Faster, Pussycat

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 18 of GUN-WILD, things get a little kinky when the bank robbers get wasted partying in their hideout Winnebago. Hondo makes a pass at Rod ... and then Net starts hitting on Cam ... but then Cam pulls out her gun and pulls Rod into the bedroom so she can get 'both barrels' ...


INT. WINNEBAGO - NIGHT
Psycho-rockabilly AT FULL VOLUME:
Horropops’ THELMA & LOUISE.

Rod and Hondo sit on the couch,
high as fucking kites.

Cam and Net do a frenzied go-go dance
on the coffee table.

Net’s topless,
shaking with abandon,
gun in hand.

NET
(sings)
Just like, Thelma and Loooo-uise --

Cam takes a swig from
a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Reaches around,
UNSNAPS her halter top.
It FLIES OFF.

She SHAKES HER BOOBS
in time with Net.

CAM
Faster, pussycat!

HONDO
BOOBAGE! Shake it, sunset girl!

Net sees. Smiles.
GRABS Cam’s boobs with both hands.

NET
HONK-HONK!

CAM
HEY!

She SLAPS Net’s hands away.

NET
Oooh, touchy --

HONDO
Touchy-FEELY.

ROD
(stands)
Hey, baby -- wanna dance?

He goes to Cam.
Takes her hand.
She JUMPS off the table.

Dances like a maniac.
Shakes her boobs in his face.

Hondo comes up behind Rod.
GRABS his ass with both hands.

Rod WHIRLS AROUND --
and SLAPS him in the face.

ROD
BACK OFF.

HONDO
(rubs his cheek, smiles)
Dude. Why so uptight?
Just fuckin’ with ya.

ROD
The only FUCKING I do
is with CHICKS -- GOT IT?

HONDO
(raises his hands)
Chill, bro -- chill.

Hondo goes to Net,
still dancing on the table,
eyes closed, blissed out.

GRABS her hand,
PULLS her down with a YANK --
bare feet SLAP the floor.

NET
OW!

Hondo picks her up.

HONDO
C’mon, hot stuff -- private party.
(looks at Rod)
No prudes allowed.
(laughs)
Pussy to go --

And he carries her off
to the back bedroom, Net SQUEALING.

Rod watches them.
Turns to Cam.
Puts his arms around her.

CAM
What are you -- doing?

ROD
Give you any ideas?

Cam pulls out her gun.
Aims it at his crotch.

CAM
Let’s go upstairs -- play a game.

ROD
(pushes it away)
Whoah. Careful.
That’s the family jewels.

Cam smiles.
Rubs the gun against her crotch.

CAM
Maybe this is better.
Longer. Stiffer.
(meaningfully)
Never shoots blanks.

ROD
Kinky girl.
So that’s the way
you want to play it?

Cam leers.
Holds the gun barrel
against her lips.
Licks it.

CAM
Let’s go upstairs and find out.
(beat)
And bring the money --

INT. BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Hondo lies in bed with Net.
Touches her bare leg.

She SLAPS his hand away.
Pulls out a joint. Lights it.

NET
Keep your hands off me -- faggot.

HONDO
(laughs)
Who you calling a faggot?

NET
You wanna fuck him --
instead of me.

HONDO
You got that wrong, darlin’ --
I wanna fuck BOTH of you.
(beat)
You said you were a swinger.

NET
A Straight swinger, asshole --
not fucking GAY.

HONDO
What? You never orgied?

NET
Yeah, but where I come from,
guys fuck girls,
and girls fuck girls,
but GUYS don’t fuck GUYS.

HONDO
That’s right, I forgot --
you’re from Texas.

NET
What the fuck is THAT
supposed to mean?

She grabs a bottle of tequila
on the bed stand. CHUGS it.

HONDO
You know you might be a redneck, IF --

NET
ASSHOLE!

Net THROWS the bottle at him. He DUCKS.
It SMASHES against the wall -- CRASH.

HONDO
BABY!
(grabs her)
I’m SORRY.

NET
(shrieks)
What the FUCK?

She starts crying. Sobbing.
He strokes her hair.

HONDO
I’m sorry, baby -- I’m sorry.
I was just playin’ with you --
(beat)
We’re fucked up -- you know?
I’m SORRY.

NET
(tears subside)
Kay --

HONDO
What can I do to
make it up to you?
What would make my
little bank robber happy?

Net pulls away.
Nasty smile.
Eyes burning.

NET
You can fix me a Cam sandwich --