A Night To Dismember

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In Chapter 33 of THE INVISIBLE GIRL, Bettie discovers that she is going to be crowned prom queen, and realizes it must be a trap. Meanwhile, the popular kids plot their revenge on her on prom night ...


EXT. ELECTRONIC STORE - NIGHT
The wall of TV’s show a familiar face.
It’s Muffin. Being interviewed by
the local TV news in front of the school.

MUFFIN
Well, Dirk -- the prom committee decided
to shake things up a bit this year --
so we’re going to announce who
the prom king and queen are -- right now.
(beat)
Omigod, I’m so excited I could
totally hurl my McFlurry.

DIRK JOE (30’s), local reporter extraordinaire
holds a mike in front of her. Smarmy smile.
Cheap suit. Decent rug.

DIRK
That’s quite the visual image, Muffin --

MUFFIN
LOL.

Pause.

DIRK
So?

MUFFIN
So --

DIRK
The prom king and queen?

MUFFIN
Oh. Right. Sorry.
(stares in the camera with big eyes)
I’ve never been on TV before.
Can I use this for my sizzle reel?

DIRK
I don’t see why not.

MUFFIN
Super. Okay.
(nods excitedly)
The prom king and queen for
Venison High’s ‘Night to Dismember’ are --
(dramatic pause)
Brad Stifle and Bettie Bee.

BETTIE’S APRON AND BAG OF FOOD
Stand in front of the window
full of TV’s. In shock.

BETTIE (V.O.)
I’m prom queen?
(beat)
They must really think I’m STUPID.
Like I wouldn’t realize it’s a TRAP?

She ROARS with laughter.

BETTIE (V.O.)
I’ll show THEM --

INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM - NIGHT
The prom committee sits around the room.
Brad and Muffin stand at the
head of the class, arguing. Red-faced.

BRAD
I TOLD you, we were working
on a HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT.

MUFFIN
Bull-SHIT.
You were ANTHONY WEINERING her.

BRAD
Jesus Christ on a hotdog
nailed to a stick, Muffin. She’s DEAD.
Could you just CHILL with the accusations?
You’re the only fox for me.
(sings)
The Foxy fox on the run,
you scream and everybody comes --

MUFFIN
That’s NOT going to work
this time, retro-boy.
We’ll talk about this LATER.

An uncomfortable silence in the room.

EMERALD
You were really great on TV, Muffin.

TILA
Yeah, maybe now you can get a deal
for your reality show.

RONNIE
The Unreal Cheerleaders of Venison High.

BERT
Hell, yeah.
I’d Tivo the hell outta that sucker.

WHIT
Will there be the requisite amount
of gratuitous tits and ass?

MUFFIN
Calm down, horny goat-weeds.
The show isn’t just
a display of female flesh --
it’s also a scathing expose of
the deadening ennui of
upper-middle-class suburbia.

BRAD
Alright, alright --
enough about your goddamn TV SHOW.
We have to get our glutes in gear
and start setting up.
Status reports?

EMERALD
(looks at Tila and Ronnie)
We got all the decorations.
We just need everyone’s help
putting them up.

MUFFIN
Solid.

BRAD
(to Bert)
How are the refreshments coming along?

BERT
The teachers are handling
the punch and cookies --

He pulls a gallon of cheap vodka
out of his knapsack.

BERT
And I’ve got the spike that refreshes.

MUFFIN
Nice. What’s your liver damage?
(to Whit)
You got that band you told us about, right?

WHIT
Uh, no -- sorry.
Skull Bong broke up.

BRAD
But they were the best
death-metal band in TOWN.

MUFFIN
Not to mention the only one --

WHIT
Not to worry. I got another band.
(dramatic flourish)
A Flock Of Haircuts.

BRAD
Ohmigod. Not that cheesy
eighties synth-pop band --

WHIT
Sorry. Best I could do on short notice.

MUFFIN
I’m sure they’ll wake us up
before they go-go.
(CLAP-CLAPS her hands)
Okay, people. Let’s get TO WORK.
Looks like we’re gonna
have to pull an all-nighter
if we’re gonna rock the prom.

BRAD
A Night To Dismember -- Bettie Bee.

PUSH IN ON Muffin’s face.
Bugging her eyes out.

MUFFIN
(imitates Sissy Spacek)
It was bad, Momma.
(beat)
They LAUGHED at me --