A Goddamn Laugh Riot

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 23 of GUN-WILD, fugitive bank robbers Cam Clinch and Rod Funk hot wire a stolen car and make their getaway ... but there's just one problem ... the hostage they left behind is an artist, and says he can draw of picture of them for the cops ..


EXT. VENICE BEACH - BACK ALLEY - DAY
Bobby and Taya RUN down the alley off the boardwalk.
Reach the corner. Stop. Look around.

BOBBY
Shit.

TAYA
Fuck.

BOBBY
Where did they go?

Another POLICE CRUISER roars up the corner.
BRAKES with a SCREECH of rubber.
They dash over to it.

BEEFY HISPANIC COP
Are you Robbery/Homicide?

BOBBY
(nods)
Detective Teen, this is detective Ralls.

HISPANIC COP
(eyes her)
Hi, there.
(nods at the car)
Jump in.
They’re around her somewhere.
Could use the extra eyes.

They get in.
The cruisers ROARS off down Speedway.

INT. WINNEBAGO - AT THAT MOMENT
Cam’s got the gym bag filled with wet money.
Water drips onto the floor.

Rod finishes tying up Asian Art Vendor with rope.
SLAPS duct tape over his mouth.
He stares balefully.

CAM
Chink’s got eyes like a puppy dog.

Rod grabs a towel.
Ties it around his head.

ROD
There.

CAM
Maybe we should put him to sleep.

ROD
NO. We’re in enough trouble as it is.

CAM
Jesus Christ, I was JOKING.

ROD
You’re a goddamn laugh-riot.
Now let’s get the fuck out of here.

EXT. WINNEBAGO - CONTINUOUS
Rod and Cam walk down the alley.
Approach an old VW van.

ROD
Perfect.

He goes to the passenger door.
Jimmies it open. They pile in.

INT. VW VAN - CONTINUOUS
Cam shoots Rod a look.

CAM
What is it with you and old cars?

ROD
I told you, they’re easier to break into --
and there’s usually no alarm.
(looks in the rear view)
Shit, COPS. Duck down --

They crouch down in the seat.

IN THE ALLEY
The police cruiser pulls up
alongside the Winnebago.
Bobby and Taya JUMP out.

RACE over to door.
Pull out their guns.

IN THE VW VAN
Rod and Cam peer over the seat.
Watching.

CAM
I say we drive outta here real slow.
Pretty soon this place is
gonna be crawling with pigs.

ROD
(looks at her)
You watch a lot of old movies, don’t you?

She shoots him a look.
Raises her gun. Crooked smile.

CAM
(low)
You've got to ask yourself
one question, punk.
(CLICKS the safety)
Do I feel lucky?

IN THE WINNEBAGO
Bobby and Taya walk carefully
into the back, weapons drawn.

BOBBY
(nods at the door)
I’m gonna check out the bedroom.
You cover me.

TAYA
Got it.

Bobby KICKS OPEN the door.
BURSTS IN.

IN THE BEDROOM
Bobby sees Asian Art Vendor.
Rushes to him.

Peels off the duct tape.
Starts untying the ropes.

IN THE MAIN ROOM
Taya starts climbing the circular staircase.
Bobby comes into the room with Asian.
Sees Taya.

BOBBY
Look what I found.

Asian stares. Mute. Terrified.

TAYA
A hostage --

BOBBY
And he’s in shock.

TAYA
I’m gonna go upstairs.
Look for evidence.
You stay with him.

BOBBY
Got it.
(beat)
Love it when you take charge.

Taya starts up the stairs.
Bobby motions for Asian to sit on the couch.
He does. Looks like he’s about to implode.

Bobby goes to the coffee table.
Wets a finger.

Wipes it on the glass.
Tastes it.

BOBBY
Got ourselves some cocaine cowboys.

ASIAN ART VENDOR
Not cowboys -- man and woman.

BOBBY
Did you see their faces?

ASIAN ART VENDOR
Yes. I can draw picture if you like.

BOBBY
I like.

UPSTAIRS
Taya slowly reaches the top of the stairs,
gun aimed with both hands. Listening.
She walks into the bedroom, and sees --

Hondo and Net’s dead bodies.
Lying in pools of blood.

Candle still flickering.
Soft Buddha chill still thumping.

She SCREAMS.

EXT. VENICE ALLEY - AT THAT MOMENT
The cop in the cruiser hears the scream.
JUMPS OUT of the car.
DASHES into the Winnebago.

ROD AND CAM
Watch from the VW van.

ROD
That’s our cue.

He touches two stripped wires
together on the steering column.
They SPARK.

The bus engine ROARS to life.
He puts it in gear,
and they start slowly
driving down the alley.

IN THE VAN
Cam looks at Rod.

ROD
Where we gonna go?

CAM
Hell if I know.

ROD
Let’s go down to the Venice pier.
We need to think, regroup.
We can sleep in the back.
(weird smile)
Pretend it’s the summer of love.

CAM
We can -- play that game again.

ROD
Don’t you ever want -- vanilla?

CAM
Sorry, love-bucket.
(pulls out her gun)
Not on the menu --