Catch Of The Day

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 39 of THE INVISIBLE GIRL, overweight teen Bettie Bee gets crowned prom queen, with deadly results ...


INT. SCHOOL GYM - STAGE - NIGHT
The band finishes playing.
Muffin comes into view stage right.

Goes to a microphone on a stand.
Leans into it.

MUFFIN
Hey there, hep-cats and devil-dogs.
Everybody having a GOOD TIME?

The crowd ROARS its approval.

MUFFIN
Now’s the moment
you’ve all been waiting for.
It’s time to crown the
King and Queen of the PROM --

More APPLAUSE.

MUFFIN
First I’d like to present to you,
our KING -- Brad Stifle.

WHOOPS of applause and excitement
as Brad appears from the other side
and takes his place center-stage.

He’s wearing a crown.
And a big smile.
He waves at the crowd. Nods.

MUFFIN
Now as I’m sure you all know,
some of us were a little mean
to our fellow classmate Bettie Bee --
so as a way to make it up to her,
we decided to crown her PROM QUEEN.

Hushed MURMURING from the crowd.

HART AND LANE
Watch Muffin with interest.
Sip their drinks.

HART
I don’t have a good feeling about this.

LANE
Yeah. They’re up to something.

MUFFIN
Smiles brightly at the crowd.

MUFFIN
Aw, c’mon now.
Don’t be like that.
Bettie’s a nice girl.
And we all know she’s
probably feeling a little lost now,
being invisible and all --

BACKSTAGE
Emerald holds the rope connected
to the bucket and the net.

MUFFIN
Takes a giant bouquet of
flowers from someone backstage.
Starts walking over to where Brad is.

MUFFIN
So, Bettie -- would you please come up
and accept your bouquet and crown --
and be our PROM QUEEN?

Silence. Everybody looks
at the stage expectantly.

Muffin peers around,
looking in vain for
something she can’t see.

MUFFIN
C’mon, Bettie. Don’t be shy.

Suddenly Muffin DROPS the bouquet.
GRABS the sides of her neck.
Face turns RED. Starts GAGGING.

MUFFIN
GAAA --

BETTIE (V.O.)
You think I’d just walk
right into your TRAP?
Well, the joke’s on YOU.

Muffin’s head WHIPS to the side.
Her neck SNAPS.

She FALLS to the stage, THWUNK,
a ruined Barbie doll.

People start SCREAMING.
Brad stares, in shock.
Unable to move.

BETTIE (V.O.)
Whoops, don’t know my own STRENGTH.

BACKSTAGE
Emerald stares, speechless.
Then snaps out of it.

YANKS on the rope,
spilling the bucket
of fake blood onto --

BETTIE
DRENCHING her -- making her visible.
The crowd GASPS.

A DORKY KID
Points. Scared shitless.

DORKY KID
It’s BETTIE --

BETTIE
GRABS Brad, PULLS him to the side,
CRACKS his neck, then THROWS
him down where she was standing, THWUMP.

The net FLIES down on him.
Then YANKS him up into the air.

BETTIE
Hey, LOOK.
It’s the CATCH OF THE DAY.
(beat)
BWAHAHAHAHA --

A girl SCREAMS.

PRINCIPAL CHUBB
Stares in utter horror.

PRINCIPAL CHUBB
What do you think you’re DOING?

HART AND LANE
Start RUNNING toward the stage,
guns drawn.

BETTIE
Sees them. RUNS backstage.
RACES over to the FIREHOSE.

Opens the glass case. GRABS it.
Pulls it out. Turns on the water.

A stream starts GUSHING OUT.
She RUNS back onstage --

Just in time to SPRAY Hart and Lane,
who FLY BACK off the stage
and HIT the floor.

THE CROWD
In the gym SCREAMS and
RUNS for the exit.

But it’s LOCKED.
They start POUNDING on the door.

STRANGE-LOOKING GUY
Open up, OPEN UP.

BUSTY YOUNG CHICK
PLEASE. Somebody let us OUT OF HERE --