Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Lights, Camera, Ass Crack
Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.
In Chapter 3 of SPIRAL, we catch up with world-famous porn star Savannah at home in the throws of heroin withdrawal. Meanwhile, her stylist best friend Dex arrives late on the set of the adult film shoot he was supposed to work on ...
INT. SHANNON'S BATHROOM - DAY
A bathroom in a small apartment
in North Hollywood.
I couldn't believe it.
I was going to get to meet
the biggest adult film
star in the world.
Dex said we'd have
cocktails at her place.
I started fantasizing about
going to her incredible home.
SHANNON WILSEY, the girl seen earlier
in the car and then onstage,
is crouched on all fours
on the tile floor hugging
the toilet bowl.
She violently SPEWS vomit chunks.
Heroin withdrawal is not a pretty sight.
Watching the ungodly proceedings are
three large GUATEMALAN PRIVATE NURSES
who hover near the doorway,
silently praying and crossing
Shannon SPITS in the toilet bowl.
Can't you fucking give me something?
I'm fucking sick!
GUATEMALAN NURSE NO.1
I'm sorry, senorita.
You know I'm not supposed to.
Fuck you, you fat fucking whore!
You know what I need. You fucking --
Shannon starts HEAVING and WRETCHING again.
But nothing comes up.
Shannon POUNDS the top of toilet
with crimson-nailed fists.
Fuck! Gimmee some, please.
I can't take it. I can't take it...
GUATEMALAN NURSE NO.2
You like a sleeping pill?
GUATEMALAN NURSE NO.3
(in Spanish, with subtitles)
How about a Coca-Cola?
Shannon turns around on all fours
like a cat and faces the nurses.
Get your fat fucking asses out of here.
Leave me the fuck ALONE!
The nurses exchange glances and leave.
A phone RINGS. Shannon crawls to the wall
near the toilet and picks up the receiver.
Who is it?
Slash? Hi, baby!
EXT. VENTURA BOULEVARD - DAY
A black Jeep ZOOMS down the street
on a sunny day in the Valley.
I always thought that Dex was so lucky
to be working in the movies.
It had to be so much fun.
I was dying to be where he was.
The lights, the cameras, the action.
INT. JEEP - SAME
Dex is behind the wheel.
He's late for work and is
driving like a maniac.
He PUNCHES the gas
and the car LURCHES.
Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.
Shit. Shit. Shit...
Dex RACES through a yellow light.
He reaches into his shirt pocket
and pulls out a small cocaine inhaler.
He SNORTS a couple of hits.
EXT. SMALL WAREHOUSE - DAY
The Jeep ROARS up in front of an small,
shabby warehouse and parks with a SCREECH.
Dex RACES inside.
He passes two PORN ACTRESSES in whorish makeup
siting outside on the stoop smoking.
They look cartoonish, wrong, on such a pretty day.
INSIDE THE WAREHOUSE
Inside is a small soundstage
for producing porn films.
Electrical equipment surrounds an old,
cheap-looking bedroom set.
A video camera sits on a tripod
next to a small monitor on a milk crate.
A few dishevelled CREW MEMBERS mill about.
A bored looking PORN ACTRESS
sits on the bed learning her lines.
The PORN DIRECTOR stands talking with a PORN ACTOR.
The pair are as intense as Martin Scorcese
and Robert DeNiro discussing a scene.
Dex RUNS through the soundstage like a madman.
Sorry I'm Late! I'm here!
Hi Dex. Say, Dex...
Dex opens a door and SLAMS it shut behind him.
He didn't hear you.
I'll talk to him in a minute.
Okay. Now about the anal scene.
I want the audience to feel how much
you really love this girl.
Hmmm. Interesting choice.
INSIDE BACKSTAGE MAKEUP ROOM
A small room with three director's chairs
facing a huge makeup mirror
surrounded by bright lights.
The room is trashy, messy.
Sitting in the first chair is TOPANGA CANYON,
early 20's, a busty redhead
wearing sweats and chewing gum.
She reads a comic book while
a young STYLIST works on her face.
Top forty dance music plays on a boom box.
Hi, Dex. It's about time.
Hi Dex. Glad you could make it.
I'm here now. I can take over.
I don't think so.
The director walks into the makeup room
with a clipboard.
Listen, I uh, I need to talk to you about
the, uh, the anal three-way.
We gotta, um...you know, go over the...
...uh, the blocking.
The director notices Dex. Remembers.
Dex. Oh, yeah. Um. Listen.
Richard's gonna take care of
the hair and makeup today.
But I'm here now. I'm sorry I'm late.
My fucking alarm didn't go off.
Dex, we waited an hour and a half.
Don't worry. I'll hire you on the next one.
Dex stands like a lump. Wide-eyed. Speechless.
I'll call you.