This Is Your Home On Drugs

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 3 of Episode 2 of LEGS, we meet stoner/meth-head trailer trash teen Daryl Head, who sees retired cop Basil Keko win the powerball lottery on TV, and comes up with a 'brilliant idea' ... and decides to kidnap his wife and get the money ...


EXT. SHITTY TRAILER HOME - DAY
A double-wide model in serious disrepair.
Once white, now gray.
This is your home on drugs.

INT. SHITTY TRAILER HOME - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Beyond run-down. Two KIDS
sit on a threadbare couch
with cans of beer watching the proceedings
on a giant old-school TV sitting on
planks of wood supported by cinder blocks.

DRUGGED-OUT KID
Two-hundred fifty-four million canolis.
Jesus fucking Christ on a Thai stick.
You could buy enough drugs
to open a fucking pharmacy.

Meet DARRYL HEAD (22),
ne’er do well drug enthusiast.

Rail-thin, red hair in a frizzy afro,
with a matching soul patch
that threatens to overtake his chin.

STONER GIRL
Damn. Imagine being able to
walk into a store and buy
whatever the fuck you want.
I’d get me a PINK HUMMER.

Meet WENDY HAMMERS (18),
high school drop-out.

Saucy in a belly-T,
daisy dukes and flip-flops.

Big, bottle blonde ponytails
on either side of her head.

Girl-next-door cute,
but the hard partying is
starting to dim her luster.

DARRYL
I’d get me a pink hummer --
from you.

DENNY HEAD (18),
Darryl’s ‘special needs’ little brother,
sits on the floor indian-style,
cradling a giant bong in his lap.

Natty in surfer jams
and a ‘Weeds’ T-shirt.

He EXHALES a giant cloud of smoke.
Grins, eyes druggy slits.

DENNY
She said 'hummer.'

Darryl WHIPS his head to the left,
eyes flashing.

He’s just had another one of his
‘brilliant ideas.’

DARRYL
Wait a minute.
He lives in Santa Monica, too.

He goes to the kitchen counter.
Grabs a phone book.

Rifles through it.
Wendy and Denny watch him, excited.

WENDY
What’s up, honey-bunny?

Darryl finds the listing.
A maniacal grin.

He WHIRLS around.
Jabs a finger at them.
Eyes blazing.

DARRYL
Basil Keko lives on Bay Street.
That’s only ten blocks away.

DENNY
We gonna go visit him?

WENDY
I know that look.
You just got one of your
'big ideas,' didn’t you?

Darryl nods.
Dashes over to the coffee table.
Leans down. SNARFS up a line of meth.

Jumps back up.
Starts pacing the room
like a wild animal.
Thinking. Plotting. Planning.

DARRYL
This is gonna be our biggest score EVER.
It’s gonna go down in HISTORY.
We’re gonna be set for LIFE.
They’ll make a MOVIE about it.
(rubs his hands together)
Ommigod, when I’m brilliant,
I’m fucking BRILLIANT.

WENDY
Whatta you wanna do, rob him?

DARRYL
No, no, no. Too dangerous.
The announcer said he used to be a cop.

DENNY
Then what you wanna do, Darryl?

DARRYL
He said that he was married, right?

WENDY
Right --

DARRYL
So we fucking KIDNAP his wife.

WENDY
Holy shit.

DARRYL
Is that fucking brilliant or WHAT?

DENNY
Like taking candy from a lady.

And he FIRES UP another bong hit.