Fuck Me, Baby Jesus

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 17 of GUN-WILD, robbery/homicide detectives Bobby Teen and Taya Ralls get down and dirty at a cheap motel on the wrong end of Wilshire Boulevard, but when Bobby gets a call that some of the money from the bank job was spent in Venice Beach, they spring into action ...


EXT. SLEAZY MOTEL - DAY
‘The International.’
Flags from around the world
painted on a cinder block bunker.
Behind a gas station in The Hood.

Bobby and Taya’s car is parked
at the end of the gravel lot.

INT. - MOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Bobby lies on top of Taya
on a giant heart-shaped bed.

PUMPING away.
Taya MOANS in ecstacy.

TAYA
That’s it, FUCK ME, white boy.

BOBBY
You like it, don’t you, BROWN SUGAR?

TAYA
YES. YES.

BOBBY
Who’s your daddy NOW?!

TAYA
FUCK me, DADDY -- ride me, HARD.

BOBBY
I’m gonna SHOOT MY LOAD.

TAYA
GOD, YES -- YES --

BOBBY
Dropping LOADS --

TAYA
Fill me UP, BABY --

BOBBY
I’m gonna -- I’m gonna --

TAYA
I’m gonna -- I’m gonna --

BOBBY
FUCK ME baby JESUS.

TAYA
AHHHHHHHHHH --

BOBBY
YEEEEAHHHHH --

They climax in an earth-shattering
crescendo of pleasure.

Hold each other for dear life.
SCREAMING with passion.

Silence.

He rolls off her.
Leans over.
Lights a smoke.

BOBBY
Goddammit, woman.

TAYA
(out of breath)
I haven’t come like that --
(looks)
Light me one too?

He does.
Hands it to her.

She takes a puff.
Thinking.

TAYA
What the fuck is 'Brown Sugar?'

BOBBY
Rolling Stones song.
(inhales)
You’ve never heard BROWN SUGAR?

TAYA
I’m twenty-five.

BOBBY
Oh, right.
(beat)
It’s a compliment.
Trust me.
(sings)
'I’m no schoolboy,
but I know what I like.'

He looks at her. Shy.
Eyes full of wonder.

BOBBY
I’ve never done --
sex talk like that before.

TAYA
You mean the racial stereotype stuff?

BOBBY
Yeah.
(beat)
Fucking hot.

TAYA
(smiles)
If you’re good, next time
I’ll let you use the N-word.
(beat)
'Fuck me baby Jesus?'

BOBBY
Catholic upbringing.
(looks at her)
Guilt makes me hard.

Bobby’s cell phone rings.
He reaches over, grabs it.

BOBBY
(into the phone)
Teen here.
(listens)
You’re shitting me.
(listens)
Of course, sure.
(listens)
We’ll be there in fifteen minutes.
(listens)
Uh -- we were just --
grabbing a bite to eat.

A woman’s voices SHRIEKS
from the room next door.

A bullwhip CRACKS.
Another SCREAM.

BOBBY
Of course not, no.
(listens)
Food’s really spicy.
(listens)
Yeah, right.
In your hat.
See you soon.

He hangs up.
LEAPS out of bed.

BOBBY
That was the chief.
Great news.
One of the bills from the bank
was spent at Venice Beach.

TAYA
Marked?

BOBBY
Yeah. Amateur hour.
Pros know not to take
what’s in the drawer.

TAYA
(starts getting dressed)
So we got ourselves some cowboys.

BOBBY
(pulls on his jeans)
Yeah, and unfortunately,
those are the most dangerous kind.

TAYA
(snaps on her shoulder holster)
Then let’s wrastle us some varmits --
(slides in her gun, wicked smile)
And then later we can
do some more ‘ropin’ and ridin.’