Never A Dull Moment

Hey there, crime kids. TGIF. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 14 of LEGS, Episode 2, the plot thickens when private eye Carrie Love gets a call from her porn star lover Laura Lang ... from jail, where she was picked up for prostitution.


INT. CARRIE’S VINTAGE PORSCHE - MOVING - DAY
Carrie drives.
Meg rides shotgun.

They both look tense.
Carrie’s phone RINGS.

She grabs it.
Looks at it.

CARRIE
Laura, nine-one-one.

MEGAN
Never a dull moment.

CARRIE
(gives her a look, answers it)
Laura?
What’s wrong?
You okay?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. POLICE PRECINCT - CORRIDOR - DAY
Laura stands in the corridor
near a row of cells
talking on a pay phone,
eyes red from crying.

LAURA
Carrie, thank god --
(beat)
Ohmigod.

CARRIE
What’s wrong?
What happened?

LAURA
I’m -- in jail.

CARRIE
In JAIL?
What for?

A cop walks by,
eyes her appreciatively.

LAURA
Prostitution, but I wasn’t DOING THAT.
I went to the The Ritz Carlton
to meet that director, Nick Orleans,
but he didn’t show,
so I had a couple of cocktails,
and these assholes were
in my face propositioning me --

CARRIE
And you made them
an offer they refused.

LAURA
Yeah.
The cops picked me up
as soon as I left the joint.
(gasps)
Can you come bail me out?

CARRIE
Of course -- but right now
I’m in the middle of a case.
I’m sorry, but you’re gonna
have to wait a little bit --

LAURA
You mean to tell me
you’re TOO BUSY?

Another cop walks by.
Raises his eyebrows. Chuckles.

CARRIE
I’m in the car on my way
to tangle with some Israeli mobsters
who tried to kidnap me.
Trust me, I’d much rather
come pick you up.

LAURA
Oh.
(beat)
Israeli mobsters?
Really?

CARRIE
Really.

LAURA
Alright, but just
hurry it the fuck up.
They body cavity searched me
twice after recognizing me
from my pornos,
and I’m afraid they’re
gonna do it again.

CARRIE
Twice?
Really?

LAURA
Really.

CARRIE
I’ll get there
as fast as I can.
Promise.
(looks out the window)
I’m sorry, but I gotta go.
We’re here.

LAURA
Okay.
Hurry.

CARRIE
I will.
Bye.

She hangs up.
Pulls over.
Kills the engine.

Looks at Meg.
Eyes bright with tears.

CARRIE
Please.
No jokes.
I’m not in the mood.

MEGAN
It’s okay.
I know she’s
really special to you.

CARRIE
Yeah.

MEGAN
(grabs the door handle)
So let’s go bust
Moe, Larry and Curly
so you can go rescue
your damsel in distress.

Carrie tries to smile.
Touched.
Grabs her door handle.

CARRIE
Thanks, Meg.
You’re a good friend.

MEGAN
Hey.
I’ll take what I can get --