As Jim Rockford Is My Witness

Happy Saturday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 4 of LEGS, Episode 2, private eye Carrie Love meets with her new client, wannabe actress Marnie Hadar, who wants to be emancipated from her mob boss father. But there's just one catch. She wants Carrie to deliver the news ...

INT. CARRIE'S BUNGALOW - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Laura looks at Carrie. Smiles.

LAURA
Why don’t I fix us some breakfast
and you can tell me all about it.
(off her look)
Hey. Just because I’m a porn star
doesn’t mean I don’t know how to
scramble a couple eggs.

The phone RINGS again.
Carrie looks at it.
Laura nods.

LAURA
Answer it.
When you’re done, breakfast is served.

RING.

Carrie nods.
Laura smiles. Leaves.
Carrie picks up.

CARRIE
Carrie Love Investigations, this is Carrie --

INTERCUT WITH:

EXT. CHEAP MOTEL - DAY
One of those post-war jobs
up on stilts with parking below.

We see THE STARLET written on the wall
in cursive lettering.

INT. THE STARLET MOTEL - ROOM - DAY
Beyond bland and cliched.

Was probably kind of cool,
once upon a time.

Maybe during the Kennedy administration.

Marnie sits on the bed,
talking on her cell.
Beyond freaked out.

MARNIE
Is this Carrie Love?

CARRIE
The one and only.

MARNIE
Your website says
'Fast, cheap and out of control' --

CARRIE
Viral marketing gimmick.
Cuts through the clutter.
What can I do for you?

MARNIE
It’s about -- my father.

CARRIE
Isn’t it always?

MARNIE
What?

CARRIE
I’m sorry.
I didn’t meant to be flip.
What can I help you with?

MARNIE
I can’t talk about it on the phone.
Can I come to your office?

CARRIE
Of course.
Are you in any danger?

MARNIE
Not yet.
(beat)
But the day’s still young.

INT. CARRIE’S BUNGALOW - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Carrie and Marnie sit on the giant sectional couch
facing each other across the coffee table.

Marnie sips a Diet Coke.
Stares at the ‘Bondage Barbie’ on the table.

MARNIE
Thanks.

CARRIE
Wait until you get my bill.
(beat)
So what’s going on with your father?

MARNIE
You’ll keep this confidential?

CARRIE
As Jim Rockford is my witness.

MARNIE
(looks at her quizzically)
My father is -- in organized crime.
He doesn’t know that I know.

CARRIE
Italian?

MARNIE
Jewish.

CARRIE
Your father’s in the Israeli mob?

MARNIE
If you want to call it that, yes.

CARRIE
What’s his name?

MARNIE
Nuri. Nuri Hadar.

CARRIE
I read about him.
He’s a crime boss,
on trial for racketeering, arms dealing,
and importing a shitload of Ecstasy.

MARNIE
That may be, but he loves me.
(beat)
A little too much.

CARRIE
How so?

MARNIE
Well, I met this producer
at a party a couple of days ago,
and he invited me to have dinner with him
to discuss a film he’s about to make.
I’m an actress --

CARRIE
I think I see where this is going --

MARNIE
I know.
I wasn’t sure if he just wanted to bang me,
but you never know, right?
And besides, I’ll take any excuse I can get
to get out of the house.
It’s like a fortress.

CARRIE
So what happened?

MARNIE
So I have dinner with him,
and we had a great time.
He’s a really nice guy, very funny,
and really into helping out
someone who’s just getting started.
He even said I could audition for the lead.

CARRIE
Wow.

MARNIE
I’m not stupid.
I knew I’d never get it,
but there’s other parts, right?
I’m a good actress.
I just need a break.

CARRIE
So what happened?

MARNIE
Well, I’m driving home afterwards,
all excited, and then a friend calls
and tells me someone
beat the crap out of him.
I mean, so bad that
he’s in the hospital --

CARRIE
And you think your father’s responsible?

MARNIE
Haven’t you seen The Godfather?

CARRIE
Right.
The horse’s head --

MARNIE
Exactly.
It’s happened before,
but I was too stupid to see it.
I got in trouble at school with the principal,
and the next day he was gone.
They said it was a 'skiing accident.'

CARRIE
Well, things like that do happen.

MARNIE
But he was old and fat.
And he didn’t ski.

CARRIE
So what do you want from me?

MARNIE
I want to be emancipated from my family.

CARRIE
What about your mother?

MARNIE
She died when I was young
in a boating accident.

CARRIE
I detect a pattern here.
(beat)
So what do you want from me?
You can file emancipation papers in court.

MARNIE
If I do that, he’ll go ballistic.
I was thinking you could ask him
really nicely.

CARRIE
You want me to tell a mob boss
to stay away from his daughter?
Do you realize how DANGEROUS that is?
It’s a suicide mission.

MARNIE
Please, I need your help.
If word gets out that my father
will beat the shit out of anyone
who doesn’t hire me,
my acting career is over
before it even starts.

Carrie reaches for her Diet Coke.
Takes a sip. Thinking.

MARNIE
I’ll pay double your normal rate.

CARRIE
I charge two-hundred bucks a day.
Plus expenses.

MARNIE
Not a problem.

CARRIE
Yeah, but if I’m dead --

MARNIE
You know anyone who could help you?

CARRIE
You mean like a cop?

MARNIE
Yeah.

CARRIE
Actually, I do.
My ex-husband.

MARNIE
Perfect.

CARRIE
You haven’t met Bernie --