Hold Onto Your Tits

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 22 of GUN-WILD, fugitive bank robbers Cam Clinch and Rod Funk are chased by the cops in their RV right into the middle of the crowded Venice boardwalk, causing complete pandemonium ...


EXT. VENICE BEACH - PARKING LOT - DAY
The giant RV slowly pulls out of the parking lot.

UP AHEAD
A POLICE CRUISER comes roaring straight at them.
Cherry top FLASHING.

Siren SCREAMING.
WHOOP-WHOOP-WHOOP.

IN THE WINNEBAGO
Cam grips the back of the seat.

CAM
Fucking COPS.

Rod turns right, onto the boardwalk.

ROD
Hold onto your tits --

CAM
Ohmigod, NO.
Not on the fucking BOARDWALK!

ROD
You wanna go to fucking JAIL?

And he PUNCHES the gas.

THE WINNEBAGO
Takes off like rocket, PLOWS into the crowd.
People SCREAM, JUMP out of the way.

It SMASHES into a vendor’s TABLE.
Cheap, shitty jewelry FLIES in the air.

THE POLICE CRUISER
Turns left. Follows them. Picks up speed.

POLICE OFFICER (O.C.)
(electronic)
YOU, in the RV -- STOP, NOW!

IN THE WINNEBAGO
Cam looks in the rearview.

CAM
They’re FOLLOWING US.

Asian Art Dealer SCREAMS.

CAM
SHUT UP, fucking CHINK.

ASIAN ART VENDOR
I’m Japanese, not CHINESE.
We don’t LOOK ALIKE.

CAM
Yes YOU DO, motherfucker!

THE WINNEBAGO
SWERVES. Careens into a SIDEWALK CAFE.

PLOWS into tables. CRASH.
Patrons LEAP out of their seats.
JUMP out of the way.

IN THE WINNEBAGO
Rod looks at Cam.

ROD
Hold on tight.
I got an idea.

He STOMPS on the brakes.

ON THE BOARDWALK
The Winnebago SCREECHES to a halt.

The police cruiser SMASHES
into the rear end. CRASH.
The hood CRUMPLES.

IN THE WINNEBAGO
Rod turns left,
pulls into an alley between buildings.

BOBBY AND TAYA
Come running up the boardwalk, weapons drawn.
They race up to the ruined cruiser.

BOBBY
You okay?

IRATE COP
Yeah. FUCK-HEADS.
(points)
They went down that alley.
Big fucking RV.

BOBBY
Okay, got it.
(to Taya)
C’mon --

And they RACE toward the alley.

IN THE ALLEY
The Winnebago turns right onto
a narrow street behind the boardwalk.

IN THE WINNEBAGO
Rod downshifts.
Slows down a bit.

ROD
Okay, where do we go,
where do we go.

CAM
Turn left into that alley.

THE WINNEBAGO
Turns left.

Lumbers through an alley
between walkway streets.

A tight squeeze.
It pulls over. Stops.

IN THE WINNEBAGO
Rod turns. Looks at Cam.

ROD
Okay, what now?

CAM
We grab the money,
go jack new wheels.

ROD
The money’s floating in the tub, doll.

CAM
Then you watch Egg Foo Young here,
and I’ll go wrap it up in a towel.

She gets out of her seat.
Moves toward the rear of the bus.

ASIAN ART DEALER
Sits in his seat.

Trembling with anger.
Glares at Cam.

ASIAN ART VENDOR
Egg Foo Young is CHINESE FOOD.
NOT Japanese.

Cam comes up to him.
Places her gun against his head.

CAM
You’re confusing me
with someone who gives a fuck.
(CLICKS the safety)
Go ahead. Give me a reason.

ROD
CAM. Stop fucking around.

CAM
(lowers her gun, to Asian)
This is your lucky day, Grasshopper.
(strokes the barrel)
Me love you long time --