Unhappy Meal

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In Chapter 32 of THE INVISIBLE GIRL, it's a fast food clusterfuck of epic proportions when Bettie stops by American Burger and starts fucking with the counter help, the customers ... and the burgers ...


EXT. STRIP MALL - NIGHT
The usual crap. Check cashing joint.
Convenience store. Liquor emporium.

Fast food restaurants. An electronic store
with a wall of TV’s in the window.
We hear footsteps --

BETTIE (V.O.)
Hungry. Need to EAT.

The footsteps stop in front of the TV display.

ON TV
Is a commercial for American Burger.
A group of wildly grinning kids,
like outta some demented GLEE from hell
sing and dance while holding hamburgers.

BIG-CHESTED BLONDE CHEERLEADER
So when you want a tasty treat --

GAP-TOOTHED RETARDED KID IN WHEELCHAIR
And you’re stomach’s craving American meat --

BLACK ATHLETIC TYPE
Then get your butt to the
place that can’t be beat --

HOT ASIAN SMART CHICK WEARING GLASSES
Because American Burger is the place to eat --

SMILING LATIN GUY DRESSED LIKE A VALET
That makes you dance with HAPPY FEET.

Smiling Latin Guy breaks out into
a big tap-dance number.

The other kids start chowing down
and cheering him on.

EXT. AMERICAN BURGER RESTAURANT - NIGHT
Footsteps CLOMP-CLOMP up to the door.

BETTIE (V.O.)
I’m gonna have me a bunch of burgers,
some fries, a few shakes --

The door OPENS -- and the footsteps CLOMP in.

AT THE COUNTER
The place is dead. A couple of
PIMPLY-FACED KIDS hover over a smart-phone.
Point and squeal.

ACNE-SCARRED NERDY GUY
And here’s a shot of her sticking her ass
out the limo MOON-ROOF --

MOUTH-BREATHING FAT CHICK
My GOD. It’s bigger than it is on TV --

BETTIE (V.O.)
Can I get a dozen Freedom Burgers,
six orders of Homeland Fries
and four chocolate Liberty Shakes?

ACNE-SCARRED NERDY GUY
(spooked)
Who’s there --

MOUTH-BREATHING FAT CHICK
What was that?

BETTIE (V.O.)
I SAID -- I WANT A DOZEN FREEDOM BURGERS,
SIX ORDERS OF HOMELAND FRIES AND
FOUR FUCKING CHOCOLATE LIBERTY SHAKES. NOW.

ACNE-SCARRED NERDY GUY
What the fuck? Is this a joke?
Is that you, Reggie?

Bettie GRABS Acne-Scarred by the shirt collar.
Starts SHAKING HIM violently.

BETTIE (V.O.)
LISTEN, retard. I WANT MY FOOD, NOW.

ACNE-SCARRED NERDY GUY
HEY. Wh-what’s going ON?

Mouth-Breather starts freaking out.
She SCREAMS and RUNS to the back of the store.
We hear a door SLAM.

BETTIE (V.O.)
Are you gonna get my FOOD,
or do I have to get it MYSELF?

ACNE-SCARRED NERDY GUY
I -- don’t -- who --
(GASPS)
Who’s there?

Bettie THROWS him across the room.
He HITS the window with a CRACK.
Falls to the floor in a heap, THWUMP.

We hear Bettie JUMP over the counter.
A YOUNG COUPLE on a date come in.
They saunter up to the counter.

BLAND-LOOKING DORKY GUY
I’m gonna have some cheese-rinds --

VACANT-FACED PONYTAILED DRONE
Ooh, I love those. Let’s see --
(reads the menu)
And I’m gonna get some, uh -- fat-sticks.

BLAND-LOOKING DORKY GUY
Mmm. Me, too. I wanna try their
new dipping sauce -- egg cream.
(looks around)
Hey. Is anybody here? We’d like to order.

AT THE BACK GRILL
Bettie now wears an apron.
We see a bunch of burgers on the grill.

One by one, they get flipped,
then tossed onto buns.

AT THE COUNTER
Bland-Looking and Vacant-Faced
look around. Puzzled.

VACANT-FACED PONYTAILED DRONE
Hello. We’re WAITING --

IN THE BACK
A row of MILKSHAKES get poured.

Lids get POPPED on them.
AT THE COUNTER

Bland and Vacant look at each other.
VERY annoyed.

BLAND-LOOKING DORKY GUY
This is ridiculous. C’mon -- let’s go over
to Captain Roger’s Fish and Chunks.

Just as they turn to go, a GIANT BAG OF FOOD
hovers in the air above Bettie’s apron,
then FLIES over the counter --

and heads toward the door,
along with Bettie’s FOOTSTEPS.

Bland and Vacant stare. Open-mouthed.

BETTIE (V.O.)
What’s the matter? Cat got your gut?
Why do you think they call it FAST FOOD?
(beat)
BWAHAHAHAHA -- !

The door OPENS, and the apron,
bag and the footsteps leave.

ON THE SIDEWALK OUTSIDE
Bettie’s apron CLOMPS down the pavement
with the bag FLYING through the air.
A burger POPS OUT and disappears.

BETTIE (V.O.)
So when you want a tasty treat --`
(a bag of fries FLIES OUT,
then gets eaten)
And you’re stomach’s craving
American meat --
(a milkshake FLIES UP)
Then get your butt to the place
that can’t be beat --
(gets SUCKED DOWN)
Because American Burger
is the place to eat --
(BURPS)
That makes you dance with HAPPY FEET.

The apron does a little jig,
and the footsteps CLOMP-CLOMP
like the commercial.

She breaks out into INSANE LAUGHTER.