Higher Learning

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 28 of THE INVISIBLE GIRL, the cops get access to a laser device that will make them able to track the invisible Bettie Bee. Meanwhile, Bettie scares Lonny's father so bad he gets a heart attack and dies ...


INT. GRETCHEN’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
POLICE CRIME SCENE TECHS
swarm the room gathering evidence.

Lane and Hart examine Gretchen’s body,
her head still stuck
on the edge of the aquarium.
Blood everywhere.

HART
Her MO seems to have escalated --

LANE
From pranks into premeditated murder.

HART
I’ll call forensics again. They MUST
be able to trace who posted those videos.

LANE
What’s taking them so long?

HART
The user ID is anonymous, and it’s
connected to a dormant email address.

Lane’s cell phone RINGS.
She fishes it out. Answers it.

LANE
This is officer Diamond.
(listens)
Mr. Bee.
(listens)
A laser? Really?
We’ll be right there.
(listens)
No, thank YOU.
She CLICKS the phone shut.
Smiles at Hart.

HART
What’s up?

LANE
He just made some kind of laser device
that we can use to find her.
Something in the formula can be tracked.

HART
Now we’re talking. Where is he?

LANE
Over at the university.

HART
Then let’s go get some higher learning.

INT. LONNY’S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Lonny sits on the couch
working his smart phone.

We see an indentation
on the cushion next to him.

On the coffee table is a
HUGE selection of food.
Enough to feed a large family.

There’s a small mountain of
miniature frozen hamburgers.

One of them FLIES UP in the air.
We hear a GULP, and it disappears.
Then another. And another. And another --

LONNY
Did you even nuke those?

BETTIE (V.O.)
I like ‘em FROZEN.
Cooking is for LOSERS.

Lonny sighs. Fingers FLY
across the keyboard. We hear a BEEP.

LONNY
Okay. Video is UP.
(nasty chuckle)
Just wait till they get a load of THAT.

A whole turkey lifts up from its plate.
It DISINTEGRATES in a BUZZSAW
of flying food and bones.

Then, a loud BURP.

BETTIE (V.O.)
Finger-fucking GOOD.

LONNY
This is like that movie Heathers.

BETTIE (V.O.)
Never saw it.

LONNY
Oh, it’s great.
Christian Slater and Winona Ryder
play these lovers who
kill the popular kids.
You’d LOVE it.

A gallon container of
ice cream LIFTS UP.

A LOUD SUCKING SOUND
as it gets wolfed down.
It gets tossed to the side.

We now see Bettie’s face,
covered with ice cream.

BETTIE
Ahh. Neapolitan DYNO-MITE.
(BURPS)
Vote for PEDRO. BWAHAHAHAHA --

LONNY
Hey. I can SEE you.

BETTIE
What?

LONNY
Your face.
It’s covered with ice cream.
I can see you.

BETTIE
What do you want, a MEDAL?

LONNY
I just meant it’s great to see you.

BETTIE
WHY?

LONNY
Because you’re the most
beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.

BETTIE
What’s THAT supposed to mean?
You trying to get IN MY PANTS?

The front door OPENS.
In walks FRANK SCHMERZLER (50’s),
Lonny’s dad.

Even BIGGER than Lonny.
Carrying a suitcase.

He sees Lonny. Lonny JUMPS UP.
Hides Bettie with his girth.

LONNY
Dad. You’re home early --

FRANK
(sees the mess)
What the hell is going on here?
There’s food all over the LIVING ROOM.

LONNY
Sorry, dad. I can explain.
I had a few friends over --

FRANK
That’s no EXCUSE.
want you to clean this mess up RIGHT NOW,
and then go RIGHT TO BED, you HEAR me?

LONNY
Okay. I’m sorry, dad --

FRANK
I thought I’d surprise you
by coming home early,
but now I can see I can’t
TRUST you to take care of our HOME.

BETTIE (V.O.)
(low)
Stop talking to my friend like that,
you fat fucking ASSHOLE.

FRANK
Who’s there?

Bettie’s ice cream face
floats in front him.

He turns white.
Grabs his chest. Horrified.

FRANK
Wh-what the HELL?

BETTIE
I’m the evil offspring of BEN AND JERRY,
and I COMMAND YOU to apologize to my FRIEND.

LONNY
Bettie, don’t. My dad’s got a heart condition --

FRANK
I don’t -- understand --

BETTIE
Oh, he DOES, does he?

She starts dancing around the room,
rapping in a scary voice.

Her ice cream face
moving from side to side.

BETTIE
Humpty Dumpty sat on a cock,
Humpty Dumpty came in a sock --
all the king’s whores
and all the king’s friends,
couldn’t make Humpty shoot his load again.
(beat)
BWAHAHAHA!

Franks GASPS.

LONNY
Bettie, STOP IT.

FRANK
(starts staggering)
My heart --

BETTIE
(gets in close)
Mary had a little lamb,
her father shot it dead --
now it goes to school with her,
between two hunks of bread.

FRANK
AHHH, AHHH --

BETTIE
Little Miss Muffet,
sat on a tuffet,
legs opened wide --
along came a spider,
looked up inside her,
and said ‘can I go for a ride?’
(beat)
BWAHAHAHA --

FRANK
GAAA --
Frank’s face turns RED.
He GRABS his chest. Starts MOANING.
COLLAPSES to the floor, THWUMP.

LONNY
DAD.

He races to help.
Checks his pulse. Nothing.

He looks up at Bettie,
in complete shock.

LONNY
You -- killed him.

BETTIE
What’s the big deal?
(nasty smile)
Leaves more food for US.

LONNY
But he’s my FATHER.
What are we gonna do NOW?

BETTIE
I dunno. Maybe saute him
with a little garlic and onions?
(off his look)
BWAHAHAHAHA --

LONNY
That’s not FUNNY.
You just killed MY FATHER.

BETTIE
So what are you gonna DO ABOUT IT?

LONNY
I’m gonna call THE POLICE.

BETTIE
Oh, no YOU’RE NOT --

Lonny pulls out his cell phone.
Starts punching a number.

LONNY
Oh, yes I AM.
(listens)
Hello, nine-one-one?

He looks down.
Feels Bettie’s hand on his crotch.

DROPS the phone.
Her ice cream face smiles nastily.

BETTIE
May I have this POLE dance?

LONNY
Bettie. What are you --

BETTIE
Whaddaya say we go upstairs --
have a little FUN?
(beat)
BWAHAHAHAHA --