No Shit, Shylock

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 9 of DICK & HONEY, our intrepid bounty hunters follow Simone LeBon, girl toy of escaped Ponzi scheme felon Roland Forsythe as he heads to his secret lair. The problem is, they still haven't come up with a plan on how they're gonna catch him ...


INT. DICK AND HONEY’S LAND ROVER - DAY
Dick and Honey sit and watch Simone’s house,
now further on down the street.

HONEY
She’s lying.
She’s going to see him.

DICK
No shit, Shylock.

HONEY
It’s ‘Sherlock.’

DICK
What?

HONEY
The expression is
‘no shit, Sherlock.’

A shylock is a money lender,
like in The Merchant Of Venice.

DICK
Is that like Merchant and Ivory?

HONEY
No, no, no.
It’s a reference
to Sherlock Holmes.

DICK
But what about Merchant and Ivory?
I used to love their films.
I wonder what happened to them.

HONEY
Never mind. I give up.
(beat)
Hey. Did you know they were gay?
That they’re a couple?

DICK
Well, that sure as hell
would explain ‘Howard’s End.’

EXT. SIMONE’S HOUSE - FRONT CURB - DAY
Simone gets in her old, beat-up Honda Civic.
Drives away.

DICK AND HONEY’S LAND ROVER
Waits a moment.
Then starts following it.

EXT. INTERSTATE FREEWAY - DAY
The Honda travels out of Los Angeles.
The Land Rover follows.

INT. DICK AND HONEY’S LAND ROVER - MOVING - DAY
Dick and Honey watch Simone’s car
through the windshield.

DICK
What are we gonna do
when we get there?
We need to think this through.
(off her look)
This whole thing was your idea.
We’ve gotta come up with a plan.

HONEY
I’m thinking, I’m thinking.

DICK
What if he’s got a gun? Huh?
Did you think of that?
Your gun looks like a toy.

HONEY
I’ve got it. We let her go in,
then knock on the door and
pepper spray him in the face.
Give ‘em a little Occupy action.

DICK
‘Occupy action?’
I thought you were a liberal.

HONEY
Who says liberals
can’t get down and dirty?
Bill Maher? Jon Stewart?
We’re all up in that shit --