From Brassiere To Eternity

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 3 of Episode 2 of LEGS, sparks fly when private eye Carrie Love's porn star girlfriend Laura Lang meets Carrie's ex, equestrienne cop Megan Paul, but the shit really hits the fan when Carrie gets a call from her mother informing her that her brothers are contesting their father's will and trying to leave her in the lurch ...


EXT. CARRIE’S BUNGALOW - DAY
The early morning sunlight dances through the trees
on Carrie’s leafy Venice walkway street.

A FEMALE COP riding a horse comes
CLIP-CLOPPING down the cracked boulevard.

CARRIE (V.O.)
I know what you’re thinking.
A hot chick cop on a horse?
What the hell?
And she makes house calls?

Meet MEGAN PAUL (25),
cute, curvy and freckled,
sitting astride the stallion
like the archetype she is.

Holding the reins in one hand,
a to-go bag in the other.

CARRIE (V.O.) (CONT'D)
I met Meg at Girl Bar
the night I left Bernie --
and when I found out she was
an equestrienne for LA’s finest,
I hitched a ride faster
than you can say 'pole position.'

They approach Carrie’s wooden gate.
The horse NUDGES the door open,
and they CLOP-CLOP onto the patio.

CARRIE (V.O.)
Brought a new meaning to the phrase
'riding bare-back' --

INT. CARRIE’S BUNGALOW - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Laura walks into the room wearing a robe.
She goes to her purse.

Pulls out a pack of smokes.
Lights one up.
Sees Megan.

LAURA
Holy shit.
(over her shoulder)
CARRIE.
There’s a COP outside.
On a HORSE.

ON THE PATIO
Megan dismounts, holding the bag.
Walks up to the front door.

CARRIE
Races into the room, also wearing a robe.
Sees Meg’s horse.

CARRIE
Meg.

LAURA
You know her?

The doorbell RINGS.

CARRIE
She’s -- a friend.

LAURA
You used to fuck a COP?

Carrie goes to the door.
Puts her hand on the knob.

CARRIE
Shhh.
(beat)
Would you go make some coffee?

LAURA
Are you fucking kidding?
I’m staying right here.
This is gonna be fun.

The doorbell RINGS again.

CARRIE
Thanks a lot.

She opens the door.
Meg stands in the doorway, smiling.

MEGAN
Hey, there.
I was in the nabe.
Brought you a coffee and croissant from --
(sees Laura)
Oh. Wow.
(beat)
I’m sorry.
I should’ve called.

CARRIE
It’s okay.
(gestures)
Laura, Meg. Meg, Laura.

LAURA
Good morning, officer.

MEGAN
Hi.
(hands Carrie the bag)
Here.

CARRIE
Thanks. Wanna come in?

MEGAN
Oh, gosh. No, thanks.
I just remembered --
(turns to go)
I’ve gotta go -- do this thing.

CARRIE
I’ll call you.

Carrie closes the door.
Looks at Laura. Sighs.

LAURA
She’s kinda cute.

CARRIE
You’re positively evil.

LAURA
Was it serious?

CARRIE
I dated her after I left my husband.
You know, on the rebound --

LAURA
Looks like she’s still smitten.

CARRIE
Maybe you two can start a club.

Carrie’s phone RINGS.
She walks into her mini-office,
a glassed-in room in the corner
near the front door.

INT. CARRIE’S MINI-OFFICE - DAY
She goes to the desk.
Picks up the phone.

CARRIE
Carrie Love Investigations, this is Carrie.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. MARGO’S MANSION - BEDROOM - DAY
A luxurious spread right out of Town and Country.
Splayed out on the bed like the diva she is
is MARGO LOVE (60’s), Carrie’s mother.

Pert WASP good looks
right out of Ralph Lauren.

She grips her cell,
picking at her breakfast on a tray.

MARGO
I see somebody’s bright-eyed
and bushy-tailed this morning.
I expected to get your voice mail.

CARRIE
You know what they say
about the early bird.

MARGO
Please.
I haven’t gotten the worm
since your father died.

CARRIE
What’s up, Mom?

MARGO
You have a meeting this afternoon
at three with your brothers
and their attorneys.

CARRIE
I do?

MARGO
It’s about your father’s estate.

CARRIE
But we haven’t even had the funeral yet.

MARGO
You know Todd, the greedy little bastard.

CARRIE
But I thought they couldn’t find
a signed copy of dad’s will.

MARGO
Indeed.
And as you know, when that happens,
the estate goes intestate.

CARRIE
I know.
We split the money evenly between us,
even though I was cut out of the will.

MARGO
Well, that’s true -- in theory.

CARRIE
What do you mean 'in theory?'

MARGO
Well, I’m afraid Todd
isn’t terribly happy about it,
so he convinced Nate to lawyer up
with him and contest it.

CARRIE
WHAT?

Laura leans in into the doorway.
Listening. Concerned.

MARGO
They even got you an attorney.

CARRIE
I can get MY OWN attorney,
thank you very much.

MARGO
Relax.
I suggested him.
He’s my attorney.
And I’m paying his bill.

CARRIE
What is this, a conspiracy?

MARGO
Nonsense.
I just wanted you
to have a fighting chance.
Todd hired a real tiger.

CARRIE
So where’s the meeting.

MARGO
Todd said he emailed you the details.

CARRIE
I’ll have to check my schedule
and get back to him.
Gotta go, Mom. Love you.

She hangs up.
Puts her head in her hands.

Laura comes in,
gently rubs Carrie’s shoulders.

LAURA
I take it that was bad news.

CARRIE
You could say that.

LAURA
Why don’t I fix us some breakfast
and you can tell me all about it.
(off her look)
Hey. Just because I’m a porn star
doesn’t mean I don’t know how to
scramble a couple eggs --