
You said it will
only take a
couple minutes?

ISAACS (O.C.)
Thanks, Miss.
We’ll take it from here.

Chick turns around, sees --

ISAACS AND NUNN
Standing behind them.
Holding up their badges.

ISAACS
Detective Don Isaacs,
homicide.

NUNN
Would you please
come with us?
We’d like to ask you
some questions.

Chick looks at them, startled.
Like anyone would.

ISAACS
Strictly routine,
of course.

CHICK
Why certainly, officers.
Would you mind telling me
what this is all about?

The door CLICKS
closed behind him.

ISAACS
We’ll talk about it
at the station
if you don’t mind.

CHICK
No, of course not.
I support law enforcement.

NUNN
(to Isaacs)
Hey.
Check it out.
The old-timer just
pissed his pants.

Chick looks down.
Sees the wet stain
on his crotch.

ISAACS
Think he’s got
something to hide?

NUNN
Nah.
Probably just forgot
to wear his Depends.

They both BURST
into nasty LAUGHTER.

From The Mouths Of Babes

Happy Thanksgiving, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 24 of THE HEISTERS, career bank robber Kelsey Hazard pays a visit to her 'special needs' child at his assisted care facility.


INT. ASSISTED CARE FACILITY - DAY ROOM - DAY - FLASHBACK
A large, airy room. Very fancy. Lush carpeting.
Plush furniture. The best that money can buy.

Several SEVERELY RETARDED CHILDREN
sit on the floor and listen to a
PLEASANT-FACED NURSE read them a story.

But it’s hard to tell if any of them
are really listening.

Each locked away in their
own private world.

In a faraway corner,
in front of a big picture window,
Kelsey (30) sits with BURKE (10), her son.

He’s also severely retarded,
with that faraway look in his eyes.
Restless.

Together they’re assembling Legos.
Making a big building of some sort.
Kelsey’s doing most of the work, however.

KELSEY
Good job, Burke.
Now why don’t you show me
where that piece would fit.

Burke stares off into space.
Sticks the Lego brick he’s holding
into his mouth.
Starts sucking on it.

KELSEY
Take the Lego out
of your mouth, Burke.
That’s dangerous.
You might swallow it.

He looks at her blankly.
Pops it in his mouth.

KELSEY
BURKE, NO.

Burke starts CHOKING.
Face starts turning RED.

KELSEY
(looks around)
Somebody HELP, he’s CHOKING --

Out of nowhere, a pair of
BURLY ORDERLIES appear.
GRAB Burke.

Try to get the piece out of his throat.
He starts going into CONVULSIONS.
Writhing and rolling around on the floor.

KELSEY
HELP HIM, HELP HIM!

Big Orderly gives him The Heimlich,
CRACKS his chest from behind.

The Lego goes FLYING out of his mouth.
But he’s still WRITHING and SCREAMING.
They pick him up and take him away.

Kelsey watches them go.
In complete shock. Numb.

A KINDLY DOCTOR (60’s)
comes up to her.
Touches her shoulder.

KINDLY DOCTOR
Not to worry, Ms. Hazard.
He’ll be just fine.

KELSEY
Wh-where are they taking him?

KINDLY DOCTOR
To his room.
They’ll give him a sedative.
Not to worry.

KELSEY
Can I go see him?

KINDLY DOCTOR
It’s best if we leave him
alone so he can rest.
Why don’t you come back tomorrow?

PUSH IN ON Kelsey’s face.
Horrified.
Heartbroken.

KELSEY
I have to go -- out of town --

The Other White Meat

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Wednesday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 23 of THE HEISTERS, Kelsey and the gang start robbing the money room at the stadium, but things get a bit complicated when a female employee starts having an epileptic fit ...


INT. STADIUM FINANCE OFFICE - DAY - FLASHBACK
We hear ROCK MUSIC playing outside.
But muffled inside.

Two FEMALE EMPLOYEES (20’s)
sit at the money counting table
in the middle of the room.

Kelsey and Ronan are now dressed as guards
and stand by the front door with guns.

IN THE STORAGE ROOM
Chick sits just inside the doorway
with a machine gun trained
on the guards and other employees,
now bound and gagged.

IN THE FINANCE OFFICE
Ludo sits under the front counter
with a machine gun aimed at the
female employees at the money counting table.

A buzzer RINGS.
Kelsey goes to the door.
Opens it.

A uniformed GUARD (20’s) stands there,
carrying a big bag of money.
He eyes Kelsey appreciatively.

Another GUARD is behind him,
his piece at the ready.

FLIRTING GUARD
(hands her the bag)
Well, hello there.
Haven’t seen you here before.

KELSEY
(takes it)
Let’s keep it that way, huh?

FLIRTING GUARD
Ouch.

GUARD WITH GUN
She got you good.

RONAN
Barking up the wrong tree, fellas.
She prefers ‘the other white meat’

FLIRTING GUARD
So that’s the way it is, huh?
Your loss, honey --

KELSEY
And my gain.
See ya later, fellas.

They smile and walk away.

KELSEY
(to Ronan)
What’s with the dyke stuff?

RONAN
Blue collar male bonding.
It would have looked funny
if I didn’t crack a stupid joke.
(beat)
You know guys --

KELSEY
Too well.

Ronan brings the cash box
over to the girls at the counting table.

One girl starts stacking up the cash.
Under the table are the duffle bags,
which the other girl start filling.

The girl stacking up the cash
starts HAVING A SEIZURE.

FALLS off her chair.
Starts THRASHING and JERKING
on the floor, having SPASMS.

Her eyes roll back
into her head.

EPILEPTIC GIRL
GAAA --

RONAN
What the FUCK?

KELSEY
She’s having a SEIZURE.

RONAN
Is she gonna DIE?

KELSEY
I DON’T KNOW.

The other girl JUMPS UP,
looks at Epileptic in horror.

CASH ROOM GIRL
She’s epileptic.
You need to put something
under her tongue,
or she’ll SWALLOW IT.

KELSEY
Like what?

CASH ROOM GIRL
A pen, a spoon,
something like that.
You want me to do it?

KELSEY
Yeah, DO IT.

Cash Room RACES over to the
Mr. Coffee machine.

Grabs a plastic spoon off the counter.
RACES back.

JAMS it in Epileptic’s mouth.
She CLAMPS her teeth on it. WRITHING.

Cash Room holds her tight.
Comforts her.
Looks up at Kelsey.

CASH ROOM GIRL
It’s happened before --

Gradually, Epileptic starts calming down.

KELSEY
What started it?

CASH ROOM GIRL
(carefully)
Uh, stress --

KELSEY
But she’s okay?

CASH ROOM GIRL
Yeah.
But she needs to lie down
for a while. Can I --

KELSEY
Yeah.
Take her back with the others.
(to Ronan)
Would you help her?

RONAN
Okay.
(walks over to her, turns his head)
Close call, huh?

PUSH IN ON Kelsey’s face.
Relieved.
Heart still pounding.

KELSEY
No fucking shit --

The Set-Up

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 22 of THE HEISTERS, things get explosive when driver Jefty Jones accuses Kelsey of stealing the money from the heist, but when Ronan arrives on the scene and confronts Jefty, more than bullets go flying ...


INT. VENICE MOTOR COURT HOTEL - NIGHT
The lights are out.
TV’s on with the sound off.

Kelsey lays on the bed. Smoking.
She takes a swig of beer. Thinking.

KELSEY (V.O.)
Thank god the bimbo
finally took a powder.
I could finally have
some piece and quiet.
All that yack-yack-yacking
was driving me crazy.

A loud POUNDING on the door.

KASPER (O.C.)
Open the fucking door, BITCH.

Kelsey turns her head. Looks --

KELSEY
Kasper?

She reaches over.
Grabs her piece.

Walks over to the door.
Puts her hand on the knob.
Looks through the peephole.

KELSEY
Keep it DOWN --

She slowly opens the door.
DARTS to the side.

Kasper SLAMS it open.
RACES into the room.

SLAMS it shut.
Gun drawn.

Wheels around.
Sees her.

Aiming her piece at him
with two hands.

KASPER
You set US UP.

KELSEY
You’re fucking crazy.

KASPER
No.
YOU’RE fucking crazy for
SETTING US UP.
Now you’re gonna DIE.

KELSEY
Put down the gun, Kasper.
Nice and slow --

KASPER
Jefty walked right into a TRAP.
The cops were there and they
SHOT him, man.

KELSEY
They DID?
How do you know this?

KASPER
The joint I went to was
ALSO covered with pigs,
so I called him,
and some COP
answered his phone,
said he was DEAD --
THAT’S how I know.

KELSEY
Shit.

KASPER
So where is the MONEY, huh?
You got it stashed some place?

KELSEY
Kasper.
I didn’t set you up.
Now put the fucking gun down
so we can figure out what to do.

A key turns in the door.
It opens.

In walks Ronan.
He shuts the door.

Kelsey and Kasper
turn their heads.

But keep their guns
trained on each other.

RONAN
What the fuck is going ON?

KELSEY
Jefty’s dead.
Shot by cops.
Asshole here thinks
I pulled a double cross
and set everyone up.

KASPER
Don’t listen to her.
She DID it, man.

Kelsey takes advantage
of the moment and
LUNGES at Kasper.

GRABS his gun,
KNEES him in the groin.

PISTOL-WHIPS him in the head
with her piece, CRACK.

Kasper HITS the ground, THWUMP.
Holding his crotch. Groaning.

RONAN
Wasn’t that a little excessive?

KELSEY
Fuck you.
He accuses me of ripping everybody off
and points a gun at me?
(beat)
He’s lucky he’s still breathing.

RONAN
I -- see your point.

KELSEY
How did it go?

RONAN
No go.
Turns out she moved.
Roommate situation.
Went back home to mom and pop.
Roomie said the ‘big city’
didn’t agree with her.

Kasper slowly stands up.
Glaring at Kelsey.

RONAN
(to Kasper)
How did yours go?

KASPER
Like I told HER, I get there,
and the place was swarming
with fucking COPS.
I tell you, she set us up.

KELSEY
Shut the fuck up, asshole.
I don’t take any shit
from a fucking DRIVER.
(to Ronan)
Miscalculation.
I thought he was bluffing.
Didn’t think they’d
stake out the ex-girlfriends,
but they did.
They know the murder
is connected to the robbery.

RONAN
Yeah -- guess so.

KASPER
What?
You’re gonna BELIEVE her?

RONAN
Yes, I’m gonna believe her.
I brought her IN on this job.
She’s the fucking BEST,
and you don’t get more jobs
if you fucking RIP-OFF
the people you work with,
GOT IT?

KASPER
But, but --

RONAN
ZIP IT, you fucking WETBACK.
You’re hired muscle,
and nothing else.
You do what we fucking
TELL YOU TO DO, got it?

KASPER
HEY.
Wait a minute.
You can’t talk to me like that.

RONAN
We can and you’re
gonna fucking TAKE IT.
You want your share
of the money or WHAT?

KASPER
But I TOLD you,
SHE’S got it --

Kelsey raises her gun. FIRES.
THWIP. THWIP. THWIP.

Three shots to the chest.
Kasper looks down in horror.

Another THWIP to the head.
Right between the eyes.

He falls over, THWUNK.

RONAN
Jesus, Kelsey.
Did you have to do THAT?

KELSEY
He wouldn’t fucking SHUT UP.

Who's Sorry Now?

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 21 of THE HEISTERS, it's a clusterfuck of epic proportions when sleazy b-girl Doll Montana gets 'up close and deadly' with her ex-boy toy Jackie Tempel.


INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
Jackie Tempel lies on the
side of the bed
in the dim light.
Back turned.

Doll creeps in the room.
Softly goes to the
other side of the bed.

Stares at him.
Thinking.

She looks at the sword
on the wall.

Reaches up and
GRABS it.

DOLL
Wake up, ASSHOLE.
It’s JUDGMENT DAY.

Jackie wakes up.
BOLTS upright in the bed.

Looks at Doll.
Sees the sword.

Starts to freak.
Scared shitless.

JACKIE
D-d-doll.
What are you doing here?
Put the sword down.
You could hurt somebody.

DOLL
No SHIT, shit-head.
I’m here to FUCK YOU UP.

JACKIE
Wait, wait, wait --
what the FUCK?
Just because we
BROKE UP?

DOLL
We didn’t BREAK UP,
you fucking DUMPED ME.

JACKIE
Doll, I told you.
I’m clean now.
I still care about you --
but not that way.

DOLL
(waves the sword around)
So who’s the NEW snatch?
She looks old enough
to be your MOTHER.

JACKIE
Doll, please.
Put the sword down.
She doesn’t mean
anything to me.
(beat)
Not like you did.

DOLL
Did? Did? DID?

JACKIE
Doll, I’m sorry,
but I can’t see you.
My sponsor says I
have to stay away
from people that are using --
(beat)
PLEASE put the sword down.
You’re scaring me.

DOLL
SCARING you?
Well, how’s this for SCARY?

She stops waving it.
Points the sword at him --

JACKIE
Doll. No. PLEASE --

And she PLUNGES IT
into his neck, THWICK.

Then KICKS IT.
The sword CRUNCHES
into the headboard.
Pinning him like a doll.

Blood oozes out.
Starts staining the sheets.

DOLL
That’ll teach you to
FUCK with me.

Doll goes to the closet.
Sees two big duffle bags.
Grabs them.

She lays them down.
Zips one open.

Sees it’s STUFFED WITH CASH.
Her eyes BUG OUT.

DOLL
Holy fucking SHIT.

Doll ZIPS it shut.
Wild, crazed look
in her eyes.

DOLL
I’m fucking RICH.

She GRABS both bags.
Starts heading out the door.

Stops.
Looks at Jackie.

His face a rictus
of permanent surprise.

DOLL
Who’s sorry NOW, asshole?

Pale Blue Skin

Hey there, crime kids. TGIF, goddammit. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 20 of THE HEISTERS, the FBI traces dead heister Jefty Jones' cell phone and locates the seedy Venice beach motel where Kelsey and the gang are holed up while trying to find their stolen loot. Then we flash back to earlier in our story and meet sleazy b-girl Doll Montana, who pays a little visit to Kesley's boy toy Jackie Tempel. And trust me, she's NOT there to 'party' ...


INT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS - ELWIN’S OFFICE - NIGHT
Elwin sits behind his desk.
Mart leans against the wall,
sips a cup of coffee.

Standing in front of the desk
are two SERIOUS-LOOKING FBI AGENTS (30’s).

SERIOUS-LOOKING FBI AGENT
(into his cell phone)
Great, thank you.
We’ll keep you posted.

Meet REN ROSEN.
Stiff. Formal. No-nonsense.
Poster boy for the Feds.

Boyish good looks.
Hence the overcompensation.

REN
We have the location.

ELWIN
That was fast --

MART
Shit, yeah --

The other agent, MEG STARK,
a tall, curvy brunette
gives them a wry smile.

Adjusts her glasses.
Purses bright red lips.

MEG
Simple triangulation equation
from the satellite.
We can track a text message
from a moving vehicle
in thirty seconds.

ELWIN
Damn.

REN
Signal came from
The Venice Motor Court.
I assume that’s a hotel
at the beach?

MART
Damn straight it is.

MEG
How far away?

ELWIN
Ten minutes?

REN
Then let’s go --

MART
You mean you WANT us
to come with you?

Ren nods curtly.
Heads for the door.
They all follow.

ELWIN
(to Mart)
Well, THAT’S a first --

MEG
(to Mart and Elwin)
Ren believes that cooperation between
local and federal authorities
is the most efficient method
of solving crime.

MART
Amen, sister --

EXT. SHITTY BUNGALOW - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
It’s late. Light spills out
from a single window in the back.

ACROSS THE STREET
An ancient Dodge Dart Swinger is parked.
A sickly puke green.

We see a woman’s face
in the window. Smoking.

IN THE CAR
We see her up close.

She’s kinda hot, in a tough,
biker-chick kind of way.

Severe black hair with bangs,
ala Bettie Page.

Meet DOLL MONTANA (20’s),
former juvenile delinquent,
now on the road to career criminal.

Pale skin you get from doing
LOTS of drugs.

She HONKS a line of meth
off her compact.

THE FRONT DOOR
Of the bungalow opens.

Out walks Kelsey.
She lights a smoke.
Starts off down the sidewalk.

IN THE CAR
Doll’s eyes shoot daggers at Kelsey.
Watching her.

She opens the door of the car.
Climbs out.

Walks across the street.
Stiletto boots CLICK-CLICK-CLICK
on the pavement.

Doll gets to the door.
Opens it. Goes in.

INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
Jackie Tempel lies
on the side of the bed
in the dim light.
Back turned.

Doll creeps in the room.
Softly goes to the
other side of the bed.

Stares at him.
Thinking.

She looks at the sword on the wall.
Reaches up and GRABS it.

DOLL
Wake up, ASSHOLE.
It’s JUDGMENT DAY --

[CONTINUED ON MONDAY]

Dead Weight

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 19 of THE HEISTERS, the robbery commences when Kelsey and the gang overpowers the staff in the stadium money room, but then have an unpleasant surprise when they have to tangle with the security guards ...


INT. FINANCE OFFICE - DAY - FLASHBACK
Kelsey and Chick stand near
the front window. Watching.

Ludo and Ronan are on either side
of the door holding Uzis.

KELSEY
Here comes two of ‘em.
A guy and a girl --

CHICK
Jeez.
Check out the cans on THAT heifer.
(beat)
Sorry --

Everyone is quiet. Listening.
We hear a key JIGGLING in the door.

It OPENS, and in walk a
NERDY GUY (20’s) and a FAT CHICK (30’s).

Ludo and Ronan POKE them
with their Uzis.

LUDO
Make a sound and you’re shredded wheat,
got it?

RONAN
Into the storage room. MARCH.

Nerdy and Fat look at each other.
Freaked.

They nod, look down,
and start walking.

Ronan follows them.
Ludo takes position at the door again.
Kelsey joins him.

CHICK
Here comes one of the guards.
(beat)
Careful.
This guy is BIG.

Footsteps POUND-POUND-POUND
outside the door. It OPENS.

In walks a THREE-HUNDRED POUND MONSTER.
I mean, this guy is BIG.

The love child of Refrigerator Perry
and Oprah.

Ludo points his Uzi at Monster Guard.
Takes a step back.

LUDO
Don’t move.
Stay right where you are.

MONSTER GUARD
Fuck YOU.

Quick as lightning, he reaches out and
SWATS the gun out of Ludo’s hand.

GRABS him around the throat
with his meaty paws.

MONSTER GUARD
Nobody gonna rob MY office --

Kelsey RACES over.
PISTOL-WHIPS him on the head
with her gun.

But it does no good.
He blinks.

Keeps squeezing Ludo’s throat,
who’s face is now turning bright red.

Kelsey pulls out a silencer.
Screws it on her gun --

Just as Chick walks up and CRACKS
a folding chair over his head, BANG.

Monster lets go of Ludo.
Takes a step back,
weaves a little,
then falls over,
hits the floor with a THUD.

KELSEY
The bigger they are --

CHICK
The harder you have to smash’ em
over the head.

LUDO
(rubbing his neck)
I actually starting seeing stars,
like in the cartoons --

KELSEY
(to Chick)
C’mon, help me drag him
into the storage room.

They each take an ankle.
Give him a YANK.

But he won’t budge.
Ludo looks at them. Smiles.

LUDO
Let me do it.
I could bench press that fat fuck.

Kelsey and Chick step back.
Ludo GRABS his ankles.

Starts pulling him across the floor
to the back.

CHICK
Impressive.

KELSEY
That’s what I call 'dead weight.'

The door CLICKS.

Kelsey leans down,
picks up Ludo’s Uzi.

Takes aim.
It OPENS.

THREE GUARDS file in,
holding Starbucks.

CHICK
(waves his gun)
Stop right there, fellas.

KELSEY
Reach for your piece,
and it’s lights out,
right in the mochachino.

SURLY GUARD
(GRABS his piece)
What the FUCK?

CHICK
You heard the lady.
Get your hand OFF THE GUN.

ANGRY GUARD
(hand on his piece)
But there’s three of us,
and two of you.

CHICK
That may be,
but this semi-automatic weapon
will turn you into Swiss cheese
faster than you can say ‘Mall Cop.’

SURLY GUARD
HEY.
There’s no need to be NASTY.

RONAN (O.C.)
If you don’t get your asses over here
in two seconds --

Reveal RONAN.
Ten feet away.
Pointing HIS Uzi at them.

RONAN
Nasty is just the BEGINNING.

WIMPY GUARD
C’mon, guys.
These people man BUSINESS.
It’s not worth DYING for --

Surly and Angry take their
hands off their guns. Sigh.

All three start walking
toward the back.

CHICK
(looks at Kelsey)
I almost had a coronary --

KELSEY
No time for that.
Take a deep breath.
We still have four more employees
on the way.

CHICK
Don’t worry.
Figure of speech.

KELSEY
Great work with the chair,
by the way.

CHICK
Thanks.
I was trained by the best.

KELSEY
Army?
Marines?

CHICK
Nah.
Parents had eight kids --

Notorious Pig

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 18 of THE HEISTERS, we flash back to Kelsey and the gang breaking into the stadium to hide in a storeroom until morning to rob the joint. Then we flash forward to Ludo conducting another one of Kelsey's surveys to try and find the chick that robbed them, but when he ventures into 'the hood,' he's in for a rude awakening ...


INT. FINANCE OFFICE - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
A large room with cubicles and work stations.

Drab. Functional. Cluttered.
Eerie in the dim light.

Kelsey leads them to a door
in the far corner.

She opens it.
They walk into --

INT. STORAGE ROOM - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
A windowless room with shelves
along the walls filled with boxes.

Ludo and Ronan put their bags down.
Look around.

CHICK
It’s not much,
but I call it ‘hiding place.’

Ludo FLIPS on the lights.
Lowers his scarf.
Chick lowers his.

RONAN
Damn, that’s bright.
Shut ‘em off.

KELSEY
Leave ‘em on.
It’ll keep us awake.

LUDO
So what are we going to do
to pass the time?
I’m too keyed up
to get any shut-eye.

CHICK
(pulls out a pack of cards)
Anybody up for a game of poker?

KELSEY
Good idea.
It’ll keep our wits sharp.

Ronan grabs a box.
Puts it in the middle of the floor.

RONAN
Here’s our table --

They all sit on the floor
around the box.

Chick starts shuffling
and cutting the cards.

CHICK
How about a little five-card draw?

LUDO
What about Texas Hold-em?

KELSEY
Fuck that yuppie shit.
I say seven-card STUD.

CHICK
I’m really starting to like this broad.
(starts dealing the cards)
Stud it is --

RONAN
So what are we gonna play for?

KELSEY
IOU’s work for me.
(looks at her cards)
After all, tomorrow
we’re gonna be rolling in it --

She turns her head.
Smiles at Ronan.

EXT. VENICE SIDE STREET - NIGHT
Far from the beach, where The Hood
changes block by block.

Small shitty houses with steel bars
on the windows and doors.

NOT a safe area.
Ugly rap music THUMPS in the distance.

A late-model SUV slowly
creeps down the street.

INT. SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
Ludo drives, looks at the numbers on the houses.

LUDO
Good thing I brought my fucking piece --
(sees the number)
Nice joint.
Maybe I can get a deal on some crack.

He pulls over to the curb.
Shuts off the engine. Sighs.

Grabs the clipboard off the seat.
Opens the door.

LUDO
Here goes nothing --

Ludo climbs out.
Shuts the door.

Presses his autolock, THWIP.
Starts going up the front walk.

Gets to the front door.
RINGS the buzzer.

INT. SHITTY RUN-DOWN HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT
Hip-hop on a boom box thumps over --

A real pig-sty.
Dishes piled up in the sink.

Fast food wrappers, pizza boxes
and beer cans litter the joint --

Which is now actually a
drug dealer’s base of operations.

Three HOT BLACK GANG-BANGER CHICKS (20’s)
sit at table in the kitchen
measuring rocks of crack
into small glass vials.

Another CHICK stands by the door
holding an Uzi submachine gun.

Narrows her eyes.
Looks at the girls.

HOT UZI CHICK
Anybody expectin’ company?

The girls look up.
Shake their heads ‘no.’

HOT UZI CHICK
I’ll go check it out.
One of you go out the back
and come around in front and back me up.

TALL GANG-BANG CHICK
Okay --

She gets up.
Grabs a PISTOL WITH A SILENCER
off the counter.

Heads out the back.
Hot Uzi heads toward the front.

INTERCUT WITH:

EXT. SHITTY RUN-DOWN HOUSE - NIGHT
Ludo stands on the stoop. Waiting.
He RINGS the bell again.

Peers in the window.
Tiny bit of light spilling out
behind the drawn shades.

LUDO
Hello.
Anybody home?

Hot Uzi looks through the peephole.
Makes a face.

HOT UZI CHICK
(under her breath)
Shit.
Looks like a fuckin’ COP --

She goes to the intercom.
Presses the button.
Speaks into it.

HOT UZI CHICK
Who is it?

Ludo leans into the speaker.

LUDO
I’m from Global Media Group,
doing a survey.
I’m looking for Janice Michelle Jones.

Hot Uzi presses the gun
up against the door.

HOT UZI CHICK
She don’t live here no more.

LUDO
Are you sure?
This is her last known address --

HOT UZI CHICK
I said she don’t live here NO MORE.
So get the fuck OUTTA here --

LUDO
Please.
I just have a couple of questions.
It won’t take more than five minutes.

A gun saftey CLICK-CLICKS.

TALL GANG-BANG CHICK
Stands at the corner of the house.
Gun aimed. Sneering.

TALL GANG-BANG CHICK
Bitch tol’ you she don’t
live here no more,
so why don’t you get your
WHITE ASS the fuck OUTTA HERE.

Ludo’s eyes bug out.
He starts to panic.

LUDO
Hey.
I don’t want any trouble.
Put the gun down.

TALL GANG-BANG CHICK
You look like a cop to me.
Are you a fuckin’ COP?

LUDO
A COP?
No, no, no -- I’m just here
to take a survey, I swear.

TALL GANG-BANG CHICK
What part of GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE
don’t you GET, white boy, HUH?

LUDO
Okay, okay, okay, I’m leaving.

He WHIPS AROUND to go --
and the clipboard hits
the front of his jacket,
opening it to reveal the
Glock in his waistband.

TALL GANG-BANG CHICK
You ARE a fuckin’ COP!

She SHOOTS him.
THWIP, THWIP, THWIP.

Ludo looks down.
Sees three red blossoms
forming on his white shirt.

LUDO
You fucking -- shot --

Another shot HITS
him in the forehead. THWIP.

He pitches backwards.
Hits the cement with a THUD.

The front door FLIES open.
Hot Uzi looks out. Sees Ludo.

HOT UZI CHICK
What THE FUCK?

TALL GANG-BANG CHICK
He had a GUN.
He’s a fucking COP.

HOT UZI CHICK
Shit, fuck, piss, COCKSUCKER.
Not ANOTHER ONE --

Tall goes to Ludo’s body.
Grabs him by the ankles.

TALL GANG-BANG CHICK
Chill.
We’ll put him in the trunk
with the other one.
So we gots TWO to get rid of.
What’s the big deal?

HOT UZI CHICK
The BIG DEAL is your trigger-happy ass
gonna get us capped one o’ dese daze.

TALL GANG-BANG CHICK
Shut your pie-ho and help me
move this fat guinea bitch.
He’s fucking HEAVY.

Hot Uzi comes out.
Puts her gun over her
shoulder by the strap.
Grabs Ludo’s wrists.

HOT UZI CHICK
Damn.
Motherfucker’s HEAVY.

TALL GANG-BANG CHICK
I TOL’ you --
(beat)
Notorious PIG.

Lady Luck

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 17 of THE HEISTERS, wheelman Kasper Garza tries to question another one of Kelsey's dead boy toy's girlfriends, but finds out the joint's being cased by the cops and hightails it out of there. Meanwhile, robbery/homicide dicks Nunn and Isaacs intercept his call to Jefty and now have a major lead ...


EXT. OZONE AVENUE - NIGHT
Ozone Avenue. A bucolic, leafy walkway street
at the north end of Venice Beach.

A lone street lamp spills shards
of diffused light through the trees.
Quiet. Eerie.

Kasper walks down the sidewalk
flanked on each side by old houses
and small apartment buildings.

He looks at the numbers.
Stops at the gate of a Craftsman bungalow.

KASPER
Number thirty-two.
This is it.

He looks at his clipboard.
Thinking.

KASPER
You can do it.
You can do it.

Just then he hears the SQUAWK
of a police radio.

FEMALE DISPATCHER (O.C.)
(electronic)
-- jumper off the roof at apartment complex,
see the building manager --

Footsteps CLOMP-CLOMP nearby --

KASPER
Shit.

He ducks behind a big tree.
Watches --

Two HOMICIDE DETECTIVES approach on foot.
We recognize them as
Nasty and Ugly Homicide Detectives
from earlier in the story.
Nasty speaks into his radio.

NASTY PLAINCLOTHES DICK
(into the radio)
This is Isaacs.
We’re at Ozone and Pacific about to pick up
a possible suspect for questioning.
Send some uniforms.
We’ll be there as soon as we can, copy?

FEMALE DISPATCHER (O.C.)
Copy that, over.

The radio SQUAWKS.

UGLY PLAINCLOTHES DICK
The stakeout is set up, right?

ISAACS
Yeah.
They’ll pick up anybody that comes to visit.
(puts the radio in his pocket)
C’mon, Nunn.
Let’s go see the pot dealer.

NUNN
Alleged pot dealer.

ISAACS
Yeah, RIGHT --

They start walking up the path
to the front door.

Kasper comes out from behind the tree.
Freaked.

KASPER
(whispers)
The fucking bitch.
It was HER -- it’s a SET-UP.

EXT. OZONE AVENUE - PARKING LOT - MOMENTS LATER
A small parking lot behind a boardwalk restaurant
facing the end of Ozone.

A shitty old Toyota Celica
idles in the lot.

INT. TOYOTA CELICA - CONTINUOUS
Kasper sits behind the wheel.
Pulls out his cell phone.

GUNS the engine.
Starts driving.
Punches a number. Listens.

KASPER
Jefty, it’s Kasper.
It’s a set-up.
The bitch is playing us --

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. HOMICIDE DETECTIVE SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT
A WELL-DRESSED BLACK DETECTIVE (40’s)
holds Jefty’s cell phone to his ear.
Big smile on his face.

DAPPER BLACK DETECTIVE
I think you might be right.
Your friend Jefty’s DEAD.

KASPER
What the FUCK?
Who the fuck IS this?

DAPPER BLACK DETECTIVE
Detective Elwin Marr, homicide.
If you come in and talk to us,
I can make you a deal.
Give up the others,
I’ll give you immunity.
How’s that sound?

KASPER
Fuck YOU, pig.

Kasper SLAMS the phone shut.
TOSSES it on the seat.

KASPER
(POUNDS the wheel)
SHIT. FUCK. GODDAMMIT --

He STOMPS on the gas.
The car FLIES down the alley.

KASPER
Fuckin’ bitch is gonna PAY.

ELWIN
Gets up from his chair.

Walks over to the doorway
of a nearby office.

The glass reads HOMICIDE.
He gently knocks.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Come on in, it’s open --

Elwin opens the door.
Walks into --

INT. MART VOLOK’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Mart sits behind his desk
going through some paperwork.

Looks tired. Beaten down.
NOT having a good day.

MART
What’s up?

ELWIN
We just caught a break on the stadium job.

MART
Oh, yeah? Really?

ELWIN
(holds up the cell phone)
One of the heisters just called the kid
we shot at tattoo-girl’s joint.

MART
The fake survey thing?

ELWIN
Yeah.
I offered to cut him a deal,
but he hung up.

MART
Call long enough to trace?

ELWIN
Nah. And besides, I’m sure it’s one
of those prepaid disposable jobs.
(smiles)
Think the FBI can do anything with it?

MART
Are you fucking kidding me?
Don’t you watch CSI?

ELWIN
Shit.
Maybe they could help me out
at the track --

MART
You STILL playing the ponies?
I thought you told me you’d been
on a bad streak.

ELWIN
I’ve gotta new system.
Gotta date with lady luck --

The Heist's The Thing

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 16 of THE HEISTERS, we flash back to the robbery, where Kelsey, Ludo and Chick break into the stadium money room ... but have a little trouble with the lock ...


EXT. BOX OFFICE ENTRANCE - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
Chick holds a small,
thin flashlight.

A small sliver of light hits Kelsey,
Ronan and Ludo’s feet.

CHICK
Hey, hey.
The gang’s all here.
Follow me.

They walk off into the darkness.

EXT. BOX OFFICE - DOOR - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
Chick shines a light on the lock
as Kelsey works a key.

It softly CLICKS open.
She smiles.

Quietly pushes the door open.
They file in.

INT. STAIRWELL - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
Kelsey leads Ronan, Ludo and Chick
up the stairs.

They walk slowly, carefully,
so as not to make any noise.

INT. STAIRWELL - DOOR - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
Kelsey pulls out another key.
Works it in the lock.

It softly CLICKS open.
She grabs the doorknob.

KELSEY
(whispers)
Follow me --

And the four of them walk in.

INT. CORRIDOR - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
The heisters pad softly down the hallway.

Get to a doorway at the end.
A sign reads
AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY.

Kelsey sticks a key in.
Tries to turn it.
No go.

KELSEY
Fuck --

LUDO
What’s wrong?

KELSEY
It doesn’t work.

RONAN
Maybe they changed the lock?

Chick puts his hand
on Kelsey’s shoulder.

CHICK
Let me try.
The impression copy
sometimes is a bit funky.

KELSEY
(hands him the key)
Knock yourself out.

CHICK
Allow me.

Chick sticks it in the lock,
moves it back and forth
in short, quick movements.

His ear against the door.
Listening.

A soft click.

He turns the knob,
and the door swings open.

KELSEY
Mother-fuck.
Where did you learn
how do THAT?

CHICK
Ever heard of Freddie Fingers?

KELSEY
Hell, yeah.
Legendary yegg.

CHICK
He was my cell-mate
during a stretch in Ossining.
Taught me everything he knew.

LUDO
What the fuck is a 'yegg?'

RONAN
You know, a Peterman --

LUDO
In English, please.

PUSH IN ON Kelsey.
Amused.

Holds up her keys.
Jiggles them.

KELSEY
(whispers)
Safecracker --

A Charitable Withdrawal

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 15 of THE HEISTERS, we flash back to the start of the robbery, where Kelsey and the boys break into the stadium late at night ... then flash forward to wheelman Jefty Jones conducting 'a survey' at Jackie Tempel's squeeze's joint to find out if she's the one who stole the gang's haul ...


EXT. STADIUM GATE - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
Ludo carries a fold-up chair and a newspaper.
Sets the chair down next to the gate.
Puts the paper on it.

He turns toward Chick.
Interlocks his fingers together.

Holds them down below his knees.
Chick steps onto Ludo’s hands and
GRABS the bars.

Ludo then HOISTS Chick up.
He GRABS the top.

Ludo GRABS Chick’s feet and
PUSHES him up higher.

Chick squeezes through the
opening at the top of the gate
and drops down on the other side
with a soft THUD.

Ludo pulls down his scarf.
Sits. Starts reading the paper.

IN THE MERCEDES
Ronan turns.

Looks at Kelsey.
Staring out the windshield.

RONAN
Been awhile since we worked together.

KELSEY
(eyes straight ahead)
Seems like old times --

RONAN
(stares at her, fidgets)
You never get nervous, do you.
(off her silence)
I get a bit -- on edge.
Then when the job gets going,
I calm down.
Kinda go onto auto-pilot.

KELSEY
(sees something)
Don’t look now,
but we’re coming in for a landing.

LUDO
Gets up from his chair.
Stretches and yawns.

KELSEY AND RONAN
Get out of the car.

Go the trunk. Open it.
Ronan takes out two large duffle bags.

Kelsey grabs a large suitcase.
They carry them over to Ludo.

LUDO
(takes Kelsey’s bag)
Gate’s open.

KELSEY
Then let’s go make
a charitable withdrawal.

EXT. SHITTY APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT
A plain, ordinary cement joint
on the outskirts of town
brought to you by the color grey.

Jefty walks up the front walk.
Gets to the front door.

Searches the mailboxes for a name.
Finds it. RINGS the bell.

Nervously fingers the clipboard
he’s carrying.

KELSEY (V.O.)
The gag was taking a survey
about entertainment habits.
What were you doing last night?
Watching TV? A DVD?
Cruising the internet?
Social networking?
Playing a videogame?
(beat)
If they were quick to respond,
we knew they weren’t a suspect.
Anybody who had killed someone
that violently and robbed them
of two bags stuffed with cash w
ould react in some way
that’d be noticeable.
(beat)
Simple. Easy.
Something anybody could do --

The door BUZZES.
Jefty walks in.

INT. CORRIDOR - NIGHT
Dimly lit. Shitty, stained carpet.
A door OPENS down the hall.

A tough-looking YOUNG CHICK (20’s),
tattooed and pierced leans out the doorway.
Rubs her black jeans.

TATTOOED CHICK
What do you want?

JEFTY
Are you the woman of the house?

TATTOOED CHICK
Who wants to know?

JEFTY
I’m with the Global Media Group.
We’re doing a survey
about entertainment habits.

TATTOOED CHICK
'Entertainment habits?'

JEFTY
Yeah.
You know, do you watch TV or DVD’s,
do you go on the internet --
(big smile)
Can I come in?
It’ll just take a minute, I promise.

TATTOOED CHICK
What the fuck.
C’mon in.

She ducks in.
Jefty follows her.

INT. SHITTY APARTMENT - NIGHT
Jefty follows her into
the threadbare living room --

JEFTY
Thanks for letting me --

Where he sees two
BIG PLAINCLOTHES DETECTIVES
in cheap suits and cheaper haircuts.
Standing in the middle of the room.

NASTY PLAINCLOTHES DICK
Taking a survey, huh?
Can we see some identification?

JEFTY
(starts to freak out)
I, uh -- uh --

UGLY PLAINCLOTHES DICK
What’s the matter, son --
cat got your arrest record?

JEFTY
Sorry -- I made a mistake --

He turns around and RUNS for the door.
The cops WHIP OUT their guns.
DASH after him.

TATTOOED CHICK
GET the fucker!

IN THE CORRIDOR
Jefty RUNS.
TOSSES the clipboard.

Pulls his gun out of his pocket.
Looks for a place to get rid of it.

The cops see the gun.
SHOUT out --

UGLY PLAINCLOTHES DICK
STOP, POLICE --

NASTY PLAINCLOTHES DICK
Put the weapon DOWN or we’ll SHOOT --

But he keeps running.
Gets to the end.

Starts to open the door.
The cops OPEN FIRE.

BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

Jefty’s body JERKS like a puppet
in a dance of death.

SLAMS against the door.
Slides down, red smears on the glass.

NASTY PLAINCLOTHES DICK
Your show’s been CANCELLED.

Quite The Dish

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 14 of THE HEISTERS, career criminal Kelsey Hazard pays a visit to the home of homicide detective Mart Volok to get the names of dead boy toy Jackie Tempel's female associates, but when Mart isn't forthcoming, she puts the screws on him ...


INT. STUDY - NIGHT
A manly room with shelves of books
and a big desk.

Ambience heavy and quiet.
Photos of cops on the walls.

Awards. Trophies. Plaques.
Rifles bolted to the wall on a rack.

Mart sits behind the desk.
Kelsey in a chair in front of it.

MART
So what do you want?
You didn’t come to my home
just to tell me you didn’t do it.

KELSEY
I want names --

MART
Names?
What names?

KELSEY
Jackie Tempel’s female associates.

MART
And why would I do that?

KELSEY
Because I could help you.

MART
And why would you do that?

KELSEY
Whoever killed him
has something of mine.
And I want it back.

MART
Would that have anything to do
with the semi-automatic weapons
the officers found?
(off her stare)
I can’t figure you out.
You come here, ask ME questions,
and then have the nerve to ask me
to give you information.
Why would I do that?

KELSEY
I dunno.
You’re a good guy?
You wanna see justice done?

MART
Look.
I know you didn’t kill him, okay?
The timing of when the call
was made to us was doesn’t fit.
And the story about going
to the corner store checked out.
(beat)
My gut tells me you’re dirty.
What’s the story with the guns?
Were you in on that heist
at the rock concert?

KELSEY
Heist?
At a rock concert?

Pause.

MART
What’s your name?

KELSEY
Jane.
Jane Doe.

MART
Okay -- Jane Doe.
I’m investigating a murder,
NOT a robbery.
But in order to keep my perp
from flying the coop,
I’ve let the media concentrate
on the search for you.
But I’m not searching
for you, Robbery is.
They figure you were in on it,
given the weapons in the closet.

KELSEY
Did it ever occur to you
that the guns were Jackie’s?

MART
That punk?
He was a low-level errand boy,
not a hard-bitten pro like you.
From where I sit,
you reek of heister.

KELSEY
I want names.

MART
You’ve got to be
fucking kidding me.

KELSEY
You’ve got nothing.
No suspects for the murder,
OR the robbery.
Give me the names and maybe
I can stir things up a little.

MART
You mean FUCK
things up a little --

Pause.

KELSEY
I bet your wife was
quite the dish back in the day.

MART
What the fuck --

KELSEY
(hisses, sharp)
But I guess after having the kids,
her figure kinda went to mush, huh?

MART
Now, LISTEN --

KELSEY
NO.
You listen to ME.
You think I came here ALONE?
(off his shocked look)
Give me the fucking NAMES.

MART
From the bulges in your jacket
I can tell you’re carrying
at least two weapons.

KELSEY
And from the bulge in your gut
I can tell you can’t do two sit-ups.

MART
I have a gun holstered on my hip.
From that position,
I’m the fastest draw on the force.

KELSEY
Must be nice to come home
to a home-cooked meal every night.
Bet you even read to the kids
before bedtime.

MART
Don’t you DARE threaten my family --

KELSEY
I want the fucking NAMES.
(quietly)
And then when I get what I want,
what was TAKEN from me --
I deliver them to you
on a silver platter.
With a nice, big bow.

MART
Do you really expect me to --

KELSEY
I bet she makes really good
mashed potatoes --

Pause.

MART
Okay.
You win.
This round.

He opens up a notebook on the desk.
Pulls off a blank piece of paper.

Turns to a page.
Looks at it.

Grabs a pencil.
Starts writing --

MART
But know this.
All of these people
are under surveillance,
and if you get within
fifty feet of them,
you’re gonna be behind bars
so fast your head will spin.
GOT it?

Kelsey watches him.
Smiles like a cat.

KELSEY
Well, I hope at least
I’ll have time for desert --

Where's Mickey Spillane When You Need Him?

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 13 of THE HEISTERS, we flash back to earlier in the story where Kelsey and the gang begin the heist ... and then flash forward to Kelsey paying a visit to the detective in charge of solving the case to get information on her dead boy toy's girlfriends. Can you say 'ballsy?'


EXT. STADIUM - NORTH GATE - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
Deserted at this hour.

A large, old black Mercedes sedan
idles at the curb.

The exhaust softly puffs out
a white cloud in the moonlight.

We see four DARK FIGURES
huddled inside.

KELSEY (V.O.)
There’s nothing like the feeling
you get at the start of a heist.
At first it’s like
butterflies in your stomach,
like you’re going onstage.
But once you get going,
it’s a pure adrenaline rush.
Better than drugs. Booze.
Gambling. Even sex --
(beat)
Well, almost.

INT. MERCEDES SEDAN - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
Ronan’s behind the wheel.

Kelsey rides shotgun in the passenger seat.
Chick and Ludo sit in the back.

They all wear stadium uniforms.
Everybody SNAPS on thin latex gloves.

KELSEY
(to Ronan)
Ready to rock and roll?

Kelsey’s wearing a long, blonde wig.
TONS of makeup that makes her look glitzy,
and a darker skin tone.

Tres exotic. NOT white.
With maximum cleavage
for maximum distraction.

RONAN
Solid, doll.
Let’s crack this sucker
like a walnut --
(smiles)
And let the heist begin.

Ronan’s skin is also
now darker with makeup.

A big, wide fake nose
and a close-cropped beard
complete his disguise.

CHICK
Where’s Mickey Spillane
when you need him?
(to Ludo)
It’s showtime, boychick.

LUDO
(to Kelsey and Ronan)
See you in the funny papers.

Chick and Ludo
slide on baseball caps.

Pull big scarves
up over their noses.

Open their doors.
Get out.

EXT. FOURTEENTH STREET - NIGHT
A leafy side street off Wilshire
on the north side of Santa Monica.

Safe, quiet, and not too expensive.
The beige seats.

Kelsey’s beat-up Toyota
pulls up to the curb.

KELSEY (V.O.)
I read in the newspaper
that homicide detective
Mart Volok was in charge of the case --
(beat)
I did a little research,
found the guy’s address --
and now it was time to play
‘spin the dick.’

The car door opens.
Kelsey gets out.

Walks up the sidewalk
to the front door.
She RINGS the bell.

KELSEY (V.O.)
I knew I had to play
my cards VERY carefully.
It’s usually not a good idea
to fuck with officers of the law.

The door OPENS.
A small HOUSEWIFE (40’s),
formerly cute, now a
faded wisp of suburban malaise,
stands there staring
at Kelsey with alarm.

Eyes blinking.
Mind whirring.

KELSEY
Sorry to bother you,
but I’d like to speak
to detective Volok.

MRS. VOLOK
I, uh -- I don’t think he’s --

KELSEY
Tell him it’s about
the Jackie Tempel case.

She stares at Kelsey balefully.
But it’s dinner-time.

Deer in the klieg lights.
She deflates. Sighs.

MRS. VOLOK
I’ll go get him.

The Real Housewife
of Santa Monica pads away.

KELSEY (V.O.)
I could smell the pot roast.
Talk about perfect timing.

MART VOLOK (45) appears in the door.
Tall and thin with a belly.

Casual in jeans and a sweatshirt.
But the eyes tell it all.

Razor-sharp.
Dark and menacing.
Appraising.

MART
You said you wanted
to talk about the Tempel case?
You have some information?

KELSEY
I might.

MART
Are you here to give yourself up?

KELSEY
You’re a funny guy.

MART
I have my moments.
(beat)
You’re the one
who found the body, right?

KELSEY
Maybe.

MART
And beat the shit
out of two of my officers?

KELSEY
Price of doing business.

MART
Come inside.

Ding Dong Bitch

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 12 of THE HEISTERS, Kelsey gets the gang together to figure out a plan to find out who stole the money from the heist. Since her boy toy was murdered in such a grisly way, she assumes it's a crime of passion, so all they have to do is interview the stud's girlfriends. Problem is, he had more than a few of them ...


INT. RONAN’S HOTEL ROOM - DAY
Blinds are drawn.

A heavy haze of smoke
hangs in the air.

And the smell of sweat.
Desperation. Anger.

Everyone’s seated on the couch,
the floor, and all available chairs.

Becky puts a bowl of chips
and dip on the coffee table.

If you didn’t know better,
you’d think it was a party.

KASPER
(glares at Jefty)
But I still say
how do we know it
wasn’t one of us?

RONAN
If YOU ripped off
a million bucks,
would YOU still
be in town?

JEFTY
(eyes Kasper)
I dunno.
If someone was doing a cross,
they would stick around.
A cover, you know --

KASPER
Fuck you.
I didn’t do it --

CHICK
(looks at Ludo)
Well, that WOULD
be the perfect cover.
Steal the dough,
then stay holed up
like the rest of us --

LUDO
(eyes Chick)
And maybe they
had some HELP --

Pause.

CHICK
(eyes Ronan)
But then on the other hand,
some of us were alone
the whole time --

RONAN
HEY.
I fucking PUT THIS JOB TOGETHER.
You think I’m going to
double cross all of you?

LUDO
(shrugs)
Happens all the time --

KELSEY
ENOUGH, all of you.
I had the fucking money,
I was gone for
TEN FUCKING MINUTES,
and nobody knew where
I was except RONAN,
who I called right after
the shit went down.
There’s NO WAY he could of
have done it --
(sighs)
If we’re going to
get the money back,
we’re going to have
to work together,
and not BICKER like a
bunch of fucking
school girls, GOT IT?
(off their stares)
Alright.
It’s settled --
(beat)
Now, like I told you,
Jackie Tempel was stabbed
through the neck with a
samurai sword he had
hanging over the bed.
That makes it a
crime of passion,
so we’re looking for
some chick he was seeing --
and dumped.
Or cheated on.

LUDO
And how are we
going to find HER?

Kelsey pulls out
the kid’s cell.

Holds it up.
Smiles.

KELSEY
I grabbed his phone.
And looking through all
the names on it,
we’ve got ourselves a
nice little list of chickies.

CHICK
So what’s the plan, then?

KELSEY
We’ve got five names --
(beat)
I want each of you
to check out one of them.
Tonight.

JEFTY
You want us to play
ding-dong bitch?
LUDO
(suspicious)
What are you going to do?

KELSEY
I’m going to pay a little visit
to the homicide detective
in charge of the case.
See if there are any
names we don’t know about.

RONAN
But won’t that be -- dangerous?

KELSEY
Not a problem.
(beat)
Danger is my business.

The Pause That Depresses

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 11 of THE HEISTERS, we flash back to a much younger Kelsey, hot off a big score, in heat at a sleazy dive bar ...


INT. DIVE BAR - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
Dark. Grungy. Filled with BIKERS, BLUE-COLLAR WORKERS
and other assorted riffraff.

Ugly, nasty heavy metal BLARES
on the juke.

The kinda place your momma
warned you about.

A glass BREAKS
somewhere in the smoky haze.

Someone starts SHOUTING.
A fist-fight breaks out.

A chair is SMASHED.
Burly BOUNCER throws a pair of
BLOODIED REDNECKS out on the street.

Sitting at the bar is KELSEY (20),
looking hot in jeans, t-shirt,
black leather jacket and red lips.

She SLAMS down
a double shot of brown.
CRACKS it on the bar.

KELSEY
Hit me AGAIN.

She takes a chug from her beer.
SCARY BARTENDER (40’s)
brings over a bottle.

Pours another.
Tries to smile.
Not a pretty sight.

Kelsey pulls out a wad of bills.
SLAPS one down.

KELSEY
Might as well leave the bottle.

Scary picks up the bill.
It’s a C-note.
Raises his eyebrows.

KELSEY
Keep the change.

He nods.
Stuffs the bill in his pocket.
Slides away.

A PONYTAILED BIKER sitting next to her
gives her a gold-toothed grin.

A young Mickey Roarke
in cracked black leather.

PONYTAILED BIKER
Looks like someone’s celebratin.’

Kelsey turns. Looks.
Likes what she sees.

KELSEY
Got THAT fuckin’ right.

She pours them both a shot.
They raise them in a toast.

PONYTAILED BIKER
So what are we drinkin’ to?

Kelsey pulls at her jacket,
revealing a GUN in her waistband.

KELSEY
Armed ROBBERY.

PONYTAILED BIKER
(grins)
Works for me.

And they SLAM them.

INT. SHITTY MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Tiny. Sleazy.
‘Threadbare’ would a compliment.

Kelsey crouches on the bed, doggy-style,
gripping the headboard,
while Ponytailed fucks
the SHIT out of her.

INT. SHITTY MOTEL ROOM - DAY
Cold, grey light spills in through the blinds.

Ponytailed sits on the bed,
pulling on his jeans.

Kelsey sips a can of lukewarm beer.
Lies dreamily on the bed.

KELSEY

How about one more for the road?
PONYTAILED BIKER
Damn, woman.
You just don’t quit.
(looks at her)
Been three days now,
and we ain’t hardly left
the fuckin’ ROOM.

He grabs his boots.
Puts them on.
She lights a smoke.

KELSEY
Got an itch that
needs to be scratched.

PONYTAILED BIKER
They should call you Poison Ivy --

INT. SHITTY MOTEL ROOM - BATHROOM - NIGHT
Kelsey leans over the toilet. VOMITS.
Goes to the sink.

Splashes her face with water.
Looks in the mirror.

KELSEY
Fuck me --

INT. CONVENIENCE STORE - NIGHT
Kelsey stands at the counter.
Pays for her purchase.

The SHIT-KICKER CLERK (50’s)
smiles knowingly.
Hands her her change.

SHIT-KICKER CLERK
Know a doctor that can
take care of it for ya --

GRABS it.
Hurries toward the exit.

KELSEY
Fuck off, Billy Bob.

INT. SHITTY MOTEL ROOM - BATHROOM - NIGHT
Kelsey sits on the toilet.

Pulls out the home pregnancy test strip.
Looks at it. Exhales.

KELSEY
Shit.

INT. SHITTY MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Kelsey lies in bed. Smoking.
Sips a can of beer. Thinking.

KELSEY
(a whisper)
I’m gonna give you
all the things I never had.
Things are gonna be different for you --

The Usual Suspects

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 10 of THE HEISTERS, we flash back to before the robbery, where Kelsey and the gang hole up in an abandoned warehouse and plan the job, but when the boys become curious about how she took up a life of crime, Kelsey tells them her story ...


EXT. DOWNTOWN WAREHOUSE DISTRICT - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
A giant abandoned brick warehouse
in the shitty part of East Los Angeles.

Barren. Desolate.
Not a soul to be seen.

Even the rats have split.

KELSEY (V.O.)
The dry run had gone well.
It was just as Ronan said it would be.
The job was starting to shape up nicely.

INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
Kenny, DeLuca, Aber, Garza and Jones
sit around a crude table
built with planks on saw horses.

Kelsey sits at the head of the table.
Lights a cigarette. Thinking.
Watching them.

KELSEY (V.O.)
We had found the drivers
through Ronan’s connections.
We wanted new blood.
Guys who didn’t have that much
of a rap sheet, but who had good reps.
Solid. Reliable.
But not the usual wheelmen
the cops would round up
after the job was done.
And I wanted guys who could
jack clean vehicles in a hurry --

LUDO
I still don’t get
why we have to stay here.
The joint is filthy --
there’s all kinds of
cockroaches and rats and shit.
If it’s alright with you,
I’d like to stay somewhere else.

RONAN
It’s just for a couple of days
until we do the job.

LUDO
Yeah, but this place is --

KELSEY
(sharp)
If you want out,
now is the time to say so.
We’ll need to find a replacement.

Chick light a smoke.
Gives Ludo the fish-eye.

CHICK
Don’t be such a fucking pussy.
We got tents and sleeping bags.
Think of it like summer camp.

RONAN
You want to save your fucking restaurant
or what?

LUDO
Alright, alright --

KELSEY
Then it’s settled.
Enough kibitzing.
It’s time to talk transportation.
(beat)
We’re gonna need four vehicles --

KASPER
FOUR vehicles?

JEFTY
Yeah. How come?

KELSEY
First we need an ambulance.
And then a car small enough
to fit into it.

CHICK
That’s brilliant.

LUDO
And the other two vehicles?

KELSEY
We need a small truck,
and then another car
we can fit in it --

RONAN
Nice, huh?
We do the job with
the two smaller cars,
then hide them immediately
in the bigger vehicles.

JEFTY
Fucking cool.
I like it.

KASPER
Yeah.
It’s like outta some movie or some shit.

RONAN
Why do you think I brought her onboard?
She’s the master at this shit.

Kelsey nods.
A smile flies across her lips.
Then disappears.

KELSEY
But we’ve got our work
cut out for ourselves.
It’s Wednesday night,
and we have two days
to get our shit together.

JEFTY
(smiles)
Not a problem.
I can get BOTH cars tomorrow.

KELSEY
You know where to get some clean plates?

JEFTY
Does my man Tiger got wood?

KELSEY
(chuckles)
Too much information.
(to Kasper)
Can you get us the truck
and the ambulance?

KASPER
Does a crack whore shit in The Hood?

CHICK
We gotta couple more comedians.
Keep this up, and we can go on tour.

KELSEY
(to Kasper and Jefty)
If you can get the vehicles by tomorrow,
that would be great.
Be nice to have some extra time
to outfit the insides
and make adjustments.
I’ve learned the hard way
it’s best not to wait
until the last minute.
If you rush, the job turns to mush.

JEFTY
So how did you get in the business?
Hot dame like you --

RONAN
That’s none of your fucking business.
She’s just like us, a pro, on a job.
Leave the personal shit out of it, okay?

Kelsey jerks her head toward Ronan.
Narrows her eyes.

KELSEY
It’s okay.
I’m used to it --

She stands.
Starts walking around the table.

Looking at each of them.
Eyes on fire.

KELSEY
My parents jacked banks.
When I was eighteen,
they got killed on a job.
(shakes her head)
They tried to take out a downtown
Wells Fargo all by themselves.
(beat)
My grandfather took me under his wing.
(bitter smile)
As luck would have it,
he was the one of the
best heisters on the west coast.
Taught me everything I know.
I like to think it’s oddly poetic
that I continued the family business.
(beat)
But I don’t do banks. Ever.
(beat)
That shit will get you killed --

A Well-Oiled Machine

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 9 of THE HEISTERS, ringleader Ronan Kelly visits wheelman Jefty Jones and hired muscle Kaspar Garza at the sleazy motel they're holed up until the heat's off to tell them the bad news about the haul from the heist being stolen ...


EXT. THE MATADOR MOTEL - DAY
A seedy ‘sex motel’ on the outskirts of Santa Monica.
Beyond sleazy-looking.

The usual assortment of street trash
loiter outside.

A sign reads NO VACAN Y.
A cab pulls up and parks at the sidewalk.

INT. CAB - DAY
Ronan leans over the divider.
Shows the BORED CABBIE a fifty-dollar bill.

He RIPS it in two.
Hands him half.

RONAN
Wait for me and you get the rest.

BORED CABBIE
How long you gonna be?

RONAN
Five minutes, tops.

BORED CABBIE
(looks at the motel)
You’re FAST.

RONAN
It’s business, buster.

BORED CABBIE
Yeah, right.
And I’m Donald Trump --

INT. MATADOR MOTEL - SHITTY ROOM - DAY
A ridiculous ‘theme room’ made up to
look like a medieval castle cell.

But the ‘stones’ on the wallpaper
are peeling.

Two MEN sit on the bed watching TV.
A pizza box lays between them.

They both take swigs
from forties of malt liquor.

Take hits from a joint
they pass back and forth.

LARGE BLACK GUY
DAMN, that’s some serious SHIT.
Saturday Night Fever blew the
fucking nigger’s BRAINS out --

Meet JEFTY JONES (28),
massive muscle-for-hire.

Former gang-banger,
now working his way up the ladder.

Precision driver.
Chip on his shoulder
the size of a Escalade.

HISPANIC GUY
I can’t believe you never
seen this shit, homes --
(passes the joint)
Tarantino is THE MAN.
You ever seen JACKIE BROWN?

Meet KASPER GARZA (25),
former Mexican drug cartel runner.

Decided he liked LA better.
Bulky fireplug. Wannabe boxer.

But partied too much.
Could be Luis Guzman’s little brother.

JEFTY
(takes the joint)
I seen dat.
Pam Grier got BACK.

A soft knock-knock-knock at the door.
They both pull out GUNS.

Kasper hops off the bed.
Tip-toes up to the door.

Nods at Jefty, who’s got
his weapon aimed. He nods.

KASPER
Who’s there?

RONAN (O.C.)
The Good Humor man.
Open up.

KASPER
Ronan?

RONAN (O.C.)
Yeah.
Open the fucking door.

KASPER
How do I know it’s you?

RONAN (O.C.)
If you don’t open the door,
I’ll break it down and kick
your wetback ass all the way to TIJUANA.

KASPER
(to Jefty, smiles)
It’s him --

He unlocks the door.
Opens it.

Ronan comes in.
Surveys the scene.
Shakes his head.

RONAN
All that’s missing are the hookers --

JEFTY
They left last night.
Ain’t gonna pay ‘em for sleepin’ --

KASPER
So whassup?
You said some shit went down.

RONAN
The score got jacked.

JEFTY
What THE FUCK?

KASPER
I KNEW we shouldn’ta trusted
that fucking BITCH --

RONAN
Shut the fuck UP and let me TALK.
(off their silence)
Kelsey didn’t do it.
She went out for five minutes
to get supplies at the corner,
and when she got back her boy-toy
was harpooned to the bed,
and the cash was GONE.
She called me right away.

They stop.
Stare at each other.

KASPER
(to Jefty)
When you went out to get the beer,
you took A LONG TIME.
Over an hour --

JEFTY
I tol’ you, man.
I ran outta fucking GAS --
KASPER
But you were by yourself --

JEFTY
That’s because you DIDN’T WANNA COME.
How do we know YOU didn’t do it, HUH?
You were by yourself, TOO.

RONAN
Shut THE FUCK UP!

They WHIP their heads in his direction.
Glare at him.

RONAN
We’re not gonna get anywhere
yelling at each other
and pointing the finger.
(beat)
Kelsey and I think it was non-pro.
The boy-toy’s ex or some shit.
We’re all meeting up to
figure out how to find ‘em,
so pack up your shit and let’s go.
I’ve got a cab waiting outside.

They eye Ronan suspiciously.

JEFTY
(stares at Kasper)
But I thought we were
supposed to lay low --

KASPER
(glares at Jefty)
Yeah, till the heat was off --

RONAN
Suit yourself.
Stay here and party down.
But when we get the money
you’re on your own.

JEFTY
Shit, hold on.
I’m comin,’ I’m comin.’

KASPER
Yo, chill.
Let me get my shit.

They both race around the room.
Grabbing their bags,
stuffing their belongings in them.

RONAN
(shakes his head)
I love a well-oiled machine --

The Fucked Leading The Fucked

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Thursday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 8 of THE HEISTERS, we flash back to Kelsey, Ronan, Ludo and Chick planning the robbery of the disaster relief rock concert ...


INT. MOTOR COURT CABIN - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
Ronan, Ludo and Chick
look at Kelsey expectantly.

She drains her beer.
Thinking.

KELSEY
It might work.
But I need to know
more about the setup.
The layout.
How many guards --

RONAN
Yeah, yeah --
I’m gettin’ to that.

He pulls out
a piece of graph paper.
Unfolds it.

Lays it down on the table.
Kelsey comes over. Looks.

RONAN
(points)
Okay.
There’s three box offices,
on the east, west and
north side of the stadium.
Every hour the money
gets picked up from each one
and gets brought over to
the south side where
the finance office
is on the second floor --

KELSEY
Who delivers it?

RONAN
Pair of armed guards.
They take it down a
corridor under the stands.
Be easy to hit,
but they only carry
a couple of grand each trip.
(off Kelsey’s nod)
In the finance office,
the cash is counted
and put into money boxes
that go to the bank.
They’ll be finished before
the concert is over
because they don’t want
the armored car to get
stuck in the traffic jam
that’ll happen when
everyone leaves.

KELSEY
When does it come?

RONAN
When they call for it.
And it doesn’t stay long.
Just long enough to pick up
the dough and split.
It’s flanked by two
local cop cars in front
and back all the way the bank.

KELSEY
What’s the setup
in the finance office?
How many guards?

RONAN
Four armed guards
and six employees.
You go in through
a locked door.
Knock first, and then
they check you out
through a peephole.

KELSEY
And it’s gonna be mostly
small bills, right?

CHICK
(nods)
We figure two big duffle bags
oughta handle it.

Kelsey nods.
Thinking.

KELSEY
Tell me again about the gate.

RONAN
There’s three of them.
They’re old, with
ornamental spikes that go
up almost to the top,
but there’s still room
for someone to climb over it.
They go over, and then
unlock it and let us in.

KELSEY
What if somebody sees us?

RONAN
Already thought of that.
The east gate is where the
photographers take pictures
of the losers who
wait in line all night,
and the west gate
is on the main drag --
but the north gate is
across the street from the park,
which will be empty when we go in.

CHICK
He’s got it covered --

KELSEY
Okay.
Then what?

RONAN
We go through three locks,
and then we’re
in the finance office.

KELSEY
Is there anything going on
there tonight?

RONAN
On a weeknight?
Nah --

KELSEY
Then let’s do a dry run.

LUDO
Tonight?
Right now?

CHICK
You got something better to do?

KELSEY
We need to make
impressions of the locks.
And I want to get
the feel of the place.
Sniff it out.

RONAN
Like a bloodhound, huh?

KELSEY
Nah.
More like a seeing eye dog.

LUDO
How do you figure?

CHICK
The fucked leading the fucked.

KELSEY
Bingo.

Cash & Carry

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 7 of THE HEISTERS, we flash forward back to the present, where Kelsey meets with fellow heisters Ludo and Chick to give them the bad news that the money from the robbery was stolen ...


EXT. THE INTERNATIONAL MOTEL - DAY
A piece of shit flea bag on the wrong end of Pico.

Flags from around the world
painted on white cinder block.

A real dump. You can practically
smell the urine on the page.

INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR - MORNING
Kelsey walks down the hall.
Stops at a door.

Knock-knock-knocks softly.
Pauses. Then twice. Stops.

Then once again.
The door opens.
She goes in.

INT. HOTEL ROOM - MORNING
Shades drawn. Dark.
A smoky haze drifts in the room.

Pizza boxes and beer cans litter the joint.
Chick sits at a table playing solitaire.
Ludo motions Kelsey to come in.

LUDO
I don’t like it.
It’s too soon for us to see each other.
Something fucked up. I can smell it.

CHICK
(SNAPS down a card)
Don’t get your wife-beater in a twist.
Let’s hear what she has to say.
She wouldn’t have come over here
and risked everything
if it wasn’t important, right?

KELSEY
No shit.
(beat)
You gotta beer?

LUDO
We drank ‘em all.

CHICK
I got -- scotch?

Kelsey nods.
Chick gets up.

Goes to the mini-bar.
Pours two fingers in a glass.

Walks over to Kelsey.
Hands it to her.

KELSEY
Thanks.

She downs it.
Looks at the glass. Sighs.

LUDO
So?

Pause.

KELSEY
Somebody jacked the haul.

LUDO
What the FUCK?

KELSEY
I went out for --

LUDO
You went out?
You WENT OUT?
Where the FUCK did you GO?
Holy FUCKING SHIT.
What the fuck were you DOING?
How could you --

CHICK
(hisses)
HEY. Calm the FUCK down
and let her tell us
what the fuck HAPPENED.

LUDO
YOU calm the fuck down, ASSHOLE.
The money’s GONE.

Kelsey sighs.
Goes to the bar.

Freshens her drink.
Sips it.

CHICK
But maybe we can fucking GET IT BACK
if you let her TELL US WHAT HAPPENED.
(pulls out his gun)
So shut the FUCK up and stop acting like
your version of what you think
a tough guy is supposed to ACT like.

LUDO
What the fuck is THAT supposed to mean?

CHICK
It means you’re not acting like a PROFESSIONAL.
It’s hotheads like you that’ll get us killed,
in jail, broke -- or a combination of all three.

Tears form in Ludo’s eyes.
He takes a step back.

PLOPS onto the couch.
Head in his hands.

LUDO
If I don’t get the money --
the bank’ll take the RESTAURANT.

CHICK
(looks at Kelsey)
Tony Soprano he’s not.
(beat)
So tell us what happened.

KELSEY
I was holed up with this kid in bed
for two days since the job.
I went out for ten minutes
to get smokes and beer,
and I come back and he’s
harpooned to the bed
with a sword and the money’s gone.
(takes a sip)
That’s about it.

LUDO
SHIT.

CHICK
Fuck --
(beat)
Did the kid know about the job?

KELSEY
Nah.
Low-level runner for Jimmy Two-Fingers.
NOT a player --

LUDO
Maybe Garza and Jones --

CHICK
Are you fucking KIDDING ME?
They’re fucking DRIVERS.
Their combined IQ is the TEMPERATURE.
Smells like a spurned lover,
that kind of thing.
(thinks)
On the other hand, maybe -- Ronan?

KELSEY
No way.
He set up the job.
I’ve known him a long time.
I’ll vouch for him.

CHICK
(not sold)
If you say so --

LUDO
(stares at Chick)
Hey, wait a minute.
You went out tonight.
(to Kelsey)
Maybe HE did it --

CHICK
I was at the movies.
You really think an old man like me
is gonna HARPOON someone with a SWORD?
And look at me, how am I
gonna carry two giant duffle bags
that weigh a fucking ton?

LUDO
I dunno.
You had some HELP?

CHICK
You’re barking up the wrong tree,
you fucking GOOMBAH --
(realizes)
What about while I was gone, HUH?
You’ve got the motive,
that fucking RESTAURANT.
Maybe YOU did it --

LUDO
Fuck you, you fucking Jew-bastard FUCK --

KELSEY
STOP IT, BOTH of you --
(off their silence)
Ronan and I think it’s an outsider.
If it was one of us,
we would’ve just taken the haul --
we wouldn’t have killed the kid.
That would be stupid.
It would bring down too much heat.
(beat)
We think we should regroup
and find who did it, together.

LUDO
You mean out in the open?

CHICK
You gotta better idea?

LUDO
But the cop’s will be --

CHICK
Do you want to get the fucking
MONEY BACK or NOT?

Ludo sighs.
Glares at Chick.

KELSEY
Then it’s settled.
Pack up your shit and let’s get going.

CHICK
(stares at Ludo)
Where we going?

KELSEY
Venice Motor Hotel,
right at the beach.
Ronan’s got a suite.

LUDO
Great.
I’ll be sure to pack my bathing suit --