Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Local Color


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 13 of FRANKENSTEIN IN LOVE, CDC scientist Beck Driver gets an unwanted offer of help investigating Frankie's reanimated rat from local cop Chet Beverage. Meanwhile, tomboy Vita Heck tries on the dress she bought online to try and seduce Frankie ...


INT. VITA’S HOUSE - FOYER - NIGHT
Vita comes in the front door.
Closes it. Looks tired. Beat.

PEGGY (O.C.)
Is that you, honey?

VITA
Hi, Mom --

Peggy appears as if by magic.

PEGGY
How was Math Club?

VITA
A fraction of what it used to be --

PEGGY
Oh, that’s FUNNY --
(smiles)
Your FedEx package arrived.

VITA
Oh, wow.
Where did --

PEGGY
I put it on your bed.
What did you get?
(beat)
If you don’t mind my asking.

VITA
Just some -- stuff.

PEGGY
Oh. I’m sorry.
I didn’t mean to pry.

VITA
(sighs)
A -- dress.
And some -- shoes.

PEGGY
A DRESS?
I used to have to FIGHT
to get you into a dress
for church when you were a little --
(off her stare, excited)
It’s Frankie Stein, isn’t it.
He finally asked you out --
(off her stare)
Oh, I’m sorry.
I’m butting in again.
You go on upstairs.
Dinner’ll be ready in about
half-an-hour. Okay?

PUSH IN ON Vita’s face.
Beyond humiliated.

VITA
Sure thing, mom.
Can’t wait --

EXT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS - PARKING LOT - NIGHT
Beck walks briskly to her rental car.
Presses the key chain auto-lock, THWIP.
Chet appears out of nowhere.

CHET
Ms. Driver -- ?

BECK
Jesus fucking CHRIST.
You scared the shit out of me.

CHET
Sorry about that.

BECK
What do you want?
I’m tired and I just want to
go back to my bland, suburban hotel room,
get drunk and watch some porn.

Chet stares. Wow.
A real ‘big city’ girl.

CHET
I just wanted to -- offer my services.

BECK
Sorry, doll -- hate to burst your
drool-bubble, but you’re not my type.

CHET
Gosh, no -- I didn’t mean THAT.
I meant with the investigation.

BECK
Thanks, but no thanks.
I work alone.
(off his look)
No hard feelings, okay, champ?
I’m sure you need to go patrol
the diner, the pool hall --
maybe check on the sock hop.

CHET
Listen, lady -- I don’t know
what’s got your dander up,
but I was just trying to be helpful.
(beat)
Small town folks won’t take too kindly
to a big-city government agent
snooping around askin’ a lot questions --
(off her look)
Unless they have a little
local color with ‘em.

Pause.

BECK
Okay. Tell you what.
Meet me here tomorrow morning at nine-sharp.
But let ME do all the talking, capiche?

CHET
(beaming)
Sure thing. Thanks.
You won’t regret it.
You’ll see.
We’ll make a great team.

BECK
(rolls her eyes)
I have no doubt about that --

CHET
You got it.
My pleasure.

BECK
Oh. One more thing.

CHET
Sure --

BECK
What the fuck’s a ‘dander?’

INT. VITA’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Very dark. Lit by a trio
of candles on the dresser.

Some haunting new wave-goth classic
plays on the stereo.

We hear a rustling in the closet.
The door opens, and out steps --

VITA.
Wearing the dress.
And the shoes.

Looks scared. Uncomfortable.
She tentatively CLOMP-CLOMPS
over to the mirror.
Looks at herself. Sighs.

VITA
I look like a drag queen.

She plops down on the bed.
Puts her head in her hands.

VITA
I can’t DO IT.
(sobs)
What was I thinking?

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