Electro-Glide In Lube

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Wednesday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 2 of LEGS, Episode 3, private eye Carrie Love and her porn star girlfriend Laura Lang make kinky love like they witnessed at Club Fuck the night before, bringing Carrie to new heights of pleasure. Meanwhile, Carrie's ex-husband's father wins 250-million dollars in the powerball lottery, and accepts his prize, live on TV ...


INT. CARRIE’S BUNGALOW - BEDROOM - NIGHT
The brittle, aching, subterranean croon
of David Bowie’s cover of GOD ONLY KNOWS over --

CARRIE (V.O.)
You know what they say.
When in Rome --

Ghostly, eerie in the light
from a lone candle.

Carrie’s handcuffed to the bedposts
in bra and panties.

Laura kneels before her.
Flogging Carrie gently. Delicately.

And on each swirling whissssk
of the soft straps --
Carrie jerks with new pleasure.

The flogging quickens.
Softer. Closer. Deeper.

Carrie writhes. Moans.
Then HOWLS AT THE MOON.

A carnal, animal bray.
SHRIEKING like a banshee virgin
finally finding release.

Then starts crying, sobbing from so much.
Laura THROWS the flogger to the floor.

Reaches up. Unfastens Carrie’s wrists.
Throws her arms around her. Holds her.

INT. CARRIE’S KITCHEN - DAY
The lovers sit on bar stools.
Carrie feeds Laura a
White Castle cheeseburger.
She wolfs it down in one gulp.

CARRIE
I think I hurt my back.

LAURA
I think I hurt my tongue.

CARRIE
It’s the dawn of a new era
in my sexual exploits.
I came without you even touching me.
(sings)
'It’s a whole new world' --

They stare at each other.
Goofy. Lean in. Kiss.

LAURA
Mmm. That was good.

CARRIE
And you liked the burger?

LAURA
You taste better.
(beat)
Would you nuke a couple more?
Please?

CARRIE
For you, my love,
I’d nuke heaven and earth.
(goes to the microwave, pops a few more in)
So what’s the name of the movie?

LAURA
Electro-Glide in Lube.

CARRIE
Aren’t you scared?
I’ve seen that gear.
Looks kinda dangerous to me.
All that voltage up your --

The microwave DINGS.
Carrie gets up.
Gets the burgers.

LAURA
Don’t worry, love, I’ll be fine.
Klaus said I’d have the controls.
Set phasers to ‘stun’ so to speak.

CARRIE
(serves them)
I know. I’m sorry.
It’s none of my business.

LAURA
(takes one)
You’re so good to me.

CARRIE
You’re so good to me.

Laura’s eyes are bright, liquid.
She looks small, fragile in her big,
white terry cloth robe.
Makeup long gone.

LAURA
Sometimes I -- don’t think
I deserve someone like you.

CARRIE
Hey. Enough of that. You deserve it.
I deserve it. We’re just people.
Both of us. We both deserve it.

LAURA
(a whisper)
Then why doesn’t it feel like it?

INT. TV STUDIO - SOUNDSTAGE - DAY
A GRINNING LOTTERY OFFICIAL (40’s)
in a sharp suit holds a giant check.

Next to him stands BASIL KEKO (60’s),
Bernie’s father, a big barrel of a man.

Once rock-hard, now soft and doughy,
but still with the stern face of a cop.
Which he was.

GRINNING LOTTERY OFFICIAL
I now present to the winner
of the Powerball Lottery,
Basil Keko of Santa Monica,
this check in the amount of
two-hundred fifty-four MILLION dollars.

Grinning hands it to Basil,
who stares into the camera,
a deer in the klieg lights.

BASIL
Th-thanks.

GRINNING LOTTERY OFFICIAL
Do you know what you’re going to do
with this sudden windfall?

BASIL
Uh, pay off my mortgage --
take the wife on vacation --
(smiles)
And buy myself a big boat.