Rome Wasn't Built In A Lay

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 4 of B-GIRLS, stripper Lexus Cole, hooker Bling Stevens and porn star Neena Jammer pay a visit to Bling's client Jack Broad, a retired spy, who comes up with a plan to help them get out of the mess they're in ...


EXT. MODERN HOUSE - NIGHT
A sleek, James Lloyd Wright kinda joint
nestled on a secluded wooded lot.

The girls walk up to the front door.

LEXUS
You mean he’s a spy?

BLING
Was. He’s retired.
(smiles)
But you know men.
He still likes
to stick it in
every now and then.

She RINGS the bell.

A MALE VOICE
comes over the intercom.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Go away.
No solicitors.

BLING
(into the speaker)
Jack, it’s me, Bling.

JACK (O.C.)
We had an appointment today?
I must be getting senile.

BLING
No.
I’m with my friends
Lexus and Neena.
We just witnessed a murder
and need to use your phone.

JACK
So you came
to the Honeycomb Hideout.

BLING
Hey.
Sometimes you
feel like a nut.

INT. JACK’S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
A real hep-cat’s joint,
done up in retro sixties cool.

JACK BROAD (60’s), tall, trim,
with a touch of gray
sits across from the girls
on a giant sectional sofa.

Swirls brandy in a snifter.
The girls sip glasses of wine.

JACK
And he was just
mowed down like that.

BLING
Yeah.
So we got the
fuck outta there.
Now we need to use your phone
to call the police.

JACK
You might want to
hold off on that.

BLING
What do you mean?

JACK
My dear, you just witnessed
the assassination of a
billionaire tech mogul.
Your cars are still there, right?

BLING
Yeah, but --

JACK
Whoever killed Randy Mandletort
is now gonna try and kill you,
so you’re going to be watched.

BLING
Jesus fucking Christ
on a tampon.
What are we gonna do?

JACK
Simple.
Find whoever ordered the hit,
then bring them to justice.

BLING
Yeah, right.
A stripper, a porn star
and a hooker?
You gotta be kidding.
It’s a suicide mission.

JACK
Not if I train you.

BLING
You mean like some kinda
boot camp?

JACK
My dear,
Rome wasn’t built in a lay --