Keep On Truckin'

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Wednesday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 10 of LEGS, Episode 3, things get more than a little uncomfortable at the 'kidnapping command center' at Meg's house when she shows up with her new partner Ilona, who it turns out Carrie Love dated once upon a time ... and just as tensions mount between Carrie's ex-husband Bernie when he confronts Meg about ruining his marriage by sleeping with Carrie, white trash kidnapper Darryl head phones them with his demands ...


INT. MEG’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Basil, Bernie and Carrie sit around
the coffee table staring at
the phone tape recorder sitting on it.

CARRIE (V.O.)
The air was filled like tension.
You could feel it.
Smell it. Touch it. Taste it.
It cut like a dull knife.
(beat)
My ex-mother-in-law had been abducted,
and there was nothing I could do about it.

BASIL
Why don’t they fucking CALL?
I’m losing my fucking MIND.
(growls)
If they harm one hair on her head,
they’re gonna DIE.

The front door opens.
In walks Meg and Ilona.

CARRIE
Meg.
(looks at Ilona)
Oh.

MEG
Hey.
(nods)
Bernie. Mr. Keko.
(to Carrie)
This is my new partner,
Ilona Ramirez.

CARRIE
Ilona. You did it.
You’re a cop.

MEG
You know her?

ILONA
I used to bartend at the Clit Club.

CARRIE
Poured generous cocktails.
Had quite a way with a wedge of lime --

MEG
(to Carrie)
Did you -- ?

ILONA
(to Meg)
Relax. The relationship was
strictly business between barmaid and lush.
(looks at Carrie)
And I was spoken for back then.

BASIL
(to Bernie)
So that’s the tart Carrie left you for.

MEG
Excuse me?

BERNIE
Dad. We’re in HER house.

CARRIE
I’m sorry, Meg.
He’s distraught.
He didn’t mean it.

MEG
Nice to meet you too, Mr. Keko.

BASIL
Please. Call me ‘Mr. Keko.’

MEG
(to Carrie)
So what’s the scoop?
Have they called
with their demands yet?

CARRIE
Not yet.
It’s a power play.
The longer they wait to call,
the more they think
they’re in control.

BERNIE
You’re assuming these
assholes are that bright.

BASIL
The fuckers ARE in control.
They got my KITTY.

The phone on the table RINGS.
Everybody JUMPS.

Basil looks at Carrie. She nods. T
urns on the tape recorder.

Basil picks up.
Carefully puts it on speakerphone.

BASIL
Hello?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. DARYLL’S TRAILER HOME - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Darryl sits in a big, ratty
overstuffed wing chair like it’s a throne.

Phone in one hand,
bottle of beer in the other.

Wendy sits on the couch,
timing the call on her watch.

Denny sits next to her,
lighting up the bong.

We see fat lines of white powder
on a mirror in front of Darryl.

DARRYL
Yo, is this the rich dude?
Basil Keko?

BASIL
Yes.
You better not have hurt my wife --

DARRYL
Chill out. She’s fine.
In fact, we’re right now giving her
some sugar for that diabetes thingamajig.

BASIL
So what do you want?

DARRYL
Well, seeing as how you won
two-hundred fifty-four million clamolas,
I’ll take two-hundred and fifty three.
A million bucks should last you
long enough since you’re
old and gonna die soon.

BASIL
But I don’t have it yet.
That check you saw on TV was a prop.

DARRYL
So when ARE you gonna get it?

BASIL
The wire transfer
should hit my bank tomorrow.

DARRYL
TOMORROW?

BASIL
Listen to me, you little fuck.
A wire transfer takes time.

Carrie stands.
Pantomimies with her arms that
she’s carrying a huge package.
Nods ‘understand?’

BASIL
(nods)
Now we have to figure out the logistics.
Do you realize how BIG that much money is?
You’re gonna need a truck.

DARRYL
A truck?

BASIL
A hundred million is about
the size of a refrigerator,
so you’re talking about a load
the size of two and a half refrigerators.

DARRYL
Then I’ll get a fucking truck.

BASIL
Then there’s the matter of
where you’re gonna put it.
Have you thought of that, huh?

DARRYL
Shut up.
What do you think, I’m STUPID?

BASIL
I want to talk to Kitty.
I need to know she’s okay.

DARRYL
I told you. She’s fine.

BASIL
If you don’t put her on phone
RIGHT NOW, there’s no deal.
How do I know you haven’t
killed her already?

WENDY
(looks at her watch)
Time’s up.

DARRYL
We now pause for a word from our sponsor.
Call you back.

BASIL
WAIT a minute --

He CLICKS the phone shut.
Leans down, and SNARFS
a line of meth up his nose. HONK.

Shakes his head.
Eyes blazing.

DARRYL
Now that’s what I call
‘keep on truckin.’