Withdrawal Pains

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 33 of GUN-WILD, heisters Cam Clinch and Rod Funk blast their way into a West Hollywood bank and start robbing the joint ...


INT. FIRST INTERSTATE BANK - MAIN LOBBY - DAY
A small joint. Four teller windows. Two are empty.
FAT BANK MANAGER at a desk in the corner.

A single GUARD, a tall, thin older guy.
A handful of CUSTOMERS wait in line.

Cam and Rod BURST in the door.
Shotguns aloft.

ROD
This is A ROBBERY.

CAM
Everybody on the floor, NOW.

The CUSTOMERS get down.
Crying. Whimpering.

Cam RACES over to the teller windows.
SHOOTS the glass. BANG.
It SHATTERS. The TELLERS scream.

CAM
Put your hands in the air
where I CAN SEE ‘EM.

They do. Trembling.

HOT BABE TELLER
Don’t SHOOT, don’t SHOOT.

MATRONLY WOMAN TELLER
P-Please don’t h-hurt us.

CAM
Do what I say,
and no one will get hurt.

ROD
Points his gun at the guard.
Who’s wet his pants.

ROD
Gimmee your piece, Pops.
(takes it)
Looks like someone didn’t
wear their Depends today.
(beat)
Get on the floor with the others,
and try not to get piss on ‘em.

The guard, shaking, walks over.
Lays down.

CAM
THROWS a duffle bag at Hot Babe.

CAM
Start filling it up.
No MARKED BILLS.
And no fucking DIE PACK,
we know all about that SHIT.

ROD
Points his gun at Fat Bank Manager.

ROD
You, Tons of Fun,
go join your customers.
If you behave,
we’ll serve a snack, later.

He nods, trembling.
Goes to where they are.
Lays down.

OUTSIDE
Two BICYCLE COPS wait for the light
across the street.

SMALL BICYCLE COP
That was a gun shot.

GAY BICYCLE COP
You sure?

SMALL BICYCLE COP
I know a fucking gun shot
when I hear one.
(points)
Over there, at the bank.

GAY BICYCLE COP
Oooh. My first bank robbery.

SMALL BICYCLE COP
Glad I could break your cherry.
Let’s go.

INT. INTERSTATE BANK - MAIN LOBBY - CONTINUOUS
Cam watches the TELLERS fill the bag with money.
Rod keeps his gun trained on the customers
on the floor, and the guard.

CAM
C’mon, HURRY IT UP.
(holds her neck)
SHIT.

ROD
What’s wrong?

CAM
It’s ON AGAIN.
He’s ON HIS WAY.

ROD
Shit. Fuck. Piss. Motherfucker.
(beat)
GOD-DAMMIT.

CAM
(to the tellers)
HURRY THE FUCK UP.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
POLICE. Drop your WEAPONS.

SHORT BICYCLE COP
Stands in the doorway.
Aiming his gun with two hands.

Rod WHIRLS AROUND --
and PUMPS A SHOT in his chest. BANG.
He FLIES out the door.

ROD
(looks at Cam)
He’s wearing bike shorts?

CAM
It’s WEST HOLLYWOOD.

OUTSIDE
Gay Bicycle Cop SHRIEKS
into his cell phone.

GAY BICYCLE COP
They killed MY PARTNER.
Send BACK-UP, RIGHT AWAY.
It’s a, a -- BANK ROBBERY.

IN THE BANK
Cam GRABS the money.
Waves her gun at the tellers.

CAM
Both of you, out here with the rest.

They walk out from behind.
Join the group on the floor.

ROD
(to Hot Babe)
Show me where the back entrance is.

HOT BABE TELLER
There is no -- back entrance.

ROD
All these podunk joints
have a back door. SHOW ME.

HOT BABE TELLER
I’m sorry, we don’t.
(bites her lip)
Please don’t shoot me.

CAM
FUCK. What are we gonna do?

ROD
We’re gonna call the cops. Negotiate.
(to the customers)
Somebody give me their cell phone.

Everyone raises theirs.
Rod chooses a phone from the hand of a
CHUBBY ASIAN KID (18).

ROD
Look at this space-age shit.
(starts pressing the screen, then)
Hello?
Gimmee West Hollywood
police headquarters.
(listens)
What’s MY BUSINESS?
How about I’m holding a
BANK FULL OF HOSTAGES AT GUNPOINT?
(listens)
Sure. I’ll hold.
(looks at Cam)
Law enforcement sure ain’t
what it used to be --