Be It Ever So Kinky, There's No Place Like Home

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Apologies for not starting the new story yesterday, but I found out my building is being fumigated for termites, and I had to find a place to stay (which I did), but somehow doing the blog got lost in the shuffle. Yikes. That's never happened before.

Today I'm proud to present Episode 3 of LEGS, the story of private eye Carrie Love, which as I mentioned before is being considered at Showtime, and last week my manager told me he's also going to send to HBO. Let the bidding war begin!

In Chapter 1, we catch up with private eye Carrie Love and her porn star girlfriend Laura Lang at Club Fuck, where they're watching an S&M 'demonstration' in 'the play room' ...


EXT. CLUB FUCK - NIGHT
A faceless warehouse on the
cheap end of the Sunset Strip.

Nasty industrial music
dully thump-thumps from within.

Laura and Carrie wait in line
behind the velvet rope.

Laura’s done up like some kind of
stormtrooper from a Dick Cheney wet dream
in leather and rubber.

Carrie, just getting her feet wet
in a cute little latex dress
that’s too short, too tight.

CARRIE (V.O.)
I don’t know how it happened,
but Club Fuck became our hangout.

The FREAKISHLY TATTOOED
AND PIERCED TRIBAL BOUNCER (20’s)
looks at them. Smiles. Nods.
Lifts the rope.

LAURA
Ready to get totally depraved?

CARRIE
Yes, please.

And they go in.

INT. CLUB FUCK - FRONT BAR
A carnival of perversion.
The fall of Rome.
Fellini, on tap.

The magic couple pound shots.
Hands all over each other.

CARRIE (V.O.)
Now that I was there with Laura,
it no longer felt like a freak show.
It felt --like home.

CARRIE (CONT'D)
It’s the nipple clamp version
of the Star Wars bar.
I love it.

LAURA
(takes her hand)
Then c’mon, love --
let’s tighten the screws.

INT. CLUB FUCK - DANCE FLOOR - NIGHT
Carrie and Laura bump and grind
in a hailstorm of strobe lights
to the throbbing groove,
lost in the teaming crowd,
delirious. Intoxicated. Inflamed.

CARRIE (V.O.)
It felt like a place where
you could be yourself,
no matter who --
or what you were.

They lock eyes. Stop dancing. Kiss.
Laura GRABS Carrie’s hair.

Pulls her head back.
Starts sucking. Biting. Feasting.

CARRIE (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Be it ever so kinky,
there’s no place like home.
IN A DARK CORNER

Laura untwists a little vial.
HONKS up a hit of something white.
Then another.

Then gives Carrie a couple.
HONK. HONK.

Carrie grins crookedly.
Downs her drink.
Then kisses her.

CARRIE (V.O.)
A friend in need is a friend in heat.

INT. CLUB FUCK - PLAY ROOM - NIGHT
The druggy, depraved goth-rock of
Daniel Ash’s COMING DOWN
bubbles under the dark dankness.

At the other end, a small
wooden platform bathed in red light.

Carrie and Laura stand up front
off to the side, watching.

A GIANT DOMINATRIX (30’s)
leads a YOUNG GIRL (18)
up onto the stage.

The CROWD, a motley assortment of
male, female and everything in-between
watches with rapt attention.

CARRIE (V.O.)
I’ve never been what you’d call
conservative in the sack,
and I’ve always been
drawn to the dark side,
but this was taking
sexual experimentation
to a whole new level.

Giant Dominatrix holds Young Girl’s hand.
Guides her over to a large wooden cross
on its side, like a big ‘X’.

Young Girl’s eyes
flicker with anticipation.

CARRIE (V.O.)
I suddenly found myself getting
sucked into a vortex of
dominance and submission that
would make the Marquis de Sade blush.

Giant places Young Girl’s wrist
into a shackle on the cross.

CLICKS it shut.
Then does the other. CLICK.

Then slowly reaches up to the zipper
of her bodysuit at her at throat.

Slowly, slowly zips it down.
Revealing plain, girlish lingerie.
Pale, trembling skin.

CARRIE (V.O.)
My mind was racing.
I’d played handcuff games,
but this was The story of O,
Exit to Eden and Fifty Shades Of Gray
all rolled into one.

Dominatrix then places Young Girl’s
left ankle on the cross.

CLICKS the shackle shut.
Then does the right. CLICK.

Strokes Young’s calf with
her black vinyl-gloved hand.

Young shudders.
Then slowly, achingly --
goes up, up her leg.

Reaches her soft, milky thigh.
Then stops.

CARRIE (V.O.)
In 'normal' relationships
there’s conflict about who’s in control --
but in this scenario,
the roles are clearly defined.

Young Girl quivers. Bites her lip.
Closes her eyes.

A tear of pleasure trickles down.
Giant’s hand continues on it’s journey.

Reaches her panties.
A small wet spot glistens.

She stops. Young’s hips buckle.
She can’t take it. Please.

CARRIE (V.O.)
There’s no struggle.
You can just let go --
and swim in a sea of pleasure.

A FETISH COUPLE (20’s)
watches, holding hands.

GIRL dabs her eyes.
BOY leans over.
Softly kisses her pierced cheek.

Carrie stares.
Eyes wide as saucers.
Laura squeezes her hand.

CARRIE (V.O.)
And then, before I knew it,
I was scared shitless --
because I was so fucking turned on.