Insane Clown Pussy

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 12 of GUN-WILD, robbery/homicide detectives Bobby Teen and Taya Ralls head over to the scene of the bank robbery where several officers were killed. Meanwhile, trust fund heiress Cam Clinch and the gang arrive at her parents' Sunset Boulevard mansion to steal an escape vehicle ...


EXT. SEVEN-ELEVEN - PARKING LOT - DAY
Bobby and Taya sit in their unmarked vehicle.
Taya behind the wheel.
The police radio SQUAWKS.

DISPATCHER (O.C.)
All units, 10-108,
officer needs assistance.
First Fisherman’s Bank on Main Street.
Officer down, repeat, officer DOWN.
Another officer critically wounded.
All available units. Officer DOWN.

BOBBY
(grabs receiver)
SHIT.
(into the mike)
This is unit 2-Felix 13.
We’re on our way.

DISPATCHER (O.C.)
Copy that.

He clicks it off.
Looks at Taya.

BOBBY
STEP ON IT.

She PUNCHES the gas, and they
SCREECH OUT of the parking lot.

TAYA
Fucking animals.

BOBBY
Goddammit TO HELL.

AT THE CORNER
Their car SIDESWIPES
a woman on a bicycle
with a dozen BAGS OF GROCERIES
on the handlebars.

The bike and the woman HIT the pavement.
Food goes FLYING.

IN THE CAR

TAYA
Ohmigod. Holy shit. Ohmigod.
(HITS the brakes)
Holy shit. Holy fuck.

BOBBY
(looks)
It’s alright. She’s okay.
Move it, move it, MOVE IT.

TAYA
But we’re leaving the scene of a --

BOBBY
I said MOVE IT!

Taya PUNCHES the gas.

TAYA
But that woman --

He SLAPS a red dome light on the roof.
FLICKS on THE SIREN.

BOBBY
We’ve got TWO OFFICERS DOWN.
Cop’s gotta have PRIORITIES.
Make difficult choices in A SPLIT SECOND.

TAYA
I’m going to hell for this.

BOBBY
We’re already there, detective.

EXT. BEVERLY HILLS - SUNSET BOULEVARD - DAY
Giant mansions behind huge gates and stone walls.

INT. FORD FAIRLANE - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
Rod’s behind the wheel
of late model Ford Fairlane.

Cam rides shotgun.
Hondo and Net sit in the back sipping beers.

NET
Shit. Look at THAT ONE.

CAM
It’s a wonderful day in the neighborhood.
(beat)
Not.

ROD
You GREW UP here?

CAM
More like did time.

NET
Baby went Patty Hearst on ‘em.

Cam turns around.
Points her gun at Net.

CAM
Gun-CRAZY.
TRIGGER-HAPPY.
Insane CLOWN PUSSY.

NET
(giggles, slaps it away)
Put that down!
(beat)
You’re kinda hot when you do that.

HONDO
Ladies, get a room.
(to himself)
We’ve created a monster.
(to Rod)
And what’s with you
and the vintage wheels?
This ride BLOWS CHUNKS.

ROD
They’re easier to hot-wire.
And if you can find one
with expired tags,
people think it was towed.
Gives you more time.

CAM
Here.
Turn left.

Rod turns left,
pulls into a driveway.
Stops at the gate.

Cam leans out the window.
Presses the call box.

NET
Look at that fucking GATE.

CAM
(into the speaker)
Raoul? It’s Cammy.
Surprise, surprise.

RAOUL (O.C.)
(Mexican accent)
Cammy? Is that you?
What you doing?
You come home?

CAM
Just for a quick visit.
I need to ask a favor.

RAOUL (O.C.)
My little Cammy.
You come when family
is out of town.
Clever girl.

CAM
See you in a sec.

The gate slowly SWINGS OPEN.

ROD
This is like Sunset Boulevard.

CAM
This IS Sunset Boulevard, baby.

Rod hits the gas,
and they start down the long driveway.