Dead Mexican Work For Ya?

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 15 of DICK & HONEY, we reach the exciting conclusion of our story, in which our intrepid bounty hunters/would-be comedy team brings Ponzi schemer Roland Forsythe to justice and then get their next job, which scares the shit out of them ...

EXT. ROLAND’S BIG BEAR CABIN - FRONT DOOR - NIGHT
Simone stands in front of the door.
Honey’s on the left, derringer aimed.

Dick’s on the right,
holding a big stick.

Simone looks at them. They nod.
She KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCKS.

SIMONE
Honey, it’s me. I MADE it.

The door OPENS.
Roland stands there, smiling.

ROLAND
Baby-face. Thank god you’re okay.
(sees her arm)
Oh my god. What happened to --

Dick CRACKS him on the head.
He goes down, THWUMP.

DICK
One down, one to go.

They wait. Listen.
Dick peers around the corner. Looks.

HONEY
What do you see?

DICK
Dead Mexican work for ya?

INT. ALABAMA BROWN BAIL BONDS - NIGHT
Roland sits in a chair in the corner,
hands cuffed behind him.
Alabama glares at Dick and Honey.

ALABAMA
I don’t care.
You only get HALF.

HONEY
But we didn’t shoot him.

ALABAMA
What happened to the Mexican?

DICK
He’s dead. Roland shot him.
They must have gotten into an argument.

ROLAND
I’m not saying a word
until I speak with my attorney,
after I see a DOCTOR.

ALABAMA
(to Dick)
You just left behind a dead body?

DICK
We made an anonymous tip to the cops.

ALABAMA
So how did you find him?
Wait, don’t tell me.
The less I know, the better.
(hands cash to Honey)
There you go.
I got another one
if you’re interested.

DICK
Thanks, but after these shenanigans,
I’d like to take a breather.

HONEY
Dick. We’ve only got
enough for the back rent,
and this month is due next week --

DICK
(to Alabama)
Okay, I’ll bite. Who is it?

Alabama grins.
Holds up a ‘wanted’ poster of a
huge, ugly, VERY dangerous-looking dude.

ALABAMA
This is a good one.
Ordell ‘The Cleaver’ Washington.
Killed his wife with a butcher’s knife.
And we’re talking the same money.

PUSH IN ON Dick and Honey’s faces.
Scared to death.

DICK
That’s -- great.

HONEY
Can’t -- wait.

INT. DICK AND HONEY’S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Dick and Honey sit on the couch with cocktails.
CLINK their glasses. Take a sip.

HONEY
After a day like that,
I think we’ve more than earned a martini.

DICK
Or three.
Now I know why cops drink so much.
I’m still jacked up on adrenalin.

HONEY
So I guess now we’re
officially bounty hunters.

DICK
How on earth are we
going to catch ‘The Cleaver?’
He looks fucking scary.

HONEY
We’ll figure out something.

DICK
Maybe start with getting a bigger gun.

HONEY
Maybe you should get a bigger stick.

DICK
Hey. Them’s fighting words.

HONEY
You gonna do something about it?

Dick puts his drink down.
Puts his hand on her knee.

DICK
I seem to remember getting
an invitation to the
garden of earthly delights.

HONEY
Sorry. You have to wait
behind the velvet rope.

DICK
But I’m on the list.

HONEY
Did you bring your hoe?

DICK
I did.
And I’m looking right at her.

HONEY
Oh, you’re in trouble NOW --

She puts her drink down.
GRABS him. They kiss as we --

FADE TO BLACK