Sit On My Facebook

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 10 of DICK & HONEY, our intrepid bounty hunters follow actress/model Simone LeBon, on her way to hook up with escaped Ponzi scheme fugitive Roland Forsythe. Problem is, Simone knows what Dick & Honey are up to, and tries to lose them ...


INT. SIMONE’S HONDA CIVIC - MOVING - DAY
Simone drives with one hand,
talks on her cell with the other.
Looks in the rearview mirror.

SIMONE
That’s what I said.
A pair of private investigators
are following me.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. ROLAND’S BIG BEAR CABIN - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Roland sits on the couch talking on his cell.

ROLAND
They’re not private investigators,
they’re BOUNTY HUNTERS.
Pull over to the
side of the road.
Let ‘em pass you.

SIMONE
Then what do I do?

ROLAND
Wait a few minutes,
then keep going.
When you get to the
next rest stop,
pull over and go
to the restaurant.
I’ll come meet you later.

SIMONE
Is the guy there
with the new ID’s yet?

ROLAND
No. If he was,
I’d meet you now
and deal with them myself.

SIMONE
Oh. Right.

ROLAND
Don’t worry.
Everything’s gonna be okay.
Just do what I say
and hang tight.
Once I get the ID’s,
I’ll call you.
Just stay in the restaurant.

SIMONE
But I’m not hungry.

ROLAND
Get something to drink
and check your Facebook page
on your phone.

SIMONE
Ooh. Gnarly. Okay, hun.
See you soon.

She hangs up.
Roland looks at his phone.
Shakes his head.

ROLAND
A few fries
short of a Happy Meal,
but she sure gives
a mean rusty trombone.

EXT. INTERSTATE FREEWAY - DAY
Simone’s car pulls off the freeway.
Parks in the shoulder.
The Land Rover drives by.

INT. DICK AND HONEY’S LAND ROVER - MOVING - DAY
Dick and Honey stare out the window,
open-mouthed.

DICK
What the hell?
Why did she pull over?

HONEY
She saw us.
Go around this curve and pull over.

INT. SIMONE’S HONDA CIVIC - DAY
Simone sits in her seat.
Plays with her phone.

SIMONE
‘Sit on my Facebook?’
Ew. Rude much?
(presses the screen)
You’re UNFRIENDED, hater.
Poke THAT.

INT. DICK AND HONEY’S LAND ROVER - DAY
The Land Rover is parked in the shoulder.

DICK
What the fuck are we supposed to do NOW?

HONEY
(sees out the window)
There she goes. Follow her.

DICK
But if I follow her,
she’ll see us again.

HONEY
Yeah, but if we don’t follow her,
we won’t find HIM.

DICK
But if she knows we’re following her,
she’ll drive somewhere else.

HONEY
That doesn’t make sense.
Then how’s she gonna meet up with him?

DICK
Well, yeah, but --

HONEY
But what?

He pulls back onto the freeway.
HITS the gas.

DICK
Are you trying to
make me look foolish?

HONEY
As if you need any
help with that. Please.

DICK
Got that right --