In Blonde We Trust

Hey there, crime kids. TGIF. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 10 of FRANKENSTEIN IN LOVE, officer Chet Beverage grills Willis Grubb about head cheerleader Shayla Petrie's disappearance. Meanwhile, Frankie reveals to Josh that he plans on losing his virginity ... with Shayla's reanimated corpse.


EXT. WILLIS’ HOUSE - NIGHT
Chet Beverage stands at the door.
RINGS the bell. Wait a beat. RINGS again.

The door FLIES open.
Willis stands there. Sees Chet.
Tries hard not to look freaked out. Fails.

WILLIS
Oh, hi -- officer.
Is everything -- okay?

CHET
I just have some routine questions.
Can I come in?

WILLIS
Uh -- yeah, sure.

INT. WILLIS’ HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Buck sits on the couch.
Passed out in the dark.

Some old movie plays
at a low volume on the TV.

WILLIS
Let’s go in the kitchen.

INT. WILLIS’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT
Chet takes a seat at the small kitchen table.
Willis stands, fidgeting.

Looks very nervous.
And more than a little guilty.

WILLIS
So what’s up?

CHET
We got a call from Shayla’s parents.
She didn’t come home for dinner tonight.

WILLIS
She didn’t?

CHET
Her parents said she was
with you after school.
Was she?

WILLIS
Yeah. We were just -- hanging out.
Driving around, you know --

CHET
If you didn’t take her home afterwards,
where did she go?

WILLIS
I don’t know.
(carefully)
We had a -- a fight.

CHET
About what?

WILLIS
She puked all over the inside my car,
and I -- got mad and kicked her out.

CHET
And you just drove away?

WILLIS
Yeah.
(beat)
I was mad.
The truck is almost BRAND-NEW,
and now it smells like puke.

CHET
Where did you drop her off?

WILLIS
Out by Old Country Road.

CHET
Were you drinking?

WILLIS
Of course not.

CHET
Could you show us where it was?

WILLIS
Right now?

CHET
Right now.

PUSH IN ON Willis’ face.
Quietly freaking out.

WILLIS
Uh, yeah -- sure.

INT. SUBURBAN HIGH SCHOOL - CORRIDOR - DAY
Students stream down the hallway carrying books.
Most of them looks sad, in shock, lost.

A pair of STONERS stand in front
of the water fountain.

They sport the standard ripped jeans
and Metallica T-shirt uniform.
You can practically smell them on the page.

ACNE-SCARRED STONER
Dude.
It’s The case of the missing snatch.
What do you think happened to her?

FRIZZY-HAIRED STONER
I dunno.
It’s a loss to humanity, bro.
That was some righteous pink taco.

ACNE-SCARRED STONER
(nods solemnly)
In blonde we trust.

CAMERA finds a group of NERDS
huddling around a locker.

BIG GLASSES NERD
She was swallowed into
a space-time continuum, I tell you.

AFRICAN-AMERICAN NERD
God, are you stupid.
She probably just ran away from home
or something.

BALD NERD
Maybe she got KIDNAPPED
and sold into white slavery.

BIG GLASSES NERD
Maybe she got sucked into a black hole.

AFRICAN-AMERICAN NERD
Hey.
Who you calling a BLACK HOLE?

CAMERA WHOOSHES OVER to a pair of jocks
walking down the hallway.

Heads hung low.
Trying to process the information.

RED-FACED JOCK
So -- is it still okay to jerk off over her?

TALL JOCK
I dunno.
(low, to himself)
What a waste of such major boobage --

RED-FACED JOCK
Maybe I can dry-hump Nicole --
and think about her?

TALL JOCK
NICE.

They SLAP PALMS.

RED-FACED JOCK
Gone, but still jizzed-on.

CAMERA glides away.
Finds Shayla’s cheerleader friends
AURA and AMBER.

Teary-eyed,
they hustle down the hall.

AMBER
I don’t understand.
Where did she GO?

AURA
I feel -- empty, like when I
got kicked off Facebook --

AMBER
Yeah.
It’s like you texted someone,
and they didn’t text back.

They look at each other. SHRIEK.
RUN into the girls’ room.

CAMERA finds Frankie and Josh,
walking toward the exit.

JOSH
I dunno, Frankie.
Maybe we should confess.
It doesn’t feel right.

FRANKIE
Yeah, right.
What are we supposed to say?
She’s dead, but I
brought her back to life
and she’s down in my basement?

JOSH
I had bad dreams last night, Frankie.
I’m not sure if I can handle this.

FRANKIE
HANDLE this?
You HAVE to handle this.
She’s mine now,
and I’m not going to let her go.

JOSH
But she’s DEAD, Frankie. She’s DEAD.
What good is she to you like that?

FRANKIE
GOOD to me?
Tonight’s our first date.

They reach the front entrance.
Walk outside.

EXT. SUBURBAN HIGH SCHOOL - FRONT LAWN - DAY
A horde of NEWS VANS are parked outside.

A few REPORTERS with CAMERA CREWS
are interviewing students.

A FAKE-SAD SHELLACKED HOTTIE REPORTER
thrusts a microphone into a
fat girl’s tear-streaked face.

FAKE-SAD SHELLACKED HOTTIE REPORTER
Did you know Shayla well?

FAT GIRL
No.
But we all looked up to her.
She was so -- perfect.

FAKE-SAD SHELLACKED HOTTIE REPORTER
(nods, looks into the camera)
We still don’t know what happened
to little Shayla Petrie.
Perhaps it was an unhealthy desire for perfection
that drew her to the dark side --

FRANKIE AND JOSH
Watch the hubbub from the front steps.

JOSH
Geez.
They’re like vultures
circling a fresh kill.

FRANKIE
That may be.
But I’VE got the body, not them.

JOSH
'The body?'
Don’t say that.
It sounds -- creepy.

FRANKIE
Don’t be ridiculous.
Shayla’s gotta great body.
(beat)
And I can’t wait
to sample the merchandise.

JOSH
You mean you’re gonna --

PUSH IN ON Frankie’s face.
Libido racing with teenage hormones.

FRANKIE
Hey.
There’s a first time for everything.